FicWad

Chapter Eighteen – Voice Like Glue


Frank’s POV




I think that I’m a pretty calm guy, I rarely snap at people and I can count how many times that I’ve ever lost my temper on one hand. But right now, I couldn’t be further from calm if I tried; Gerard’s gone too fucking far this time and the poor kid has really lost it. Lost himself. Lost all hope.

Because of my boyfriend Mikes looked to be at Death’s door in Pete’s arms and Pete, someone who I took to be tough and maybe even a little rough, has been driven to tears over it. Now, there are certain things that I can stand and then there are certain things that I would rather scratch my eyes out than see; my surrogate little brother suffering and his, blatantly, loving boyfriend crying over him being prime examples of the latter. And my own boyfriend, my beautiful and sexy Gee, caused it.

An angry or upset Gerard is like a tsunami; hard to predict, too late to run from when you do see it and devastating in it’s aftermath. Just like Gee.

I’ve seen him lose it before and I know that he gets frustrated way too easily for someone responsible for the care of an emotionally troubled kid, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him get quite as bad as he was three days ago. He’s never run off before either, never just left his brother practically fitting in my arms at having just had some of the most disgustingly cruel things that I’ve ever heard spat at his perfectly innocent self. By his goddamned big brother; a person who really has let him down one too many times ten times ago.

I can’t even begin to imagine how terrified Mikes must have felt, arms still bandaged from a nightmare about exactly what he was being faced with; Gerard being angry with him.

He wasn’t being angry though, not really; just confused. My poor Gee just can’t see the difference between being overprotective and being outright harsh, nor can he see the difference between frustration and roaring fury; frustration births the fury, but he seems to think that frustration justifies the fury. Perhaps it used to. In fact I know that it did, I used to let him get away with it by putting it down to frustration at not getting it right first time as someone like Gee feels that they have to.

Not now though. Now I’m feeling little mercy for the guy who is going to be in for one hell of a shock when I see him; when I bring him home to see that his baby brother has reverted to way worse than when I found him in that damned alley. When I found him, after he’d had a fray with Gee and had run off, he was like a baby gazelle; all introverted uncertainty and too frightened to even look at me. But now he’s not even introverted, he just isn’t even there. It’s like he’s evaporated in the same way that his body has; just melted into the misery that being yelled at by his big brother has bought him. It’s not just misery though, is it? It’s suicidal depression, the kind that nearly killed him once before and will nearly kill him again if someone doesn’t do something to save that poor kid from himself.

Pete can’t save him, no matter how hard he tries or how many times he cuddles him close like Gee has cuddled me close many times before, apart from Pete seems a lot gentler than Gerard is. Pete can’t save him because he isn’t the person that Mikes is missing; the only person who can fix Mikey’s broken heart is the one who broke it in the first place.

In short, Gerard is our only hope of getting my adoptive little brother back.

Yeah, things are looking pretty bleak.

No. I will not start thinking like that. Not when so much hangs in the balance. Not when Mikey’s life hangs in the balance. To some I guess that saying my little brother’s life hangs in the balance is me being grossly melodramatic. I wish. No, Mikes is a seriously depressed and dangerously underweight kid largely because of Gerard, so it only makes sense that Gerard can save him.

I’m still not entirely sure if I want Gee anywhere near Mikes at the moment, if he’s still as angry as Mikes is distraught then things will not end well. I don’t know what’s going on in the bamboozled little crypt of a head that Mikey has, I don’t know if he’s frightened or upset or lonely or all three. I think all three, but I can’t tell precisely what shade of misery is staining his soul when he hasn’t even stuttered anything for the past three days. Just whimpered, nothing more and definitely a lot less. Kind of like a broken record, stuck on playing the same song of despair whenever someone requests a tune.

Gerard knew that Pete means a lot to his baby brother, knew that Mikes needed his approval in order to be truly happy and yet he still made his disdain for Mikey’s first ever boyfriend painfully obvious. Gerard knew that bringing up the time that I kissed Mikes in one of my cruellest acts of selfishness that I’ve ever committed would get at me worse than any other cutting insult and yet he still he went there, crossed the line with me.

Even if Gerard knew nothing else, he definitely knew this; shouting at his already shaking little brother and saying the most unforgiveable things I’ve ever heard to Mikes was a sure fire way to reduce his wreck of a brother to nothing but rubble. Yet he still did it.

Out of all of the heartless things that Gee has ever been tricked by frustration into saying to Mikes, he’s never said something as bitingly cruel as saying that Mikes deserves to get beaten, that he wished he could beat him. Normally I hate the idea of anyone, let alone my boyfriend, getting hurt in front of me but, with Mikes thrashing and crying out in my arms, I couldn’t help but think how glad I was that Pete had him pinned to floor and was punching him in the face. I know that I shouldn’t think of something like that as a good thing, but I can’t help it; after all of the things that he’s inflicted upon Mikes, a single punch from a protective boyfriend is getting off lightly. I could tell that Pete had been itching to teach Gee a lesson the whole duration of the conversation but he didn’t because he had something far more precious to look after; he had Mikes to protect. And that’s exactly how I know that if people were puzzle pieces Mikes and Pete would be made to fit together.

I can’t even begin to comprehend how Gee could think that someone as genuinely caring over Mikey is a user; I don’t think that I’ve ever seen a pair so in love with one another from what I’ve seen of them. The way that Pete just couldn’t tear his hands from my, apparently magnetic, little brother showed me that much. The way that Mikes actually trusts him enough to burrow into him like he does tells me that much. But it’s Pete’s strength teamed with those immovable hands that I think is what earned him Gerard’s burning hatred in the first place; seeing someone you perceive as a baby being pushed up against a bed by someone who looks like a bit of a bad influence isn’t something that you’re going to take kindly to and it definitely does not look good for the one on top of the so-called baby.

Gerard seemed convinced that Pete’s fucked Mikey. I don’t think that they’ve gone that far yet; Pete doesn’t seem like the sort of guy to rush something as delicate as that. But so what if they have? I know from how Pete acts around Mikes, like he’s some sort of baby bunny-rabbit who needs Pete’s gentle security to protect from Fate’s hounds, that he would never do that with Mikes unless the kid wanted it. And if they both wanted it, if it really did happen, then I’m happy for them. More than a little bit shocked, but definitely happy. Although the slight threat of Pete having taken advantage of the lost little kid does still make me feel uneasy, if I ever find out that he forced Mikes into something, then I can sincerely promise that Pete will never be capable of fucking anyone again. It’s a good thing that that isn’t the case, though; I know Pete well enough already to see how much he cares about the poor kid, about how much Mikey’s many mental issues are killing him just as much as they’re killing me.

Anorexia, depression, low self-esteem, suicidal tendencies, an abusive past; one of those issues is too much for a kid to deal with, but all of those at once? Mikes really is a lot stronger than he looks. Or was a lot stronger, now he’s just given up completely. He really is anorexic, isn’t he? The rest of his mental issues all make some sort of twisted sense, they all have obvious reasons behind them, but I just can’t get my head around the anorexia. He isn’t fat, never was fat and sure as fuck never will be fat if he carries on like this, it’s not like we neglect feed him and it can’t be because he doesn’t like the food we get because we always ask him what he wants; it just doesn’t make any sense. But that doesn’t matter though; what does matter is the fact that he isn’t eating and that if he doesn’t start eating imminently then, as much as it is truly excruciating for me to think this, he will die. I don’t even want to imagine a world without the younger Way brother; a world without someone who pulled me out of loneliness and got me with Gee.

We should have noticed, Gerard and me, that Mikes wasn’t eating. It should have been as glaringly obvious as it is now that the poor kid was wasting away for reasons that I doubt even he fully knows. Or maybe he does; I think that’s the problem, Mikey overthinks things too much, is too innocently intelligent for his own good. But we still should have noticed, should have done something to make him look less like a skeleton and more like the sweet kid that he is; but no, Gerard and I both neglected him and now we must pay the price. I honestly hate myself for letting this happen; I feel like a cat being eaten by a mouse, like a huge failure and a let-down to everyone who’s ever relied on me. Because I am.

It’s time for that to change. For good.

Which is why I am currently sat in the driver’s seat of Pete Wentz’s shiny red Ferrari, cell in my anger-shaken hands and plugging the keys forcefully into the ignition. This ends today. If it doesn’t then Mikey will end and I vowed to never let that happen to the poor kid. I’d end first.

I slam Gerard’s number furiously into the keypad, shaking away my worry about my boyfriend’s reaction with my longing to rescue a generally endangered innocent kid and press my cell to my ear, shaking in nervous anticipation.

It rings almost mockingly and I take a deep breath in, readying myself for something that will either be surprisingly easy or extremely impossible.

“This is Gerard’s cell; please leave a message after the tone and I will get back to you ASAP. Thanks. Bye.” His pre-recorded voice drones lazily down the phone, making anger pulsate through me like a plague.

Anger and sorrow. Because I know that he is there; cells don’t go straight to voicemail after just one ring.

But maybe I can use this to my advantage! Yeah, I think that I can if I play this right. And I will because if I don’t then I’ll be just as responsible as Gerard for the deterioration of our little brother.

“Gee, it’s Frankie and I know full well that you’re there, so listen up; you have to tell me where you are. I’m worried about you, Babe, but right now I’m more worried about Mikes. He’s dying, Gee.” I whisper the last part, using the words that I know will get to my boyfriend.

He loves that kid more than I do, always has done and always will; which is what started this whole mess to begin with. He is so blinded by his absolute adoration and primitive need to care for his baby brother that he can’t see when he’s doing something wrong, when he makes Mikes jump or stutter he can’t see that it’s his fault purely because his love for the kid prevents him from seeing it. And from that it mutates into frustration at not understanding why his little brother won’t trust him, won’t look him in the eyes, won’t act like nothing has happened because everything has happened to the poor kid. Then the frustration builds like lava under the surface of a volcano and when the correct trigger occurs, in this case Pete Wentz showing him that Mikes really does trust him way more than he trusts Gee, he just erupts. Erupts and burns everyone around him, especially the poor little kid who wants nothing more than to be viewed as a good little brother. He is a good little brother, though; he’s the most loyal, kind, understanding kid that I know, the perfect little brother. And I think that Gerard knows that, but he just doesn’t see Mikes as his brother anymore; he’s sees him as his responsibility and charge, like Gee’s the parent who has to always get everything right or everything will fall to shit.

It’s barely a second before I hear a click of voicemail being turned off; he’s going to talk to me! He has to because I’ve used something that I know he can’t ignore to manipulate him into accepting my call. I just hope to whichever force is kind enough to give a damn that my boyfriend has calmed down and is ready to be the superhero that Mikes needs him to be.

That I need him to be because he is my boyfriend; it kills me inside every time this happens, every time Gerard shows me that he isn’t all that I have to be in his place. Maybe ‘have to’ isn’t the right way to phrase that, I want to be Mikey’s surrogate big brother and I take pride in having him trust me but right now the poor kid needs his real big brother; not me, not his boyfriend and certainly not angry Gerard. He needs Gee.

I hear panicked breaths down the receiver; good, he needs to understand the severity of all that he’s done or else I know this will just keep on happening until one of the Way brothers, most likely Mikey, ends up dead.

“Frankie?”

Ouch.

He sounds so…. little. Like he’s just as lost as Mikes is without the presence of his big brother. Because he is; the Way brothers are nothing without one another, and I don’t think that they’ve ever been separate for this long before. No matter how they’ve treated each other they are still dependent on their respective brother; Gerard lives his life attempting to look after Mikey so that it has a purpose and Mikey needs his big brother because he’s convinced that he can’t survive without Gee looking after him like the former tries to do. Gerard’s voice is all crackly, like his vocal chords are being played by broken fingers, as opposed to his usually confident tone that he uses in almost all situations.

I feel myself shrink a little bit inside; I’ve been so wrapped up in how badly he’s hurt Mikes that I didn’t take the time to consider how this is effecting him, how guilty he must be feeling and how much of a failure he must think that he is. He isn’t though, not really; trying too hard and getting wound up doesn’t make him a failure, it just means that he needs to try again until he gets it right.

“Yeah, Gee, I’m here.”

“Is Mikey really that bad?” I can tell that he’s trying to sound strong, but a deaf man would have been able to hear the biting desperation in his voice; a voice that sounds extremely groggy and out of it. “He’s not really dying, is he?”

He sounds….

Shit, he sounds like he’s got a hangover.

Gerard’s been drinking, hasn’t he?

I want to be furious with him, want to scream at him and let him know how much he’s fucked up; but I can’t. He’s my boyfriend, although half the time I wonder why I bother, and he’s hurting. Hurting bad enough to make him turn back to the alcohol that made his brother slip away from him all of those years ago. Hurting bad enough for me to want to just go to him and hug him until it’s all better. Because that’s what I do; I make everything better. Or I try to. Really, I do.

So how do I answer him without making him hurt even more?

I can’t. I just have to be honest; he did this and so he has to deal with it, whether I like it or not my poor boyfriend deserves to be hurt after what he did to his poorer little brother.

“Yes, Gerard, he is.” I wince as I hear Gerard, the strong one who never lets his true emotions show until it’s way too late, whimper down the phone in complete despair. I have to carry on though; have to use this to my advantage so that I can persuade him to come home. “He’s in your old bedroom, has been since you left. He hasn’t spoken for three fucking days, Gerard. Just cried. He hasn’t eaten anything either, no matter how hard me and Pete try to get him to eat, he just won’t. He’s practically at Death’s door, Babe, and he needs you to come home and sort this mess out.”

“He… He hasn’t been eating for a long time, has he?” His voice tells me that he already knows the answer to that; he just doesn’t want to accept it.

“He’s anorexic, Gee. I’m sorry that there’s no easier way for me to put it, but it’s true. That poor kid is starving himself to death. Over you.”

Okay, that sounded harsh. Way too harsh to come from my mouth and be directed towards my boyfriend; but what choice do I have? It’s the only way that I’m going to get through to him, not to mention that I’m just being honest. I am. Gerard threw his little brother into this deep pit of depression with anchors tied to his ankles, Gee has to face up to that before it’s too late; before he has nobody to apologize to. We both knew that Mikes used to struggle with his non-existent eating habits, but we were both ignorant enough to think that it was one of the few things that we’d managed to fix; for him to hear in such a harsh way that his baby brother is twice as bad than he was when we first knew about his eating problems is horribly cruel. But I really did have no choice.

“Shit. Motherfucking Jesus fucking Christ!” I hear something smash in the background, something that sounds like glass being thrown against a wall, and I can’t help but flinch at how utterly broken he sounds; at how like a lost child he would be sounding like if his language weren’t so colourful. “I have enough to deal with right fucking now!”

Just like that all sympathy I had for him disappears, goes up in smoke at the ignition of his flaming words. He has enough to deal with? Yeah, sure, his life isn’t the easiest to lead but what about Mikey? The poor kid who has been through more than any adult I know has been, let alone any innocent little kid. And the way Gee said it, like Mikes is doing this on purpose just to drag him down and make him feel guilty; fucking disgraceful. Does he honestly think that Mikes wants to cause him more trouble when all that poor kid really wants is to be invisible; to not be a problem? If that’s the way that Gee really feels then I quite honestly hope that he never comes near my little brother again.

Why can’t I just have a nice boyfriend?

Wait, that’s not at all fair. Gee is a nice boyfriend, he’s a hell of a great big brother too, he just lets things get on top of him and he gets confused. Like a lost little child. And that’s why I’m here; he just needs someone to point him in the right direction.

“Gerard Arthur Way, do not speak about your brother like that again! He fucking needs you, Gee. It’s the least you owe him.” My voice starts of strict and harsh, with all of the stinging of a particularly nasty paper cut, but it soon softens when I hear Gerard sobbing like he can’t stop down the phone. “Babe, he just wants you to be here telling him that you love him. It’s the only way to get him to start eating again; you’ve got to let him know that he’s worth saving.”

“Frankie, I’ve fucked up, haven’t I?” He croaks sullenly down the phone, choking on the words as though they’re a challenge for him to get out.

Halle-fucking-lujah!

I swear to God that if such things existed a choir of angels would be crying in joy right now; I’m not pleased that my boyfriend is upset, of course I’m not, just exultingly relieved that he’s finally admitting something to himself that, if admitted long ago, could have stopped all of this from happening. It’s his unwillingness to accept responsibility for bad things that is his notorious downfall, so for him to openly confess that he knows he’s in the wrong is a huge leap forward. Now I just need to use that to close the distance between the two Way brothers, between the two most important people in my life.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Gee. You really have fucked up this time. And the poor kid just can’t take it anymore. He really has snapped, Gee, and you’re the only person who’s got any sort of hope of fixing him.” I pause, thinking deeply as to what I should say next and whether Gerard is too hung-over (as he sounds to be by his slightly slurred speech) for him to fully realise the severity of the situation. I don’t think that he is too hung-over though, he sounds more sober than a Quaker; I guess the idea of losing his little brother to something perfectly preventable is more than enough to shake him out of his selfish little world. “I can’t fix him, Gee. Not on my own anyway; he needs you. He needs his big brother to come home and mend him. Pete can’t fix him either; the guy’s great with Mikes, hasn’t left his side since you left, but, well, he isn’t you. He needs his big brother Gerard, or else he will be dead by the end of the week.”

“Pete’s with him?”

Oh shit. I really shouldn’t have said that.

I had to say that; I have to be honest or else this will never be fixed, lying only makes things worse.

“Yeah, Gee. He is.” I say it sharply, letting him know that I honestly don’t care what he thinks of Pete anymore; I know that the guy is good news and that’s all that matters, that Mikes has got himself a good boyfriend who I know will never hurt him. “And I don’t think I’ve ever seen two people so obviously made for each other. Truth is, Gee, Pete’s taking care of the kid more than I am; he’s the only one out of the three of us who can actually get through to Mikes properly without making things worse. Because he really does love Mikey.”

There’s an almost awkward silence, I can practically hear Gerard thinking; his mind whirring in desperation to find flaw in my statement, to find something to justify his unjust hatred towards the best thing to ever happen to Mikes. Because Pete really is the best thing to ever happen to that poor kid, he’s like a single shining star lending light to an endless night.

“Good.” I think I just saw a flying pig. “Mikey needs someone. I’m not stupid; I know that. He’s just so little, Frank, I don’t want him to get hurt.” He mewls softly down the phone, making my heartbeat race in relieved shock; this could definitely be going a hell of a lot worse. “I’m a terrible big brother!”

“No, Gee, no you’re not. You know why?” The pained lack of speech gives me just enough time to think of the right sort of response. “Because, and I’m sorry to say this, you aren’t his big brother anymore.” I hate having to say this to my soul mate, but I know it’s the best shot I have in my arsenal. “You’re some stranger trying to be a parent to an orphan when all Mikes needs is his big brother. And you’re not even a terrible guardian, Gee, you just try too hard. You need to learn to listen to the kid when he actually tries to tell you something instead of acting like you know it all. I need you to listen to me when I tell you this; you have to come home or else Mikes will die.” I pause for breath, regretting a fair few of my words when I hear Gerard sobbing freely down the phone. “But it has to be the big brother who comes back, not some stranger trying to be a parent.”

I don’t think that I’ve ever been so sincere in my life and I couldn’t be happier with the quality of my words; of course I feel horrible that I’ve made Gerard cry, but when I think of all of the times that he’s made Mikes cry like it’s the end of the world I find myself struggling to be all that sympathetic towards my boyfriend.

“Frankie, I’ve been drinking. I’m sorry, but I have and I don’t know what to do!”

What is it with me and people not knowing what to do?

I’m only nineteen myself, the same age as Gerard and one year older than Pete, how should I know what to do any more than they do? I shouldn’t. But I have to. I have to forget that I’m only still a teenager myself and be the adult in this situation; if I don’t, nobody will. Because Gerard’s too lost in despair to be responsible, Pete’s too busy comforting his boyfriend to do anything else right now (not that I resent him in any way for that) and Mikes, well, Mikes is only sixteen and he’s been through too much already without having to take on any role of responsibility at the moment. Not that he could if he had to; the poor kid isn’t capable of speaking right now let alone acting like an adult. But at the same time Mikes is definitely the most grown-up one out of the lot of us; for him to have gotten so far without breaking down like this before or snapping at people like Gerard does all of the time really makes me respect the kid a hell of a lot. I just wish that Mikes could see how amazing he truly is; he has the tolerance of train; the goodwill of a saint; the innocence of a baby, even if he has done some very un-innocent things with Pete; the inner strength paralleled only by the outer strength of a bull and the loyalty of a guard dog.

All things that can be curses when used in the wrong way. Take his innocence, for example, it means that he never acts out against anyone who hurts him, always just takes it as though he deserves it, because his loyalty to the words that his brother says has convinced him that he does.

But right now Gerard’s waiting for an answer on how he can fix this beyond-awful situation, on how he can rescue a falling angel.

“Gerard, listen to me, Babe.” I hear him whimper as he tries to quieten his sobs; he really is so much like Mikes that it’s scary sometimes. “How much have you had?”

There is an absolutely devastating pause, the kind that tells me more than I desire to know.

“Since Tuesday? I honestly don’t know.” A tear bursts out of my left eye at his helpless tone. “I haven’t drunk anything since last night though; I just have a really bad motherfucking headache.”

Good. It’s the least he deserves for damn near killing his baby brother over something that should have been good news, something that was good news that Gerard just couldn’t accept because he really is way too overprotective of the kid. But he wants to make up for it and he will. I know he will. I think that this has finally made him see through his arrogant ignorance; I think that this event might be the one thing that fixes the Way brothers forever. For good.

“Okay.” I sigh down the phone, thinking at a million miles per hour. “Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you.”

“Newark Pay’n’Stay Motel.”

I twist the keys into the ignition of the Ferrari, truly grateful that this is a sports car and, therefore, can easily get me to Gerard in twenty minutes tops. Every minute is vital when Mikey’s life is in the balance.

“I’m on my way, Gee.”

This is it; I’m finally going to fix the Way brothers.

Or rather, the Way brothers are finally going to fix themselves.






A/N: Thank you sooo much for reading, sorry if it sucked; I kinda struggled with this, so I hope that it turned out alright. There are only a few chapters of this left to go now, I’m thinking around two or three, so I hope that this is doing alright and not getting boring. For anyone interested, I’m starting a new chaptered story (it will be a Frikey) and the prologue for that should be up pretty soon. Thank you very much for reading and please review! :)