Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > What Is Love?
(Kade's POV)
The pounding in my head seemed to never fade. For the last three days it hadn't stopped. I had passed the point of pulling at my hair and screaming in frustration. What was wrong with me?
I couldn't go to work. I found myself snapping at everyone. I desperately tried to avoid my father for I knew if I snapped at him then he would snap back. The difference was his snapping would most likely land me in the hospital.
The movement of sitting up in bed caused another jolt of pain to fly through my head and I rubbed at my temples, wanting to pass out so that this pain would no longer be a reality.
I stared across the room and noticed my own reflection. I barely recognized myself anymore. My skin had noticeably paled. Dark circles encased my eyes. My hair fell around my shoulders, messy and tangled. The stench of depression flooded my senses, causing me to try and focus elsewhere. Unfortunately I didn't have anything pleasurable to focus on.
Footsteps sounded outside of my door and I froze, listening. The footsteps paused and silence invaded my ears, sending me in to a state of panic. I fought hard to remain in place. What did he want?
I heard a soft scraping noise and tried to figure out what my father was doing but soon enough the noise faded and I heard his footsteps echo down the hall, leaving me in tact for the night.
I wrapped my thin arms around my body, taking notice of how I'd lost weight recently. Everything was wrong and it wasn't that I didn't notice... I just couldn't figure out how to fix things.
As I silently shook back and forth, holding myself, I heard my own sobs fill the air. Footsteps sounded again and I leaned over, pressing play on my stereo. Music I was unable to even process filtered through the air, drowning out the sound of my sobbing.
Beaten down again, I've failed you.
I shivered as the lyrics flew through my head, holding no meaning. The beat drew me to a cold place, colder than where I had previously been. As my eyes scanned the messy floor I wondered if life would always be like this.
And even though I tried... I tried so desperately!... I still could not keep Spencer from my mind. He was so kind. I wasn't used to his gentle nature. I had remained next to him all night, feeling nothing but safe. I wanted to feel like that again.
Home didn't hold that peaceful feeling though. Every footstep took me to a place of fear. Every breath my father took caused me to wince in memory of his hands abusing my body for minor infractions. I couldn't stand the abuse anymore.
"This will be the last time." I whispered, quickly laughing the idea away. "Isn't that what he always says?" I asked myself. "Isn't that what I always say?" As I stared in to the mirror and acknowledged the girl that was now a stranger I spoke again, "It seems that lying is hereditary."
**
The pounding in my head seemed to never fade. For the last three days it hadn't stopped. I had passed the point of pulling at my hair and screaming in frustration. What was wrong with me?
I couldn't go to work. I found myself snapping at everyone. I desperately tried to avoid my father for I knew if I snapped at him then he would snap back. The difference was his snapping would most likely land me in the hospital.
The movement of sitting up in bed caused another jolt of pain to fly through my head and I rubbed at my temples, wanting to pass out so that this pain would no longer be a reality.
I stared across the room and noticed my own reflection. I barely recognized myself anymore. My skin had noticeably paled. Dark circles encased my eyes. My hair fell around my shoulders, messy and tangled. The stench of depression flooded my senses, causing me to try and focus elsewhere. Unfortunately I didn't have anything pleasurable to focus on.
Footsteps sounded outside of my door and I froze, listening. The footsteps paused and silence invaded my ears, sending me in to a state of panic. I fought hard to remain in place. What did he want?
I heard a soft scraping noise and tried to figure out what my father was doing but soon enough the noise faded and I heard his footsteps echo down the hall, leaving me in tact for the night.
I wrapped my thin arms around my body, taking notice of how I'd lost weight recently. Everything was wrong and it wasn't that I didn't notice... I just couldn't figure out how to fix things.
As I silently shook back and forth, holding myself, I heard my own sobs fill the air. Footsteps sounded again and I leaned over, pressing play on my stereo. Music I was unable to even process filtered through the air, drowning out the sound of my sobbing.
Beaten down again, I've failed you.
I shivered as the lyrics flew through my head, holding no meaning. The beat drew me to a cold place, colder than where I had previously been. As my eyes scanned the messy floor I wondered if life would always be like this.
And even though I tried... I tried so desperately!... I still could not keep Spencer from my mind. He was so kind. I wasn't used to his gentle nature. I had remained next to him all night, feeling nothing but safe. I wanted to feel like that again.
Home didn't hold that peaceful feeling though. Every footstep took me to a place of fear. Every breath my father took caused me to wince in memory of his hands abusing my body for minor infractions. I couldn't stand the abuse anymore.
"This will be the last time." I whispered, quickly laughing the idea away. "Isn't that what he always says?" I asked myself. "Isn't that what I always say?" As I stared in to the mirror and acknowledged the girl that was now a stranger I spoke again, "It seems that lying is hereditary."
**
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