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The warm summer breeze of the morning actually made me feel so much better as I walked to school. Frank had volunteered to take me to school, but after being all couped up inside, I decided that I'd walk to school and get some fresh air.
I hadn't talked to Gerard since our little argument thing and I was almost ready to turn around and run back home so I wouldn't have to face him, just incase he was super pissed at me. But I was going to make sure I made it to school in at least a relatively normal psychological state. One, because Andrew and Marian would kill me if I bunked school and two, because Frank'd probably kill himself if he didn't know where I was and he'd probably find me and break down. Okay, maybe he'd wouldn't react that bad, but I wouldn't be surprized if he did. I neared the school and speak of the devil- There was Frank waiting out the front for me. It seemed almost creepy, but I could deny the cuteness of it, so I ran up to him and gave him a big hug. "FRANK!"
"Well you're definitely looking a lot better than yesterday! You didn't take any of those pills this morning, did you?"
"Only what I was meant to take." I said meaninglessly. He didn't know what I was meant to take and it would probably have been better if he didn't know.
"What you were meant to take??" He seemed really quite concerned that he didn't know.
"Don't worry- We can talk about it later, yeah?"
"Okay... Well actually, I think you'll have plenty of time to tell it to me.."
I kind of feared for what he was gonna say, even though I had not even the slightest idea of what he was gonna say.
".. I was thinking that we could do something better that school today.."
"Oh, Frank! I've only been at this school not even a week!"
"They can just think that you're still sick!"
"I don't know..." This was really bad for my education, even though I was probably higher than most of the people in my classes- I'd like for it to stay that way! Frank pulled me in like he did yesterday before he left, with our heads touching.
"Pleeeeeaaaaaseee?" He pleaded.
"Noooo! And you're still not gonna kiss me."
A light sparked in his eye- Which was strange. I thought he'd be more disappointed.
"If you come with me today, I will try not to try to kiss you for the whole time."
That was definitely a mouthful in my eyes. "And where was it you wanted to go?"
"It's a surprize!" I gave him "the look" and he instantly coughed up. "The beach."
"I haven't got my bikini or anything though- Could you take me home and stuff?"
"Sure, sure! So you'll come?" His face was lighted up with excitement.
"And you wont try to kiss me? We have to pinky promise!" So we pinky promised.
Gerard walked straight past us, but luckily enough I had saw him- I wanted to apologize to him. I ran up behind him.
"Gerard!"
"Huh?" He turned around. "Oh." He realized it was me. Gladly, he didn't walk off, but he surely didn't seem to know what to do.
"Gerard- I'm so sorry about the other night. I'm sure you understand that I wasn't exactly in control.."
He looked down at the ground, shuffling his feet. "Yeah.."
"I didn't mean any of it- I can't even remember half of what I said. I just remember being really nasty."
"Extremely nasty."
I gave him a sympathetic look. I had really hurt him.
"I'm honestly so sorry, Gerard! I'm a total drop kick with other people. I just fail. I do fucked up shit like that. And I meant nothing. I just hope you'll forgive me?" I attack hugged him and could tell that he was a bit shocked un unsuspecting but he caught up with my actions and softly hugged me back.
"Okay! I forgive you!" He laughed- I was probably squeezing the life out of him. "Think we should go into class now?"
"Uhh, well actually I kinda just promised Frank that I'd go to the beach with him. I'm incredibly stupid- I know, but I s'pose anything is better than school, right?"
"Ohh.... Yeah, fair enough. I'll see you tomorrow hopefully then, yeah?" There was a tinge of disappoinment in his voice.
"Yeah, sure!"

I kicked my feet up on the dashboard as the wind blasted through the window, through my hair. It felt like a true summer's day- It was entirely strange, thinking about how heavy and miserable the rain was just the other night.
The radio was tuned into some punk/rock station and blasted throughout the car. Frank's eyes were tentatively glued to the road. Well from my view they were, as his eyes were masked by his aviators.
"How far away is the beach?" I yelled over the roaring wind and music.
"Huh?" He leaned over and turned the radio down a bit.
"How far away is the beach?" I repeated.
"About thirty more minutes to go. But don't worry- We'll stop somewhere to get a drink or whatever soon."
"Okay. You okay?" Frank had been rather quiet.
"Yeah.." He hesitated a bit. "Just can't wait to get the beach so we can just relax, y'know?"
"Okay.." I was beginning to get a bit concerned, but he said that he just wanted to relax, so I didn't want to stress it on anymore, for the meantime anyway. But it was honestly so wrong seeing him so depressed looking. Trying to be as casual as possible, I slid his left hand off the steering wheel and linked our fingers, so if for some reason he was feeling bad, he'd know I was there for him.

The sun beat down on us with intense heat. I had changed into my bikini when Frank took me home to get some stuff, so all I had to do was slip off my clothes. I laid my towel on the sand and lay down.
"Oh don't tell me your one of *those* girls!" Frank complained.
"What do you mean 'One of *those* girls?!"
"Who just lie on the beach and don't even go in the water!"
"I will go in the water! Just not now."
Frank stood in his board shorts with his arms foled across his bare chest and just looked down at me for a few seconds. Next thing, I was off my towel and Frank was running me down to the water in his arms.
"No! FRAAAANNNKKKK!!" I squealed as his literally threw me into the water. The water was warmish as I hit the surface, but soon became icy as I came back up to the top.
"FUCK YOU!" I screamed at him and stood and shivered as he laughed.
"That's what happens when you pull out the whole 'not now' act on me!"
I just continued to stand and shiver, with an on purpose sad look on my face, death staring at Frank.
"What's that look for?!" He laughed again.
"It's cold!" I shouted and then crossed my arms and pouted.
He waded over to me, obviosly feeling safe, considering he had just thrown me into the freezing cold ocean.
"Jes," he wrapped his arms around my cold, shaking body, "What were you talking about earlier- When we were at school?"
I looked up at him in confusion- I had no idea what he was on about.
"About the pills.." He looked away awkwardly- He was unsure if it was okay to bring it up.
"Oh..." I had no idea how to tell him, but I didn't wanna not tell him about it. It was something he'd evetually find out about. "Back in New Zealand," I looked down awkwardly, " I had some.. Bad experiences... About a month before I came back to America I was diagnosed with real bad depression- Bi polar disorder." I didn't want to say anymore. I didn't want to remember anymore about New Zealand. The people. The emotions that came with those people. It was all too much to remember and keep my emotions in check at the same time. I swallowed hard, "Uh.. Can we talk about this later?" I looked up at him innocently.
"Sure. Should we go find an ice cream place? I'm CRAVING ice cream right now!"
I giggled, feeling a bit better and we waded back to the beach.

I hoped that the school hadn't contacted Andrew and Marian. I hadn't realized the possibility until we were on our way back home from the beach. They'd probably also wonder why my hair was wet and why I had my bikini, etc. I'd have to arrive home later so that I could say that Frank and I went to the beach after school. "Frank! Stop the car!!" and automatically the car came to a worried hault.
"What?!" Frank asked, panicked.
"Nothing." I simply said and hopped out of the car- Frank drove to the side of the road, as opposed to being parked in the middle of the road.
I looked around blankly. We would've been about halfway in between the beach and society. All along the road were long, grassy paddocks that swayed back and forth in the gentle breeze and were and mixture or green and yellow- Half alive, half dead, due to the scorching sun. It may have been raining in Belleville a few days ago, but it sure as hell hadn't been raining here.
"You are completely insane!" My attention was transferred to Frank who began to walk over to me, but I walked back in his direction.
"Well I wanted to get out of the car, but couldn't be bothered asking you to pull over!" I said it as if it was a perfectly normal thing for me to have had done. Thankfully, I had taken some spare clothes, aside from my school uniform. I jumped up on the bonnet of the car and the hot painted metal warmed the back of my thighs due to my short shorts. Frank sat next to me.
"Why'd you wanna get out?" His voice was soft, as if he was talking to a little kid. As if he could sense something wrong. This uneased me, left me to shrug shyly. I didn't know why I felt I had to do that. I didn't know why that made me feel shy and quiet. I did feel like it was okay for me to continue my story about New Zealand to him though.
"I hate thinking about New Zealand."
"So you're on anti depressants?"
I nodded weakly. I wouldn't be on them for much longer, and I knew that when that time would come, my life would be Hell. "They took me off them though- The stopped prescribing them to me. They had to. 'cause I'm a stupid druggie and abused them. So they felt it best to stop giving them to me. I have, like, four or five left. But after they're gone, I might as well be dead."
I kept my gaze straight ahead, into the distance. I didn't want to look at Frank, otherwise I'd just have a stupid breakdown. I had never admitted my addiction so honestly to anyone before. I hated it. Lots of other people had addictions too. Mikey was addicted to coffee. Frank was addicted to cigarettes. Gerard- Both. Marian, I had discovered, was addicted to cleaning to kitchen and Andrew was addicted to watching sports on television, but I, had to be the one addicted to drugs and self-harm. In my opinion, the two most stupid things you could ever do. I wanted to stop, but one- They're addictions and not very easily broken, and two- I didn't have the mental strength to try and quit.
I knew Frank had no idea what to do. No idea how to deal with me. I couldn't blame him. I was even greatful that he hadn't already jumped into the car and booted off without me. I looked over at him, he was staring at the sun-soft gravel contently. As if he was trying to stare right through it, down into the soil. I didn't feel okay about telling him about New Zealand anymore. I went to jump off the car, but Frank's hand softly grabbed my waist, making me stay.
"What.... happened in New Zealand?" Frank asked cautiously, with his hands still soft around my waist for comfort.
I could tell by his attitude that he really did want to know and that he cared, but I wasn't feeling okay about it anymore.
"Maybe another time, yeah?" I tried to put a smile in my tone, to make Frank go back to his normal, bubbly self, but he just seemed a bit disappointed as we jumped off the bonnet and got back into the car.

"Thanks for coming to the beach with me today, Jes." Frank's bubblyness was beginning to return, as he smiled at me sweetly.
"No problem." I smiled back at him.
"And by the way- Are you busy tomorrow night? I was wondering if you'd like to go out to dinner with me?" He looked down, shuffling his feet, his face going a bit pink. My jaw almost hit the ground. Had he just asked me to go on a date with him?!! After all that had happened?! After all I had said that I swore would have sent him packing?!! As shocked as I was, a little bubble of happiness popped inside of me, sending happy bubble juice, all over my insides.
"Sure!" The excitement in my voice was obvious.
"Really?" He sounded surprised that I said yes. Who the hell could ever say no to FRANK. FUCKING. IERO?! "That's great!", he continued, "Uh, we'll talk about it tomorrow, but if you need to tell your parents tonight or anything, I'll probably pick you up at about seven, yeah?"
"Okay." I chirpped. "So I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Yeah, laters." He smiled and left me at my door step. I frowned at myself. I still hadn't told him that Marian and Andrew weren't my real parents. We'd definitely have something to talk about at dinner tomorrow night....