FicWad

I'm sat in a deck chair drinking punch, fruit punch, if I must be correct, it's sickly, but I tell no one. I do not want to be sat in a deck chair nor do I want to be drinking punch. My plans had been much different to this, more...what's the word...exhilarating, breath taking, ME. Well different to what they thought I was doing today.

My plans had been changed the moment they all came back from their holiday, too early for my liking.
I guess I could say that I like my own company more than I like the company of a friend. Much like Logan or how I've found him to be over the so many years I've--sorry--WE'VE known him. Why they have come back I do not know and yet the refuse to tell me, a check up I suppose, the 'regal Goddess' can't take care of herself. Well I'm a grown woman and I have spent more days alone here at the mansion than they have on missions. Oh well.

I had originally planned to go jump off a cliff, and now I can't I feel...hmm...what do I feel, most upset and all equally bored.
Jumping from a cliff is most exciting, freefalling from great heights into the dark deed depths of the ocean below is much better than this, and flying is just as good but it is more of a sensual thing than any other.

I find as I sit here that I have not moved one inch, and I dare not try too either, as I do not want to be brought into a deep yet meaningless conversation with Jean about how 'poor old wolverine' has been neglecting her. She is married to Scott and yet craves the attention of another for sheer pleasure. But on Wolverines behalf he sees flirting with Jean is the only clear way to get Scott's knickers in a twist, an irreversible twist at that, it is in my account, always an entertaining piece one that I may have seen just too many times. Poor fools.

I still remain unblinking, I have been frozen in my attempt to being and staying isolated from all my dear friends as they have destroyed my fun for their own, how selfish. Oh but Goddess they were not to have known. I hear laughing and muttering amongst the two smaller X-men behind me and fear for the worst.

Where is Logan, maybe he can save me from all this. I doubt it. He's probably saving himself, like always.

Cruel I know but oh how I just want to escape.

There we go, breaking point. I jump from my seat as I feel it, the cold water hitting my legs and rising up to my stomach and face. I've had it that's the last straw. I can't do this. I hold all that I want to shout at them, frowning at them, well scowling them, thunder booming in the background, they scatter like when you put your finger into a fish bowl with hundreds of little fish. The many colours that are reflected from their scales.

"Ororo?" get lost Scott.
"She's gonna blow" Remy's charm if that is his attempt at it isn't working. More laughs. Oh humour not charm my mistake.
"Take deep breathes 'Roro, it was only a bit o' fun" fists clenched , you want to lash out but you can't. 'There your friends, do not do anything stupid', Oh Goddess I wish my conscience would just shut up.
'FUN I'LL GIVE YOU FUN' let it out you know you need to, want to.

They're all looking at you, worried looks on they're faces. Oh Goddess, help me.

Jean comes towards me but before she's standing but one foot in front of me I call the winds to me at my command it's there and comes and picks me up, soaring higher and higher into the sky. FREEDOM.

I don't look back, don't dare to either. The winds die down as my feet hit the floor, though I do not walk, I run. Faster than I thought ever possible the clearing of the forest coming up I can taste it, feel it, breathe it.

" 'Ro?" Logan, this is where you've been hiding. I can not stop so I don't I keep on going heading to the cliff edge, no signs of slowing down.

"Ororo what are you doing? 'Ro slow down" NO! he's worried I can tell, he's never worried or never scared except for with me. Always with me. He once said to me " You'll be the death of me, woman." though doubt it...most times.

I wonder what he's thinking, seeing his best friend, his soul mate running to a cliffs edge. I reach for the skies as I feel there is no more land beneath my feet, I fall fast, my breathing intense. I laugh, the thrill is that of any mission but so much more.

"Holy shit! Ororo!"

Too late to call me back, I feel like Pocahontas when she jumps from the waterfall to the river where her friend is waiting for her. Arms outstretched at either side and then slowly raised above my head into a diving position, so much time to think yet so little time to act. Everything is forgotten as it should be at that moment, a small break in the day when I can think of my needs instead of all of theirs. Breathe.


Breathe. The water is near me now, I ready my self for impact hoping my bundle is safe, though I have done this more times than one, even in her company.
It's cool and refreshing like always. It's clear , though air bubbles surrounds the liquid. I smile. Swimming deeper into the water, air never seems to be a problem for me, not even now, though scaring Logan like that isn't healthy for him or me in that matter, if it were months back he would have ripped me to shreds, deafened me with shouting just out of worry...and love.

I break through the surface to come up and inhale deeply as the winds help me rise to the cliff edge, once again to be trapped. Though it was just a moment all my worries and cares have gone, vanished, caput.
I'm in the air, when I see him he's looking right at me into my sapphire eyes. I spread my arms out wide and check myself, why is he just staring at me?

" Hello lover" I said trying to sound apologetic as I can possibly go, though it came out without a care or a sympathetic tone to it. He grabbed me and pulled me so my feet hit the ground. He's trying to speak but he just can't find the right words, the most emotional or what?

"Don't ever do that again, you hear?" is that it, no really is that it? No shouting or telling me off or threatening...threats. He puts his hand over my abdomen. And caress the small bump gently. " You scared me shitless darlin'." And all I can do is smile. His lips firmly press against mine, so gentle and passionate, it's to hard to even begin to explain.

I break apart " Not even once?" he doesn't answer but you know it's a definite 'No'. Oh well, when he's not around perhaps me and my bump of a daughter can jump just once more...