FicWad

Gerard, after a vigorous amount of pondering on the matter, had arrived to a conclusion that falling in love with someone was in many ways like drowning.

Okay, maybe putting it so simply sounded a little bit too grim. Phrasing it like that would paint a picture way too glum and dark, and he hadn't meant it to be. Honestly.
Falling in love was joyous and wonderful, absolutely fantastic. But he had to admit that the two events, one magnificent and the other more than just dreadful, shared a lot in common.

Similar characteristics. Similar chain of events. They happened to unfold in a way that were more than just a like. They were almost identical.

How did he know this? How was he of all people able to connect the dots between these entirely different yet so similar events? Almost anyone knew a thing or two about falling in love and about loving people in general.

But only a few possessed the knowledge of what it was like to come close to dying when all air escaped your lungs and left you wailing. Gerard was one of those who could compare both of these experiences, and only Gerard would come to a conclusion that something as sweet as falling in love could be even compared to the horrors of drowning. He had come close to drowning once, when he was younger and still lived in New Jersey.

That's how he knew. First hand experience and all.

But one could not write odes about drowning, when all the others sung about love and being alive.

Not even when in his book the two things translated quite similar. Okay he'd have to admit that his sense of humour was kind of on the dark side but still. He was tempted.

But the others would never understand even in the words of a song, no matter how beautifully put, the meaning would not reach them. Because they had not experienced both. It was to be expected.

It's the same when falling in love, really. At first you can't comprehend what's happening to you, you just can't wrap your mind around it properly.
You're not able to believe that it's really happening, to you of all people. You start to wonder why, and when did the events take a turn to this. And most importantly, could you have somehow prevented it from happening? Could you have done something differently? Was this your destiny?

And it's the same when you're under water, within those murky depths. You'll be asking all those same questions, not sure what will happen, will you survive it or not. In both cases, you are aware that what you choose to do will determine your future. Or the lack of one.

And then you start to fight it, flinging yourself to every direction possible, trying to get away from the firm grip of the rocks, or the growing love. It's the same. You try to fight it, maybe deny it too. This just can't be happening to you, no chance, no way.

You're not in pain yet; you've still got plenty of oxygen left. But slowly, you start to feel your lungs grow empty.

You try to overlook it, to forget the person you've started to feel for, and in the beginning it's not as painful as it will be in the end. You're not desperate yet. The longing for the other person's not overpowering you, yet.

But you start to loose control; you start to long, eventually.

It's just like when drowning, you aren't desperate for air right away and you can manage a little while without. But soon enough, you can't bear to
be empty lunged. The burn becomes unbearable. So in the end, you'll end up wanting someone as much as you wanted the air that keeps you alive.

Because you start to live for them. They become the thing that's keeping you alive.

You breathe for them, or maybe breathe them. They become like air to you. And you need it, bad. You can't survive without it, without this person.

It starts to hurt, it always does at some point. It might be when your lungs start to fill up with the cool water or when you realize that you'd give your life for that one person. There's always going to be pain.

You can't help but to care. Caring so much it hurts sometimes.

So, at some point your feelings do become too hard to handle. You'll lash out. Your cover starts to slip, your feelings begin to show.

Then, realizing that your leg is more than just stuck, that you just twisted it and probably pulled a muscle, you start to accept your fate. You realize that eventually fighting it won't make much difference; it will only cause you more pain. And plus, when there's no escape from what's going to happen, what's the point really?

You can't fight off love; sometimes you can't save yourself from it, or drowning for the matter. These things just happen. It's just how the world works.

At some point, you realize that this is it. That this is going to happen, that this is your fate. You can't fight it any longer so the only option is to accept it. It's really not that complicated, at some point you just do, you comply. You don't even feel as scared as you did at first, it's happening and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You greet death. You stop fighting it.

In both cases it feels inevitable.