FicWad

So this is a story I wrote when I needed to just write something that was totally random for a friend because I hadn't sent her anything I'd written in awhile. All this never happened. And this is it.


Once upon a time there was a girl named Anna. Anna was bored and she had a surplus of money that she wanted to spend on something useless. Anna then decided to buy a chicken and name her Joseph. Anna knew that the chicken was female but she had always wanted to name something Joseph, so the name stuck. Anna spent her spare time training Joseph the female chicken to do intricate tricks and fetch her things. Joseph was an eager learner who enjoyed doing these tasks because she was always rewarded with small rewards that Joseph thought was love. One day, Anna told Joseph, "Joseph, fetch me some pancakes!"
After a few hours, Joseph had yet to return and Anna was shocked. What happened to Joseph? Where did he go? Was fetching her pancakes really that hard to do? Anna spent several minutes fretting over this until in came a strange man, looking strangely satiated.
"No," Anna whispered in shock as the man used a toothpick to get a piece of chicken out of his teeth. Anna knew what the man had eaten.
He smiled and said, "Why Anna, you really must tell me how you get your chickens so good,"
"You ate my chicken!" Anna yelled. "I wanted pancakes and Joseph was fetching them for me!"
"Why I am quite sorry," He said as Sophie, Anna’s sister, came in after overhearing part of the ordeal, "But I don't believe chickens are meant to be pets that fetch things."
"They are!" Sophie shouted at him, "And you ate Joseph! Even though he was kind of ugly, we still appreciated him."
"What's going on?" Jenna asked as she entered the room carrying pancakes.
"This man ate Joseph!" Anna and Sophie yelled.
"Even though we don't know who he is," Sophie added, "So he might not have eaten our Joseph, we were just assuming he was,"
Then a man riding a unicycle playing the theme song to Dr. Who on the bagpipes came in and he stopped dramatically, with a slam of his foot on the ground, offering everyone an uncomfortable view under his kilt, and shouted, "This man lies! He didn't eat Joseph! Joseph was hit by a car on his way to get pancakes!"
The man that they thought had eaten Joseph hopped on the unicycling bagpipe player's shoulder's and they rode off together. Anna silently mourned the loss of Joseph as Jenna ate the pancakes, which turned out to be pumpkin pancakes and were incredibly delicious, and Sophie went to read or something.

Everyone lived as they had lived before after that.
The End