Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Memento Mori
Chapter Twelve: I'm Not Okay
Gerard poked around the room he had been placed in. It was a large spacious room that belonged to a two story log cabin style home that Frank and Jamia had purchased some time ago for recreational use.
Frank had settled him into the highest room, which had a large window pane in front of the bed. This window revealed a lovely view of the forest-like surroundings in which they were located, although Gerard suspected the view would become more creepy than lovely as day transformed into night.
But for now, the sun was only just rising. After the long drive that led to their destination, Frank had placed him there and told him to stay put. He had left hastily, and he could not help but slam doors in his anger.
Frank did not want to scare Gerard, that was the last thing they needed after moving him to a new location.
Yet he could not surpress the rage that boiled inside of him, his frustrations at Jamia and his despair for their overall situation. The best he could do, Frank figured, is to stay a distance away from Gerard for a few hours until he could cool down. He had placed him where he would be safe, and left him with a small hug and some words of comfort.
Frank told Gerard that things would be fine. They were not fine, and he knew it.
He knew he would have to race Jamia to withdraw funds, because they had had shared bank accounts which would be very easy for Jamia to close off to him. He knew that he would have to spend a great deal on food, because there was none in the house and he had had no time to get any before he had left. He knew that they had little to no supplies there in general, and that any sort of decent store was at least 30 minutes away. Yet even more nagging was the fact that he knew he had just left his family for god knows how long to be in the middle of nowhere with a boy who could barely speak.
He had had no choice, he told himself repeatedly. Frank recalled looking at Gerard's beaten face, and felt it could not have ended any other way. In fact, it ended the best way possible, as he had managed to not injure Jamia in return, as he would have done to anyone else that had dared lay a finger on Gerard.
With that in mind, Frank packed away his things in his new bedroom. He wondered if he would share a room with Gerard again, but turned away from the idea a moment later. Frank felt that he needed to be alone for some time, partially out of a miniscule ounce of regret that he did not want to acknowledge.
And so it was; Frank collapsed onto his bed, and silently cried for the rest of the morning.
By afternoon, there was a knock on his bedroom door. It could have only been one person of course, and Frank wiped his eyes a good amount before answering. He then opened the door to see Gerard on the other side of the doorway, looking equally distressed.
"Yes, hun?" Frank asked him, attempting to sound as upbeat as possible. In fact, it ended up sounding quite strange.
Gerard said nothing. He just stood there in his pajamas, which consisted of a loose black shirt and military pattern sweatpants, and stared guiltily at Frank. He seemed quite confused, and was struggling with words. His bottom lip quivered slightly, and he then grabbed onto Frank's shirt, burying his face in the crook of Frank's neck. Frank felt his neck soon become wet with his best friends tears, and be sighed a great sigh.
It is always difficult to lie to someone you love, and pretend that things are okay when that is so opposite from the truth. To place it into perspective, one could imagine being on a crashing airplane, and how it might be difficult telling your young daughter or son that everything was fine rather than screaming "We're all going to die!!!" like you really want to. Frank, who always prided himself in his honesty, had a very difficult time embracing Gerard that afternoon, as he whispered sweet lies into his ear.
"You're okay, Gee. We're both okay. I'm right here. Nobody's going to hurt you. I'll protect you. Everything is okay now."
He reassured him in all areas, as he was unsure just what it was that was upsetting him so. And after sometime, Frank pushed himself gently away from Gerard's grip. He forced a smile, and told him he needed to go now to find food for them to eat. He led Gerard back to his bedroom and was dismayed to remember that they had been unable to get Gerard's sketchbook, as well as all his other things.
Frank then spent the next fifteen minutes rummaging through the house, trying to find paper for Gerard to draw on. Finally, he found a few sheets in one of the five bedrooms. He gave them to Gerard, as well as a pen he carried around in his pocket at all times.
"I'll be back okay?" Frank told him as he gave him a small kiss on his forehead, "You stay here and draw."
Frank then moved to leave but Gerard gripped his shirt and tugged it. Frank turned around to see Gerard staring at up at him from his bed, his eyes wide. He waited for further explanation on this interference
, but when he got none he tried smiling at Gerard again.
"I won't be long Gee. I have to go now, before it gets dark. We need dinner." Frank grabbed Gerard's hand and pried it away from his shirt. "I'll be back soon. If you don't want to draw, there's a TV here that you can watch, see?"
Frank then picked up a TV remote from the bedside table and pressed the power button. A flat screen television in the corner of the room lit up, and revealed an episode of George Lopez. Frank swore he saw Gerard scowl slightly, and so he changed it to an episode of House MD instead.
"Later Gee." Frank waved at him, leaving the room during Gerard's momentary distraction.
Yet Gerard's distraction did not last terribly long. He only glanced occasionally at the screen for the comfort of it's lights and sounds, which is something people often do when they are unable to sleep at night because they are nervous or afraid of the dark or the silence that it accompanied.
Gerard on the other hand was less afraid and more lost. He stared down at his sheets of paper, and tried to make himself draw what he was feeling.
He attempted to put emotion into ink, to portray what he felt with such overwhelming power since they had left the Iero household. With every second of it, his frustration grew. For how does one sketch that they were drowning in guilt?
Next chapter: Gerard reaches solution that proves much more harmful than helpful.
Gerard poked around the room he had been placed in. It was a large spacious room that belonged to a two story log cabin style home that Frank and Jamia had purchased some time ago for recreational use.
Frank had settled him into the highest room, which had a large window pane in front of the bed. This window revealed a lovely view of the forest-like surroundings in which they were located, although Gerard suspected the view would become more creepy than lovely as day transformed into night.
But for now, the sun was only just rising. After the long drive that led to their destination, Frank had placed him there and told him to stay put. He had left hastily, and he could not help but slam doors in his anger.
Frank did not want to scare Gerard, that was the last thing they needed after moving him to a new location.
Yet he could not surpress the rage that boiled inside of him, his frustrations at Jamia and his despair for their overall situation. The best he could do, Frank figured, is to stay a distance away from Gerard for a few hours until he could cool down. He had placed him where he would be safe, and left him with a small hug and some words of comfort.
Frank told Gerard that things would be fine. They were not fine, and he knew it.
He knew he would have to race Jamia to withdraw funds, because they had had shared bank accounts which would be very easy for Jamia to close off to him. He knew that he would have to spend a great deal on food, because there was none in the house and he had had no time to get any before he had left. He knew that they had little to no supplies there in general, and that any sort of decent store was at least 30 minutes away. Yet even more nagging was the fact that he knew he had just left his family for god knows how long to be in the middle of nowhere with a boy who could barely speak.
He had had no choice, he told himself repeatedly. Frank recalled looking at Gerard's beaten face, and felt it could not have ended any other way. In fact, it ended the best way possible, as he had managed to not injure Jamia in return, as he would have done to anyone else that had dared lay a finger on Gerard.
With that in mind, Frank packed away his things in his new bedroom. He wondered if he would share a room with Gerard again, but turned away from the idea a moment later. Frank felt that he needed to be alone for some time, partially out of a miniscule ounce of regret that he did not want to acknowledge.
And so it was; Frank collapsed onto his bed, and silently cried for the rest of the morning.
By afternoon, there was a knock on his bedroom door. It could have only been one person of course, and Frank wiped his eyes a good amount before answering. He then opened the door to see Gerard on the other side of the doorway, looking equally distressed.
"Yes, hun?" Frank asked him, attempting to sound as upbeat as possible. In fact, it ended up sounding quite strange.
Gerard said nothing. He just stood there in his pajamas, which consisted of a loose black shirt and military pattern sweatpants, and stared guiltily at Frank. He seemed quite confused, and was struggling with words. His bottom lip quivered slightly, and he then grabbed onto Frank's shirt, burying his face in the crook of Frank's neck. Frank felt his neck soon become wet with his best friends tears, and be sighed a great sigh.
It is always difficult to lie to someone you love, and pretend that things are okay when that is so opposite from the truth. To place it into perspective, one could imagine being on a crashing airplane, and how it might be difficult telling your young daughter or son that everything was fine rather than screaming "We're all going to die!!!" like you really want to. Frank, who always prided himself in his honesty, had a very difficult time embracing Gerard that afternoon, as he whispered sweet lies into his ear.
"You're okay, Gee. We're both okay. I'm right here. Nobody's going to hurt you. I'll protect you. Everything is okay now."
He reassured him in all areas, as he was unsure just what it was that was upsetting him so. And after sometime, Frank pushed himself gently away from Gerard's grip. He forced a smile, and told him he needed to go now to find food for them to eat. He led Gerard back to his bedroom and was dismayed to remember that they had been unable to get Gerard's sketchbook, as well as all his other things.
Frank then spent the next fifteen minutes rummaging through the house, trying to find paper for Gerard to draw on. Finally, he found a few sheets in one of the five bedrooms. He gave them to Gerard, as well as a pen he carried around in his pocket at all times.
"I'll be back okay?" Frank told him as he gave him a small kiss on his forehead, "You stay here and draw."
Frank then moved to leave but Gerard gripped his shirt and tugged it. Frank turned around to see Gerard staring at up at him from his bed, his eyes wide. He waited for further explanation on this interference
, but when he got none he tried smiling at Gerard again.
"I won't be long Gee. I have to go now, before it gets dark. We need dinner." Frank grabbed Gerard's hand and pried it away from his shirt. "I'll be back soon. If you don't want to draw, there's a TV here that you can watch, see?"
Frank then picked up a TV remote from the bedside table and pressed the power button. A flat screen television in the corner of the room lit up, and revealed an episode of George Lopez. Frank swore he saw Gerard scowl slightly, and so he changed it to an episode of House MD instead.
"Later Gee." Frank waved at him, leaving the room during Gerard's momentary distraction.
Yet Gerard's distraction did not last terribly long. He only glanced occasionally at the screen for the comfort of it's lights and sounds, which is something people often do when they are unable to sleep at night because they are nervous or afraid of the dark or the silence that it accompanied.
Gerard on the other hand was less afraid and more lost. He stared down at his sheets of paper, and tried to make himself draw what he was feeling.
He attempted to put emotion into ink, to portray what he felt with such overwhelming power since they had left the Iero household. With every second of it, his frustration grew. For how does one sketch that they were drowning in guilt?
Next chapter: Gerard reaches solution that proves much more harmful than helpful.
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