FicWad

It was cold. That was all Claudia could point out as she lay numbly on the floor. Her eyes were tracing the ceiling, that plain boring ceiling she always lived under, that house that she shared with Matt, Cameron, and her parents. Chris, gone? Is that possible? Most people never had anything against Chris, even as he was drunk no one loathed him. Not even Claudia hated him, but she hid it better then anyone else. Claudia sighed, her breath fogging up the room as if it wasn't see-through.
"Claudia?" the familiar voice of Matt peered into Claudia's thoughts, causing them to scurry to any corner they could find.
"Yes?" she barely let out her gasp as she closed her eyes. Matt's voice was so soothing, almost like a dose of Advil that calmed everything down when your head throbbed for no reason.
"I heard about Chris," he was edging close to her bed now, his hands seeming to grip at his pants legs in an almost nervous manner. "I don't know how-"
"I feel, right? No one does," Claudia shrugged as she pushed herself up off of her elbows, her eyes grazing Matt lightly. She bit her tongue as she noticed how rude she had sounded and clicked her tongue before frowning. "Anyway, what were you going to say?"
"I know you may have some feeling for him still," Matt looked to his shoes as he landed on the bed softly, his back turned to Claudia and his eyes staring at her doorway, tracing it as if it was something interesting. "But I think you should look for him. Isn't that how you feel, Claudia?"
He turned now, his usually spiked up blonde hair falling over his face in a mess, his brown eyes seeming to see right through Claudia's eyes and into her thoughts, making her feel exposed. His lips were pressed in a tight frown, that type of frown that screamed that he was thinking, and his perfect complexion almost seemed inhumane. Claudia grabbed the bed sheets underneath her and frowned right back at him as sternly as she could.
"Matt I broke up with him," Claudia's eyes traveled to the floor as she bit her lip in an almost guilty way. Did she want to rescue him? Part of her screeched for her to do it, the other whispered "It's a trap".
"So?" he almost choked on his words, as if they were poison as they reached his lips. "Does that mean you don't care for him? Claudia, you told me when the terrors started. You love him, you know it."
Claudia turned beet red but she shook her head frantically. "No. You don't understand Matt! These terrors, I had shadows of them before the break-up, but after it they became a whole thing! Matt, I will never love Chris, never!"
Matt's eyes hardened with disgust as he stood up, his hands in fists on the side of him. "Claudia, you are so selfish," he spat, turning on his heel but he paused before making it to the door. He slammed his hand in the doorway and turned around, his eyes seeming to be on the verge of tears. Maybe they weren't tears, but Claudia couldn't recognize him as his face was distorted with some kind of emotion, which one, Claudia could not tell. "Sometimes Claudia, sometimes, I wish you were different. That you wouldn't deny who you love, who you hate. Claudia, do you understand how much you loved Chris? He made one mistake and you broke up! And for some reason his one mistake changed his entire life, and made one fucking mistake on yours. And you can't stand that things aren't going your way! Cameron and I risk everything to make you smile, but please Claudia, please, just stop acting like this!"
Without another word he stormed off, leaving Claudia to let a tear run down her cheek. For once in her whole life she wished the terrors to come on, to make her world pause. As this thought ran through her head, she noticed something only she would think of. The terrors were her own kind of nirvana.

The night was damp and cold, almost like a bath towel that fell into a pitch of water but was wrung out several minutes before being used. Claudia's arms wrapped around her shoulders, her breath fogging up the world in front of her and her mind erasing everything from around her. Where was she to go? She was searching for Chris, but where to go? The capital of the state, possibly? It was a start, the police stations were there and she could at least report a crime. A crime. Never happened any more, the nirvana's being every murderer's cure, like a dose of a fabulous drug that cured every problem. Claudia sighed as her feet walked their own way, her mind seeming to turn around and walk opposite in a snarky manner. Her eyes scanned the silent street, not a single soul was brave enough to roam the streets other then Claudia. Rumor was that some kind of monster took away every feeling so you were left numb, just a figure with no thoughts, no actions. The occasional snap of a twig told Claudia she wasn't the only thing out there but she guessed it was a mechanical squirrel, keeping an eye on everyone in town, making sure they all followed rules and regulations. Claudia turned as she heard another twig snap and smiled as two amber eyes peeked out of the darkness. She ignored them silently and continued on her dark path, not caring if she was even near the capital or not. Lights flashed and blinked, the lights of apartments and movie theaters, and even the occasional morris-code through lights. The neighbors talked to each other but using the lights, thinking that anything else would set the mechanical squirrels off. Maybe the squirrels had reported Chris being constantly drunk, causing him to be arrested?
"Who are you?" something whispered hoarsely, a whisper so familiar it frightened Claudia.
Claudia's eyes widened. "Doctor?" she turned to see a figure curled in a ball on the ground, it's hands covering it's ears. Was it even a person? The voice, it had to be the Doctor's, the Doctor who Claudia met with a day before. "What's wrong? It's me Claudia!"
"Claudia?" he stuttered a few jibberish words before looking up, his tear drenched face swollen from crying. "You did this, didn't you?"
"Did what?" Claudia raised her head as if a hand was gripping her throat, trying to cut off any breath from reaching her lungs.
"Gave me these terrors," he said through clenched teeth, his hands gripping at tufts of his hair and pulling frantically. "Made me go insane, made them beat me! It's all your fault...all your fault... all your fault."
Claudia stared in horror as he repeated the three words, his face streaming with tears. She needed to leave or the squirrels would see her, or anyone would see her. People could blame her for this thing lying on the ground, this excuse for a doctor. She ran. As fast as her legs could take her, at least. She ran for the lights that glittered in front of her in an almost mocking manner.
"Come towards me," the lights whispered to her in their small, whispy voice. "We want to play!"
Claudia smiled and let out an insane laugh as she ran closer and closer to the talking lights. So silly, so silly...