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James Way sat backstage of the tribute concert to his dying father, Gerard Way. Gerard had been diagnosed with liver cancer a few short months ago, and everything spiralled out of control since then. Gerard’s brother Mikey started drinking again, his best friend Frank started cutting himself and James had resorted to drugs to get through the tough time. No one knew of James’ addiction as he kept it secret. His step-mother Lindsey was broken both mentally and emotionally and James needed to be strong for her and his little sister, Bandit. Everyone was worried for the health and safety of them and was completely oblivious to James’ problems. No one noticed James’ inability to do things. Most of the time, he could barely walk straight yet no one saw. Gerard’s news had hit James the hardest. Gerard was his hero, his saviour, his life. Without him, James felt like he couldn’t carry on. Brian called to James, letting him know he had five minutes left. In just five minutes time, James would be out on stage, in front of millions of sad and heartbroken fans, singing for his father. James reached into his pocket and pulled out a pill bottle. He put three pills into his mouth and swallowed them dry. His pills were his way out. His escape plan. He knew that someday they would kill him, and that was his plan. Keep taking them ‘til he ODed. At the rate he was taking them, he would be dead in a just a few weeks. He would join his dead mother and by then, his dead father.
James stood and shook his black hair out of his eyes. James looked almost like Gerard did in the Revenge era. Same long hair, same hazel eyes. On the base of his neck was a small tattoo of a bleeding heart. It had been a gift to him from Frank for his 17th birthday. Normally, James needed to wear glasses but tonight he was wearing contacts. He wanted to be able to see the audience. James met with Mikey before going on stage and the two shared a sombre moment before walking out, under the bright stage lights. Frank, Ray and Bob, who had come back for this one occasion, followed them out on stage and took their positions behind James. James swallowed thickly before grabbing the microphone.
“He- hey guys. I – we wanna thank you for coming tonight. You all know why you’re here and apologise but I can’t say the name of the band. It just makes me – uh – I can’t even say it – so yeah, you know who we are, this is us and here we go. One quick thing, if I stop singing tonight, I want you all to keep singing. Sing it for the world, sing it for your friends and most importantly, sing it for my dad. This song is called Helena,” James finished as the band started playing. James sang the lyrics with such determination and passion, the crowd began crying straight away. He tried not to cry but soon, his tears mixed with those of the band and the crowd. The song finished and the crowd screamed and cried, a mixture of yells and heart wrenching sobs making their way to James.
“Thank- you so much guys. You’re all fucking amazing. This next song is The Only Hope for Me Is You. Although it was written for my little sister, I’m singing now tonight for my dad, Gerard Motherfucking Way. Here we go!” James yelled into the microphone before bowing his head. The song started and the crowd sang along with James as he shouted at the top of his lungs to his father. The song ended and James walked over to Mikey and mumbled something. The next few songs (I’m Not Okay, The Ghost of You, Cemetery Drive, Demolition Lovers and Cancer) blurred together and next thing he knew, James was singing the end chorus to the Kids of Yesterday. Yet another song ended and James felt drained. He felt as though all of his energy had been sucked out of him. He wandered over to the drum kit where a bottle of water was waiting. James doused himself in water and took off the Party Poison jacket he’d been wearing for his father. Famous Last Words began playing and James sprinted back to the microphone. He sang the lyrics and stopped halfway through the song but the crowd never wavered. They sang each word, each lyric and hit every note and James was inspired by their determination. He grabbed the microphone and yelled the last few lines of the song and then spoke to the crowd.
“I know that song really didn’t fit in much but I just wanted you all to know that I am not afraid to keep on living or walk this world alone. I wanted him to know that. This next song is dedicated solely to my father. He loved this song and I hope that I can sing it the way he did. It’s called SING!!” James felt bad about lying openly like that. He knew he was terrified of a world without his father. Absolutely horrified. Sing began playing and James sang quietly. He knew that if he raised his voice, he would fail and he didn’t want to fail this song. The crowd sand along with James and he stopped halfway again, to hear the voices of the millions of people that Gerard and My Chemical Romance had touched. James and the other men were amazed at the power that the fan’s voices carried. The song ended and James stood there, stunned by the audience.
“Holy motherfucking shit. You are all fucking amazing! I have never seen so many people get into that song like that before! Wow… Uh – this next song has a real deep meaning to me. You see-“ James started singing the lyrics to Welcome to the Black Parade and Mikey joined him at centre stage. Although Mikey’s voice was rough and unrefined, he still sang with James. The two men sung every word together and by the end of the song, both were tears. James couldn’t stand anymore. He fell to his knees on stage and began to sob, every one racking his already shaking body. The members of the band stood around him, hugging and comforting him. James picked up the microphone that sat by his knee.
“Thank you so much. You were all absolutely fucking amazing and I couldn’t have been asked for a better concert. This is the end-“ James took a deep breath and swallowed. “Of My Chemical Romance…” The last word came out as nothing more than a whisper as he lost his voice, trying to be strong. The band handed their instruments over to the tech guys and helped James off stage. As soon as he was, James fell to the couch backstage and cried his eyes out. Mikey sat beside him and cried along, silently. James rested his head on Mikey’s shoulder and cried. Mikey stroked his nephew’s hair as they sobbed together. Minutes passed and soon they had both cried themselves dry. James got up and went to go to the bus when his world suddenly spun and he collapsed to the pavement, unconscious. Mikey and Frank ran to him while Ray called an ambulance and Bob tried to find something to use as a pillow and some water.
Five minutes later, James’ unconscious body was being loaded on a gurney into the back of the ambulance as the other men looked on in shock. The ambulance drove away, its sirens piercing the otherwise quiet night. Ray went back inside to gather their things so they could join Gerard and James at the hospital. As he picked up Gerard’s Party Poison jacket, a small bottle of pills fell out. Ray was shocked and scared at the thought of James doing drugs. Some pieces fell together and he realised that James might have ODed, considering that over half the pills were gone. When Ray walked back outside, he found Mikey on the phone with someone that could only be Lindsey while Frank and Bob stood talking away from Mikey. Ray went to them and showed them the pills.
“I found these in James’ jacket,” he explained. Bob’s eyes widened in shock and Frank cringed in pain, remembered the effects pills such as these had on Gerard.
“He’d taken these before he went on stage?” Frank asked as Mikey walked over.
“Who took what?” he asked.
“James took these,” Ray explained, holding up the little bottle. Mikey stood there, mouth open, speechless at the little known fact.
“Why?...” he whispered. Frank shook his head and looked away while Bob and Ray offered no answer. Tears pricked at each of their eyes as they all remembered what happened to Gerard when he was addicted.
“What did Lindsey want?” Ray asked, breaking the silence.
“I called her. I told her what happened. She’s gonna meet us at the hospital. We should go…” Mikey said, moving towards the parking lot where their bus waited. The others followed and they clambered onto the tour bus and drove off, heading towards the hospital where their friend and fellow band member and his son waited.
The ride to the hospital was quiet and sombre despite the occasional buzz of Ray’s iPhone as he was texting Brian, letting him know what was happening. As they pulled up to the hospital, reporters stood waiting, in hope of news of Gerard and James Way. As the band stepped off the bus, flashes of cameras echoed into the quiet night, slightly blinding them. Hundreds of questions assaulted the men as they pushed their way to the door. Mikey became fed up with their persistence and turned around and yelled: “piss the fuck off! You’ll get news when you deserve it, fuckers!” Many reporters recoiled in shock from Mikey’s words. Others nodded and left immediately while some stayed. Mikey longed to beat the shit out of them all but resisted the temptation. They finally made it inside where Lindsey and Bandit were waiting. Mikey hugged Lindsey before hugging his niece. Tears ran down his face as he told Lindsey of Ray’s discovery. A doctor came out, telling them that Gerard was asking for them. Mikey held Lindsey’s hand as they walked towards Gerard’s room. Frank pushed the door and Gerard’s face brightened when he saw them. Yet when he saw their faces, he began to worry. Gerard had lost his hair long ago, due to the treatment for the cancer, but it still shocked Bob to see Gerard without hair.
“Hey guys. What’s happened? Why is everyone so sad?” Gerard asked in a raspy voice. Mikey swallowed and opened his mouth to answer, but nothing happened. He couldn’t say it.
“It’s James. He collapsed backstage and was admitted here just before,” Frank answered for Mikey, putting his arm around the skinny man. Gerard’s eyes widened and he gasped, hand flying to his mouth.
“How?...” he whispered.
“He was taking pills Gee. He took some before we went on stage and collapsed afterwards.” Ray explained. Tears formed in Gerard’s eyes as he thought of James. He thought he taught James never to do that shit. After what happened to himself, Gerard tried to make sure that it didn’t happen to anyone else. A doctor came in and asked to speak to Gerard privately.
“I’m sorry sir, but we all deserve to know what’s happened,” Gerard said and the doctor nodded.
“James had a near-fatal amount of drugs in his system, but we got to him in time and he has survived, barely. He has had a severe reaction to the drugs and may not make it past a month. He’s in an induced coma right now and won’t be awake until next week at the earliest. It was the only way to prolong his life. I’m terribly sorry,” the doctor explained. The room was silent for a moment. The doctor went to leave but was stopped by Gerard.
“Wait! Can he be moved into this room with me?” he asked.
“I’ll see what I can do,” the doctor replied before leaving the room. Nobody spoke. No one dared to break the miserable silence. One question, however, was on all their minds. Why?
In the early hours of the next morning, Gerard’s sleep was interrupted by a few doctors bringing in James’ bed. They positioned him and hooked up all the machines needed to keep him alive. After they left, Gerard stayed awake, staring at his son. Although he was told not to, Gerard got up and sat beside James and grabbed his hand.
“James, I don’t know if you can hear me but I’ll say this anyway. I’m sorry. I know why you did it and I’m so fucking sorry. This is all my fault. Just please don’t be as weak as me. Don’t die just ‘cause you can’t take it. You’ve gotta take this in and become strong for Lindsey, B, Frank, Mikey and everyone else. They all rely on you. You’ve gotta be strong James. Stronger than me…” Gerard said to his unconscious son. Tears escaped his eyes as he slowly fell asleep, clutching James’ hand. Unseen to him, Mikey stood in the doorway, silently observing Gerard and James. He picked up Gerard and put him back in his bed before checking on Frank who was sleeping in a chair in the corner. Neither Frank nor Mikey had left the room since the doctor spoke to them. Mikey hadn’t slept at all so he went out to get some coffee when James had been taken into Gerard’s room. Silent tears escaped Mikey’s eyes as he watched the two Ways, both father and son alike; slowly die, in pain and suffering. One with hope of surviving, the other with no chance. Frank stirred and awoke and was surprised to see James in the room. Mikey handed him his coffee which Frank declined. A few hushed words explaining James’ arrival ensued between the two before Frank drifted off to sleep again leaving Mikey alone, staring at the wall between his brother’s and his nephew’s beds.
James remained unconscious throughout the next day and Gerard began losing hope. He had condemned his son to death, along with himself. Gerard’s condition became worse as he watched his son slowly die, never to wake again. Mikey and Frank watched as Gerard’s chance at life slowly diminished along with his hope for James.
Very early the next morning, a heartbeat slowed to stop. Doctors and nurses tried to save the dead man but they did not succeed. The others were notified and so the mourning process began. Plans had to be made for a funeral and his death had already taken its toll on the surrounding family and friends. A week later, the other Way was released from hospital and was taken home, where he mourned privately, painting pictures and singing songs of the friend he had lost. His own life meant nothing to him as he grieved for his fallen hero. Nothing would change the fact that he had been allowed to live while his companion had died. He blamed himself for everything.


Epilogue:
Days turned into weeks, weeks to months and soon, years had passed. A tall, thin figure with dark hair and hazel eyes stood over a tombstone, the bright moon creating a dark shadow of the rock. The person knelt down in front of the grave and cried. His tears fell to the earth and mixed with the dirt as he sobbed, heart wrenching sobs for his dead friend. Another figure, this one small and tattooed, placed an arm around the other man,
“Four years, Frankie,” the tall one said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“I know,” was all the shorter one, Frankie, said.
“I killed him Frankie! It was all my fault. I let him die!” the tall person’s voice carried through the night as he yelled the words.
“No you didn’t. You didn’t kill him,” Frank reasoned. The tall man shook his head and pounded his fists on the dirt.
“I could’ve saved him!” he repeated over and over.
“How? You were dying yourself. You could barely walk,” Frank said. The tall man looked at his friend briefly before turning back to the grave, having no reason to Frank.
“c’mon Gerard. You’ve gotta get home. Back to Linds, and B. They need you.” Frank said to his best friend. Gerard nodded and stood, laying a small bouquet of blood red roses of the grave. He kissed his fingers and put them to the stone before hugging Frank and walking away. Frank lingered a moment longer, reading the tombstone before joining Gerard in the long walk home.
The tombstone read:
James William Way,
A son, brother, friend and hero.
Lost but never forgotten.
1994 – 2011

Although James had died that night in the hospital, his spirit and memory had carried on in the lives of his friends and family. He was lost but sure as hell never forgotten.

FIN



Note:

Gerard never found out, but James had awoken that night. After Mikey had finally fallen asleep, James’ eyes fluttered open. He looked over and saw his father, looking even worse than what he was when James had seen him last. Guilt washed through him and he knew that if he survived, he would never live down the fact that he had helped in his father’s death. Struggling, James managed to push a button, signalling for a nurse to come to his room. The nurse appeared a short while later and was shocked to see James awake. She called for the doctor who came running, stunned that James had awoken despite being in a coma. James spoke to the doctor about using his liver to save his father. He knew that he was going to die and he thought this was his way of repaying his father. Without this, James and Gerard would both die, leaving the already depressed family. This way, only one would die, and James knew that it should be Gerard, because he had actually accomplished something in his life. He had an internationally famous band that had saved lives, he had a fantastic comic series that was being made into a movie, and he had a lovely wife and beautiful daughter that needed him. James knew that if one were to do, it should be himself. The fuck-up son of the magical Gerard Way. He knew that he was a failure. His grades had slipped beyond all hope of saving, his writing skills lost in the rush of Gerard’s cancer, hell, he couldn’t even remember how to play his bass anymore. James was a screw up in the eyes of society and he knew it.
The doctor agreed to use James’ liver as a replacement for Gerard’s cancerous one. They both had the same blood type which made him compatible. Gerard knew that he would need a transplant if the treatment didn’t work and it hadn’t. The only problem was, no one was compatible with his rare blood type. No one except James. Even Mikey wasn’t a match. The operation was set up with James on life support to keep him alive long enough to take his liver. The whole operation was complete before any of his family noticed him missing. They were all still asleep. James was taken back to his room where he said his final goodbyes to his father and uncles. He sent a mental goodbye to the rest of his family and friends before telling the doctor to turn off the life support. James Way died at 5.36am in the morning of August 27th 2011.
The next few days were hectic. Gerard had been notified of a liver transplant (not who it came from) and had the operation that saved his life. James’ funeral was held, the band in suits of black with red ties, just like the Revenge era. James was dressed the same, his black hair neatly brushed, his glasses placed upon his face, the small tattoo on the base of his neck only slightly hidden by the collar of his shirt. Frank had requested that it be shown, in honour of the time he and James got tattoos together for his 17th, much to Gerard and Lindsey’s disapproval. It had been a good bonding time for James and Frank as they sat trying not to laugh at Gerard’s reaction. James had loved that tattoo. Although he only had it for a few short months, he loved it. It was a little piece of Frank. One of the only people who understood him. Frank said a very heartfelt and meaningful speech and it had everyone in tears. Gerard didn’t speak. He stood over the casket and wept. He couldn’t talk. His throat was dry, his lips chapped, his eyes swollen and red and his soul shattered. He felt terrible. He had been allowed to live while his son had been the one who bit the bullet. He never forgave himself.


Every year on the anniversary of his death, Gerard would go to the grave yard and talk to James’ grave as though he was right there, sitting in front of him. He told him of what had happened to him over the past year. Every year, without fail, Gerard would sit and talk to James’ head stone for hours on end until Frank brought him back. Over the years, Gerard’s hair had grown back, having no longer needed to be on the treatment as he no longer had cancer. Although Gerard had missed his bright red hair, he left it black in honour of James.
Everybody had their own way of remembering him. Frank and Lindsey got tattoos, Ray, Bob and Mikey wrote a song together and Gerard had drawn. He drew from photographs. He drew from memory. He drew whatever came to mind. Usually it was something dark and depressing like a graveyard or the pill bottle that had un-ceremonially killed his son. Gerard swore to himself that he would never turn back to alcohol or drugs yet in his depression, he found himself wanting them more and more. Every day was a battle with himself not to go over to the fridge and take one the beers that were calling him. Frank noticed Gerard’s struggle and tried to help, only to be pushed away. No one could help the wreck that was Gerard Way. Once again, everyone was spiralling into a pit of destruction. Frank had stopped cutting but had now turned to alcohol, always going out for a drink with Mikey who was struggling with his own addiction to alcohol. The two would always leave drunk and would pass out soon after arriving home. Jamia and Alicia were deeply concerned for their husbands yet could do nothing as the men drank themselves into oblivion nearly every night. Ray and Bob were the only remotely stable ones in the band. They didn’t do anything against themselves. They mourned in their own way, choosing to put their misery into meaningful things such as songs or guitar and drum pieces.
After about 4 years of misery and depression, things started to look up. Frank had been taken to hospital after drinking too much one night and it had been a real wake up call for him. After he’d been released, he never touched a bottle again. He and Jamia went on a 3 week long trip to escape the misery. The trip had been fantastic for them to rekindle their love. They had a well-deserved break from everything and it had been productive.
A few years into the New Year, Ray and Christa were thrilled to announce that they were expecting their first child. Everyone was happy for them and they were thrown a party to celebrate the good news. Little Daniel Alexander Toro was introduced into the world some months later. He had brown hair and chocolate brown eyes and looked almost exactly like Ray only minus the hair and a few years. Life was good for Ray and Christa.
A similar thing that happened to Frank also happened to Mikey. After coming home from the local bar one night, Mikey found a very pissed off Alicia. She was sick and tired if Mikey’s drinking and it was really hurting her. They fought like cats and dogs with Alicia screaming at Mikey that she was going to leave him if he didn’t stop drinking. Mikey was absolutely stunned and immediately stopped. He threw out any and every bottle of alcohol in the house and practically begged Alicia not to leave. Once she saw what he’d done, she’d changed her decision. A short while later, the couple decided to adopt a young Filipino girl as they Alicia was infertile. Alexia Marie Way joined the family and she was loved by everyone.

Bob, who was the only single man in My Chemical Romance, finally found a girl. Sophia was the drummer of a small town Chicago band. They met at a gig of her band and after the whole night of staring at her, he finally got the courage to ask her out. On their first date, Bob took her to a nice Italian restaurant near the bar they had met at. After some very intimate discussions, Bob and Sophia found they had a lot in common and became quick friends, which then lead to romance. Sophia and Bob got married in late July, having a real ‘Christmas in July’ themed wedding. Naturally, My Chemical Romance played there as the band and after a beautiful wedding and a rather hilarious reception, Bob and Sophia set off for Paris on their honeymoon. A picture of the happy couple standing beneath the Eiffel Tower sat on the mantel piece of their 3 bedroom home in Chicago.
After many years of hopelessness and despair, things finally got better for Gerard. When he was drawing one day, he drew something good. Normally he drew gothic and dark things as that were what were on his mind at the time. Yet, this time, he drew a scene of 4 people in a meadow. Two children and two adults who looked as happy as can be. Gerard was confused as to what it meant. The man and women looked like him and Lindsey with one of the children looking like Bandit. He immediately thought the other child was James but the boy was too young to be him. James was considerably older than Bandit yet this boy looked younger than her. As he went to show Lindsey his artwork, she interrupted him saying that she was pregnant. Gerard’s image now made perfect sense. He picked up Lindsey and spun her around, extremely happy. Things turned great for Gerard and Lindsey. At the news of his wife’s pregnancy, Gerard cleaned up. He came out of his depression and started taking responsibility for his actions. 5 year old Bandit was ecstatic at the thought of having a baby brother or sister, although Gerard was sure that it would be a boy because of his drawing. Gerard was happy for the first time in years.
By the end of the 4th year since James’ death, My Chemical Romance were back. The band had released a new album, dedicated to their kids and most definitely James who would have been 21 at the time. Bob re-joined the band and officially became their drummer again, despite what his doctor said. It was a new year and the Boys were hyped and ready for a new tour for their latest album.
Everything was good and happy. It took a while to get there but they did in the end and everything was good. And little did they know, James was watching over them from his little place in heaven. He had helped them through the tough time and everything he had planned, happened perfectly. Life was great for My Chemical Romance and Co.