Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > One night to change your life
Winter. The best and worst season of the year. The best because you can relax next to the fireplace. Because of Christmas. Because you can see your closest people. Because you just can.
But we have reasons to say that is the worst season too. It's cold. Many people don't have a place to stay. You see everywhere happy faces but if you look closer, you see the sad side of a person. Because there's always the sad side. You are supposed to work and work and work like there's no end. And most of all. You are supposed to have someone next to you. But what happens when nobody's next to you? You have to survive. But you have to do it alone. Like I do.
Everyday has a her routine. And I honestly can say that I would prefer to live in the North Pole instead of living here. 6 months day. 6 months night. The day is beautiful. Sun. Air. Many things you can find around you. Just because of the sunlight you can feel happy. Because it's light. Light.
But the night is frightening. It's horrible. In the dark. You can't see anything in the dark sky. Nothing. Only the stars. But stars don't seem to be in the sky for me anymore. Not only for me. For everyone. Nobody can understand what the stars are hiding. Me neither. The night has also many dangerous ways. If you walk outside in the midnight you can end up the night in many ways.
You can end up hopefully in your home. You can end up in a bench, sleeping. You can end up still walking and finally see the sunrise. You can end up with a lover. You can end up with a friend. But you can also end up raped, somewhere you don't know where it is. Somewhere you are afraid to ask where is. Just in my personal experience, the last situation happened.
I was forced in this world since then. I didn't want anything from no one. All I wanted was to die. I felt like I lost every little thing I had on my own. Have the feeling of fear and frighten inside always drove to nowhere. I just tried to control my feelings just to keep up with my life but nothing happened. Life went by very slow, then fast. The mornings felt like minutes and the nights like centuries. But even if was morning or night, it seemed the same outside. Everything was dark.
And here I am today. In a bar. Sitting alone. Tapping my fingers to the cold glass that surrounded the hard liquid. Yes, hard. I was used in drinking hard drinks now. 9 years after. All I saw in my eyes were people dancing on the little space here and there, mostly what they call lovebirds. It was normal since it was December and in 2 weeks they were Christmas. And all I did there was to think. Think and then think again. I didn't had to go to ''work'' today and till the end of the year. That meant that I had 3 weeks off. I was happy. Yes, I wasn't that kind of person but when I had to get rid of my stupid work I could finaly feel myself again. And I was happy. But all the happiness faded from the second day off. I didn't had to do anything. And I also couldn't go too often outside. The fact that somebody would recognize me and ask for an encounter that seemed no waste of time to them was like a nightmare to me. I was supposed to gather more energy in the free time I had. Unless I wanted to be ''fired'' and live with the sting in me. Even if this was my job, a prostitute, nobody said that I liked it. I never did. But this was the only thing that could help me survive. Ok, it wasn't but since I was forced in this side of the world, I didn't have another chance. I thought that it was the only thing that could help me. I hadn't proved wrong of course, I could survive with the money I ''made'' but I wanted something better. Something to make me feel better. Make me feel proud of myself for once.
As I was lost in my thoughts once again, I felt like somebody was stalking me. Somebody was looking at me. But of course I couldn't see 'cause of the dim light. So I just ignored it. When I turned my gaze to my glass I saw that I already finished my drink. I did it very fast I can say. And then I shouted to the bartender so he could hear me.
''Give me one more.''
''Same?''
''Same.''
''You sure? It's hard alchohol''
''Don't care, I'm used to it.''
''As you think.''
When my drink was ready I grabbed my purse and pulled the money I had to pay for it. Till somebody spoke.
''Let me pay it for you?''
I didn't paid much attention as my purse fell on the floor and I bent to grab it. When I stood up again I realized that my drink was paid and the bartender looked at me with a playful smirk. I turned to see the man who offered his money to pay for me this time. And then I was lost.
But we have reasons to say that is the worst season too. It's cold. Many people don't have a place to stay. You see everywhere happy faces but if you look closer, you see the sad side of a person. Because there's always the sad side. You are supposed to work and work and work like there's no end. And most of all. You are supposed to have someone next to you. But what happens when nobody's next to you? You have to survive. But you have to do it alone. Like I do.
Everyday has a her routine. And I honestly can say that I would prefer to live in the North Pole instead of living here. 6 months day. 6 months night. The day is beautiful. Sun. Air. Many things you can find around you. Just because of the sunlight you can feel happy. Because it's light. Light.
But the night is frightening. It's horrible. In the dark. You can't see anything in the dark sky. Nothing. Only the stars. But stars don't seem to be in the sky for me anymore. Not only for me. For everyone. Nobody can understand what the stars are hiding. Me neither. The night has also many dangerous ways. If you walk outside in the midnight you can end up the night in many ways.
You can end up hopefully in your home. You can end up in a bench, sleeping. You can end up still walking and finally see the sunrise. You can end up with a lover. You can end up with a friend. But you can also end up raped, somewhere you don't know where it is. Somewhere you are afraid to ask where is. Just in my personal experience, the last situation happened.
I was forced in this world since then. I didn't want anything from no one. All I wanted was to die. I felt like I lost every little thing I had on my own. Have the feeling of fear and frighten inside always drove to nowhere. I just tried to control my feelings just to keep up with my life but nothing happened. Life went by very slow, then fast. The mornings felt like minutes and the nights like centuries. But even if was morning or night, it seemed the same outside. Everything was dark.
And here I am today. In a bar. Sitting alone. Tapping my fingers to the cold glass that surrounded the hard liquid. Yes, hard. I was used in drinking hard drinks now. 9 years after. All I saw in my eyes were people dancing on the little space here and there, mostly what they call lovebirds. It was normal since it was December and in 2 weeks they were Christmas. And all I did there was to think. Think and then think again. I didn't had to go to ''work'' today and till the end of the year. That meant that I had 3 weeks off. I was happy. Yes, I wasn't that kind of person but when I had to get rid of my stupid work I could finaly feel myself again. And I was happy. But all the happiness faded from the second day off. I didn't had to do anything. And I also couldn't go too often outside. The fact that somebody would recognize me and ask for an encounter that seemed no waste of time to them was like a nightmare to me. I was supposed to gather more energy in the free time I had. Unless I wanted to be ''fired'' and live with the sting in me. Even if this was my job, a prostitute, nobody said that I liked it. I never did. But this was the only thing that could help me survive. Ok, it wasn't but since I was forced in this side of the world, I didn't have another chance. I thought that it was the only thing that could help me. I hadn't proved wrong of course, I could survive with the money I ''made'' but I wanted something better. Something to make me feel better. Make me feel proud of myself for once.
As I was lost in my thoughts once again, I felt like somebody was stalking me. Somebody was looking at me. But of course I couldn't see 'cause of the dim light. So I just ignored it. When I turned my gaze to my glass I saw that I already finished my drink. I did it very fast I can say. And then I shouted to the bartender so he could hear me.
''Give me one more.''
''Same?''
''Same.''
''You sure? It's hard alchohol''
''Don't care, I'm used to it.''
''As you think.''
When my drink was ready I grabbed my purse and pulled the money I had to pay for it. Till somebody spoke.
''Let me pay it for you?''
I didn't paid much attention as my purse fell on the floor and I bent to grab it. When I stood up again I realized that my drink was paid and the bartender looked at me with a playful smirk. I turned to see the man who offered his money to pay for me this time. And then I was lost.
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