Categories > Books > Harry Potter

Quirk of A Dark Lord

by ShadeDancer 8 reviews

An odd Oneshot. Every Dark Lord has some quirk or another, here's Voldemorts. Not Slash.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Characters: Lucius, Peter, Voldemort - Warnings: [?] - Published: 2006-06-15 - Updated: 2007-08-12 - 1087 words

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and swear that this one-shot was the result of too much cold medicine.


Voldemort sat straight and prim upon his throne, posture perfect even as his right foot tapped impatiently upon the blood-soaked stones at his feet. It was a Wednesday, all the Death Eaters knew that they met exactly at one o'clock on Wednesdays, but Lucius was late. Voldemort did not like to be kept waiting. The gathered Death Eaters grew increasingly nervous as the seconds continued to tick past and Lucius still did not show. They all knew that the curses would start flying the moment the aristocratic blond arrived and many hoped to escape their Master's notice should the Dark Lord decide that he wasn't satisfied with cursing just Lucius.

"Where is Lucius!" Voldemort was definitely irritated, the corner of one eye ticking slightly, "he's-"

The giant doors to the throne room swept open, halting Voldemort before he could get too much more worked up. Silhouetted in the crack between the doors stood a very regal Lucius Malfoy, looking as elegant as always with not a single hair out of place.


The curse flew towards Lucius and hit the unaware Malfoy scion, doubling the man over, but not even this satisfied Voldemort and he increased the power of the curse until Lucius lay twitching on the floor. After what seemed to be an eternity, the Dark Lord finally let up on the curse and Lucius made his painful way to his feet.

"I'm sorry my Lord," it attested to Lucius' will that he could still get the words out.

"You are late," Voldemort interrupted before any excuse could be offered up for tardiness, "and you are not properly attired."

Lucius finally managed to raise his eyes from the ground and take in the sight of his fellow Death Eaters assembled around the table in the throne room. His eyes widened in realization.

"It's Wednesday," he groaned at his mistake and dropped to his knees to beg for forgiveness from his Master, heedless of his clothes, "I'm sorry my Lord, I have mistaken the days. I though it was a Tuesday."

"No, Lucius," Voldemort's good mood seemed to be returning a bit as he addressed Lucius like one would an errant child, "it is Wednesday today."

"Forgive me, my Lord," Lucius begged as much as a Malfoy ever would.

Voldemort sighed and waved Lucius to his feet, indicating that it was alright for him to take his usual seat of honor at his right hand, "I will forgive you this time Lucius, but only because your presence pleases me."

"Thank you, my Lord," Lucius gratefully took his accustomed seat.

Voldemort waved off the grateful Malfoy, "just see to it that it doesn't happen again. Now, pour the tea before it gets cold and I have to send the house-elves for a new pot."

Lucius did as the Dark Lord commanded and Wormtail slowly edged his way out from where he had hid under the table the moment Voldemort had thrown the first curse. Voldemort shot Wormtail a slightly worried look.

"Are you alright Wormtail, you look a bit pale?" Voldemort's voice could almost be said to hold concern, "oh dear, your bonnet has gone crooked. Allow me to fix that for you, my dear."

Wormtail paled even further as Voldemort leaned across the table to fiddle with the frilly pink bonnet he was wearing. All down the table the Death Eaters quickly began to check that their bonnets were straight so as to avoid the gaze of their Master and his fussing should anything not be perfect to his liking. A few braver souls even dared stand long enough to smooth the skirts of their pretty pink tea-party dresses, making sure their stockings were straight and the lace on their outfits weren't crushed. McNair even treated them to the sight of him picking his frilly underwear wedgie, an action that earned him a cruciatus curse, but they finally all settled down around the table with napkins in their laps to protect their dresses from spills and crumbs. With a practiced flourish Lucius finished pouring and passing out the last cup of tea, this one the Dark Lord's, and Voldemort daintily began to sip at his tea between bites of scone and bits of conversation.

"An excellent tea Lucius," he was saying, "you do know how to play the hostess quiet well, it's just a shame that you aren't dressed properly."

"Again, I am sorry my Lord." Lucius knew he would be repeating the phrase quite often that afternoon.

Voldemort waved him off, "just pay more attention the next time and do be careful not to get that lovely evening gown dirty, it's quite stunning and I hope to see you wear it again next Tuesday when we have the ball."

"Yes Master," Lucius wiped an imaginary crumb off of the gown to please the Dark Lord, knowing that the dark blue offset his hair and stormy grey eyes perfectly, "and if you still wished, I have no problem in allowing you the use of the dark green gown you found so attractive the other week."

"Really?" Voldemort was pleased, "I was wondering how it would appear with my complexion-/crucio/-pinky out Crabbe! And sip at the tea, don't slurp like an uncivilized ape! The same goes for you as well Goyle!"

Voldemort turned back to Lucius, "now where were we? Oh, yes! I was wondering if you have had any luck convincing Harry to join us for out little get-togethers? I would dearly love to see the boy in an evening gown, perhaps one similar to the one you are wearing today, though I think we would have to allow an exception to the pink rule on Tea days. I couldn't see Harry being all that comfortable in pink."

Lucius made a negative noise in the back of his throat, "no, pink wouldn't suit the boy at all, though I think Draco would look lovely in it given the right shade. Unfortunately, Harry won't be able to make it this week or next week either. I haven't asked about the week after yet."

Voldemort was genuinely disappointed, "that's a shame. Dumbledore is keeping that boy way too busy. You would think they were fighting a war or something. Oh well, just keep extending the invitations and we'll hope he finally has the time to accept. Have you tried this scone yet? There are little chocolates in them."
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