FicWad

This.
This is not my choice.
It is not my choice to cut.
It is not my choice to be the wreck I am.
It is not my choice to be me.
But I do and I am.
It is my choice to feel this pain, every day.
I don’t need to feel it. I could stop it.
In moments I could stop it.
I wouldn’t feel pain, loss or agony.
I wouldn’t feel confused, anger, or sorrow.
I wouldn’t experience lonely.
But,
I wouldn’t feel love, happiness or animated.
I wouldn’t experience laughter.
I wouldn’t feel the music, moving me with every strum, pluck, WHAM and WHACK.
I wouldn’t feel your smile or frown.
So I stay, through the pain.
This aching madness that lurks around the corner.
And I remind myself I always have your gaunt shoulder to lean on.