FicWad

A/N: in this fic Gabe is another guitarist/singer
Ryan had slept in Spencer's room that night. Neither of them got much sleep. They were up drinking all night and talking about stuff from when they were younger like the story of stripper with a german shepherd. Spencer was just mostly trying to keep Ryan's mind off of what happened when the realization hit him. They had to play a show tonight. On stage. With Brendon. And Gabe.
"Spencer," Ryan said weakily. "I-I can't go on stage. I can't play, not like this." He almost started to cry. He sat on the bed with his hands in his head.
"Hey it's ok. We're gonna play tonight. Just don't look at Brendon or Gabe ok? Make them think that it's not upsetting you. That will kill both of them on the inside." Spencer said gently grabbing Ryan by the shoulders.
“Spencer, I think I’m gonna be sick.” Ryan ran to the bathroom as fast as his skinny legs would carry him, Spencer following closely rubbing Ryan’s back as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the porcelain toilet bowl. Spencer occasionally would whispers thing like ‘It’s ok.’ Or ‘Shhh it’s gonna be fine, Ry.’ But Ryan didn’t believe one second of it.
“W-What i-if…” Ryan could barely finish his sentence before puking again.
“What if what?’” Spencer asked pushing Ryan’s hair out of his face.
“Spence please just find someone to cover for me please I don’t feel good.” Ryan looked up at him with pleading eyes.
“Ryan you can do this. You’re strong. If you survived 20 years with your dad you can survive about a month on tour.” Spencer said standing up.
“Ok Spence. Let me get cleaned up and I’ll be out in a couple minutes.” Ryan stood up. Spencer nodded and left the bathroom. Ryan took off his shirt and looked around the bathroom. Then he saw it out of the corner of his eye, the light glinting off of it as it sat on the edge of the toilet seat. “I promised myself I wasn’t going to do this again.” He whispered to himself as he grabbed the razor blade. As he dragged it across his skin he felt the knot in his stomach get bigger and tighter; small beads of red started appearing over the cut. He quickly jumped into the shower and cleaned himself then got dressed.
As he walked into the dressing room he saw Gabe and Brendon sitting next to each other and they were smiling and laughing? Ryan silently walked over to the other side of the room and got changed into his stage outfit. As soon as Gabe noticed Ryan she moved away from Brendon and started to apply her makeup. She had decided tonight she was going to put a black X over each eye, bright pink blush, black lipstick, and lines that went from the corner of her mouth down to her chin. Brendon had somewhat of the same thing on his face, only he didn’t have the pink blush or the lipstick. Ryan sat next to Gabe in front of the mirror because there wasn’t another one and he wasn’t going to go all the way down the hall just to put on makeup. Gabe looked over at him from the corner of her eye. Ryan started putting an X over his eye but dropped the eyeliner.
“Ry, do you want me to do it?” Gabe asked grabbing the eyeliner.
“Yeah.” Ryan put on a fake half smile. Just act like it’s not bothering you. She started doing his makeup when he realized he started crying.
“Ryan please don’t cry you’re gonna make me cry and I don’t want to mess up my makeup.” She said through a fake laugh. He just shook his head and blinked back tears.
“Sorry.” He said wiping under his eyes. She put on the finishing touches and smiled at how he art looked on Ryan’s gorgeous face.
“Ryan Ross I swear you’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen.” She chuckled as he opened his eyes to reveal the black X’s over both of his eyes, a heart over both of his cheeks, and what looked like stitch marks running from the edge of his lips to the bottom of each heart on both cheeks.
“It’s great thanks.” He smiled and walked away. She put the cap on the eyeliner and walked by the dresser and pulled out her stage outfit which consisted of a black, low cut tank top that showed lots of cleavage, a red mini-skirt, fishnet leggings, and black high heels. As she got changed Ryan kept his eyes locked onto her, she didn’t mind until Brendon looked at her.
“Brendon stop fucking staring at me for god’s sake!” She screamed standing only in her skirt and bra. Ryan just smirked.
“Ryan was staring too!” Brendon said pointing to Ryan and pouting. Everything is back to normal now? they all thought at once. Gabe quickly put her shirt on, grabbed her heels and guitar, and walked out of the door. Ryan just stared at Brendon with absolute hate in his eyes. “Can you stop fucking staring at me already!” Brendon finally yelled and walked out of the room. Ryan put his head on his arms on the table and started to cry. Spencer and Jon walked in and Ryan stopped. Then he realized that his makeup was probably running. He looked up into the mirror to see the beautiful X’s halfway down his face. oh well. he thought.
He walked out on stage with a fake grin plastered across his face. All of the fan girls started screaming when Brendon walked on stage. Brendon walked up to the microphone and began his famous speech.
“Have you ever dreamt,” He began “that you were running through a sunflower field.” He walked over to Jon and Jon nodded his head and Brendon continued his speech as Gabe and Ryan tuned their guitars. Ryan wasn’t paying attention to what Brendon was saying until Brendon had started walking over to him. Brendon leaned down to ‘kiss; Ryan, as he did in every show. Ryan backed away. “Well, this isn't about that kind of dream. This is about sweaty, angry, crazy, monstrous fucking!” Ryan walked over to Gabe and stared straight in the eyes and sang along with Brendon

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close

So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?
(Let's pick up, pick up)

Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.
Now let's not get selfish
Did you really think I'd really let you kill this chorus?

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
And hold a lover close
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster
The lights went down as they got ready to do their next song when Ryan felt someone’s lips crash onto his and someone’s hand wrap in his hair. He knew those lips, they were Gabe’s. The lights started to go back on and she pulled away.
In the middle of the show the band took a break for a couple of minutes. Brendon, Jon and Spencer went off to go get something to eat while Gabe and Ryan stayed in the dressing room. Ryan say by the vanity dresser, head down, and Gabe leaned against the door just staring at the ceiling.
“I’m sorry.” Gabe mumbled under her breathe.
“What?” Ryan’s head snapped up and turned towards her. ‘
“I said I’m sorry. For everything. For having sex with Brendon, for making you cry,” She started and she walked towards Ryan “but mostly for this.” She lifted up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal two cuts along his wrist.
“That doesn’t mean I forgive you.” Ryan said ripping his hand away from her.
“I know.” She looked at the ground and slinked away slowly. “D-do you want me to uhm, f-fix you makeup?” She asked rubbing her left arm and looking at the ground.
“Yeah sure.” He said turning to look at her. This was a new side of her he’s never seen; she was normally strong but now she just seemed so small. She sat next to him an started to fix the X’s and the hearts. He opened his eyes and stared at her lips then found himself leaning forward. She slowly leaned forward too, but just as their lips were about to touch she pulled away.
The rest of the night was pretty awkward Ryan and Gabe would steal glances with each other. By the end of the night Ryan had cried three times. But it would only get worse when he got back to the room…