Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Past the cover.
Another entry, another sad day.
1 reviewRead it. I'll post something in the summary and as an authors note like I did in the other story if there's something you definitely MUST know.
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I don't understand why things go down hill for me. I really don't.
Is it that hard for the universe to let me be happy and stay happy? I mean I know I don't have it as bad as other people, I know that. Their lives are so much worse than mine and here I am, bitching and being a complete drama queen about everything. But things are worse for me, I'm not trying to be a drama queen and I dont want attention, it's all because things like what Gerard did to me triggers my depression and stuff.
Oh yeah, I never wrote about that doctors visit, did I?
Well, I went to the doctors after I argued with both Gerard and my mom, I didn't want to go, I didn't see why I had to go, but they insisted I did because they were "worried" about me.
Alright. Maybe I should have gone earlier, but I didn't really care in the start! I was too busy thinking about ways to kill myself and how much better my mom and the world would be without me. So yes, I probably should have gone earlier, but I had no one to care enough to even go with me. But then I had both Gerard and Mom, so I let them talk me into going there.
It sucked, and I will not be doing it again. Gerard had held my hand the whole time while I explained to the stupid woman what I was feeling. The bitch jumped in every two seconds saying "And did that make you sad?" or "That would have been a horrible experience" I honestly would have punched her in the face if she weren't a female...
Anyway, she diagnosed me with depression and put me on pills I never fucking took because I didn't feel I needed them. It was just a constant reminder, every morning, that I was fucked up and I had to me medicated. So I pretended I took them to make Mom and Gerard happy, but they're really in a box in my room. They're all in a small ring box, loose and shit cause I have to keep them in the bathroom cause mom checked them every day to make sure I was actually taking them. Because she can't believe me.
So yeah, I was medicated and diagnosed and Gerard knew about all of it. And he also knew it didn't take much to make me upset. The smallest of things, like someone saying something about my height (true story) would set me off into a huge rage, like I was some Greek God unleashing hell onto one person, then afterwards I would crash. I'd fall downhill and feel like shit, like my height wasn't good enough and that I had to be taller.
God... I'm such a whiney bitch journal, it's no wonder Gerard went with someone else. If I were him, I wouldn't have even bothered with a start. I'm a horrible, winey and depressed asshole that cares for no one but themselves.
No... that's not true, is it? If you looked back you'd see what I did for him. Christmas, skipping school, giving him space, doing everything for him. What the fuck did I actually do to make him go with Bert?
I just don't even know and my mom is furious with him because:
One: He's older than me, therefore should have been respective and someone to look up too.
Two: The actual fact of no matter how bad he was feeling, he should have gone to me instead of -and I quote- shoving his dick up another mans ass. (Not that she has a problem with gays)
Three: The fact that I am her son and he had sworn an oath to protect and always be there with me 'forever and always'. Yeah. He lied.
And four: She hates him most because I've blocked her out of my life, I've blocked everyone out. I've blocked the world out with the curtains on my windows, the door securing me and all the shit feelings inside and I've torn all plugs out of the wall.
No radio. No phone. No laptop. No nothing.
I don't want to deal with anyone calling up and being all worried and apologetic (Yes journal, I'm talking about Mikey) I just want to be alone. Alone is good. That way, the only person that can screw myself over is myself. And I think that could possibly be impossible.
I'm actually going to go now. I mean, I could keep writing like this all day, but today's entry is getting nowhere. I won't write in until something's actually happened and worthy of writing about. Until next time old friend.
Frank, March 29
Note: I really fucking hate Gerard and Bert. I don't know if anyone can tell. Ha...
Authors note:
Hey guys, or well... readers. Yes, we'll use that. This story is actually depressing, and I don't want anyone to feel this way from my writing, but this chapter right here is basically me letting out some of the way I feel, but in Frank's perspective of his life. That's why it's so down and depressing, I'm not going through the best of times myself.
BUT! That does not mean no story! Oh no, the show must go on, and on it shall go!
So yeah. If there's ever a massive break between chapters I'm just lying in my bed all dramatic like, but don't worry, you will get a chapter. Just when I've healed a little bit.
Well, thanks for the two reviews on the first chapter, I appreciated that.
Bye for now, not forever!
-Max
Is it that hard for the universe to let me be happy and stay happy? I mean I know I don't have it as bad as other people, I know that. Their lives are so much worse than mine and here I am, bitching and being a complete drama queen about everything. But things are worse for me, I'm not trying to be a drama queen and I dont want attention, it's all because things like what Gerard did to me triggers my depression and stuff.
Oh yeah, I never wrote about that doctors visit, did I?
Well, I went to the doctors after I argued with both Gerard and my mom, I didn't want to go, I didn't see why I had to go, but they insisted I did because they were "worried" about me.
Alright. Maybe I should have gone earlier, but I didn't really care in the start! I was too busy thinking about ways to kill myself and how much better my mom and the world would be without me. So yes, I probably should have gone earlier, but I had no one to care enough to even go with me. But then I had both Gerard and Mom, so I let them talk me into going there.
It sucked, and I will not be doing it again. Gerard had held my hand the whole time while I explained to the stupid woman what I was feeling. The bitch jumped in every two seconds saying "And did that make you sad?" or "That would have been a horrible experience" I honestly would have punched her in the face if she weren't a female...
Anyway, she diagnosed me with depression and put me on pills I never fucking took because I didn't feel I needed them. It was just a constant reminder, every morning, that I was fucked up and I had to me medicated. So I pretended I took them to make Mom and Gerard happy, but they're really in a box in my room. They're all in a small ring box, loose and shit cause I have to keep them in the bathroom cause mom checked them every day to make sure I was actually taking them. Because she can't believe me.
So yeah, I was medicated and diagnosed and Gerard knew about all of it. And he also knew it didn't take much to make me upset. The smallest of things, like someone saying something about my height (true story) would set me off into a huge rage, like I was some Greek God unleashing hell onto one person, then afterwards I would crash. I'd fall downhill and feel like shit, like my height wasn't good enough and that I had to be taller.
God... I'm such a whiney bitch journal, it's no wonder Gerard went with someone else. If I were him, I wouldn't have even bothered with a start. I'm a horrible, winey and depressed asshole that cares for no one but themselves.
No... that's not true, is it? If you looked back you'd see what I did for him. Christmas, skipping school, giving him space, doing everything for him. What the fuck did I actually do to make him go with Bert?
I just don't even know and my mom is furious with him because:
One: He's older than me, therefore should have been respective and someone to look up too.
Two: The actual fact of no matter how bad he was feeling, he should have gone to me instead of -and I quote- shoving his dick up another mans ass. (Not that she has a problem with gays)
Three: The fact that I am her son and he had sworn an oath to protect and always be there with me 'forever and always'. Yeah. He lied.
And four: She hates him most because I've blocked her out of my life, I've blocked everyone out. I've blocked the world out with the curtains on my windows, the door securing me and all the shit feelings inside and I've torn all plugs out of the wall.
No radio. No phone. No laptop. No nothing.
I don't want to deal with anyone calling up and being all worried and apologetic (Yes journal, I'm talking about Mikey) I just want to be alone. Alone is good. That way, the only person that can screw myself over is myself. And I think that could possibly be impossible.
I'm actually going to go now. I mean, I could keep writing like this all day, but today's entry is getting nowhere. I won't write in until something's actually happened and worthy of writing about. Until next time old friend.
Frank, March 29
Note: I really fucking hate Gerard and Bert. I don't know if anyone can tell. Ha...
Authors note:
Hey guys, or well... readers. Yes, we'll use that. This story is actually depressing, and I don't want anyone to feel this way from my writing, but this chapter right here is basically me letting out some of the way I feel, but in Frank's perspective of his life. That's why it's so down and depressing, I'm not going through the best of times myself.
BUT! That does not mean no story! Oh no, the show must go on, and on it shall go!
So yeah. If there's ever a massive break between chapters I'm just lying in my bed all dramatic like, but don't worry, you will get a chapter. Just when I've healed a little bit.
Well, thanks for the two reviews on the first chapter, I appreciated that.
Bye for now, not forever!
-Max
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