Categories > Anime/Manga > Trigun > Plants in the City
Not All Beasts...
0 reviewsWolfwood takes care of small Plant children and Midvalley owns a bar.
0Unrated
VII. Not All Beasts...
Plantlings. For some reason, they were all blondes. Less than a year old, half grown freeborn Plants who thought they knew more than you. Which in most cases is very true. Vash still kicks my butt at chess. Anyway, I told you what Plantlings are and pretty much see no reason to do a recap. If you knew my situation, you would put up and shut up.
Yeah... probably should get back on topic. There were five dozen of them and right off the bat, they decided I was smelly. Okay, I know that I'm heavy smoker, but I don't think I smell THAT bad. I did the only thing I could do. I bent down and ruffled the little girl's hair. She was the little girl who started the whole "Let's Sniff Wolfwood" trend. "Aren't you a cute little thing?"
She stared up at me, stubbornly as the other children backed away and found other things to amuse themselves with. She pouted, narrowed her brown eyes and tossed a braid over one of her shoulders. She stomped her feet against the ground, "I'm not a little thing. My name is Rachel and I'm nine so that's very, very not little."
"Oh," I said, resisting the urge to light up a cigarette. There were teachers in the background and that probably wasn't the best move to do. "Is that so? You look pretty small to me."
The other five dozen minus one Plantlings all put forth their opinions. Frankly, I wished they would keep their little genius mouths shut.
"You're annoying, Mister."
Thank you.
"What does a stinky man like you know anyway?"
Street smarts.
"I know five languages, how many do you know?"
Just bits and pieces, but what's the big deal? I've been calling Vash "Tongari" for years and he has no idea that it means "point". I have a thing for Samurai Films. So sue me.
I clapped my hands together. "Well," I said, "Today we're going on a trip to zoo."
I stood back and waited for a response. I was expecting looks of joy and cheers from the five dozen. Anything. Why had that damned trannie given me this assignment in the first place? That she-male Elendira had something to answer for. Nothing. Not a cheer, not a stare...
"You know," I said, "When I was a kid I would..."
"Have walked to school in the snow for ten miles, up hill, both ways?"
"Eaten broccoli?"
"Broccoli's been exstink for a hundred bigillion months!"
"You mean 'extinct', you ninny," one of the girls promptly stuck her tongue at the boys. I sighed, seeing a riot of minute proportions on the horizons. "But you wouldn't know, because you're even more stupider than the Stinky Man."
Great, so instead of being Nicholas D. Wolfwood, I'm now 'The Stinky Man'. Oh well, beats being called 'Nicky'. But Lord Almighty do I want a cigarette. "Children, children," I said, finally, stepping into their thong, "What's so wrong with the zoo? I've never been myself."
Five dozen pairs of eyes rolled. "He doesn't know?" the Plantling whose name was Rachel said, "Ain't that a laugh?"
Silence. Man, I hate that. They looked at me and I looked back. Not much happened, not much noting. Just five dozen blondes staring back at me. "O-kay," I finally said, breaking the silence, "What do you mean by that?"
One of the smallest Plantling tugged my legs, "There is no zoo... not really, just the Zoological," Whatever that meant, "Building. And that's boring."
They all looked at me. "Well, that's what I'm here for." They pouted. "How about next time I take you to the movies?"
"Well..." They said as a whole chorus, "We guess that that would be alright."
Finally, we were getting somewhere. Well, maybe we were. I really couldn't tell. Maybe that was a good thing or a bad thing. All I knew was that I knew only one person's name in the whole group. "Okay," I said, "So what are your names?"
They pelted me with a hailstorm of names. I expected the most I could memorize would be five out of five dozen. "That great," I said and led them all to the office. "Wait outside."
They clustered outside as I opened the door and entered. There was a rail thin old woman with a twisted expression on her face. The kind that makes you wonder if she sucks lemons for kicks. Right away, I hated her even more than I hated Elendira. I could be friendly. "Hey," I said, "I'm Reverend Wolfwood, the," what blanket industry did Millions use anyway... oh yeah, "Millions-Nikola Organization sent me here to-"
"Take the little freaks," she snapped. "See if you can try to get them kidnapped or something."
I slammed my hands on the table. "Now see here, Lady," I said, "I thought this school was dedicated to educating Plantlings by the nation's leading professors."
Now, I didn't know half of what that meant, but it was the little spiel that Vash gave every time he defended a Plant School. He was usually on the phone talking to Knives and Tessla, before slamming it down, completely upset. Then he would spend the next two hours whining about how they had teamed up against poor little him. Sometimes I wanted to smack him, tell him to wake up, and remember his other siblings.
"It is," she said, "So?"
I could feel a headache coming on. "What is with you people?"
She rolled her eyes. "Reverend Wolfwood... may I point out that they are beastlings." She shuddered. "Dreadful things... should belong in a zoo."
"Not all beasts are in cages," I said as she handed over a money pass.
"I couldn't agree more," she said snidely.
Stupid fool missed the point.
ooo
Elendira smirked. God, there was something wrong with a man who smiled like that. Or a man who dressed in women's clothing, but... "So, how did you like the zoo? Scope out any new housing?"
I groaned and lit my fifteenth cigarette of the day. From loosing my Security Deposit to Vash waking me up too early, I had no idea on how the day could get worse. "You mean the 'Zoological Building'... don't you?"
"Whatever," Elendira sighed, huffin' in the cold. I noticed his clothing was way too light for the temps that this city can get into. He was now wearing a light velvet-looking (probably was velvet) fur trimmed coat-cape thing. "Let's just get to some place warmer."
I grinned. Somehow I loved getting a rise out of him. To know that the smirking unruffable she-male could be ruffled. Okay, I'm not sure if "unruffable" is a word, to tell you the truth, but it sounds pretty damn good. "Ahhh, gee," I said sarcastically, "I was planning on getting frostbite today, but looks like you..." Elendira gritted his teeth and aimed his suitcase thing at me. "Fine."
We entered the nearest smoky bar and sat down in a corner booth. Elendira ordered one of those fancy cocktails drinks with one of those paper umbrellas and before I could order a beer, he had gone and ordered me something. To top it off, it even sounded girly. "Right away," the waiter said, obviously enchanted by Elendira, "Anything for a beautiful lady." Wait until you see what's under the beautiful lady's coat, pal. "Can I take your coat?"
Elendira fluttered his eyelashes at the man. "Only as long as I can get it back. It would cost an arm and leg on your salary."
I looked his way and laughed. Elendira had a tight grip on our waiter's package, sharp nails digging in slightly. Okay, it's enough to make any man cross his legs and wince, but dang in my mood anything is hilarious. "So, why did you choose this place?"
Smokey, dank, dark. In other words, my kind of dive. Didn't seem to suit little miss pretty, pretty princess next to me. "Oh," Elendira said, wide-eyed and not one bit innocent. "Midvalley plays here. He's just finishing up a set." He waved his hands back and forth. "Oh, Midvalley... babe... here!"
He was on the stage. From his custom Italian-made suit to that pink shirt of his to his two-toned shoes to his saxophone he named Sylvia. Midvalley "the Hornfreak" LeBlanc. The problem was with Midvalley, if you slept with him, you slept with every single man and woman he ever slept with. He finished the last notes of song, flicked his bangs back triumphantly, and took a bow.
Egotistical little SOB. Please don't notice us. Please don't notice me for that matter.
Midvalley looked up as the last of the applause died away. "Brilliant," I heard him say, "Simply..." He cut off and looked at me. Damn. "And if it isn't?"
"Midvalley!" Elendira called happily, waving him over.
Midvalley slung his sax over one shoulder and strode over to our table. "Elendira," he took one of his hands and kissed it, "My favorite lovely woman... still a vision of wonder after all this time."
"Been two days," Elendira said.
Midvalley gave an overdramatic sigh, "Too long. And Nick." He gave me a grin. "Long time, no see." I grumbled. He took that as an affirmative and sat beside me, throwing an arm across my shoulder. "Nice to see you too, Nicky-baby."
Nicky-baby?! He called me Nicky! Son of bitch knows better than to call me Nicky. I swear to God, if Midvalley doesn't remove his hand, I'm removing it for him and shoving it up his... well I'm shoving it somewhere. "Screw you, Hornfreak."
Midvalley gave me "The Look". I can't really describe it, but it's something that Midvalley can do and do well. "Is that all you have to say to me? Really Nick, I thought more of you."
"Well, you gave me some nice crotch critters when you left!"
"That wasn't me!" Midvalley said, the very picture of innocence, "I'm sure you got it from that freak show you hang around."
"Freak show?" Elendira cut in, "How wonderful."
"The reason," Midvalley continued, "Why he broke up with me. Nick loves blondes."
"Is that so?" Elendira asked coyly, leaning toward me. I tried to inch away; his hand got me right there. Damn. "I'll have to test out the theory."
Before I could voice a protest, Elendira kissed me. I sputtered and gulped for air the instant he released me. "Yah damned trannie bastard."
"Oh," Elendira said, pouting slightly, "You didn't have to say that."
I stumbled out of the booth, over a fully protesting Midvalley and into our waiter. I heard an oomph, a crash-tinkle sound, and something cold soaking into my jacket. "I'm not getting in your freak show. You two," I huffed, "Can go screw each other, because all freaks love company."
Midvalley's face turned colder than I had ever seen. Sylvia, his beloved Sylvia, was placed to his lips in a matter of seconds. Stupid, stupid. Midvalley was a fully trained assassian. Damn, damn, damn. "I should kill you..."
I could see my death on the horizon. Despite all my mods, I doubted I could have taken a solo from the Hornfreak. Just as the grim reaper was telling me to keep my head, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times I heard...
"Enough. Midvalley, like or not he's one of us, but not yet."
I looked up. Midvalley casually set Sylvia next to him, brown eyes still gleaming cruelly. "Just put a bit of a scare into him," he said lazily and the Midvalley I knew was back like that. "He knows I wouldn't harm him."
Son of... he had changed. I'd seen his eyes. He would have killed me and gone back to what he was doing like it was nothing. That was how he did thing. "Yeah, right," I grumbled. "So what about drinks."
"Get them another round," Midvalley told our drink-soaked waiter. The man grumbled and walked off.
"He seemed rather put off," Elendira offered me a hand back up. The back of my coat reeked like fake fruit and there was a paper umbrella lodged behind one of my ears.
"He better not be," Midvalley said, "I own the place."
...to be continued.
Plantlings. For some reason, they were all blondes. Less than a year old, half grown freeborn Plants who thought they knew more than you. Which in most cases is very true. Vash still kicks my butt at chess. Anyway, I told you what Plantlings are and pretty much see no reason to do a recap. If you knew my situation, you would put up and shut up.
Yeah... probably should get back on topic. There were five dozen of them and right off the bat, they decided I was smelly. Okay, I know that I'm heavy smoker, but I don't think I smell THAT bad. I did the only thing I could do. I bent down and ruffled the little girl's hair. She was the little girl who started the whole "Let's Sniff Wolfwood" trend. "Aren't you a cute little thing?"
She stared up at me, stubbornly as the other children backed away and found other things to amuse themselves with. She pouted, narrowed her brown eyes and tossed a braid over one of her shoulders. She stomped her feet against the ground, "I'm not a little thing. My name is Rachel and I'm nine so that's very, very not little."
"Oh," I said, resisting the urge to light up a cigarette. There were teachers in the background and that probably wasn't the best move to do. "Is that so? You look pretty small to me."
The other five dozen minus one Plantlings all put forth their opinions. Frankly, I wished they would keep their little genius mouths shut.
"You're annoying, Mister."
Thank you.
"What does a stinky man like you know anyway?"
Street smarts.
"I know five languages, how many do you know?"
Just bits and pieces, but what's the big deal? I've been calling Vash "Tongari" for years and he has no idea that it means "point". I have a thing for Samurai Films. So sue me.
I clapped my hands together. "Well," I said, "Today we're going on a trip to zoo."
I stood back and waited for a response. I was expecting looks of joy and cheers from the five dozen. Anything. Why had that damned trannie given me this assignment in the first place? That she-male Elendira had something to answer for. Nothing. Not a cheer, not a stare...
"You know," I said, "When I was a kid I would..."
"Have walked to school in the snow for ten miles, up hill, both ways?"
"Eaten broccoli?"
"Broccoli's been exstink for a hundred bigillion months!"
"You mean 'extinct', you ninny," one of the girls promptly stuck her tongue at the boys. I sighed, seeing a riot of minute proportions on the horizons. "But you wouldn't know, because you're even more stupider than the Stinky Man."
Great, so instead of being Nicholas D. Wolfwood, I'm now 'The Stinky Man'. Oh well, beats being called 'Nicky'. But Lord Almighty do I want a cigarette. "Children, children," I said, finally, stepping into their thong, "What's so wrong with the zoo? I've never been myself."
Five dozen pairs of eyes rolled. "He doesn't know?" the Plantling whose name was Rachel said, "Ain't that a laugh?"
Silence. Man, I hate that. They looked at me and I looked back. Not much happened, not much noting. Just five dozen blondes staring back at me. "O-kay," I finally said, breaking the silence, "What do you mean by that?"
One of the smallest Plantling tugged my legs, "There is no zoo... not really, just the Zoological," Whatever that meant, "Building. And that's boring."
They all looked at me. "Well, that's what I'm here for." They pouted. "How about next time I take you to the movies?"
"Well..." They said as a whole chorus, "We guess that that would be alright."
Finally, we were getting somewhere. Well, maybe we were. I really couldn't tell. Maybe that was a good thing or a bad thing. All I knew was that I knew only one person's name in the whole group. "Okay," I said, "So what are your names?"
They pelted me with a hailstorm of names. I expected the most I could memorize would be five out of five dozen. "That great," I said and led them all to the office. "Wait outside."
They clustered outside as I opened the door and entered. There was a rail thin old woman with a twisted expression on her face. The kind that makes you wonder if she sucks lemons for kicks. Right away, I hated her even more than I hated Elendira. I could be friendly. "Hey," I said, "I'm Reverend Wolfwood, the," what blanket industry did Millions use anyway... oh yeah, "Millions-Nikola Organization sent me here to-"
"Take the little freaks," she snapped. "See if you can try to get them kidnapped or something."
I slammed my hands on the table. "Now see here, Lady," I said, "I thought this school was dedicated to educating Plantlings by the nation's leading professors."
Now, I didn't know half of what that meant, but it was the little spiel that Vash gave every time he defended a Plant School. He was usually on the phone talking to Knives and Tessla, before slamming it down, completely upset. Then he would spend the next two hours whining about how they had teamed up against poor little him. Sometimes I wanted to smack him, tell him to wake up, and remember his other siblings.
"It is," she said, "So?"
I could feel a headache coming on. "What is with you people?"
She rolled her eyes. "Reverend Wolfwood... may I point out that they are beastlings." She shuddered. "Dreadful things... should belong in a zoo."
"Not all beasts are in cages," I said as she handed over a money pass.
"I couldn't agree more," she said snidely.
Stupid fool missed the point.
ooo
Elendira smirked. God, there was something wrong with a man who smiled like that. Or a man who dressed in women's clothing, but... "So, how did you like the zoo? Scope out any new housing?"
I groaned and lit my fifteenth cigarette of the day. From loosing my Security Deposit to Vash waking me up too early, I had no idea on how the day could get worse. "You mean the 'Zoological Building'... don't you?"
"Whatever," Elendira sighed, huffin' in the cold. I noticed his clothing was way too light for the temps that this city can get into. He was now wearing a light velvet-looking (probably was velvet) fur trimmed coat-cape thing. "Let's just get to some place warmer."
I grinned. Somehow I loved getting a rise out of him. To know that the smirking unruffable she-male could be ruffled. Okay, I'm not sure if "unruffable" is a word, to tell you the truth, but it sounds pretty damn good. "Ahhh, gee," I said sarcastically, "I was planning on getting frostbite today, but looks like you..." Elendira gritted his teeth and aimed his suitcase thing at me. "Fine."
We entered the nearest smoky bar and sat down in a corner booth. Elendira ordered one of those fancy cocktails drinks with one of those paper umbrellas and before I could order a beer, he had gone and ordered me something. To top it off, it even sounded girly. "Right away," the waiter said, obviously enchanted by Elendira, "Anything for a beautiful lady." Wait until you see what's under the beautiful lady's coat, pal. "Can I take your coat?"
Elendira fluttered his eyelashes at the man. "Only as long as I can get it back. It would cost an arm and leg on your salary."
I looked his way and laughed. Elendira had a tight grip on our waiter's package, sharp nails digging in slightly. Okay, it's enough to make any man cross his legs and wince, but dang in my mood anything is hilarious. "So, why did you choose this place?"
Smokey, dank, dark. In other words, my kind of dive. Didn't seem to suit little miss pretty, pretty princess next to me. "Oh," Elendira said, wide-eyed and not one bit innocent. "Midvalley plays here. He's just finishing up a set." He waved his hands back and forth. "Oh, Midvalley... babe... here!"
He was on the stage. From his custom Italian-made suit to that pink shirt of his to his two-toned shoes to his saxophone he named Sylvia. Midvalley "the Hornfreak" LeBlanc. The problem was with Midvalley, if you slept with him, you slept with every single man and woman he ever slept with. He finished the last notes of song, flicked his bangs back triumphantly, and took a bow.
Egotistical little SOB. Please don't notice us. Please don't notice me for that matter.
Midvalley looked up as the last of the applause died away. "Brilliant," I heard him say, "Simply..." He cut off and looked at me. Damn. "And if it isn't?"
"Midvalley!" Elendira called happily, waving him over.
Midvalley slung his sax over one shoulder and strode over to our table. "Elendira," he took one of his hands and kissed it, "My favorite lovely woman... still a vision of wonder after all this time."
"Been two days," Elendira said.
Midvalley gave an overdramatic sigh, "Too long. And Nick." He gave me a grin. "Long time, no see." I grumbled. He took that as an affirmative and sat beside me, throwing an arm across my shoulder. "Nice to see you too, Nicky-baby."
Nicky-baby?! He called me Nicky! Son of bitch knows better than to call me Nicky. I swear to God, if Midvalley doesn't remove his hand, I'm removing it for him and shoving it up his... well I'm shoving it somewhere. "Screw you, Hornfreak."
Midvalley gave me "The Look". I can't really describe it, but it's something that Midvalley can do and do well. "Is that all you have to say to me? Really Nick, I thought more of you."
"Well, you gave me some nice crotch critters when you left!"
"That wasn't me!" Midvalley said, the very picture of innocence, "I'm sure you got it from that freak show you hang around."
"Freak show?" Elendira cut in, "How wonderful."
"The reason," Midvalley continued, "Why he broke up with me. Nick loves blondes."
"Is that so?" Elendira asked coyly, leaning toward me. I tried to inch away; his hand got me right there. Damn. "I'll have to test out the theory."
Before I could voice a protest, Elendira kissed me. I sputtered and gulped for air the instant he released me. "Yah damned trannie bastard."
"Oh," Elendira said, pouting slightly, "You didn't have to say that."
I stumbled out of the booth, over a fully protesting Midvalley and into our waiter. I heard an oomph, a crash-tinkle sound, and something cold soaking into my jacket. "I'm not getting in your freak show. You two," I huffed, "Can go screw each other, because all freaks love company."
Midvalley's face turned colder than I had ever seen. Sylvia, his beloved Sylvia, was placed to his lips in a matter of seconds. Stupid, stupid. Midvalley was a fully trained assassian. Damn, damn, damn. "I should kill you..."
I could see my death on the horizon. Despite all my mods, I doubted I could have taken a solo from the Hornfreak. Just as the grim reaper was telling me to keep my head, arms, and legs inside the vehicle at all times I heard...
"Enough. Midvalley, like or not he's one of us, but not yet."
I looked up. Midvalley casually set Sylvia next to him, brown eyes still gleaming cruelly. "Just put a bit of a scare into him," he said lazily and the Midvalley I knew was back like that. "He knows I wouldn't harm him."
Son of... he had changed. I'd seen his eyes. He would have killed me and gone back to what he was doing like it was nothing. That was how he did thing. "Yeah, right," I grumbled. "So what about drinks."
"Get them another round," Midvalley told our drink-soaked waiter. The man grumbled and walked off.
"He seemed rather put off," Elendira offered me a hand back up. The back of my coat reeked like fake fruit and there was a paper umbrella lodged behind one of my ears.
"He better not be," Midvalley said, "I own the place."
...to be continued.
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