Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > M.A.S.H
A/N Hey there! First, there is a CosmicZombie reference in here. Anything about Ray's cat is completely inspired from CosmicZombie's 'Be My Detonator' and I fricken LOVE that story. To saturn and back. So check it out, and anything (or everything) else written by them. Seriously. Best choice of your life. But I'd be suprised if you don't read at least ONE story of theirs. Because everyone reads them, right? They are AMAZING.
Anything else will be in A/N at bottom xx Thank you SOSOSOSOSOSOSO much for reading this.
“Soo … who’s should we do next?” Mikey asked, still angry with Frank for sabotaging his answers.
“Whoever’s name is pulled out of this” Gerard said, walking in. No one had realized he had gone out and put everyone’s name onto little bits of paper and put all the bits into a bowl.
“Gerard, that is not popcorn.” Frank said, looking at Gerard seriously.
“I was getting popcorn?” Gerard, mystified, questioned.
“You were?! Yay! Lemme at the popcorn!” Frank shouted, running towards Gerard.
“NO Frank, go away! There isn’t, wasn’t and never will be any popcorn in this bowl-”
He didn’t get a chance to finish as Frank came running into him. The redhead was knocked over, sending the bowl flying out of the window, and onto the road next to the bus. He fell straight back onto the ground, Frank following soon after. Mikey tried to catch the bowl, but ended up tripping on Ray, who also went to get the bowl, and both fell to join Frank and Gerard’s heap. (Yay MCR bundle! Kaythanksbye.)
“Uhhh … Frank, watch where you’re putting your- OW!” Gerard screamed, as Frank kneed him in the groin.
“Whoopsie. Sorry Gee” He giggled, ‘accidently’ kneeing him again.
Gerard just curled in on himself, while Mikey managed to pull his head out from underneath Ray’s ‘fro.
“Uh ... my head!” He complained, trying to stand up, but failing as Frank grabbed his leg to pull him back down.
“What the fuck Iero? I am having none of your shit today. Let. Me. Go.” Mikey told Frank, a stern look on his tired face. “…Now.”
“But we’re having a special bonding moment!” The small guitarist protested. Tugging on Ray’s arm to get him to help.
“Nuh uh, Frank. I am not helping you this time.”
Frank turned to Gerard, who was just sitting up, and gave him puppy dog eyes, trying to get him to help make Mikey and Ray bundle with him again.
“Jog on, sugar. Me and Lindsey might actually wanna have more kids one day.”
“Aww! Congratulations, Gee-gee!” Frank beamed.
“…What did I do?”
“You’re having another kid!”
“I am? No Frank, I meant I might be having another one. This means I also might not be having another one.”
“But when the time comes, if you do have another one, you can say I was the first one to say congratulations! This means that I am cooler than everyone else that you know, because they’ll all be like ‘Congratz mate’ and I’ll be like NO WAY. I said the exact same thing with only slight differences first, way before you did. Which means that Gerard and Lindsey love me more and you are nothing but a piece of dog crap on my highly expensive shoes, which Gerard and Lindsey bought me to say well done on being the very first one to congratulate them. Oh, and did you know that they also told me-”
“Oh ... That makes perfect sense.” Gerard said before Frank could go on with insulting his friends, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Now I’ve lost all the bits of paper! Well done Frank.”
“Wait ... didn’t you say after Mikey went into having a bitch fit-” Frank started.
“Hey! I was NOT having a bitch-” Mikey cut in.
“That we were gonna do Ray’s next?” Frank cut into Mikey’s cut in.
Gerard’s eyes narrowed at Frank. “You didn’t think to tell me this whilst I was cutting up 4 bits of PERFECTLY, PERFECTLY I TELL YOU square bits of paper? While we were ‘just chillin’ on the freezing cold floor? Whilst we were talking about a nonexistent baby I was going to father?!”
“You’re not going to have Frankie Jr!?” Frank spun round to face a pissed off Gerard.
“Who the fuck is Frankie Jr?” Gerard questioned.
“NO! Why?! How, how can you just get rid of all my hopes and dreams like that?! I was going to be the PERFECT uncle to little Frankie, you’ve gone and ruined it. That was my DREAM, Gerard, my DREAM!” He cried, dropping to the floor on his knees and putting his head in his hands, making sobbing noises, while his confused and creeped out band mates looked at him in utter weirdedoutness.
“…You mean the dream you’ve had for the 4 minutes since I mentioned it?” Came Gerard’s reply.
“…Touché.” Frank said, jumping back up. He put a hand on Gerards shoulder, and said “Don’t worry Gerard, you’re being silly. Frankie probably wouldn’t have happened anyway. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Now, let’s all go find out Ray’s future!” He said, while skipping off back to the sofas, failing to notice Gerard’s evil stare. Throwing his hands up and sighing in resignation, he strolled over to where everyone was sitting.
“Right! I have Ray’s one, as we established earlier. Okay Ray, ready to find out your future?
“I guess ..”
“Good! Okay, you’ll be married to your cat!” Frank beamed, then realized what he had said, and looked down to check the paper.
Ray’s face went bright red, and he muttered something like ‘was asleep’ and ‘homesick’.
“Oh my actual fucking god Ray, your cat? Your fucking CAT?” Gerard was in stitches.
“Oi Gerard, easy for you to say! I have been cheated on for a salmon-” Mikey started.
“Please don’t put fuzzy wuzzy in this sentence. Please.” Gerard begged, realizing where Mikey could go with salmon.
“I wasn’t going to say that actually smartass. What I WAS going to say is that I have been cruelly cheated on by a ‘fro man, that hasn’t washed his hair for like, a week may I add, and he has not only ditched me, he has ditched me for a fricken CAT. A CAT. I mean, what the fuck was he thinking when he tried snogging a tuna breathed feline? How can you even make love to a cat?!”
Gerard put his hands over his ears.
“Please don’t go there, Mikey. I do not wanna know how Ray could possibly fuck a cat. It is NOT on my ‘100 Things to do before I die’ list.”
“You have a list of things to do before you die?” Frank asked. “What’s on there?! I’d give anything to see what Gerard Way wants to do before he pops off. ‘Do’ being the important word.”
“Fraaaaaaaank.” Gerard whined. “Please don’t twist that into a dirty list. It has Bandit on it!” (Anyone heard of ‘Baycest’? God, that stuff is wrong. Like, how could you write something as sick as having Gerard and his daughter have sex, or G raping her? It’s sick. Don’t write it. Anyway, back onto the story.)
“How can you do Bandit? I don’t mean fuck her, but if someone said, ‘What shall we do?’ and you said ‘I’ve always wanted to try Bandit’ wouldn’t people be like, oh, I’ve never heard of Banditting. No?” Ray asked, glad to get off the topic of him and his cat.
“No, dipshit. I meant taking her places. And Lindsey! Like a proper family!” He grinned. “Because I never take them places like a proper husband and father would do. I mean, sure, they come to a few concerts, but not like, the zoo or shit like that. They’d love it!”
“No need to feel bad Gerard, you’re a perfectly good … childminder … for Frankie here!” Mikey smirked at Frank, before turning back to his brother. “Plus, they don’t mind. I mean, Bandit isn’t old enough to complain about stuff yet, really. So that’s a bonus, right?”
“I guess … anyway, Frank, carry on with the results!” Gerard told a slightly sulky Frank, who apparently had heard Mikey’s comment about him needing a childminder.
“Kay, whatever. Ray will have 5 kids with his fucked up partner, AKA tuna breath. And they will live in Ray’s bed …” Frank trailed off, clearly imagining something the others can’t quite work out, and to be honest, don’t want to know.
“Please, please carry on Frank” Gerard said, before Frank spoke his thoughts out loud.
“But I just thought of the funniest thing-” Frank started.
“I do not want to know. Now, go on!” Gerard waved his hands in Franks face telling him to hurry the fuck up.
“Okay, okay. Jesus, it was just that-“
“DON’T. WANNA. KNOW.” Gerard screamed, hands over ears. “Talk to the booty ‘cos the hands are off duty and the face just don’t wanna know!”
An awkward silence filled the room after Gerard’s outburst.
“… Where on Earth, did you learn that?!” Ray asked, bewildered.
Mikey and Frank burst out laughing at Gerard’s (Awfully sassy) rhyme.
“No idea. Carry the fuck on Frank!” The redhead told the giggling guitarist, trying to hide the fact his face was slowly turning as red as his hair after realizing what he had just told them.
“Geez, Gee. You have the 6 year old girl act perfect.” He giggled, before noticing Gerard’s glare, and picked up the piece of paper, and resumed reading from it. “Okay, so you will live in Ray’s bed, like I said, and have 5 kids, plus you will drive a hot pink limo! Jelly, Ray. I wanna drive a hot pink limo!” Frank whined.
“… Have it.”
“No, because then Sara won’t love you no more!”
Ray gave Frank a puzzled look. “Who’s Sara?”
“Your wife maybe?”
“My wife is a cat, dear.”
Frank gave him a ‘Duh’ look, and then Ray realized that in actual fact, Frank had named his nonexistent feline partner Sara.
“No Frank. No, no way will you get attached to this. I am NOT married to a fricken cat!”
“Ohhhhh I get this game now! It’s all fake!” Frank said, grinning as he realized one of the most obvious things to anyone else.
Gerard just shook his head and sighed, whilst motioning for Frank to continue. Mikey and Ray both just looked on with ‘How the fuck’ looks.
“Okay, so he will be a nail artist! Wow, maybe you could do mine sometime? As in, Gerard’s version of ‘Do’. Because I don’t know how you’d make love to my nails, unless of course we-” Frank started, but was cut off by Mikey.
“No thank you Frank. I DO NOT want to know what positions you are going to come up with for Ray to fuck your nails. No way. How on Earth do all those fan girls like you?! Oh yeah. Because they wouldn’t mind discussing sexual positions with you. Or even, they wouldn’t mind trying some out. Well, we are NOT fan girls, unless you didn’t notice. I don’t want to know about this kind of thing, OKAY?”
“… I was gonna say, unless of course we-”
“NOT INTERESTED” Mikey shouted.
“But-”
“NOT. FUCKING. INTERESTED. FUCKFACE.”
“But I wasn’t-”
“SHUT UP!” Mikey finished.
Frank threw his hands up, and sunk back into Gerard’s chest, who, along with Ray, stared in astonishment at his brother. Silence encased the room like an old, deserted warehouse building.
Gerard begun to clap.
“Well done, my brother. You have proven yourself a Way.”
“Whatever, Gerard.” Mikey told his proud brother.
“Someone got up on the wrong side of the shack on Saturn…”
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A/N Hey again :P Just gonna say, Baycest is as sick and as low as you can get. Also, Frank and Gerard's results in the next chapter, gonna be a nice and long one hopefully ^.^ Plus, do you want Frerard or implied frerard? Or neither... I'll write whatever comes to mind first if no one chooses, but please steer me in one direction or the other. And R&R please? Ohh and any mistakes will be fixed tomorrow, so point any out. I wrote this in a hurry x) Thanks!! xoAbby.
Anything else will be in A/N at bottom xx Thank you SOSOSOSOSOSOSO much for reading this.
“Soo … who’s should we do next?” Mikey asked, still angry with Frank for sabotaging his answers.
“Whoever’s name is pulled out of this” Gerard said, walking in. No one had realized he had gone out and put everyone’s name onto little bits of paper and put all the bits into a bowl.
“Gerard, that is not popcorn.” Frank said, looking at Gerard seriously.
“I was getting popcorn?” Gerard, mystified, questioned.
“You were?! Yay! Lemme at the popcorn!” Frank shouted, running towards Gerard.
“NO Frank, go away! There isn’t, wasn’t and never will be any popcorn in this bowl-”
He didn’t get a chance to finish as Frank came running into him. The redhead was knocked over, sending the bowl flying out of the window, and onto the road next to the bus. He fell straight back onto the ground, Frank following soon after. Mikey tried to catch the bowl, but ended up tripping on Ray, who also went to get the bowl, and both fell to join Frank and Gerard’s heap. (Yay MCR bundle! Kaythanksbye.)
“Uhhh … Frank, watch where you’re putting your- OW!” Gerard screamed, as Frank kneed him in the groin.
“Whoopsie. Sorry Gee” He giggled, ‘accidently’ kneeing him again.
Gerard just curled in on himself, while Mikey managed to pull his head out from underneath Ray’s ‘fro.
“Uh ... my head!” He complained, trying to stand up, but failing as Frank grabbed his leg to pull him back down.
“What the fuck Iero? I am having none of your shit today. Let. Me. Go.” Mikey told Frank, a stern look on his tired face. “…Now.”
“But we’re having a special bonding moment!” The small guitarist protested. Tugging on Ray’s arm to get him to help.
“Nuh uh, Frank. I am not helping you this time.”
Frank turned to Gerard, who was just sitting up, and gave him puppy dog eyes, trying to get him to help make Mikey and Ray bundle with him again.
“Jog on, sugar. Me and Lindsey might actually wanna have more kids one day.”
“Aww! Congratulations, Gee-gee!” Frank beamed.
“…What did I do?”
“You’re having another kid!”
“I am? No Frank, I meant I might be having another one. This means I also might not be having another one.”
“But when the time comes, if you do have another one, you can say I was the first one to say congratulations! This means that I am cooler than everyone else that you know, because they’ll all be like ‘Congratz mate’ and I’ll be like NO WAY. I said the exact same thing with only slight differences first, way before you did. Which means that Gerard and Lindsey love me more and you are nothing but a piece of dog crap on my highly expensive shoes, which Gerard and Lindsey bought me to say well done on being the very first one to congratulate them. Oh, and did you know that they also told me-”
“Oh ... That makes perfect sense.” Gerard said before Frank could go on with insulting his friends, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Now I’ve lost all the bits of paper! Well done Frank.”
“Wait ... didn’t you say after Mikey went into having a bitch fit-” Frank started.
“Hey! I was NOT having a bitch-” Mikey cut in.
“That we were gonna do Ray’s next?” Frank cut into Mikey’s cut in.
Gerard’s eyes narrowed at Frank. “You didn’t think to tell me this whilst I was cutting up 4 bits of PERFECTLY, PERFECTLY I TELL YOU square bits of paper? While we were ‘just chillin’ on the freezing cold floor? Whilst we were talking about a nonexistent baby I was going to father?!”
“You’re not going to have Frankie Jr!?” Frank spun round to face a pissed off Gerard.
“Who the fuck is Frankie Jr?” Gerard questioned.
“NO! Why?! How, how can you just get rid of all my hopes and dreams like that?! I was going to be the PERFECT uncle to little Frankie, you’ve gone and ruined it. That was my DREAM, Gerard, my DREAM!” He cried, dropping to the floor on his knees and putting his head in his hands, making sobbing noises, while his confused and creeped out band mates looked at him in utter weirdedoutness.
“…You mean the dream you’ve had for the 4 minutes since I mentioned it?” Came Gerard’s reply.
“…Touché.” Frank said, jumping back up. He put a hand on Gerards shoulder, and said “Don’t worry Gerard, you’re being silly. Frankie probably wouldn’t have happened anyway. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Now, let’s all go find out Ray’s future!” He said, while skipping off back to the sofas, failing to notice Gerard’s evil stare. Throwing his hands up and sighing in resignation, he strolled over to where everyone was sitting.
“Right! I have Ray’s one, as we established earlier. Okay Ray, ready to find out your future?
“I guess ..”
“Good! Okay, you’ll be married to your cat!” Frank beamed, then realized what he had said, and looked down to check the paper.
Ray’s face went bright red, and he muttered something like ‘was asleep’ and ‘homesick’.
“Oh my actual fucking god Ray, your cat? Your fucking CAT?” Gerard was in stitches.
“Oi Gerard, easy for you to say! I have been cheated on for a salmon-” Mikey started.
“Please don’t put fuzzy wuzzy in this sentence. Please.” Gerard begged, realizing where Mikey could go with salmon.
“I wasn’t going to say that actually smartass. What I WAS going to say is that I have been cruelly cheated on by a ‘fro man, that hasn’t washed his hair for like, a week may I add, and he has not only ditched me, he has ditched me for a fricken CAT. A CAT. I mean, what the fuck was he thinking when he tried snogging a tuna breathed feline? How can you even make love to a cat?!”
Gerard put his hands over his ears.
“Please don’t go there, Mikey. I do not wanna know how Ray could possibly fuck a cat. It is NOT on my ‘100 Things to do before I die’ list.”
“You have a list of things to do before you die?” Frank asked. “What’s on there?! I’d give anything to see what Gerard Way wants to do before he pops off. ‘Do’ being the important word.”
“Fraaaaaaaank.” Gerard whined. “Please don’t twist that into a dirty list. It has Bandit on it!” (Anyone heard of ‘Baycest’? God, that stuff is wrong. Like, how could you write something as sick as having Gerard and his daughter have sex, or G raping her? It’s sick. Don’t write it. Anyway, back onto the story.)
“How can you do Bandit? I don’t mean fuck her, but if someone said, ‘What shall we do?’ and you said ‘I’ve always wanted to try Bandit’ wouldn’t people be like, oh, I’ve never heard of Banditting. No?” Ray asked, glad to get off the topic of him and his cat.
“No, dipshit. I meant taking her places. And Lindsey! Like a proper family!” He grinned. “Because I never take them places like a proper husband and father would do. I mean, sure, they come to a few concerts, but not like, the zoo or shit like that. They’d love it!”
“No need to feel bad Gerard, you’re a perfectly good … childminder … for Frankie here!” Mikey smirked at Frank, before turning back to his brother. “Plus, they don’t mind. I mean, Bandit isn’t old enough to complain about stuff yet, really. So that’s a bonus, right?”
“I guess … anyway, Frank, carry on with the results!” Gerard told a slightly sulky Frank, who apparently had heard Mikey’s comment about him needing a childminder.
“Kay, whatever. Ray will have 5 kids with his fucked up partner, AKA tuna breath. And they will live in Ray’s bed …” Frank trailed off, clearly imagining something the others can’t quite work out, and to be honest, don’t want to know.
“Please, please carry on Frank” Gerard said, before Frank spoke his thoughts out loud.
“But I just thought of the funniest thing-” Frank started.
“I do not want to know. Now, go on!” Gerard waved his hands in Franks face telling him to hurry the fuck up.
“Okay, okay. Jesus, it was just that-“
“DON’T. WANNA. KNOW.” Gerard screamed, hands over ears. “Talk to the booty ‘cos the hands are off duty and the face just don’t wanna know!”
An awkward silence filled the room after Gerard’s outburst.
“… Where on Earth, did you learn that?!” Ray asked, bewildered.
Mikey and Frank burst out laughing at Gerard’s (Awfully sassy) rhyme.
“No idea. Carry the fuck on Frank!” The redhead told the giggling guitarist, trying to hide the fact his face was slowly turning as red as his hair after realizing what he had just told them.
“Geez, Gee. You have the 6 year old girl act perfect.” He giggled, before noticing Gerard’s glare, and picked up the piece of paper, and resumed reading from it. “Okay, so you will live in Ray’s bed, like I said, and have 5 kids, plus you will drive a hot pink limo! Jelly, Ray. I wanna drive a hot pink limo!” Frank whined.
“… Have it.”
“No, because then Sara won’t love you no more!”
Ray gave Frank a puzzled look. “Who’s Sara?”
“Your wife maybe?”
“My wife is a cat, dear.”
Frank gave him a ‘Duh’ look, and then Ray realized that in actual fact, Frank had named his nonexistent feline partner Sara.
“No Frank. No, no way will you get attached to this. I am NOT married to a fricken cat!”
“Ohhhhh I get this game now! It’s all fake!” Frank said, grinning as he realized one of the most obvious things to anyone else.
Gerard just shook his head and sighed, whilst motioning for Frank to continue. Mikey and Ray both just looked on with ‘How the fuck’ looks.
“Okay, so he will be a nail artist! Wow, maybe you could do mine sometime? As in, Gerard’s version of ‘Do’. Because I don’t know how you’d make love to my nails, unless of course we-” Frank started, but was cut off by Mikey.
“No thank you Frank. I DO NOT want to know what positions you are going to come up with for Ray to fuck your nails. No way. How on Earth do all those fan girls like you?! Oh yeah. Because they wouldn’t mind discussing sexual positions with you. Or even, they wouldn’t mind trying some out. Well, we are NOT fan girls, unless you didn’t notice. I don’t want to know about this kind of thing, OKAY?”
“… I was gonna say, unless of course we-”
“NOT INTERESTED” Mikey shouted.
“But-”
“NOT. FUCKING. INTERESTED. FUCKFACE.”
“But I wasn’t-”
“SHUT UP!” Mikey finished.
Frank threw his hands up, and sunk back into Gerard’s chest, who, along with Ray, stared in astonishment at his brother. Silence encased the room like an old, deserted warehouse building.
Gerard begun to clap.
“Well done, my brother. You have proven yourself a Way.”
“Whatever, Gerard.” Mikey told his proud brother.
“Someone got up on the wrong side of the shack on Saturn…”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N Hey again :P Just gonna say, Baycest is as sick and as low as you can get. Also, Frank and Gerard's results in the next chapter, gonna be a nice and long one hopefully ^.^ Plus, do you want Frerard or implied frerard? Or neither... I'll write whatever comes to mind first if no one chooses, but please steer me in one direction or the other. And R&R please? Ohh and any mistakes will be fixed tomorrow, so point any out. I wrote this in a hurry x) Thanks!! xoAbby.
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