FicWad

AN: I hated the last chapter, so I'm double-posting. This one's my favorite.

:::::: The Emptiness ::::::

"Mondays really suck."

"No shit, Sherlock," Gerard replied, taking a sip of coffee from his lucky mug. Something about the spider-shaped crack on the side made it Gerard's most prized possession.

"No, I mean, they really suck," Frank repeated. The two housemates were eating breakfast in the living room while watching music videos on T.V. 

Gerard spooned some Lucky Charms into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. "It's Sunday," he pointed out, waving his spoon at Frank. "No need to get pissy about a day that's not even here yet."

Frank squinted at him from across the room. He was sitting cross-legged in front of the T.V. while Gerard smirked at him from the couch.

"Come here," said Frank, still squinting.

Gee frowned. "Why?"

"So I can smack you."

"Kinky, but I'll pass."

Color instantly flooded Frank's face. "That was not what I meant!" he yelled. 

Gee laughed. "You said it with your eyes," he teased. A meow by his feet told him that Jesus had arrived, and he eagerly scooped the cat onto the couch beside him. "Hey, buddy," he crooned, scratching the cat's ear. Looking up, he realized that Frank was staring at him. "What?"

Frank blushed a deeper shade of red and looked down at his bare feet. "Nothing," he muttered.

A slow smile worked its way onto Gee's face. "Do you want me to scratch your ears, too?"

"No, but I wouldn't mind you moving your fat ass over so we could share the couch," Frank retorted.

"Harsh." Gee swung his legs off the couch and set his feet on the floor. "Happy now?"

Frank stood and stretched. "Very." He sauntered over to the couch and sat, and Gee noticed the way he was swaying his hips.

'Son of a bitch,' he thought, following the subtle motion with hungry eyes.

Silence settled between them, broken by the muffled sounds of traffic and Jesus's loud purring. Just as Gerard was starting to feel awkward, Frank spoke.

"I need to ask you something, and you can't laugh."

Gee smiled, but it was a bit uneasy. "Fire away," he invited.

Frank bit his lower lip, carefully avoiding chewing on his peircing. "Well..." he said. "Uh, you know how in high school, kids were... talking about us? Being together?"

"Yes," said Gerard slowly, wondering where this was going.

Frank was shaking and pale, but his green eyes were unblinking. "If they hadn't started joking about it, do you think," he took a deep and jagged breath. "Do you think we might have..."

Gerard was leaning forward, silently urging Frank to both keep going and just shut up. 

"Do you think you would have gone out with me?"

The sentence stuck itself in Gerard's brain. 'Do you think...?  Do you think...?' It bounced around his mind like a demented bird, landing in random places and repeating itself louder with every perch.

(do you think...? Do you think? DO YOU THINK?!)

"I..." Gerard couldn't seem to answer. "I, uh..."

Memories. Good ones. He and Frank hanging out in the hallways of various schools, laughing because they were the only ones that could truly make eachother laugh. Secrets that were years old but still kept, jokes that were stupid but still shared. Singing loudly together, not caring who heard. Spending nights at Frank's house and wishing he could stay there forever. Secretly looking at him during class, -and, in later years, during meals- and thinking: 'God, he's perfect'...

"Maybe," Gerard said finally. "Yeah, probably."

Frank looked disappointed at first, as if he'd been expecting a different answer. "Oh," he said awkwardly. "Okaaaay..."

"Yeah..." Gee felt his cheeks warming. "I mean, I thought about it a few times, but then..."

Their eyes locked, sending a silent message between them: but then I met Annabel...

Frank's eyes were partially hidden by his bangs. "And now?"

"Now... what?" asked Gerard stupidly.

"Do you think about it now?"

(Do you think...? Do you think...?)

Gerard decided to be honest. "Yeah," he said, looking Frank in the eye. "Yeah, I do. I think about it."

Frank flinched a little, like someone had kicked him. Before Gee could finish wondering if he'd said the wrong thing, the younger man grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

It was so unexpected that Gerard almost fell off the couch. One minute Frank was over there, the next minute Frank was over here. It wasn't anything wild, just their lips touching, but it drove Gee crazy. He wanted more. He let his eyes slip closed, let a moan escape his throat, let his hand wind itself into Frank's hair to pull him closer...

Dead eyes stared at him; wide and blank and green and oh God-

(Do you think...? DO YOU THINK?!)

-it was her! She was dead, and she-

(I love you)

-was just lying there next to him! Not breathing, so still-

She was cold, Frank was warm. She smelled of blood, Frank smelled like clean sheets and home. Annabel was dead, Frank was alive.

And he needed to stay that way.

With a strangled gasp, Gerard managed to push Frank away from him. Frank landed on the couch, ruffled but unharmed. His lips were shiny and his hair was messy, but he was okay. His eyes, green but not as bright as hers, were wide and confused.

(Do you think...?)

"Gee?" Frank said, blinking. "Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"

(I can't breathe... I can't BREATHE, DAMMIT!)
/]
"You... You [/kissed me!" Gerard managed to say, breathing hard. 

Frank blinked again, beginning to smile. 

(Stop smiling, you'll die-)

"Yeah," Frank said, sounding pleased. "I did." When he saw the look on Gerard's face, however, his expression became worried. "What's wrong?"

Gerard swallowed hard, clutching onto the arm of the couch like it was a grenade. "You can't kiss me, Frank! It's not... I don't...!" He stood up, almost stepping on Jesus. The cat sped away, probably trying to hide from the fight that was about to ensue.

Frank frowned. "But you said..."

"I said I thought about it! On nights where I had too many drinks!" Gerard yelled, feeling his throat tighten painfully. "That doesn't mean I wanted... How could you even think that I'd want to date you?! I am straight, Frank!"

Frank, lower-lip wobbled. His eyes were looking glassy. "Gee..." he whimpered, sounding hurt. "I... I'm sorry..."

Gerard clenched his teeth, willing his eyes to stay dry and his voice to stay steady. "Don't," he said firmly, beginning to walk to the entry hall. "Just don't, Frank."

Frank scrambled off the couch and grabbed him by the elbow. "Gee!" he said, his voice broken. Tears streamed down his cheeks and onto his t-shirt. "Gerard, please! We can... We can pretend it never happened!"

"I'm going out, Frank," Gerard said, sounding tired. "Please don't follow me."

Frank looked like he'd been slapped. His face froze, and for one mad second, Gerard thought it would break into pieces. "Gee..." he whispered. "Please, please, please! Get mad! Yell! God, Gerard, hit me if you need to!" His fingers were hooked onto Gerard's arm, holding on tightly and making the skin there flush red. "Please! Just... please don't leave me, Gee!"

Gerard flinched and yanked his arm from Frank's grip. His heart was smashing itself against his ribs, slicing into his lungs and his throat. 'Frank, you are probably the only person who could make a serial killer cry,' he thought. Out loud, he said: "Don't call me 'Gee' anymore, okay?"

When he slammed the front door shut behind him, it wasn't loud enough to block out Frank's answering howl of agony.