Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > The Ghost of Brendon's Past
(10) I Love You Like Never Before
3 reviewsHis hand, still twitching, lifted, reaching out towards me.
1Moving
Chapter Ten – I Love You Like Never Before
Ryan’s body twitched and convulsed. His face was turning red, and he was looking at me, disbelief clear on his face, even now.
I was frozen, watching in horror. His hand, still twitching, lifted, reaching out towards me.
I ran towards him, wrapping my arms around his thighs, lifting him, so he could breathe.
He coughed and gasped, his hands twisting into my shirt on the shoulders. He was still twitching, breathing deeply.
“Brendon?” He whispered, one of his hands releasing my shirt and coming up to graze my cheek. “Is it really you?”
“It’s me, baby.” I whispered, blinking tears out of my eyes, and looking up at him, unable to keep from smiling.
“Why are you here?” He asked, disbelief still painted across his face.
“I love you.” I whispered. “I love you so much, Ryan.”
“I love you too.” He whispered back, tears welling in his huge honey eyes.
“Untie the rope.” I breathed.
He raised his hands, and fumbled with the rope. Finally, it swung free, and I lowered his feet to the ground. We stared at each other for a moment, then he threw his arms around me.
I stumbled back, holding him to me as tightly as I could. He started crying, clinging to me like a lifeline.
“Ryan,” I whispered, nudging him slightly, so I could see his face, “Baby, let me see your arms.”
His face fell, and he raised his arms. They were as they had been before, when Hannah had brought me here.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?” I asked softly, lifting his chin.
“No.” He whispered. “They aren’t that deep, I’ll be fine.”
He leaned forward to kiss me, but I stopped him.
“Wait,” I said, and he pulled back, looking confused. “Let me get you cleaned up first, okay?”
“Okay.” He whispered.
I led him to the bathroom, and he sat down on the closed toilet lid. I searched his medicine cabinet, and found peroxide and a roll of bandages.
“Come here, sugar.” I said, and he stood up, standing next to me.
I gently gripped his hand, and held his arm out over the sink, cupping my other hand under the faucet, so I could pour the water over the cuts. He hissed in pain, closing his eyes, and nuzzling his face into my shoulder.
“It’s okay, sweetie.” I whispered, kissing the top of his head.
He held his body against mine, but not wrapping his other arm around me. So he wouldn’t get blood on my shirt, I assumed.
“I love you so much.” Ryan whispered, kissing my neck. “Thank you. For coming here, I mean.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.” I smiled.
I splashed peroxide over his arm, and he groaned softly.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“That shit burns.” He whispered.
“I know.” I whispered back.
I waited until the fizzing stopped, then carefully wrapped his arm with the bandage, from his wrist to his elbow.
“Give me your other arm.” I said, turning towards him.
“No.” He whispered. He kept his un-bandaged arm at his side, but hugged me with the other.
“Why?” I asked, surprised.
“I like it.” He whispered.
I pulled away from him and gently took his wrist in my hand. I looked down at my name, cut into his skin.
“I don’t want it to get infected, Sweetheart.” I murmured, lifting his chin so I could see his face. “Let me take care of you.” I whispered, even quieter.
He leaned forward, and kissed me. I moaned softly into his mouth, setting my free hand on his waist.
“Not yet.” I whispered, pulling my mouth away from his. “Let me wrap this up first, okay?”
He sighed, and nodded, holding his arm over the sink. I repeated the process from before, and finally wrapped his arm. I kissed his wrist softly, then pulled him into my arms.
Ryan kissed my neck and shoulders, everywhere he could reach.
“I love you.” Ryan whispered, holding himself even tighter to me. “I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me again, Brendon.”
“I won’t. Sugar, I love you way too much to be apart from you again.” I whispered, tilting his head so I could kiss him.
He melted into me, and I felt him trembling. I guided him out of the bathroom, to his bedroom. I lifted him from behind his knees, and fell backwards onto the bed, with Ryan on top of me. Ryan giggled, and pressed his mouth back to mine. I gripped his hips tightly, and lifted mine up as I pulled his down. He moaned softly, tightening his hands on my shoulders.
“I’ve missed you so much.” Ryan whispered. “I need to be closer to you. Now.”
I pulled at his shirt, throwing it to the floor. I grazed my fingertips over his stomach, and he shivered, raising goose bumps on his skin. Ryan’s hands slipped under my tee-shirt and pushed up my stomach, the shirt bunching over his hands. He pulled it off of me completely, and ducked his head to place wet kisses along my collarbones.
I sighed softly, my eyes slipping closed. I tilted my chin up, giving him more access as his mouth moved to the hollow at the base of my throat. I moaned softly, gripping his waist.
He sucked at my jugular vein as his hands moved to the button of my jeans. I lifted my hips into him as he fumbled with the button, then slipped his hand under the elastic of my boxers. He grazed his palm over the tip of my erection, the let his hand rest of my hip, his thumb rubbing circles on my skin.
“Ryan,” I whispered, half annoyed, gazing up at him. He stared down at me, his eyes filled with love.
“Do you want it?” Ryan breathed, his eyes searching my face, looking genuinely uncertain.
“Baby, of course.” I whispered back, moving my hand up to cradle his face. “I love you so much. I want to be close to you.”
Ryan leaned down again, gently capturing my lips with his again.
“Watch me fuck this up…” Ryan chuckled softly.
“What?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“That would be just like me.” Ryan muttered, with a kind of resigned apathy.
“Baby, what-?”
“You can’t deny it.” Ryan smirked. “You know fucking shit up is what I’m best at.”
“Why are you saying this, Ry?” I asked, cupping one hand around his cheek.
“I love you so much.” Ryan whispered, moving one hand up to cradle my cheek, mirroring my position with him. “I just don’t want you to be surprised when I fuck up. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“You won’t.” I raised my other hand to his cheek as well, stroking my thumbs across his cheekbones. “You’ve never disappointed me.”
“That’s bullshit, but it’s sweet of you to say.” He smiled genuinely again, the sadness temporarily leaving his eyes.
“You’re not going to enjoy this very much, are you?” I asked, gazing up at him.
He bit his lip, then squeezed his eyes shut. His shoulders shook, and he lowered himself onto me, letting his body rest flush against mine. I wrapped my arms automatically around his shoulders, and his wrapped around my neck.
“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, squeezing me tighter.
“Shh, shh,” I soothed him, rubbing his back.
“I’m such a fucking idiot! This whole thing is my fault! I don’t fucking deserve you, Bren. I deserve to be dead!”
“Hey!” I said harshly, jerking his head out of my shoulder, so I could see his face. “Don’t you ever, ever say that again!” I said, sounding harsh, but fighting back tears. “You deserve better than me. I was wrong when I ended things. I know that now.”
His eyes were filled with tears.
“See?” He whispered after a moment. He blinked, and the tears escaped his eyes, rolling down his face. “I fucked this up.”
A/N: I promise there'll be sex in the next chapter. Please rate and review!
xxAnna
Ryan’s body twitched and convulsed. His face was turning red, and he was looking at me, disbelief clear on his face, even now.
I was frozen, watching in horror. His hand, still twitching, lifted, reaching out towards me.
I ran towards him, wrapping my arms around his thighs, lifting him, so he could breathe.
He coughed and gasped, his hands twisting into my shirt on the shoulders. He was still twitching, breathing deeply.
“Brendon?” He whispered, one of his hands releasing my shirt and coming up to graze my cheek. “Is it really you?”
“It’s me, baby.” I whispered, blinking tears out of my eyes, and looking up at him, unable to keep from smiling.
“Why are you here?” He asked, disbelief still painted across his face.
“I love you.” I whispered. “I love you so much, Ryan.”
“I love you too.” He whispered back, tears welling in his huge honey eyes.
“Untie the rope.” I breathed.
He raised his hands, and fumbled with the rope. Finally, it swung free, and I lowered his feet to the ground. We stared at each other for a moment, then he threw his arms around me.
I stumbled back, holding him to me as tightly as I could. He started crying, clinging to me like a lifeline.
“Ryan,” I whispered, nudging him slightly, so I could see his face, “Baby, let me see your arms.”
His face fell, and he raised his arms. They were as they had been before, when Hannah had brought me here.
“Do you need to go to the hospital?” I asked softly, lifting his chin.
“No.” He whispered. “They aren’t that deep, I’ll be fine.”
He leaned forward to kiss me, but I stopped him.
“Wait,” I said, and he pulled back, looking confused. “Let me get you cleaned up first, okay?”
“Okay.” He whispered.
I led him to the bathroom, and he sat down on the closed toilet lid. I searched his medicine cabinet, and found peroxide and a roll of bandages.
“Come here, sugar.” I said, and he stood up, standing next to me.
I gently gripped his hand, and held his arm out over the sink, cupping my other hand under the faucet, so I could pour the water over the cuts. He hissed in pain, closing his eyes, and nuzzling his face into my shoulder.
“It’s okay, sweetie.” I whispered, kissing the top of his head.
He held his body against mine, but not wrapping his other arm around me. So he wouldn’t get blood on my shirt, I assumed.
“I love you so much.” Ryan whispered, kissing my neck. “Thank you. For coming here, I mean.”
“I love you too, sweetheart.” I smiled.
I splashed peroxide over his arm, and he groaned softly.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“That shit burns.” He whispered.
“I know.” I whispered back.
I waited until the fizzing stopped, then carefully wrapped his arm with the bandage, from his wrist to his elbow.
“Give me your other arm.” I said, turning towards him.
“No.” He whispered. He kept his un-bandaged arm at his side, but hugged me with the other.
“Why?” I asked, surprised.
“I like it.” He whispered.
I pulled away from him and gently took his wrist in my hand. I looked down at my name, cut into his skin.
“I don’t want it to get infected, Sweetheart.” I murmured, lifting his chin so I could see his face. “Let me take care of you.” I whispered, even quieter.
He leaned forward, and kissed me. I moaned softly into his mouth, setting my free hand on his waist.
“Not yet.” I whispered, pulling my mouth away from his. “Let me wrap this up first, okay?”
He sighed, and nodded, holding his arm over the sink. I repeated the process from before, and finally wrapped his arm. I kissed his wrist softly, then pulled him into my arms.
Ryan kissed my neck and shoulders, everywhere he could reach.
“I love you.” Ryan whispered, holding himself even tighter to me. “I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me again, Brendon.”
“I won’t. Sugar, I love you way too much to be apart from you again.” I whispered, tilting his head so I could kiss him.
He melted into me, and I felt him trembling. I guided him out of the bathroom, to his bedroom. I lifted him from behind his knees, and fell backwards onto the bed, with Ryan on top of me. Ryan giggled, and pressed his mouth back to mine. I gripped his hips tightly, and lifted mine up as I pulled his down. He moaned softly, tightening his hands on my shoulders.
“I’ve missed you so much.” Ryan whispered. “I need to be closer to you. Now.”
I pulled at his shirt, throwing it to the floor. I grazed my fingertips over his stomach, and he shivered, raising goose bumps on his skin. Ryan’s hands slipped under my tee-shirt and pushed up my stomach, the shirt bunching over his hands. He pulled it off of me completely, and ducked his head to place wet kisses along my collarbones.
I sighed softly, my eyes slipping closed. I tilted my chin up, giving him more access as his mouth moved to the hollow at the base of my throat. I moaned softly, gripping his waist.
He sucked at my jugular vein as his hands moved to the button of my jeans. I lifted my hips into him as he fumbled with the button, then slipped his hand under the elastic of my boxers. He grazed his palm over the tip of my erection, the let his hand rest of my hip, his thumb rubbing circles on my skin.
“Ryan,” I whispered, half annoyed, gazing up at him. He stared down at me, his eyes filled with love.
“Do you want it?” Ryan breathed, his eyes searching my face, looking genuinely uncertain.
“Baby, of course.” I whispered back, moving my hand up to cradle his face. “I love you so much. I want to be close to you.”
Ryan leaned down again, gently capturing my lips with his again.
“Watch me fuck this up…” Ryan chuckled softly.
“What?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“That would be just like me.” Ryan muttered, with a kind of resigned apathy.
“Baby, what-?”
“You can’t deny it.” Ryan smirked. “You know fucking shit up is what I’m best at.”
“Why are you saying this, Ry?” I asked, cupping one hand around his cheek.
“I love you so much.” Ryan whispered, moving one hand up to cradle my cheek, mirroring my position with him. “I just don’t want you to be surprised when I fuck up. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“You won’t.” I raised my other hand to his cheek as well, stroking my thumbs across his cheekbones. “You’ve never disappointed me.”
“That’s bullshit, but it’s sweet of you to say.” He smiled genuinely again, the sadness temporarily leaving his eyes.
“You’re not going to enjoy this very much, are you?” I asked, gazing up at him.
He bit his lip, then squeezed his eyes shut. His shoulders shook, and he lowered himself onto me, letting his body rest flush against mine. I wrapped my arms automatically around his shoulders, and his wrapped around my neck.
“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, squeezing me tighter.
“Shh, shh,” I soothed him, rubbing his back.
“I’m such a fucking idiot! This whole thing is my fault! I don’t fucking deserve you, Bren. I deserve to be dead!”
“Hey!” I said harshly, jerking his head out of my shoulder, so I could see his face. “Don’t you ever, ever say that again!” I said, sounding harsh, but fighting back tears. “You deserve better than me. I was wrong when I ended things. I know that now.”
His eyes were filled with tears.
“See?” He whispered after a moment. He blinked, and the tears escaped his eyes, rolling down his face. “I fucked this up.”
A/N: I promise there'll be sex in the next chapter. Please rate and review!
xxAnna
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