FicWad

I looked up from where Id let my hand dance gracefully around on the smudged page. I drew nothing. Nothing that my mind can comprehend. Strange lines everywhere, going nowhere. Just like my life.
My eyes lingered outside. I forced my eyes to look at anything else, just not his house. I wanted my eyes to look at the bird in the tree or the leaves in the street. I couldnt. My eyes swiftly gazed at the house that my heart belonged to. I suddenly got up, tears welling in my eyes. My soul yearning for him, calling out to Gerard. I needed him. I hid all my pain and hurt under all the colours and lace. I covered the hatred for myself under all these layers. I wanted him to see me in this beautiful state. To see me, not past my mask. Just me in the spur of the moment.

I ran. Ran out of my room and down the stairs. Out past the wooden door I had for so long appointed my captor. I wanted to live. To be free. Ive never ran to someone, always running from something. Something that always wanted me on the run.
My hair swayed with the wind and my tears making the world around me blurry. I didnt care. I wanted to be with him. My chest tightened as I climbed the stairs knowing that the lead straight to Gerard. I wanted to spend my every breath with him, knowing Im running out.
I didnt bother knocking, I burst through the door and continued running down the lonley stairs to his isolated room. He had to be in his room. Had to be waiting for me.
His room was dark and I couldnt see anything but something else will lead me to him in the darkness. The light that lingered around his soul. But it wasnt burning today. Silence flowed through the drkness.My ears sharp. Nothing.
My chest stung as I turned on the light.

Right at that very moment I killed of whatever remains I had of my soul, killed of my mending heart. Murdered any shreads of hope I had. I broke apart for the millionth time. Violent sobs rocked my body as I slowly let go of my life that I had dearly clasped in my hand, like a little kid holding a bunch of balloons on a windy day. I wasnt wrong, Gerard was here.
He was here. Sitting on the floor, his head slumped back. Eyes closed. Those hazel eyes that would stare at me, giving me strength. Closed. Anyone who saw him now would say he was sleeping. Sleeping peacefully. But truth be told he wasnt.
His wrists dangled in front of him. His hands that held me, comforted me. Streaming the red liquid as if its one powerful waterfall. Mistaken for the rain that waters the earth and feeds its inhabitants, keeping them alive.
Gerard was cold and lifeless. His soul dancing mournfully on the edges. Hes dead. Gone. I let myself fall to my knees, not caring that it hurt because nothing couldve prepared me for this.

I stopped my tears escaping and stared at his beautiful face.
I didnt scream. I didnt try to shake life back into him. I didnt even pray and ask for him to come back. Ive watched enough movies to know that it wont do any help. I just stared. Just yesterday we were together, and the day before we were holding hands and running through the rain. What changed? He said that he will be here for me. He even promised. But I wasnt upset that he broke his promise. I was upset that he didnt see me in my beautiful state. Didnt even get a glimpse of my elgant dress. He didnt even see me one last time. I came to tell him how much I needed him. To tell him that for once I felt truly beautiful. Instead he left me to shatter.

Its funny how Im the one thats supposed to be long gone. The one whose meant to suffer silently and hurt and cry. Im the one whos destined for a short life. Not Gerard. Me. He was to tell me everythings okay and sing to me. Kiss me all over and tell me I have lots to live for when I really dont. Gerard was the only one that had courage to put me back together, knowing that Ill break again.
He saved me but didnt save himself. I owed him my life, knowing him, he would want me to live it.
I crawled up to him. Placed a kiss on his cold lips one last time. The same lips that held all the warmth in the world. I promised him that I will carry on living though Im dead.


*dear readers, this chapter was very hard for me to write. I wanted to capture real emotions but I simply couldnt. So I settled on what the mind wants, not the heart. I didnt want to kill of Gerard but the story needed to come to an end as time does not allow me to work on it any longer.
One last chapter will be up soon as an ending to ' The Motions of Life '
Please rate and review and leave me with any thoughts or feedback you might have. Thankyou to those that have stuck with this story*