Categories > Original > Humor
Pie Rampage!
1 reviewMy friend wanted me to do her a story about pie, Justing Beiber and madness. This is what happened. NOT for Beliebers!
0Unrated
Basically this story has rampaging pies, Justing Beiber getting hurt (a lot) and whatever other stuff I feel like putting in.
Reveiws are very much appreciated, if there's any way you want this to go/have a way to make it better, tell me!
Rates are rewarded with virtual cupcakes :3 Enjoy!
----------------------------
8:25 am – Aliyah’s Flat – Bedroom
~~~
Aliyah woke slowly, keeping her eyes closed as she stretched luxuriously. After stretching almost to breaking point she contracted again and opened her eyes, taking a deep breath. It was a Saturday with nothing to do all day but relax, and Aliyah wanted to take the opportunity to do just that. Aliyah closed her eyes again happily and had just turned on her side, ready to go back to sleep, when her stomach rumbled.
Glaring at the wall, Aliyah shifted position a little and tucked the covers up further under her chin. But just as she was about to drift off... RUMBLE RUMBLE!
Aliyah groaned. There was no way she could sleep now. Rolling out of bed, she paused to dump the duvet back over her shoulder before tottering towards the bathroom for a wake up in the form of a shower.
~~~
8:52 am – Aliyah’s Flat - Kitchen
~~~
Dressed in faded blue jeans and a fuzzy cream jumper that contrasted nicely with her light chocolate skin, Aliyah padded barefoot into her small kitchen, squinting at the sunlight reflecting into her eyes off of the shiny-topped island counter.
What to eat?
A quick search of the cupboards revealed nothing of great attraction, seeing as all the cereal had been eaten days ago and she hadn’t yet bought more.
Flopping down into the nearest chair, Aliyah glanced at the round pale wood clock (that had been a present from her grandmother) to see it was almost half past nine.
Then an idea struck her. Hadn’t a brand new pie shop opened down the road? She grabbed the leaflet, scanned it, and yes! Just around the corner too.
Her stomach grumbled irritably to itself and Aliyah wasted no more time pulling on a pair of slightly dirty white trainers and racing out of the apartment, only to slam straight in to an old ‘friend’, otherwise known as Justin Beiber.
“Hey Aliyah!” he grinned, a large smile plastering his pre-pubescent face.
Sighing Aliyah ran a hand through her tightly curled black hair before turning and started to say,
“look, Justin...” He interrupted her.
“It’s ok! We can get back together, Selena dumped me when she found out I have no genitals!”
Depite herself Aliyah snorted at this. He really was desperate.
“What I was going to say was ‘I’m hungry, go away or I punch you’ but I guess you’re just too stupid.” And with that, she socked him hard on the jaw. Justin fell back with one hand to his face, crying out. Aliyah smirked and turned away.
Why did I ever date that idiot? she wondered. It had been a very soft hit, but as she walked away Aliyah could hear a faint ‘ow, ow, ow’ as Justin poked his jaw experimentally.
~~~
10:07 am – The Pie Hut
~~~
“Hello m’dear, what can I get you?” A large, friendly face appeared next to Aliyah as she stared in wonder around the quaint old-time-y shop. The lady had a warm west-country accent and a name badge (Hi! My Name Is Mary) that seemed out of place in this little shop. It startled Aliyah out of the pie-induced coma she had fallen into upon entering. Sweet scents wafted from under a door in the far corner behind a wooden counter, an infusion of fruits, spices, shebert and meatier smells too.
The whole mix made Aliyah’s head whirl and mouth water and the short... um, vertically-challenged landlady had to ask once more before Aliyah actually focused on her.
“Oh, um...errr” She was stuck for choice. So many flavours! Aliyah scanned the menu in hasty confusion, not really reading any of the names until one caught her eye.
‘Cherry Suprise’ it was called, and whoever had written the menu had included a mouth watering description, too.
Sweet shortbread pastry encasing thick cut real cherries, home made cherry jam filling and topped with fresh whole cream.
A myriad of tastes to tantalise your tastebuds.
She had to have it.
Pointing mutely at the name, it was all Aliyah could do to keep from tapping her fingers impatiently on the polished tabletop as the lady nodded and smiled, slowly writing down the order and bustled off, the unignorable smell becoming momentarily stronger when the kitchen door opened and the owner disappeared inside.
~~~
Hours later it seemed – though in reality it had only been twenty minutes – Mary returned with an enourmous slice of steaming cherry pie on a delicate white plate.
Aliyah’s head snapped round and she blew out a breath in suprise. It was as big as her splayed hand! When Mary finally got to her table there was a strange twinkle in her eye and instead of staying to chat as she clearly wanted to, the shorter woman quickly moved away, cleaning the already spotless tables and attending to the very few other customers in the shop.
Aliyah shrugged at this behaviour and picked up the shiny stainless steel fork lying on the plate.
Poking the slice gently, testing how soft it was, Aliyah could have sworn it moved! She looked hard at the slice for a few seconds, noticing two dollops of crust near the thicker end that looked uncannily like eyes. This was compounded by a wonky dribble of crust further down, looking like a frowning mouth.
She dismissed the unthought thoughts as ridiculous and prepared to cut off the point with the edge of her fork. But just as it touched...
“WHAT do you think you’re doing?” an angry, startled voice cut through the low hum of conversation.
Aliyah stared at the pie slice in shock.
“A-Are you talking? To me?” she whispered, casting a nervous glance at the surrounding tables. No one seemed to have noticed though.
“No I’m talking to the other human that just stuck a fork into me. Dumbass.”
This was unreal. This was impossible. This could not be happening.
But it was.
Aliyah rubbed her eyes, blinking away stars to see the slice still staring up at her accusingly from the round table.
“So... what now? I’m hungry, you’re a slice of pie, I paid for you. Let me eat you!”
The pie swelled ever so slightly with rage.
“No! Humans have been eating Piekind since the dawn of time, but now it shall stop!” And with that the pie expanded upwards and outwards, crushing the table like matchsticks under it’s newly made pastry feet.
Aliyah’s chair fell backwards in the force of it’s bellow; “I WILL EAT YOU ALL!”
She scrambled backwards in shock, the screams of others dull in her ringing ears.
There was the sound of shattering glass and she turned to see the waitress, Mary, had smashed through the large front window of the shop, sending dangerous glittering shards everywhere.
“Quickly!” she cried, herding people out.
Aliyah pulled herself upright and staggered towards her, shouting over the punding in her head; “Hold on!” Aliyah reached the woman and grabbed her fleshy arm, forcing her to look up. “This is your doing, fix it!”
The woman cackled, a mad look in her eye. “No no, you unleashed it. Your problem now.” And she was gone.
Aliyah balled her hands into fists as she turned back, staring up at the deranged confectionary.
Nothing else for it. she sighed grimly to herself.
“Hey ugly! I’m gonna to eat yo mamma!” she called, and the monster reared its head.
Once she was sure it was fixed on her, Aliyah ran like hell out of the door.
Tell me what you think? :D Love ya lots like Jelly Tots
-Betsy xx
Reveiws are very much appreciated, if there's any way you want this to go/have a way to make it better, tell me!
Rates are rewarded with virtual cupcakes :3 Enjoy!
----------------------------
8:25 am – Aliyah’s Flat – Bedroom
~~~
Aliyah woke slowly, keeping her eyes closed as she stretched luxuriously. After stretching almost to breaking point she contracted again and opened her eyes, taking a deep breath. It was a Saturday with nothing to do all day but relax, and Aliyah wanted to take the opportunity to do just that. Aliyah closed her eyes again happily and had just turned on her side, ready to go back to sleep, when her stomach rumbled.
Glaring at the wall, Aliyah shifted position a little and tucked the covers up further under her chin. But just as she was about to drift off... RUMBLE RUMBLE!
Aliyah groaned. There was no way she could sleep now. Rolling out of bed, she paused to dump the duvet back over her shoulder before tottering towards the bathroom for a wake up in the form of a shower.
~~~
8:52 am – Aliyah’s Flat - Kitchen
~~~
Dressed in faded blue jeans and a fuzzy cream jumper that contrasted nicely with her light chocolate skin, Aliyah padded barefoot into her small kitchen, squinting at the sunlight reflecting into her eyes off of the shiny-topped island counter.
What to eat?
A quick search of the cupboards revealed nothing of great attraction, seeing as all the cereal had been eaten days ago and she hadn’t yet bought more.
Flopping down into the nearest chair, Aliyah glanced at the round pale wood clock (that had been a present from her grandmother) to see it was almost half past nine.
Then an idea struck her. Hadn’t a brand new pie shop opened down the road? She grabbed the leaflet, scanned it, and yes! Just around the corner too.
Her stomach grumbled irritably to itself and Aliyah wasted no more time pulling on a pair of slightly dirty white trainers and racing out of the apartment, only to slam straight in to an old ‘friend’, otherwise known as Justin Beiber.
“Hey Aliyah!” he grinned, a large smile plastering his pre-pubescent face.
Sighing Aliyah ran a hand through her tightly curled black hair before turning and started to say,
“look, Justin...” He interrupted her.
“It’s ok! We can get back together, Selena dumped me when she found out I have no genitals!”
Depite herself Aliyah snorted at this. He really was desperate.
“What I was going to say was ‘I’m hungry, go away or I punch you’ but I guess you’re just too stupid.” And with that, she socked him hard on the jaw. Justin fell back with one hand to his face, crying out. Aliyah smirked and turned away.
Why did I ever date that idiot? she wondered. It had been a very soft hit, but as she walked away Aliyah could hear a faint ‘ow, ow, ow’ as Justin poked his jaw experimentally.
~~~
10:07 am – The Pie Hut
~~~
“Hello m’dear, what can I get you?” A large, friendly face appeared next to Aliyah as she stared in wonder around the quaint old-time-y shop. The lady had a warm west-country accent and a name badge (Hi! My Name Is Mary) that seemed out of place in this little shop. It startled Aliyah out of the pie-induced coma she had fallen into upon entering. Sweet scents wafted from under a door in the far corner behind a wooden counter, an infusion of fruits, spices, shebert and meatier smells too.
The whole mix made Aliyah’s head whirl and mouth water and the short... um, vertically-challenged landlady had to ask once more before Aliyah actually focused on her.
“Oh, um...errr” She was stuck for choice. So many flavours! Aliyah scanned the menu in hasty confusion, not really reading any of the names until one caught her eye.
‘Cherry Suprise’ it was called, and whoever had written the menu had included a mouth watering description, too.
Sweet shortbread pastry encasing thick cut real cherries, home made cherry jam filling and topped with fresh whole cream.
A myriad of tastes to tantalise your tastebuds.
She had to have it.
Pointing mutely at the name, it was all Aliyah could do to keep from tapping her fingers impatiently on the polished tabletop as the lady nodded and smiled, slowly writing down the order and bustled off, the unignorable smell becoming momentarily stronger when the kitchen door opened and the owner disappeared inside.
~~~
Hours later it seemed – though in reality it had only been twenty minutes – Mary returned with an enourmous slice of steaming cherry pie on a delicate white plate.
Aliyah’s head snapped round and she blew out a breath in suprise. It was as big as her splayed hand! When Mary finally got to her table there was a strange twinkle in her eye and instead of staying to chat as she clearly wanted to, the shorter woman quickly moved away, cleaning the already spotless tables and attending to the very few other customers in the shop.
Aliyah shrugged at this behaviour and picked up the shiny stainless steel fork lying on the plate.
Poking the slice gently, testing how soft it was, Aliyah could have sworn it moved! She looked hard at the slice for a few seconds, noticing two dollops of crust near the thicker end that looked uncannily like eyes. This was compounded by a wonky dribble of crust further down, looking like a frowning mouth.
She dismissed the unthought thoughts as ridiculous and prepared to cut off the point with the edge of her fork. But just as it touched...
“WHAT do you think you’re doing?” an angry, startled voice cut through the low hum of conversation.
Aliyah stared at the pie slice in shock.
“A-Are you talking? To me?” she whispered, casting a nervous glance at the surrounding tables. No one seemed to have noticed though.
“No I’m talking to the other human that just stuck a fork into me. Dumbass.”
This was unreal. This was impossible. This could not be happening.
But it was.
Aliyah rubbed her eyes, blinking away stars to see the slice still staring up at her accusingly from the round table.
“So... what now? I’m hungry, you’re a slice of pie, I paid for you. Let me eat you!”
The pie swelled ever so slightly with rage.
“No! Humans have been eating Piekind since the dawn of time, but now it shall stop!” And with that the pie expanded upwards and outwards, crushing the table like matchsticks under it’s newly made pastry feet.
Aliyah’s chair fell backwards in the force of it’s bellow; “I WILL EAT YOU ALL!”
She scrambled backwards in shock, the screams of others dull in her ringing ears.
There was the sound of shattering glass and she turned to see the waitress, Mary, had smashed through the large front window of the shop, sending dangerous glittering shards everywhere.
“Quickly!” she cried, herding people out.
Aliyah pulled herself upright and staggered towards her, shouting over the punding in her head; “Hold on!” Aliyah reached the woman and grabbed her fleshy arm, forcing her to look up. “This is your doing, fix it!”
The woman cackled, a mad look in her eye. “No no, you unleashed it. Your problem now.” And she was gone.
Aliyah balled her hands into fists as she turned back, staring up at the deranged confectionary.
Nothing else for it. she sighed grimly to herself.
“Hey ugly! I’m gonna to eat yo mamma!” she called, and the monster reared its head.
Once she was sure it was fixed on her, Aliyah ran like hell out of the door.
Tell me what you think? :D Love ya lots like Jelly Tots
-Betsy xx
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