Categories > Original > Drama

I Fucking Hate My Life

by Topsykreets 1 review

I just need someone to hear me out.

Category: Drama - Rating: G - Genres: Angst - Published: 2012-01-05 - Updated: 2012-01-05 - 910 words

I fucking hate my life.

I was born into a fucking religious, homophobic, sexist family and society. I'm not beautiful, I'm not slim, I'm not smart, I don't have a lot of friends. Weirdo, Freak, Faggot; those are the names people call me. And it's killing me. Sometimes I wish I could just die and born into a different body, different family and different society. Or just wake up one day in someone else's body.

I'm sure A LOT of people have thought to end their lives. And I honestly can't blame them. In my religion, people who die by committing suicide will be put straight to hell. But why? Most people kill themselves because the people around them. Because they get bullied for example. I think those mean fuckers are the people who deserve to be put in fucking hell.

When I was little, all the people around me told me that it was wrong, it was a sin to date the same sex. God will put you in hell if I ever just think about it for a second. Guess what people? I'm gay. I'm lesbian. I'm a dyke. I'm a queer. I'm whatever-you-want-to-call-me. And I'm proud of it. You know, I always think that ALL the people in this world are born bisexual. It was the society, the people around us who tell us that it was wrong. I'm sorry, but we can't choose who we fall for.
"What will you say to God when he opens the book of your life and finds out that you're gay? That you're a sinner?"
Honestly, if that what he's gonna ask me, I'm gonna answer "I'm sorry if I broke some of your rules. You made a lot of beautiful creatures, beautiful things, and beautiful humans. And I can't help but love them without even thinking about the gender. It's not what I want, but it's what my heart wants."

You know, I really really really want to come out the closet. But they'll probably kick me out the house, or maybe even kill me if I tell them I'm gay. Sometimes I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs "I AM GAY!" Because it's me. It's who I am. And like I told you, I'm so fucking proud of it.

My parents are like those old fashioned people. They are religious. They don't want their kids to have sex before marriage. They'll always see people by their color, their family background, and not by the people themselves. I'm 15, and I haven't kissed anyone. Sex is very very taboo in my family. Even when I was little, my parents told me that kissing was a bad thing. Because kissing leads to sex and it's against my religion rules. Personally, I think kissing is one of a thousands ways to show our loves. Kissing is a beautiful thing. Kissing leads to sex? That's just a fucking bullshit.

My parents are really sexist. They don't want me to go anywhere by myself, because I'm a 'girl'. So what, Dad? Just because I'm a girl, it means I can't take care of my self? So what, Mom? Just because I'm a girl, it means I need a 'man' to live my life? NO. Let me tell you something, just because I have a vagina doesn't mean I can't fight. Because I have a vagina doesn't mean I can't find a job and take care of my self.
My mom really wants me to do those 'Get education, get a job, get married, have children, quit the job to take care of family' things. I'm sorry, mom. But I don't think I could ever fucking do that. I'd rather shoot myself in the head than to do all those things. Because first of all, I'm gay. Then I don't think I'll get married. Ever. The only thing that I've learned from my parents' marriage is that the other person owns the other person. You need a permission to go somewhere, you need to tell the other person everything that happened to you, and you can't keep secrets from each other. And that just sucks. I love freedom, and marriage seems like a prison to me. And the last thing is, I don't think I ever want to give birth. Do you know that childbirth is the second most painful thing in the world, right next to being burned alive? And another reason is because I watch news. And I read newspaper. Everyday people get murdered, raped, robbed, etc. This world is full of criminals. And if you think for a second that I want to bring an innocent baby to this fucked-up insane world, you gotta be out of your mind.

I do want kids though. Maybe by adopting. And if I ever do that, I'll tell this to my kids:
It doesn't matter who you're falling in love it. It doesn't matter if they're girls or boys, if they're black or white, if they're 20 or 50. As long as you have love in your life.

People want a lot of things. Money, diamonds, big house, cars, clothes, etc. But me? So far I only want one thing. A family who supports me. I really want one of those parents in the movies who love their kids no matter what.

"Do you love your life?"
I'm sorry but I'd be lying if I say I do.


I fucking hate my life.
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