Categories > Original > Romance
Just Breathe – an LT one-shot by Laurie Ace Ramone
The air was warm, but not hot. Of course it wasn’t hot, Laurie reasoned to herself as she paced back and forth nervously on the sand. They were in motherfucking England, for Christ’s sake, not Louisiana, and it was mid-April, not July or August. She reached down and twisted the engagement ring on her finger, her nerves getting the better of her. Dammit. Why was she nervous, anyway? She wasn’t doing anything awful or weird. She was marrying the woman she’d loved since she was eighteen years old, that’s all she was doing. She was going to embark on what they called a “permanent lifestyle” with her, here, in England, preferably in London, and they were going to be so fucking happy.
Except everything was already shit, and it wasn’t even time for the wedding, yet.
It was because they’d been fighting so often recently. Nothing major, just petty shit, like when they were teenagers and still trying to figure out their feelings. But this was different, because they’d been living together, because they had to come home and work it out face-to-face every evening, instead of over the Internet, because there were no barriers now. And it wasn’t like Laurie minded, per say, since she loved Tanja and she knew Tanja loved her, but… fuck. There had been moments, recently, when she’d seen her fiancée and wondered, vaguely, in a back corner of her mind where she stored thoughts she didn’t want to acknowledge, whether or not Tanja really wanted this or if she was just playing along to make Laurie happy.
Suddenly Laurie felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around her waist. She turned instantly and came face-to-face with Tanja, all tall, arms and legs, pale as fuck in the sunlight and wearing her dark hair up and her makeup slightly smudged in a grunge-style and her dress all long and plain and white and lovely, just lovely. She leaned down slightly (just slightly, because Laurie was wearing heels today, to make herself taller) and kissed her, and then she said:
“Hey, babe… you about ready for this?”
Laurie swallowed, tried to smile, nod, but Tanja caught the glint of sadness in her eye. “Uh-uh,” she said, before Laurie could say anything, and she grabbed her hand and pulled her down into the sand, making her laugh a little. “No, you’re not ready, what’s up?”
She sighed, digging her fist into her thigh, hating her face for betraying her. “Do you really love me?” she asked after a bit, and watched to see what Tanja did, but Tanja’s face remained carefully void of emotion, like it always did. Tanja was best at that. Tanja was best at everything, and Laurie could only wish she was perfect like her future wife.
Tanja rolled her eyes. “Of course I love you, Laurie, why else would I be here with you? Why else would I have made sure we made up last night?”
Laurie ducked her head. “To make sure I stay happy?”
“To make sure you stay happy…” Tanja repeated, staring out at the ocean. For a while, there was silence, then she said:
“Look, have you ever considered the fact that I’m upset about our constant fighting, too? It worries me just as much as it worries you.”
“Then why do we fight so goddamn often?!” Laurie nearly screamed, then burst into tears, pathetically, because everything she did was so pathetic, so weak. She folded herself up into the fetal position and mumbled something unintelligibly against her skin.
And then there were the arms again, around her. “Shh…” Tanja murmured, brushing her lips against Laurie’s ear. “No, no, don’t cry, please…”
“…Should just go off and marry someone else…” Laurie said thickly. “Not me, I’m not good enough…”
“Goddammit, Laur,” said Tanja, “if you weren’t good enough, I wouldn’t be here. Listen. I have loved you since before I realized I loved you, and I know that doesn’t even make sense, but it’s true. And so we have some ups and downs, but so what? We’ve been having them since we first met. And we’ll continue to have them. Relationships aren’t perfect. Love is not perfect. You and I aren’t perfect, but we were meant to be. We’re perfect together. And I know you’re here for me, and you know I’m here for you, and no matter what, we’re gonna stay together, because if we’ve stuck it out this long, we can’t exactly say no, can we?”
Laurie sniffed. “N-no…”
Tanja nodded. “All right, then. Now lemme see a smile, huh?”
Laurie lifted her head and offered her a shaky smile, and Tanja leaned over and kissed her gently. “Okay. You feeling better?”
“Mm-hmm… hey, T?”
“Yeah?”
“…I love you.”
“I love you too.” And then Tanja got up, and picked Laurie up, and ran forward with her in her arms, nearly tripping over her long dress on the sand, making both of them laugh. They stood on the edge of the beach, letting their toes sink into the soft sand there, letting the waves crest over their ankles, until the priest appeared and said:
“Lauren Ramone and Tanja Lukan?”
They turned. “Yeah, that’s us.”
He smiled. “It’s time,” he said, and they grinned at each other, and Tanja reached over and took Laurie’s hand in hers, and they started forward. There were a few people there, but not many; they’d wanted it to be a quiet ceremony. The sun was falling over the horizon as Tanja and Laurie stood before the priest, holding hands, staring at each other, Laurie’s sad emerald eyes becoming warmer as she looked into Tanja’s chocolate brown ones.
“Laurie,” said the priest, with their rings on his Bible, “do you take this woman, Tanja Lukan, to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in friendship and in love, for better and for worse, as long as you both shall live? And do you swear to be faithful to her and to stay by her side for all days?”
“I do,” Laurie murmured, a faint flush rising up on her cheeks.
The priest continued, “Tanja, do you take this woman, Laurie Ramone, to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in friendship and in love, for better and for worse, as long as you both shall live? And do you swear to be faithful to her and to stay by her side for all days?”
“I do,” replied Tanja, reaching out and touching Laurie’s chin.
“With these rings,” said the priest, holding them out and allowing the two women to slip them on each other’s fingers, “I thee wed. You may kiss.”
They kissed slowly, luxuriously, the smell of saltwater and sand, the cry of seagulls, forever reminding them of this moment. When Laurie pulled away, her eyes were shining.
“Goddamn, I love you, hon,” she said.
Tanja smiled. “I love you too, babe,” she said, and then someone reached over and pushed ‘play’ on the stereo, and the song was Just Breathe by Pearl Jam. Laurie’s eyes lit up and she grabbed her wife’s hand.
“Let’s dance,” she said, and they went off together, arms around each other, secure.
The air was warm, but not hot. Of course it wasn’t hot, Laurie reasoned to herself as she paced back and forth nervously on the sand. They were in motherfucking England, for Christ’s sake, not Louisiana, and it was mid-April, not July or August. She reached down and twisted the engagement ring on her finger, her nerves getting the better of her. Dammit. Why was she nervous, anyway? She wasn’t doing anything awful or weird. She was marrying the woman she’d loved since she was eighteen years old, that’s all she was doing. She was going to embark on what they called a “permanent lifestyle” with her, here, in England, preferably in London, and they were going to be so fucking happy.
Except everything was already shit, and it wasn’t even time for the wedding, yet.
It was because they’d been fighting so often recently. Nothing major, just petty shit, like when they were teenagers and still trying to figure out their feelings. But this was different, because they’d been living together, because they had to come home and work it out face-to-face every evening, instead of over the Internet, because there were no barriers now. And it wasn’t like Laurie minded, per say, since she loved Tanja and she knew Tanja loved her, but… fuck. There had been moments, recently, when she’d seen her fiancée and wondered, vaguely, in a back corner of her mind where she stored thoughts she didn’t want to acknowledge, whether or not Tanja really wanted this or if she was just playing along to make Laurie happy.
Suddenly Laurie felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around her waist. She turned instantly and came face-to-face with Tanja, all tall, arms and legs, pale as fuck in the sunlight and wearing her dark hair up and her makeup slightly smudged in a grunge-style and her dress all long and plain and white and lovely, just lovely. She leaned down slightly (just slightly, because Laurie was wearing heels today, to make herself taller) and kissed her, and then she said:
“Hey, babe… you about ready for this?”
Laurie swallowed, tried to smile, nod, but Tanja caught the glint of sadness in her eye. “Uh-uh,” she said, before Laurie could say anything, and she grabbed her hand and pulled her down into the sand, making her laugh a little. “No, you’re not ready, what’s up?”
She sighed, digging her fist into her thigh, hating her face for betraying her. “Do you really love me?” she asked after a bit, and watched to see what Tanja did, but Tanja’s face remained carefully void of emotion, like it always did. Tanja was best at that. Tanja was best at everything, and Laurie could only wish she was perfect like her future wife.
Tanja rolled her eyes. “Of course I love you, Laurie, why else would I be here with you? Why else would I have made sure we made up last night?”
Laurie ducked her head. “To make sure I stay happy?”
“To make sure you stay happy…” Tanja repeated, staring out at the ocean. For a while, there was silence, then she said:
“Look, have you ever considered the fact that I’m upset about our constant fighting, too? It worries me just as much as it worries you.”
“Then why do we fight so goddamn often?!” Laurie nearly screamed, then burst into tears, pathetically, because everything she did was so pathetic, so weak. She folded herself up into the fetal position and mumbled something unintelligibly against her skin.
And then there were the arms again, around her. “Shh…” Tanja murmured, brushing her lips against Laurie’s ear. “No, no, don’t cry, please…”
“…Should just go off and marry someone else…” Laurie said thickly. “Not me, I’m not good enough…”
“Goddammit, Laur,” said Tanja, “if you weren’t good enough, I wouldn’t be here. Listen. I have loved you since before I realized I loved you, and I know that doesn’t even make sense, but it’s true. And so we have some ups and downs, but so what? We’ve been having them since we first met. And we’ll continue to have them. Relationships aren’t perfect. Love is not perfect. You and I aren’t perfect, but we were meant to be. We’re perfect together. And I know you’re here for me, and you know I’m here for you, and no matter what, we’re gonna stay together, because if we’ve stuck it out this long, we can’t exactly say no, can we?”
Laurie sniffed. “N-no…”
Tanja nodded. “All right, then. Now lemme see a smile, huh?”
Laurie lifted her head and offered her a shaky smile, and Tanja leaned over and kissed her gently. “Okay. You feeling better?”
“Mm-hmm… hey, T?”
“Yeah?”
“…I love you.”
“I love you too.” And then Tanja got up, and picked Laurie up, and ran forward with her in her arms, nearly tripping over her long dress on the sand, making both of them laugh. They stood on the edge of the beach, letting their toes sink into the soft sand there, letting the waves crest over their ankles, until the priest appeared and said:
“Lauren Ramone and Tanja Lukan?”
They turned. “Yeah, that’s us.”
He smiled. “It’s time,” he said, and they grinned at each other, and Tanja reached over and took Laurie’s hand in hers, and they started forward. There were a few people there, but not many; they’d wanted it to be a quiet ceremony. The sun was falling over the horizon as Tanja and Laurie stood before the priest, holding hands, staring at each other, Laurie’s sad emerald eyes becoming warmer as she looked into Tanja’s chocolate brown ones.
“Laurie,” said the priest, with their rings on his Bible, “do you take this woman, Tanja Lukan, to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in friendship and in love, for better and for worse, as long as you both shall live? And do you swear to be faithful to her and to stay by her side for all days?”
“I do,” Laurie murmured, a faint flush rising up on her cheeks.
The priest continued, “Tanja, do you take this woman, Laurie Ramone, to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in friendship and in love, for better and for worse, as long as you both shall live? And do you swear to be faithful to her and to stay by her side for all days?”
“I do,” replied Tanja, reaching out and touching Laurie’s chin.
“With these rings,” said the priest, holding them out and allowing the two women to slip them on each other’s fingers, “I thee wed. You may kiss.”
They kissed slowly, luxuriously, the smell of saltwater and sand, the cry of seagulls, forever reminding them of this moment. When Laurie pulled away, her eyes were shining.
“Goddamn, I love you, hon,” she said.
Tanja smiled. “I love you too, babe,” she said, and then someone reached over and pushed ‘play’ on the stereo, and the song was Just Breathe by Pearl Jam. Laurie’s eyes lit up and she grabbed her wife’s hand.
“Let’s dance,” she said, and they went off together, arms around each other, secure.
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