Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > The Ghost of Brendon's Past
(1) I'm Incomplete
2 reviews"He cheated on me." "You still love him." "I don't want to love him anymore..." (Post-Breakup, Brendon is visiting by the Ghosts of Panic's Past, Present, and Future.)
1Original
Chapter One – I'm Incomplete
Dallon’s hands wrapped gently around my waist, pulling my body into his. He kissed me, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Slowly, I started kissing him back. He smiled against me, and moved his hands to my back, pulling us closer together.
I pulled my mouth from his, and pressed my lips to his jaw. I was moving on instinct, rather than desire. What I was supposed to do, not what I wanted to do.
Why didn’t I want this? Here I was, being held by this gorgeous man, and I couldn’t want him. I wanted to want him, but… I couldn’t.
“Brendon…” He whispered, his hands fisting in the back of my shirt.
“Dallon… I can’t do this.” I whispered. I set my head down on his shoulder.
“I understand.” He said, pulling his arms back.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled into his shoulder.
“Look at me, Bren.”
I lifted my head out of his shoulder, but didn’t look at him. He used his knuckle to lift my chin, and lightly pressed his lips to mine.
“Get some sleep.” He whispered, half-smiling. He released me, and hurried from the room.
I kicked one of the legs of the nightstand in my hotel room, then flopped onto the bed.
“Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck.” I mumbled, burying my face in my pillow.
I sighed, and closed my eyes, letting my troubled mind drift into a troubled sleep.
*
I jolted awake. My skin was moist with sweat, I had a very painful boner, and I was trembling. My eyes filled with tears. I blinked, and they started pouring down my face. I buried my face in my hands. It felt like there was a giant hand squeezing my chest, stealing my breath.
I pulled myself out of the bed, and went into the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face, and blatantly ignored my throbbing cock. I leaned forward on the sink and squeezed my eyes shut. Finally, my cock went down. I splashed more water on my face, then stared at my reflection.
How many times would I relive memories of Ryan in my sleep? It didn’t matter if I was remembering our fights or our best times, I always ended the same, like it was a nightmare. Shaking, sweating, and crying.
“Calm down, Brendon.” I told myself, staring at my reflection. “Let him go.”
I took a deep breath, and left the bathroom. I laid back down, and closed my eyes.
“Brendon.”
I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, shutting out the voice that I was apparently hallucinating.
“Brendon.” The same voice said in sing song.
“Brendon!”
I opened my eyes, and saw that someone was standing over me.
“Holy shit!” I shrieked, rolling to the other side of the bed, staring in horror at the young man who was now straightening up.
“Jesus, calm down.” He rolled his eyes, sweeping his light blonde hair out of his eyes.
“Who the fuck are you, what the fuck are you doing, and how the fuck did you get in here?!” I demanded, rolling off the bed, and backing against the wall.
The man sighed, shaking his head.
“Take a chill pill. Let me know when you’re done hyperventilating.”
The man sat down on the edge of the bed, then swung around, so he was sitting cross legged, facing me. He cocked his head and stared at me with light, icy blue eyes that seemed to pierce right through me. I squinted at him, and he smiled. His lower lids were rimmed with smudged eyeliner, much like how Ryan used to do his.
“Who are you?” I asked again, fidgeting uncomfortably under his piercing gaze.
“My name is Aaron.” He said. “I’m the Ghost of Panic’s Past.” He grinned and lifted his arms like he was presenting something.
“The Ghost of What?”
“Panic’s Past.” He repeated. “As in, Panic at the Disco’s Past.” He clarified.
“Right, right, I got that.” I said, shoving my hands into the pockets of my pajamas. “Why are you here?”
“To make you understand where you went wrong.” Aaron responded.
“I don’t want to understand where I went wrong.” I told him, frowning. “I want to move on.”
“You want to.” Aaron nodded. “But you can’t.”
“Yes I can.” I responded stubbornly.
“So tell me then,” Aaron said, rearranging himself on the bed, “you didn’t just wake up with a boner after dreaming about Ryan?”
“I…” I shifted uncomfortably, biting my lip and looking at the ground.
“You still love him.” Aaron stated, crossing his arms.
“He cheated on me.” I snapped.
“You still love him.” Aaron repeated slowly.
I bit my lip, and stared at the ground.
“I don’t want to love him anymore…” I whispered. “It hurts too bad.”
“I’m going to help you.” He told me. “You just have to trust me.”
I didn’t answer.
“Brendon, I’m not gonna lie to you.” He told me, getting up off the bed, and making his way toward me. “This is going to be very upsetting to you… but if you let me help you, you can fix this.”
“No. Fuck you.” I said, gritting my teeth and trying to hold my tears inside my eyelids.
He nodded understandingly.
“I understand.” He said. “But, think about it. Why wouldn’t you have sex with Dallon?”
“Because…”
“Because you were thinking about Ryan.”
“How do you know that?” I asked softly.
“Because I’m a motherfucking ghost.” He snapped, rolling his eyes. “Dude, Dallon isn’t gonna wait around for you to get over Ryan forever. He’s gonna give up and move on, then you’ll be completely fucked. But,” He held his hands up in a kind of surrender. “That’s not exactly my territory. I’m just here to show you what you could’ve done differently.”
“Why?” I asked. “The past is the past. I can’t change it.”
“But you can shape the future.” He said, hooking his thumbs into his pockets. “Come on. What’s the worst that’ll happen?”
“I could die!” I exclaimed dramatically.
“Come on.” He rolled his eyes, and held out his hand. I hesitantly accepted, and I felt a strange rush through my body as the hotel room disappeared around me.
When our surroundings reappeared, we were still in a bedroom, but no longer at the hotel. My head spun, and I swayed.
“Where are we?” I asked, looking around the familiar room in alarm.
“You know where we are.” Aaron said, casually leaning against a wall. “You should be asking ‘when’, not ‘where’.”
I stared at him blankly, and he sighed.
“The Ross Household, George Jr.’s bedroom. November 3rd, 2004, 3:26pm.” He recited, sounding completely monotonous. “You remember this day?” He asked.
“The day we found out Pete was going to come hear us.” I said weakly, stumbling back against the wall for support.
“What else happened?” Aaron asked gently.
“Me and Ryan… we were in here.” I whispered.
“You two will be in here in about a minute.” Aaron said, glancing at the clock on the wall. “What did you and Ryan do?” Aaron pressed.
I stayed silent, watching the floor, feeling myself blush.
Aaron sighed.
The front door opened downstairs, then slammed shut.
“This is gonna be hard for you, Brendon. And you know that.” Aaron said. I just blinked up at him, wide-eyed. Was I about to see myself come in here with Ryan? “Stay against the wall.” Aaron said. “It feels fucking weird if they walk through you.”
There was laughter. We stumbled on the stairs. Ryan cursed softly, laughing at himself for falling over.
“Do you know why this day is a significant point?” Aaron asked, kicking one of his feet against the wall and crossing his arms, in a clichéd relaxed “cool kid” pose.
I shook my head, staring at the door.
“This is the first time that you rejected Ryan.” Aaron said.
Less than a second later, the door burst open, and we tumbled through.
A/N: So, this is the start of my new story! Sorry it's kind of short, but I'll update soon.
So, Aaron is ChemicalKissez11, and I owe him a giant hug and cookie for reviewing. Typically, it's mostly girls that "audition" for stories like this, and I reeeeeeeeally wanted to have a dude be the Ghost of Panic's Past, but I wasn't sure if any guys would review or not. So, yay Aaron!
As for my other stories that I'm neglecting right now, I kind of have a valid excuse this time. My laptop's screen is completely fucked. My Digital Electronics teacher is going to install a new screen sometime in the next couple weeks, but until then, that laptop and everything on it is kind of out of my reach. I'm updating now from my school issued laptop, where, in my boredom from not having my other laptop, I've started working on five new stories in the past two weeks. Those will probably be ignored until this story is done, though. I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself for coming up with this idea.
I haven't decided who will be the Ghost's of Panic's Present and Future yet, so if you're interested, go to my profile and review the audition call. The title is the same as this, just with 'auditions' tacked onto the end. I must say, I need a pretty cool person for the Ghost of Panic's Future, and I'm thinking about using my honorary little sister, but as of now, the spot is still open.
Most of you have probably gotten bored by now, cause this Authors Note is practically as long as the chapter, so I'll stop talking now. But please Rate and Review, and Review the audition call at my profile if you're interested in being one of the Ghosts.
PS, The lyric for the title is from Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance. If you've never heard it, YouTube it.
xxAnna
Dallon’s hands wrapped gently around my waist, pulling my body into his. He kissed me, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Slowly, I started kissing him back. He smiled against me, and moved his hands to my back, pulling us closer together.
I pulled my mouth from his, and pressed my lips to his jaw. I was moving on instinct, rather than desire. What I was supposed to do, not what I wanted to do.
Why didn’t I want this? Here I was, being held by this gorgeous man, and I couldn’t want him. I wanted to want him, but… I couldn’t.
“Brendon…” He whispered, his hands fisting in the back of my shirt.
“Dallon… I can’t do this.” I whispered. I set my head down on his shoulder.
“I understand.” He said, pulling his arms back.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled into his shoulder.
“Look at me, Bren.”
I lifted my head out of his shoulder, but didn’t look at him. He used his knuckle to lift my chin, and lightly pressed his lips to mine.
“Get some sleep.” He whispered, half-smiling. He released me, and hurried from the room.
I kicked one of the legs of the nightstand in my hotel room, then flopped onto the bed.
“Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck.” I mumbled, burying my face in my pillow.
I sighed, and closed my eyes, letting my troubled mind drift into a troubled sleep.
*
I jolted awake. My skin was moist with sweat, I had a very painful boner, and I was trembling. My eyes filled with tears. I blinked, and they started pouring down my face. I buried my face in my hands. It felt like there was a giant hand squeezing my chest, stealing my breath.
I pulled myself out of the bed, and went into the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face, and blatantly ignored my throbbing cock. I leaned forward on the sink and squeezed my eyes shut. Finally, my cock went down. I splashed more water on my face, then stared at my reflection.
How many times would I relive memories of Ryan in my sleep? It didn’t matter if I was remembering our fights or our best times, I always ended the same, like it was a nightmare. Shaking, sweating, and crying.
“Calm down, Brendon.” I told myself, staring at my reflection. “Let him go.”
I took a deep breath, and left the bathroom. I laid back down, and closed my eyes.
“Brendon.”
I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, shutting out the voice that I was apparently hallucinating.
“Brendon.” The same voice said in sing song.
“Brendon!”
I opened my eyes, and saw that someone was standing over me.
“Holy shit!” I shrieked, rolling to the other side of the bed, staring in horror at the young man who was now straightening up.
“Jesus, calm down.” He rolled his eyes, sweeping his light blonde hair out of his eyes.
“Who the fuck are you, what the fuck are you doing, and how the fuck did you get in here?!” I demanded, rolling off the bed, and backing against the wall.
The man sighed, shaking his head.
“Take a chill pill. Let me know when you’re done hyperventilating.”
The man sat down on the edge of the bed, then swung around, so he was sitting cross legged, facing me. He cocked his head and stared at me with light, icy blue eyes that seemed to pierce right through me. I squinted at him, and he smiled. His lower lids were rimmed with smudged eyeliner, much like how Ryan used to do his.
“Who are you?” I asked again, fidgeting uncomfortably under his piercing gaze.
“My name is Aaron.” He said. “I’m the Ghost of Panic’s Past.” He grinned and lifted his arms like he was presenting something.
“The Ghost of What?”
“Panic’s Past.” He repeated. “As in, Panic at the Disco’s Past.” He clarified.
“Right, right, I got that.” I said, shoving my hands into the pockets of my pajamas. “Why are you here?”
“To make you understand where you went wrong.” Aaron responded.
“I don’t want to understand where I went wrong.” I told him, frowning. “I want to move on.”
“You want to.” Aaron nodded. “But you can’t.”
“Yes I can.” I responded stubbornly.
“So tell me then,” Aaron said, rearranging himself on the bed, “you didn’t just wake up with a boner after dreaming about Ryan?”
“I…” I shifted uncomfortably, biting my lip and looking at the ground.
“You still love him.” Aaron stated, crossing his arms.
“He cheated on me.” I snapped.
“You still love him.” Aaron repeated slowly.
I bit my lip, and stared at the ground.
“I don’t want to love him anymore…” I whispered. “It hurts too bad.”
“I’m going to help you.” He told me. “You just have to trust me.”
I didn’t answer.
“Brendon, I’m not gonna lie to you.” He told me, getting up off the bed, and making his way toward me. “This is going to be very upsetting to you… but if you let me help you, you can fix this.”
“No. Fuck you.” I said, gritting my teeth and trying to hold my tears inside my eyelids.
He nodded understandingly.
“I understand.” He said. “But, think about it. Why wouldn’t you have sex with Dallon?”
“Because…”
“Because you were thinking about Ryan.”
“How do you know that?” I asked softly.
“Because I’m a motherfucking ghost.” He snapped, rolling his eyes. “Dude, Dallon isn’t gonna wait around for you to get over Ryan forever. He’s gonna give up and move on, then you’ll be completely fucked. But,” He held his hands up in a kind of surrender. “That’s not exactly my territory. I’m just here to show you what you could’ve done differently.”
“Why?” I asked. “The past is the past. I can’t change it.”
“But you can shape the future.” He said, hooking his thumbs into his pockets. “Come on. What’s the worst that’ll happen?”
“I could die!” I exclaimed dramatically.
“Come on.” He rolled his eyes, and held out his hand. I hesitantly accepted, and I felt a strange rush through my body as the hotel room disappeared around me.
When our surroundings reappeared, we were still in a bedroom, but no longer at the hotel. My head spun, and I swayed.
“Where are we?” I asked, looking around the familiar room in alarm.
“You know where we are.” Aaron said, casually leaning against a wall. “You should be asking ‘when’, not ‘where’.”
I stared at him blankly, and he sighed.
“The Ross Household, George Jr.’s bedroom. November 3rd, 2004, 3:26pm.” He recited, sounding completely monotonous. “You remember this day?” He asked.
“The day we found out Pete was going to come hear us.” I said weakly, stumbling back against the wall for support.
“What else happened?” Aaron asked gently.
“Me and Ryan… we were in here.” I whispered.
“You two will be in here in about a minute.” Aaron said, glancing at the clock on the wall. “What did you and Ryan do?” Aaron pressed.
I stayed silent, watching the floor, feeling myself blush.
Aaron sighed.
The front door opened downstairs, then slammed shut.
“This is gonna be hard for you, Brendon. And you know that.” Aaron said. I just blinked up at him, wide-eyed. Was I about to see myself come in here with Ryan? “Stay against the wall.” Aaron said. “It feels fucking weird if they walk through you.”
There was laughter. We stumbled on the stairs. Ryan cursed softly, laughing at himself for falling over.
“Do you know why this day is a significant point?” Aaron asked, kicking one of his feet against the wall and crossing his arms, in a clichéd relaxed “cool kid” pose.
I shook my head, staring at the door.
“This is the first time that you rejected Ryan.” Aaron said.
Less than a second later, the door burst open, and we tumbled through.
A/N: So, this is the start of my new story! Sorry it's kind of short, but I'll update soon.
So, Aaron is ChemicalKissez11, and I owe him a giant hug and cookie for reviewing. Typically, it's mostly girls that "audition" for stories like this, and I reeeeeeeeally wanted to have a dude be the Ghost of Panic's Past, but I wasn't sure if any guys would review or not. So, yay Aaron!
As for my other stories that I'm neglecting right now, I kind of have a valid excuse this time. My laptop's screen is completely fucked. My Digital Electronics teacher is going to install a new screen sometime in the next couple weeks, but until then, that laptop and everything on it is kind of out of my reach. I'm updating now from my school issued laptop, where, in my boredom from not having my other laptop, I've started working on five new stories in the past two weeks. Those will probably be ignored until this story is done, though. I must say, I'm pretty proud of myself for coming up with this idea.
I haven't decided who will be the Ghost's of Panic's Present and Future yet, so if you're interested, go to my profile and review the audition call. The title is the same as this, just with 'auditions' tacked onto the end. I must say, I need a pretty cool person for the Ghost of Panic's Future, and I'm thinking about using my honorary little sister, but as of now, the spot is still open.
Most of you have probably gotten bored by now, cause this Authors Note is practically as long as the chapter, so I'll stop talking now. But please Rate and Review, and Review the audition call at my profile if you're interested in being one of the Ghosts.
PS, The lyric for the title is from Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance. If you've never heard it, YouTube it.
xxAnna
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