FicWad

I Hate You



Words cannot describe how much I love you, every part of you and your carefree ways. Isn’t it funny how I’m the poetical one here and yet I have no words, nothing? Nada. Zip. Zilch. Fuck all. But I think that I can be excused on this one occasion because I have a very good reason as to why I cannot describe how much I love you; I hate you. Really fucking hate you. Have done since the day you started attending my high school all those months ago. I’ve hated every second of being around you.

I hate you because you make me feel stupid. You make me feel like some sort of idiot when I know that I’m not; you make me glow like one of those fluorescent tubes that people wave around at shows with your silly little comments. You make me feel stupid because I just don’t understand you, someone who everyone else seems to get and get along with. My little brother can’t stop singing your praise; Frankie did this, Frankie said that, Frankie stood up to so-and-so because they were being nasty to me. Now that makes me feel stupid. The fact that you seem to be able to stand up to my little brother’s tormentors when even I can’t find the courage to scowl at them. I don’t hate you for looking out for my little brother and your best friend, if anything I’m extremely grateful for it, it just makes me feel ridiculously stupid. And that’s the part of you that I hate.

I hate you because you make me feel boring. But anyone is boring compared to you, Frankie. No one else would ever think of trying to dye their own hair using nothing but stolen universal indicator; no one else would ever think to go star gazing in the middle of winter, so that the only way to stay warm is to stay close; no one else would think of doodling fake tattoos up their arms in an almost childlike way; no one else would ever be able to be as wonderfully unique as you are. I used to be content with who I was, used to think that I was a pretty fun and exciting person to be around, but compared to you I feel boring. And that’s the part of you that I hate.

I hate you because you make me feel ugly. You’re always telling me that I’m beautiful, but if I’m beautiful then you must be an angel and if you’re an angel that means you can’t have that mischievous streak which you definitely do have. I used to think that I was good-looking, used to have people begging for my number but now it’s you that they all beg for contact with. Next to you I’m just some spooky-looking vampire wannabe with a strange addiction to eyeliner, whereas I used to be some sensuously sinister dark overlord with a tasteful dedication to cosmetics. Because you came along and turned me from a moon into a dulling star, you outshine me in every possible way. It’s not that I hate that you look so beautiful, if anything that is one part of you that I do love, it just makes me feel ugly. And that’s the part of you that I hate.

I hate you because you make me feel alone. Not when you’re around me, when you’re around me you never let me so much as frown without smirking your way into making me giggle like a schoolgirl; it’s when you’re not around that you make me feel alone. Like there’s a huge void next to me where you should be, but aren’t for some reason that I don’t care to know. You make me feel alone by making me feel so adored when you are around that I don’t know how to cope without it when you aren’t. Although it’s not like I’m without you a lot nowadays anyway. It’s when I’m not that you make me feel alone. And that’s the part of you that I hate.

I hate you because you make me feel worthless. I used to think that I was worth the world, that the Sun revolved around every little drama in my cookie-cutter life. Next to you though, I can see that you’re worth a million of what I used to feel like I was worth. Because you are. You make everyone laugh when we all think we’re about to cry; you make Mikey safe in the corridors of the hell that someone decided to name Belleville High; you make every day seem like a pleasure rather than a trial just because I know that you’ll be there to lighten the load should I need it. I could never hate any of those amazingly kind aspects of you; it’s just that those aspects make me feel worthless because I myself don’t exhibit them. And that’s the part of you that I hate.

I hate you because you make me feel confused. It’s like when I’m around you I get all dizzy and light-headed, like I’m drunk on all of the parts of you that I like; yet when I’m not around you I feel miserable, like I’m being weighed down by all of the parts of you that I hate. I can’t stand your relentless optimism and yet at the same time I long for it every time I feel like a failure. I despise the taste of Skittles, but yet you make them delicious because they taste of you. I resent the fact that you’re constantly happy, but at the same time I’d kill anyone who dares to rip that smile from your face. You make everything, every little thought and feeling within me conflict like just the thought of you pulls me apart on the inside; because you are the most confusing being that I have ever come into contact with. And that’s the part of you that I hate.

I hate you because I love you, Frank Iero. You love me back, although I can’t for the life of me understand why. And that’s the part of you that I love.




A/N: Thank you very much for reading, I hope that it made some sort of sense and wasn’t too boring. Thanks for reading and please review! :)