FicWad

OH MY FUCKING GOD THE LAST CHAPTER WENT GREEN GUYS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. like, wow. that amazing. Why doesn't it show up on the main site bit though? like, I think it says my fics unrated or something? I think we got to change that, don't you? do whatever. anyway, thank you so much, it was seriously the best thing ever. considering that I found out about an hour after my guitar teacher of 5 FUCKING YEARS decided that she didn't want to teach me or my younger brother anymore. So it really helped. Anyway, I shall be nice and give you the next chapter, in great thanks of your wonderfulness. Btw, I probably won't be updating as much cos of school and shit, you know how it is. sorry this authors note is so long, but apparently you read them (according to one review that actually almost made me cry it was so lovely. I texted it to my best mate so she could see how sweet it was. I've forgotten what your name is, but dude, I love you, whoever you are. Title from 30 Seconds To Mars.)

Here we go:



I woke to the sound of Mikey’s voice shouting “Gerard? Are you here? I waited for you, you bastard! Why didn’t you text me saying you were coming home?”

Oops.

Mikey was still raging on when he opened the door to the living room, and saw me and Frank, curled up on the sofa, still holding each others hands. Mikey immediately shut up as soon as he saw the skin on skin contact, and his eyes widened.

“You’re touching him…” Mikey trailed off, staring at us both. Frank looked a little uncomfortable but jumped up off the couch, detangling our hands from one another, and went to introduce himself.

“Hi. I'm Frank. It’s nice to meet you. I'm guessing your Gee’s brother?”

“I know who you are; you're like the school bully. Why are you here? Why did you call my brother that? Why were you holding his fucking hand? Don’t you know how much that means to him? Jesus.” Mikey suddenly looked furious with me and Frank. Especially Frank.

“Whoa, Mikey, calm down dude. Its okay, Frank’s cool. He helped me today. And I like my nickname, thank you very much.” I tried to stop Mikey getting so het up, but apparently I wasn’t being very successful.

“No. I will not calm down.” Mikey spat, glaring at Frank first, and then turning to face me. “Don’t you remember the last time you did this? The dude fucking beat you up!” I flinched. Thanks for reminding me bro. “and who had to pick up the pieces afterwards? Yeah, that’s right. ME. I was the one who had to hold you as you cried yourself to sleep at night, I was the one who you woke up when you were fucking unable to sleep, I was the fucking one who got all the shit put into my life for no fucking reason. You know what? Fuck this. If you don’t want to get better then I'm just not gonna bother.” And with that, Mikey whirled round and walked back out the front door, slamming it shut as he went. I was left sitting on the couch shaking, with Frank gazing at me in disbelief. I just stared at the doorway Mikey had just vacated. He had never spoken to me like that before. He had never told me that what I did when I couldn’t sleep was a problem for him. Oh shit, he must be so angry with me all the time, because I couldn’t do anything right. I was sure by now that Mikey hated me. Just when I thought I had possibly more than one friend in my life I had gone and shot that fantasy down. Great. Fucking great. I was a let down. A disappointment.

“Some person beat you up? Why?” I groaned and rubbed my eyes. I was trying desperately not to cry in front of Frank again. I didn’t want to particularly tell him.

“Frank. Lots of people have beaten me up. I've got used to it. You know, this is the third school I've been to in three years? Seriously can we not talk about it?”

“I promise I won’t do that. I’d never do that. I mean, sure I've been real mean to loads of people, but I ain't proud of it.” Frank looked almost frantic, like he needed me to believe him. I couldn’t take this any more. I needed to lie down, maybe draw for a bit, let my mind wander. I’d had enough shit thrown at me for today.

“Look, Frank… do you mind if you go home? I'm sorry, I just need some alone time. It was nice of you to stay, but you need to go. And I need to find Mikey.” I added as that thought occurred to me. Oh fuck, he could be anywhere.

Frank nodded and the silently began to tug on his shoes and his coat.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked, almost fearfully, as I began to shut the front door on him. I grimaced.

“I don’t know… We’ll see. Bye Frank, have a good evening.”

Shutting the door, I turned and raced to my bag, digging out my phone to look at the missed calls. There were four from Mikey, and a very annoyed, but slightly scared sounding voicemail from him saying “Hey Gerard, it’s Mikey. Where are you? Are you okay? Please call me back.”

Shuddering, I dialled his number. I was such a bad fucking brother.

“Gerard. Stop it. I don’t want to talk. Why did you do that?”

“Mikes, stop.” I tried to catch him before he ended the call. “Please. I've made him go home. Will you just come back and talk to me?”

“Fine.” Mikey ended the call. I looked at my phone for a second before screaming and slamming the phone at my bag, with all the force I could muster. I then choked and started sobbing, stumbling backwards until my back hit the wall and I slid down it, wrapping my arms around myself as I hit the floor.

It was my entire fault. It always was.

I was a failure. I never did anything right. I never would.

“Gerard?” I looked up at the blobby streak above me, unable to concentrate on the figure because the tears obscuring my vision.

“M... M... Mikey?” I think it was the sight of my tears and my shaking form that broke Mikey’s hard façade down.

“Oh Gerard, I’m so sorry, I just got so upset because I didn’t want to see you hurt again, and I really didn’t mean those things I had said about you and you sleeping in my bed I really didn’t, I like having you sleep in my bedroom with me, honest, I was just upset because I don’t know Frank that well, and I was worried because I couldn’t find you after school and no-one knew where you had gone and I-” Mikey inhaled sharply, the first time he had breathed since he had started talking, and knelt in front f me, wrapping his arms around my frame. I clung to him desperately, my tears immediately soaking his coat.

“No… Mikey, I'm sorry. It’s my fault. I should have told you where I was and I promise ill stay away from Frank until I get to know him better. I’m sorry, I always fuck things up. I just want to make you happy, I really do.” I snivelled into Mikey’s coat, probably getting all kinds of snot and shit over it, but Mikey didn’t seem to mind. He just pulled away slightly, and brushed the tears from my face, looking intently into my eyes.

“You do make me happy, Gee, but please, never do that to me again. Never. Promise?”

I nodded, cringing a little from the use of the nickname. It reminded me of Frank, and how close I had let him get already. This was too soon, Mikey was right.

“And also Gerard,” I looked up to see Mikey continuing with his little speech, “Remember what happened with you and Matt. I don’t want that happening again, okay?” I shuddered at the sound of the boy’s name. Damn, that name brought back bad memories…

I nodded again, and allowed Mikey to pull me up off the floor. I turned, and started to walk to the door to my room.

“Are you gonna have dinner tonight?” the seemingly innocent question brought me up short. I shook my head, then opened the door to my room and went down the stairs avoiding Mikey’s reaction to my answer.

--------------------------------------------------

That night I lay on the bed, hands on my stomach. I stared up at the ceiling, thinking hard about what I was going to do tomorrow about Frank and his gang. I couldn’t let them in, that much was obvious. What I had done with Frank, letting him touch me, was a stupid thing to have done. I would ignore the boys, I decided. I would keep to the shadows like I was used to, not letting anyone in, because as Mikey said, things were better off that way. I couldn’t get hurt if there was no-one there to hurt me, right?

I rolled over to face the wall my bed was propped up against. I didn’t really like the idea of not talking to anyone again. I’d done it way to many times before, and it usually just resulted in me being lonely. Stop it. I thought to myself. Being lonely is far better than having someone you trust break your heart over and over again. Just deal with it. You’ve got your drawings, and your music. You're not really alone.

However, as much as I spoke to my mind, it could always talk right back.

But you always do everything wrong. What if that decision is wrong as well?

I groaned and rolled over again, so I was on my stomach, my hands coming up to curl themselves under my pillow, and my face turned to the side slightly so I could breathe. No, this was the right thing to do. I wasn’t the one who came up with this idea, Mikey was, and he was freakishly clever so it had to be the right thing to do.

It had to be.

This was ridiculous. I was getting worked up about nothing, and losing even more sleep over it. I felt like shit during the day, so couldn’t my mind just give me a rest for once and let me sleep without the nightmares.

As usual, my mind didn’t listen to me. I was wide awake for the rest of the night, my mind never ceasing its thoughts.




Thank you very much for reading. D'you think we could get this chapter green as well? and the older ones? Please? For me? It makes me feel so indescribably happy, you have no idea.
Please review as well, and tell me what you thought and stuff, I always love hearing from you guys:')
Okay, I'm off now. R&R!