Categories > Books > Harry Potter > My Immortal: The Great MSTing
WARNING: This chapter contains one of the most poorly written sex scenes in literary history. Read at your own risk.
Norah: Alright, sex scene, here we come!
Jon: You're very excited about that, aren't you?
Norah: Yeah. You have no idea how bad it is.
Will: How do you even know that there's a sex scene at all? Did you go online and read ahead?
Norah: Yes, but only to chapter four.
Will: (sighs.)
Chapter Four
Author's Note:
Alison: (being sarcastic) Oh, goody! Another author's note.
I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY
Harper: Look you guys, she changed her name!
nut mary su ok!
Will: I don't think Tara understands what a Mary Sue is.
Norah: I don't think Tara understands what anything is.
DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
"DRACO!" I shouted "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.
Alison: How exactly does one walk out of a flying car?
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.
"Ebony?" he asked
Jon: What gives? I thought her name was Enoby.
Harper: She must have changed it back.
Jon: Bummer. I liked Enoby better.
"What?" I snapped. Draco leaned in extra close and I looked into his gothic red eyes
Harper: Red eyes? That's a cause for concern.
(he was wearing color contacts)
Harper: Oh. That explains a lot.
which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.
Will: Because evil and sorrow is just so romantic!
And then...
Norah: Draco took out a gun and shot me to death, causing Norah Green to burst into tears of joy!
suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.
Alison: Ooh, it's getting steamy!
He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra.
Harper: You go, girl!
Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what
Will: He put his straw into my juice box.
Alison: He hammered his nail into my wall.
Norah: He basted me like a Thanksgiving turkey.
"Oh! Oh! Oh!" I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm.
Jon: She was probably just faking.
Harper: Is anyone else concerned about the fact that they're not using protection?
Norah: Doubt it. It would only add to the stupidity of the story if she got an STD or had a baby.
We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body got all warm.
Jon: (singing) I don't want to know... I don't want to know... I don't want to know!
And then...
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!
Will: That was the best line of the story, hands down.
It was... Dumbledore!
Harper: Cliffhanger!
Norah: I love how Dumbledore is acting like Samuel L. Jackson in this. He's all like "I'M TIRED OF THESE MUTHAFUCKIN' STUDENTS IN THIS MUTHAFUCKIN' FOREST!"
Alison: It would have been so much cooler if that was actually what he said.
Norah: I know, right?
Jon: Should we do another chapter? This one was kind of short.
Harper: Yeah.
Chapter Five
Author's Note: STOP flaming!
All: No!
if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reason Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache
Jon: Anyone know what a hedache is?
Will: No, and I really don't care.
ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! (Rev-woz would be my guess on how to pronounce that.)
Harper: You know, I don't even really know how to react to these author's notes anymore.
Will: Is it just me, or does revoiws sound French?
Alison: Kind of.
Dumbledore made Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. "You ludacris fools!" he shouted.
Norah:(as Mr. T) I pity the ludacris fools!
I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.
Jon: That's a medical concern. Quick, someone call Dr.House!
Alison: House is a total BAMF.
Jon: Amen, sister!
Norah: While it is true that House is a BAMF, you guys are getting off topic.
Jon: Sorry.
Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.
Will: How could they be angry if they didn't know what happened?
"They were having sexual intercourse
Harper: Well, duh. What other kind of intercourse would they be having?
in the forbidden forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.
"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?
Norah: That was a mediocre insult.
asked Professor McGonagall. "How dare you?" demanded Snape. And then Draco shrieked.
Will: (as Draco, shrieking) Oh my God, there's a spider in here! Kill it! Kill it!
BECAUSE I LOVE HER!
Jon: Dude, you went on one date with the chick and decide that you love her? What are you, crazy?
Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.
Alison: That's odd. Snape seems like he'd be the least forgiving of the three, but then again, everyone is so out of character that it's hard to tell.
Draco and I went upstairs to our rooms while the teachers glared at us. "Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. "Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor length dress with red lace all around it and high heels.
Will: That's a pretty conservative outfit for her.
When I came out...
Norah: My parents told me to "pray the gay away."
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing "I Just Wanna Live" by Good Charlotte
Alison: That's a very ironic title for an Emo song.
I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.
Harper: At first, I just questioned if there was a meaning to this story. Now, it's made me question is there's a meaning to anything.
Author's Note: Yes, I did take that last line from Mystery Science Theater 3000. I think the movie that they did was called Spider Island or something.
Norah: Alright, sex scene, here we come!
Jon: You're very excited about that, aren't you?
Norah: Yeah. You have no idea how bad it is.
Will: How do you even know that there's a sex scene at all? Did you go online and read ahead?
Norah: Yes, but only to chapter four.
Will: (sighs.)
Chapter Four
Author's Note:
Alison: (being sarcastic) Oh, goody! Another author's note.
I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY
Harper: Look you guys, she changed her name!
nut mary su ok!
Will: I don't think Tara understands what a Mary Sue is.
Norah: I don't think Tara understands what anything is.
DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!
"DRACO!" I shouted "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.
Alison: How exactly does one walk out of a flying car?
"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.
"Ebony?" he asked
Jon: What gives? I thought her name was Enoby.
Harper: She must have changed it back.
Jon: Bummer. I liked Enoby better.
"What?" I snapped. Draco leaned in extra close and I looked into his gothic red eyes
Harper: Red eyes? That's a cause for concern.
(he was wearing color contacts)
Harper: Oh. That explains a lot.
which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.
Will: Because evil and sorrow is just so romantic!
And then...
Norah: Draco took out a gun and shot me to death, causing Norah Green to burst into tears of joy!
suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.
Alison: Ooh, it's getting steamy!
He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra.
Harper: You go, girl!
Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what
Will: He put his straw into my juice box.
Alison: He hammered his nail into my wall.
Norah: He basted me like a Thanksgiving turkey.
"Oh! Oh! Oh!" I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm.
Jon: She was probably just faking.
Harper: Is anyone else concerned about the fact that they're not using protection?
Norah: Doubt it. It would only add to the stupidity of the story if she got an STD or had a baby.
We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body got all warm.
Jon: (singing) I don't want to know... I don't want to know... I don't want to know!
And then...
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!
Will: That was the best line of the story, hands down.
It was... Dumbledore!
Harper: Cliffhanger!
Norah: I love how Dumbledore is acting like Samuel L. Jackson in this. He's all like "I'M TIRED OF THESE MUTHAFUCKIN' STUDENTS IN THIS MUTHAFUCKIN' FOREST!"
Alison: It would have been so much cooler if that was actually what he said.
Norah: I know, right?
Jon: Should we do another chapter? This one was kind of short.
Harper: Yeah.
Chapter Five
Author's Note: STOP flaming!
All: No!
if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reason Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache
Jon: Anyone know what a hedache is?
Will: No, and I really don't care.
ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! (Rev-woz would be my guess on how to pronounce that.)
Harper: You know, I don't even really know how to react to these author's notes anymore.
Will: Is it just me, or does revoiws sound French?
Alison: Kind of.
Dumbledore made Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. "You ludacris fools!" he shouted.
Norah:(as Mr. T) I pity the ludacris fools!
I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.
Jon: That's a medical concern. Quick, someone call Dr.House!
Alison: House is a total BAMF.
Jon: Amen, sister!
Norah: While it is true that House is a BAMF, you guys are getting off topic.
Jon: Sorry.
Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.
Will: How could they be angry if they didn't know what happened?
"They were having sexual intercourse
Harper: Well, duh. What other kind of intercourse would they be having?
in the forbidden forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.
"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?
Norah: That was a mediocre insult.
asked Professor McGonagall. "How dare you?" demanded Snape. And then Draco shrieked.
Will: (as Draco, shrieking) Oh my God, there's a spider in here! Kill it! Kill it!
BECAUSE I LOVE HER!
Jon: Dude, you went on one date with the chick and decide that you love her? What are you, crazy?
Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.
Alison: That's odd. Snape seems like he'd be the least forgiving of the three, but then again, everyone is so out of character that it's hard to tell.
Draco and I went upstairs to our rooms while the teachers glared at us. "Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. "Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor length dress with red lace all around it and high heels.
Will: That's a pretty conservative outfit for her.
When I came out...
Norah: My parents told me to "pray the gay away."
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing "I Just Wanna Live" by Good Charlotte
Alison: That's a very ironic title for an Emo song.
I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.
Harper: At first, I just questioned if there was a meaning to this story. Now, it's made me question is there's a meaning to anything.
Author's Note: Yes, I did take that last line from Mystery Science Theater 3000. I think the movie that they did was called Spider Island or something.
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