FicWad

A Hard Decision

Mine is an unchanging love,
Higher than the heights above,
Deeper than the depths beneath,
Free and faithful, strong as death
- William Cowper, "Lovest Thou Me?" Olney Hymns



Axel quickly swung around as the door knob turned. Roxas stepped in, his hood over his face and hands burried in his cloak's pockets.

"Roxas, you're ok," Axel said happily but his smile quickly turned to a worried frown. "Roxas? Is something wrong?"

Roxas did not reply yet he flung his arms around the red-head, sobbing softly. Axel stared at him in surprise for a moment before hugging him back, his green eyes saddening. "What did Xemnus do to you?" he demanded. If Xemnus had hurt him, Axel swore to himself that he would kill the Organization leader.

"No," Roxas sobbed, his voice sounding muffled under his hood. "But...Xemnus told me...who I really am..." He sighed before going over everything that Xemnus had told him. "And now," he continued, "I don't know what to do. Wether or should run away or stay here."

Axel's eyes widened and he stepped back, a worried look on his face. "What? No! You can't leave!"

"But, Axel, if I-...I don't think I belong here," the blonde answered. "And now I...I feel like I want to meet my real self. Sora...I think...somehow I know...that that's my destiny."

Axel shook his head. "Aw, c'mon, Roxas-kun. You're kidding, right?" he pleaded.

"I...I'm not so sure," Roxas said simply.

"But, you can't just...just leave. I thought...I thought you wanted to stay here...with me..." his voice trailed off as he looked away. Everything was going wrong now. Why? Why couldn't he and Roxas become whole beings? Why did he have to leave? If Roxas left, he wouldn't feel the need to get a real heart anymore. Afterall, Roxas was the one that made him feel like he had one already even though they were nobodies.

"Axel..." Roxas said after the reds-head had been silent for a long time. "Axel?"

"But you're the only one that makes me feel whole," Axel said, turning to look at him. "I...would be completely lost without you," he admitted.

"You make me feel the same way," Roxas said, smiling beneath his cloak's hood.

Axel pushed back his hood so he could see his grin. "Why were you wearing your hood like that?" he asked.

"I didn't want you to see me crying," Roxas said, blushing a little. "Nobodies...nobodies don't cry."

Axel smiled. "It's ok to cry," he replied, pulling Roxas closer to him.

"Axel-san, what are you-" Before Roxas could finish, he felt Axel's lips press against his own. Roxas quickly blushed and his eyes widened. Was this the feeling...love?

Axel then stepped away from Roxas, releasing him. When he saw the shocked look on his face, his eyes clouded over in sorrow. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's just...well, I. I think-" He turned away, sighing. "Nevermind."

"I love you too, Axel," Roxas said, smiling, his eyes starting to water again.

Axel turned around, tears in his eyes as well. "Roxas... So...will you stay with me? To me, it would never be the same here without you."

Roxas was quiet for what seemed like several moments before he answered, "Axel, I'm so sorry but...I'm still not sure wether I should stay or not..."

"Well, whatever you decide...I'll...I'll understand," Axel said. "This is your choice. I can't make it for you...although I wish I could. Heh. Then I'd have you stay here. But...it's your decision."

Roxas nodded gravely, blue eyes softening. Looking up at the older boy, he smiled and said softly, "But...I will stay here tonight with you for sure. Then I can have some more time to think about what I should do."

"Ok," Axel said. "Remember, if you have a dream, don't wait. Act. ...Do you..." he went on sadly, "do you have that memorized?"

Roxas nodded, trying to smile. He then turned away, taking off his cloak and gloves so that he remained in his black shirt and pants. Why did everything here have to be so dark, he wondered. He then got into bed, resting his head on the pillow.

He stiffened when he felt an arm wrap around his side, realizing Axel was next to him. Blushing, he muttered a "Good night" to the older boy.

"Night," Axel said, closing his eyes. He caressed the side of Roxas's face that night until he fell asleep beside him but nothing more for he had a feeling he would have to let him go the next day.


The next morning, Roxas awoke and turned to see if Axel was still next to him but the red-head was not there. Roxas blinked in confusion, wondering where he had gone. He then threw on his cloak and gloves, walking out into the hall and making his way toward the exit of the castle. Once outside, he began to make his way down the dark street streets.

"Your mind's made up?" came a voice.

Roxas turned to see Axel leaning against the wall.

"Why did the keyblade choose me? ...I have to know," Roxas answered.

Axel couldn't help it. Almost forgetting about what he had said the other day about understanding Roxas's choice, he yelled, "You can't turn your back on the Organization!" Then in a more worried tone, he added, "You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you."

Roxas looked back at him and replied sadly, "No one would miss me."

"That's not true!" Axel said and watched as Roxas began to walk away. But he did not run after him for he knew he had chosen and there was nothing he could do to stop him from leaving now. "I would..." he continued once Roxas was out of hearing range.

A clash of thunder sounded and the clouds above the strange world darkened as rain once again began to fall. But Axel just stood there even though he didn't much like water. He didn't move an inch for it seemed as though the sky was sharing his sadness; sharing his tears of sorrow. Finally he turned away, starting to walk back toward the wretched castle. There was no where else he could go. And now that Roxas was gone, there was no one he could really talk to.

Walking into his room, he looked over at Roxas's bed where the boy's book now lay discarded and not completed. Axel sighed and felt an awful new feeling- loneliness.