(#) tortillachip 2011-12-03I really like this chapter. I think the dialogue works very well here and it flows naturally. I like the way Mikey acts in this chapter. It's like he feels safer than with Gerard. Frank wouldn't do the things Gerard did or say such awful things, so maybe it's okay that he feels safer. I also like the beginning of the story. It kind of sets you up for what's going to happen later on in the chapter. I was waiting for Mikey's answer just as badly as Frank was. It was well done. I also like the part about Misfit. How Frank wants to be a Misfit for the Way brothers. That was such a clever way to explain it and it really showed that he wanted to help them. He wants to give them what they used to have before, only he knows he can't do that. That could end terribly, but what he can do is offer them love and support and wait patiently until the do it themselves. Plus, you don't usually hear about Misfit in the story. I think it was a very smart move to includes a sometimes character in this, and it was done so nicely. I don't know if that made sense or not, but I'll just go on with this. Anyway, Mikey is acting so cute in this chapter. You really see Mikey start to loosen up(?) a little. Frank could do in a day what Gerard couldn't do in years. It just shows that Gerard doesn't really know that all Mikey needs is a brother and a friend. The words were so simple, but you the fact that Mikey said yes was this big thing and it surprised you and it gives you a glimpse of what Mikey Mikey acts so cute in this chapter. Especially at the end. The ending was great. The words were so simple, but you the fact that Mikey said yes was this big thing and it surprised you and it gives you a glimpse of what he could be like if he had the amount of confidence that he should have and is supposed to have. I also like all the references to Fate. It doesn't seem like you're putting it in there because it has something to do with the story title, but it's very cleverly placed in this chapter and some of the others. Well, I look forward to reading the next chapter. This story is very interesting and whenever I finish a chapter I'm torn between groaning that such good writing is over and maybe squealing because it was so good and because all of the events that happened in it. Well, great job.
Author's responseThank you very much; I'm extremely relieved that you liked it, I didn't think it was all that good but I feel very reassured to know that you liked it.
I get what you mean about Misfit being a 'sometimes' character, and I'm glad you think that it worked.
I wasn't sure if the references to Fate made sense or just sounded like I was some sort of weirdo, but I'm pleased that you think that the references are cleverly placed; it's very nice of you to say so.
Thank you ever so much for taking the time to leave such a detailed review! :)
(#) SyraStrange 2011-12-04Oh, tortillachip. You took the words right out of my mouth... This chapter gave me such heart burn. The good kind. Please continue....
Author's responseThank you very much, I'm super pleased that you liked this chapter because I wasn't sure if it was halfway decent. Thanks for taking the time to review! :)
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