Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > We Are Falling
I hated speaking in front of large groups of people. Why did teachers seem to think this was a good idea? It was my 5th time doing this today and I still had absolutely no idea what to say. As the class stared at me I slowly stood, fighting the urge to run from the room. "Hello, my name is Hayley. I'm just hoping to get through this year." There, I said it. Are you happy Mr. whateveryournameis? I already forgot. I had a tendency to forget things when under the pressure of public speaking.
The next person stood up and I zoned out as I fell in to an internal struggle surrounding the idea of my birthday. I wanted to lie to my best and only friend and tell her I was busy with my family. She would know it was a lie but wouldn't call me on it. We had been through this the year before but I always got a bitter taste in my mouth when I lied to her. She was the only person in my life that stayed. Other people seemed to just... drift off.
Well, not David. He was another friend. Well kind of. Not really? He was my boss so I found it to be a different kind of friendship. He felt more like an older brother. He watched my back. Probably the coolest boss on the face of earth. But as for the thing with Amy... I just didn't feel the need to celebrate my birthday. I was going to be a year older. 18 finally but freedom would have to wait. I was still stuck until high school was over and we had just started a new semester.
The teacher started talking and I snapped out of my thoughts as I realized she was talking about our assignment. Thankfully she had also written it on the board though because I'd spaced most of what she had told the class. It was one of those creative express yourself first day of class but I want to make you do something kind of assignments. I hated those. Logic was my thing. Expressing myself didn't generally occur if I could avoid it.
"Please write a paper expressing what you live for." This paper was what started all my trouble. As I sat biting my nails for the rest of the period I tried to wrack my brain for an answer. What was I living for?
Nothing. I jumped as the bell rang. I had absolutely nothing to live for. College? Not really something I lived for. The thought behind college was to get an education so that you could go somewhere with your life. Where was I going? Nowhere. My head started aching as I thought about it.
"Hey, ready to blow this place?" Amy met me outside of my class, looking much too excited for someone that just went through new class introductions. How was she so peppy? I wish I could be that way.
"Definitely." I replied, bitterly.
"What's got you down Hales?" She asked, using the nickname she had given me freshman year.
"Just thinking over the assignment I have to do tonight." I replied, trying to make myself sound a little happier. It was getting harder to hide things from Amy though. She knew me like the back of her hand. It got frustrating sometimes but I loved her and she always meant well.
"Ugh. Assignment already?" She asked, sounding disgusted with the idea of homework.
"Exactly." I replied, laughing at her changed tone. Other times however it was really very simple to fall in to Amy's happiness. It would swallow me and I'd disappear within it while I pretended that everything was fine in life. Moments like that made me feel truly alive.
As I thought about it I bit my lip and looked over at my best friend. I think I live for her and the moments we got to share together. I thought of how I would make that sound good on paper and I really wasn't sure but I figured I could deal with it later but it was true. I lived for the moments I shared with the people I loved. They were my world.
"You look like a light bulb should be turning on above your head." Amy said, shooting me a quizzical look as we left the school and made our way to my truck.
"I just got a good idea for the assignment but it's not important." I stated, not wanting to go in to detail about it. "Are you working tonight?" I asked. We worked together at the diner in town. I didn't work but I figured I might just drop by if she was around. I spent most of my time there anyway. It was a lot calmer than my house.
Amy shook her head and threw her bag in to the back of my beat up truck. All of my recent money from working had gone towards this truck. It was my baby; my getaway. It was also a piece of shit but that didn't bother me.
I honked the horn and rolled my eyes as I slowly drove out of the school parking lot. People in high school really sucked at driving. I probably did too but come on... The parking lot was generally a disaster area and I figured the reasoning behind teachers getting their own area to park was so that a student didn't 'accidently' crash in to their cars.
"I'll just be hanging out at home tonight. Wanna join me?" Amy asked, grinning at my obscene hand gestures. I really probably shouldn't even have my license. I was liable to run someone over out of anger.
I shook my head and started driving towards Amy's house since we had finally made it out of the backed up area that was our high school. "Nah, I have to do this paper and then I think I might just relax before facing school again." I replied, pulling in to Amy's driveway.
"Well let me know if you'd like me to join at your place. I hear misery loves company." She joked, calling me on my moodiness.
I rolled my eyes yet still laughed to appease her. I didn't want to come off as too bitter. "See ya." I said as she got out and grabbed her bag.
**
My pencil had just hit paper when my door slammed open, banging against my desk. I jumped and dropped the pencil, not bothering to look up.
"What is your attitude problem today young lady?" My father asked. From the way he slurred his words I could tell that he was drunk, like always.
I didn't answer. I didn't know how to answer without making him angry though I knew silence would anger him as well. When he got like this there was really no way to avoid the conclusion.
"You walked right by your mother and didn't say a word. Do you know how much it upsets her when you act like a little ungrateful brat?" He yelled.
"I'll go say hello to her then." I muttered, trying to keep my tone neutral.
"No, I don't think so. She doesn't deserve pity hello's. Do you know much we have done for you?" I felt his fingers wrap through my hair as he pulled me to my feet. I tried to follow quickly, getting off of my bed but as soon as my feet touched the floor I was thrown against my closet door, I heard it crack slightly. "You're paying for that." He said, sounding angered further.
I nodded and closed my eyes, anything to get him to leave. "Look at me." He said, grabbing my chin as I tried to turn my head so that he wouldn't see the tears drip down my cheeks.
I opened my eyes and glared in to his, still remaining silent. "You're worthless." He said, sounding disgusted as he brought his hand down on my cheek quickly, leaving the area stinging.
As soon as I heard my bedroom door close I quickly made my way in to my bathroom and shut the door, locking it. I fell against the door and slumped to a sitting position, sighing in relief as sobs shook my body.
My fingers shook slightly as I pulled my cell phone out and found the contact I was looking for, it seemed like it took forever for the phone to ring as I waited.
"Hello?" His voice was so beautiful. It took me away to another place.
The next person stood up and I zoned out as I fell in to an internal struggle surrounding the idea of my birthday. I wanted to lie to my best and only friend and tell her I was busy with my family. She would know it was a lie but wouldn't call me on it. We had been through this the year before but I always got a bitter taste in my mouth when I lied to her. She was the only person in my life that stayed. Other people seemed to just... drift off.
Well, not David. He was another friend. Well kind of. Not really? He was my boss so I found it to be a different kind of friendship. He felt more like an older brother. He watched my back. Probably the coolest boss on the face of earth. But as for the thing with Amy... I just didn't feel the need to celebrate my birthday. I was going to be a year older. 18 finally but freedom would have to wait. I was still stuck until high school was over and we had just started a new semester.
The teacher started talking and I snapped out of my thoughts as I realized she was talking about our assignment. Thankfully she had also written it on the board though because I'd spaced most of what she had told the class. It was one of those creative express yourself first day of class but I want to make you do something kind of assignments. I hated those. Logic was my thing. Expressing myself didn't generally occur if I could avoid it.
"Please write a paper expressing what you live for." This paper was what started all my trouble. As I sat biting my nails for the rest of the period I tried to wrack my brain for an answer. What was I living for?
Nothing. I jumped as the bell rang. I had absolutely nothing to live for. College? Not really something I lived for. The thought behind college was to get an education so that you could go somewhere with your life. Where was I going? Nowhere. My head started aching as I thought about it.
"Hey, ready to blow this place?" Amy met me outside of my class, looking much too excited for someone that just went through new class introductions. How was she so peppy? I wish I could be that way.
"Definitely." I replied, bitterly.
"What's got you down Hales?" She asked, using the nickname she had given me freshman year.
"Just thinking over the assignment I have to do tonight." I replied, trying to make myself sound a little happier. It was getting harder to hide things from Amy though. She knew me like the back of her hand. It got frustrating sometimes but I loved her and she always meant well.
"Ugh. Assignment already?" She asked, sounding disgusted with the idea of homework.
"Exactly." I replied, laughing at her changed tone. Other times however it was really very simple to fall in to Amy's happiness. It would swallow me and I'd disappear within it while I pretended that everything was fine in life. Moments like that made me feel truly alive.
As I thought about it I bit my lip and looked over at my best friend. I think I live for her and the moments we got to share together. I thought of how I would make that sound good on paper and I really wasn't sure but I figured I could deal with it later but it was true. I lived for the moments I shared with the people I loved. They were my world.
"You look like a light bulb should be turning on above your head." Amy said, shooting me a quizzical look as we left the school and made our way to my truck.
"I just got a good idea for the assignment but it's not important." I stated, not wanting to go in to detail about it. "Are you working tonight?" I asked. We worked together at the diner in town. I didn't work but I figured I might just drop by if she was around. I spent most of my time there anyway. It was a lot calmer than my house.
Amy shook her head and threw her bag in to the back of my beat up truck. All of my recent money from working had gone towards this truck. It was my baby; my getaway. It was also a piece of shit but that didn't bother me.
I honked the horn and rolled my eyes as I slowly drove out of the school parking lot. People in high school really sucked at driving. I probably did too but come on... The parking lot was generally a disaster area and I figured the reasoning behind teachers getting their own area to park was so that a student didn't 'accidently' crash in to their cars.
"I'll just be hanging out at home tonight. Wanna join me?" Amy asked, grinning at my obscene hand gestures. I really probably shouldn't even have my license. I was liable to run someone over out of anger.
I shook my head and started driving towards Amy's house since we had finally made it out of the backed up area that was our high school. "Nah, I have to do this paper and then I think I might just relax before facing school again." I replied, pulling in to Amy's driveway.
"Well let me know if you'd like me to join at your place. I hear misery loves company." She joked, calling me on my moodiness.
I rolled my eyes yet still laughed to appease her. I didn't want to come off as too bitter. "See ya." I said as she got out and grabbed her bag.
**
My pencil had just hit paper when my door slammed open, banging against my desk. I jumped and dropped the pencil, not bothering to look up.
"What is your attitude problem today young lady?" My father asked. From the way he slurred his words I could tell that he was drunk, like always.
I didn't answer. I didn't know how to answer without making him angry though I knew silence would anger him as well. When he got like this there was really no way to avoid the conclusion.
"You walked right by your mother and didn't say a word. Do you know how much it upsets her when you act like a little ungrateful brat?" He yelled.
"I'll go say hello to her then." I muttered, trying to keep my tone neutral.
"No, I don't think so. She doesn't deserve pity hello's. Do you know much we have done for you?" I felt his fingers wrap through my hair as he pulled me to my feet. I tried to follow quickly, getting off of my bed but as soon as my feet touched the floor I was thrown against my closet door, I heard it crack slightly. "You're paying for that." He said, sounding angered further.
I nodded and closed my eyes, anything to get him to leave. "Look at me." He said, grabbing my chin as I tried to turn my head so that he wouldn't see the tears drip down my cheeks.
I opened my eyes and glared in to his, still remaining silent. "You're worthless." He said, sounding disgusted as he brought his hand down on my cheek quickly, leaving the area stinging.
As soon as I heard my bedroom door close I quickly made my way in to my bathroom and shut the door, locking it. I fell against the door and slumped to a sitting position, sighing in relief as sobs shook my body.
My fingers shook slightly as I pulled my cell phone out and found the contact I was looking for, it seemed like it took forever for the phone to ring as I waited.
"Hello?" His voice was so beautiful. It took me away to another place.
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