FicWad

The buzz and excitement of the show that night had sucked all the energy out of Brendon, He collapsed on to his bunk, finally allowing the hangover from the previous nights to set in. Jon and Spencer had disappeared in search of a curry, leaving Ryan to mull over his ill thoughts on his own. Once again, Brendon had turned up to perform with an air of heavy drinking about him, he had most unnaturally barely spoken a word before hand and struggled with his voice to reach the many high notes on stage.
Muffled snores began to travel from Brendon’s bunk, increasing Ryan’s temper. Out of spite, he began banning his way around the tour bus, slamming cupboards shut, clunking glasses together and generally being deliberately loud. Finally Brendon’s head popped out of his bunk.
“Oh I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Smirked Ryan in mock innocence.
“Look, I’ve already said I’m sorry haven’t I? And now been publically humiliated for it too, what more do you want from me?” Demanded Brendon, Ryan shrugged half heartedly,
“Sorry means nothing,” he mumbled, not looking Brendon directly into his eye, wanting to pick a fight but not really wishing to be the one who initiated it.
“Here we go again,” Brendon sighed, Ryan turned to him, a questioning look on his face, not quite sure what to make of that comment,
“Oh come off it,” Brendon continued, “Just because I have a drink every now and then doesn’t mean I’m an alcoholic, doesn’t mean I’m going to end up in hospital, an incurable fuck up.” Ryan, who from experience, knew that it was in fact Jack Daniels talking and not Brendon, but still his words hurt for he knew that it was an unspoken jibe at his father. Brendon collapsed back onto his bed, shut his eye’s and sighed, “Look I’m-“
“Fuck you Brendon.” And with that, Ryan slammed out of the bus.
Brendon sighed again, he knew he ought to go out and apologize to Ryan, but his headache urged him to remain where he was. With great effort, he hauled himself out of bed and flicked on a kettle, his body in urgent need of caffeine.
Minutes later, he wondered outside, two steaming cups of coffee for himself and Ryan. Ryan was lent up against the bus, his breath dancing out of his mouth in clouds of mist, his cheeks catching the light in their glaze. Noticing Brendon, he turned his head and drew his sleeve up to his face, sniffing a little.
“I wouldn’t be out here in the cold with a headache like that, might make it worse,” Said Ryan, his tone dripped sarcasm. Brendon offered him the coffee, which Ryan took slightly reluctantly, deciding it was too cold to reject it out of spite.
“It’s character building,” said Brendon, a slight smile playing on his lips,
“Why do you do it to yourself?” Ryan finally said after minutes of silence,
Brendon shrugged, “ It’s not like it’s anything serious,” he began, but Ryan cut across him,
“But that’s how it always starts, just a bit of fun, but I just can’t see how, you only end up hurting not just yourself but everyone around you, you may feel on top of the world at first, but to everyone else, everyone who’s sober, it just seems pathetic, you behave like a dick, you do things you regret, and then you can’t face the repercussions when you finally wake up,”
“Ryan,” Brendon began, grabbing his best friend by the shoulder and forcing him to look into his eyes, “Ryan, I’m not a drunk, I just like to drink,”
“But that’s what they all say!” Ryan exploded, sending his coffee everywhere, “And before you know it, you have a wife you don’t love, a kid you don’t want and hospital bill’s you haven’t a hope in paying” He flung his arms up in the air, pacing up and down, before finally sliding down against the bus again. Brendon slid down next to him and put an arm around Ryan’s shoulders, which he half-heartedly attempted to shrug off but gave up, deciding instead to nestle into them. Brendon rested his head on top of Ryan’s, gently rocking him until his breathing returned to normal,
“We should get inside,” Brendon sighed, making to move,
“No,” Ryan said a little more forcefully the intended, “No,” He repeated in a whisper, “just a… just a little longer” He looked up to Brendon who stared back down at Ryan with his deep brown eyes. Before either of them realized what had happened, their lips lightly made contact, caught in the moment under the stars, neither recoiled however but accepted that it was two close friends, keeping out the cold, keeping each other company. Brendon brought his hand up to the side of Ryan’s face, pulling him in, going deeper, his hands roaming Ryan’s hair, his cheek, his sculpted neck, Ryan not objecting but inching for more until both had run out of breath. They remained where they were, just staring at each other for endless moments, enjoying the warmth of each others company.
Finally the moment was broken by a ringing from Ryan’s pocket. Brendon couldn’t help but feel his stomach drop a little as he say the caller ID belonged to Ryan’s girlfriend.
“I should…” Ryan began a little awkwardly, Brendon shrugged as if to say ‘go ahead’ and let go of Ryan. Brendon headed inside, not wishing to over hear some sickly sweet conversation lasting several hours. However, Ryan joined Brendon back on the bus moments later no longer on the phone and collapsed onto the sofa.
“Bit of a break from tradition isn’t it?” Queried Brendon, searching the kitchen for something edible.
“I couldn’t face a long conversation, besides, she’s invited herself to the show tomorrow so we can catch up then,” Again Brendon felt a slight drop of disappointment in his stomach, was this jealousy? No, of course not, he was just envious that Ryan was in a relationship where he always had someone there to comfort him.
“Right” Said Brendon, finally pulling out a can of beer, Ryan snapped up at the sound of the can fizzing open before Brendon had realized his mistake, Ryan just raised his eyes skeptically at Brendon before he slunk off into his bed. Fuck it thought Brendon, downing the can before reaching for another.
Brendon woke the next morning in a thoroughly irritable mood and not all that sure why until he saw Ryan sitting at the table scribbling in his ever present notebook, still in his pajamas, his hair standing on end. Brendon moaned in the bright light whilst in search of something hot to drink. Ryan looked from his paper, on realizing it was Brendon he just grunted dropping his head back to his writing. Brendon sighed and went to sit next to Ryan.
“Look… I” But before Brendon could continue his attempt to justify the events of last night Jon strolled in,
“Morning Gents” He called, “Might wish to avoid the top bathroom for a while, curry last night was a bad idea,” When neither of them sniggered, he looked up from the paper, “Wrong side of the bed this morning?” he asked in his still jesting manner. Again, neither of them as much as acknowledged Jon’s attempt to make light conversation, Brendon just continued to stare a Ryan in his notebook, a slight look of being lost and hurt was playing on his face,
“Seriously, did I miss something last night?” Jon demanded, folding up his paper and putting both hand onto the table, looking back and forth between the two. Ryan looked up,
“I wouldn’t ask Brendon, I doubt he remembers,” Ryan glared at him before closing his pad and headed to the kitchen.
“I remember enough to know where your priorities lie,” Brendon snapped back before slamming his way out of the bus, both pairs of eyes remained on the door that had just swung shut, a look of puzzlement etched across Ryan’s face,
“Who the fuck is slamming about the place so early?” Called Spencer, stumbling out of his bunk, rubbing his eyes.
“You guys fight last night or something?” Jon turned to Ryan,
“I, er, yeah, something like that… He was drunk…” This seemed to explain everything to Jon,
“I’ll go grab him before he considers bailing out for tonight,” Jon dashed out calling after Brendon.
On his return, Brendon regained his bubbly self, laughing and non-stop talking through out rehearsals. He and Ryan seemed to have reached some unspoken agreement to remain civil to one and other, nobody seemed to press the matters of what happened that morning.
There was the usual last minute madness before going on stage, everyone was all hyped up, drumming with their feet, tapping with their hands or singing at the top of their voices. Amongst the havoc, Brendon couldn’t help but notice Ryan slip out of the dressing room into the hallway to take a call in peace. Brendon followed him out moments later just as Ryan turned round the corner at the end of the hall, then came an almighty high pitched squeal and saw Ryan stumble back, this great mass of blond hair clinging onto him, she lent in to his mouth but he just raised it and pecked her forehead looking slightly irritated,
“Look, I’ll talk to you after the show, I need to run… we’re on any minute,” Ryan put her down and turned away with out a word, “Brendon, what are you doing out here? We need to get ready!” Ryan’s voice began to rise
“I was seeing where you fucked off too…” Brendon retorted heatedly,
“Well I’m here now so get going,” Ryan pushed passed Brendon, but not before he got a hold on Ryan’s arm,
“Ry…” Brendon’s tone was soft as he looked directly into his eyes,
“She brought Dad…” Was all he said, avoiding his best friends eye,
“There’s m’ boy” Bellowed a burly man who had the air of an ex military official that had let himself go, the only resemblance he had to his son was the same mousey brown hair,
“Go,” Ryan hissed at Brendon, “Now!” He said as Brendon opened his mouth in protest, Brendon gave Ryan’s arm a quick squeeze before he ran back inside.
Nobody had noticed their absence and were still loud and chatty when Brendon slipped back into the dressing room. He sat close to the door, trying to hear what was going on outside, but it was no good, they were all being too god damned loud. About five minutes later, the door finally opened and Ryan shuffled in, Brendon lept up, reaching his arm out for Ryan’s shoulder but he shrugged it off walking straight past. Was is Brendon’s imagination or was Ryan wincing a little with every movement? Brendon didn’t get a chance to speak to Ryan before the show and he didn’t wish to raise the matter in the interval as Ryan clearly wanted the distraction of the music to ease his mind. However, after a long and infinitely more successful performance, Brendon finally managed to corner Ryan.
“What happened?” He demanded, deciding against beating about the bush,
“Nothing,” Ryan said automatically trying to get past Brendon, but he stuck his arm in Ryan’s way, “Honestly, I just told him to go home… and he left,” Ryan reached for his pocket as it began to vibrate, “I have to go,” He said before successfully pushing past Brendon. He sighed, maybe when things had calmed down then he’d have a chance to talk to Ryan, and so he absent mindedly reached for a beer. Shortly afterwards they all returned to the tour bus, Ryan however slipping off to have dinner with his girlfriend. It only took a handful of beers before Brendon was even more hyper than normal singing and dancing on the tables, generally being the centre of attention. Nobody seemed to notice Ryan slip in as he left moments later after a glance in Brendon’s direction.
After much more singing and dancing, Brendon finally announced to his audience that he needed fresh air and flounced outside. “RYAN” He bellowed at the sight of his best friend leaning against the tour bus, both headphones in trying to drown out the noises coming from inside. Brendon ran up to Ryan and flung his arms around his neck.
“Gerroff!” Ryan tried to push away but Brendon had unintentionally knocked the wind out of him, “Brendon, I said Fuck off.” when Brendon still hadn’t let him go.
In his ecstasy he failed to notice the red rims around Ryan’s eyes, but still continued to smother him. Finally Ryan drew a fist back and hurled it at Brendon’s stomach. Brendon recoiled, sober in a second, hurt like no other etched across his face, never before had Ryan hit him. Before he knew what he was doing, Ryan pulled his arm back again, this time getting Brendon in the side before instantly hitting him once more in the other side. Brendon made no attempt to defend himself but continued to stare at Ryan, more concerned for the tears now cascading down his cheeks. Ryan limply drew his arm back again but this time Brendon caught it just as Ryan collapsed into his arms. Brendon, although bemused by Ryan’s behavior didn’t question it but just continued to hold him, making occasional shushing noises to try and calm him. Eventually the violent sobs began to subside, Ryan drew his head back to look at Brendon, both seemed to remember the events of the night before,
“I’m sorry,” Ryan attempted to whisper, Brendon seemed to understand and shook his head,
“Lets go for a walk,” Brendon suggested, taking Ryan by the shoulder and leading towards the edge of town.
It didn’t take long for the urban houses to subside and make way for trees and fields and soon the noises of the town were inaudible and the pair were lying on their backs, stargazing in the middle of a deserted field. Brendon remained silent, allowing Ryan his own time until he felt ready to talk, if in fact he was going to.
Finally Ryan sighed, “He was mad I hadn’t told him I was on tour,”
“Did he…” Brendon wasn’t quite sure how to finish the sentence without causing offence,
“Hit me?” Ryan finished it for him, “Nah, he was rough but he… no.” His voice trailed off again, “He said he wanted to see me play and he hoped for my sakes that I was as good as the press was making out, I dunno, he seemed for the first time that he wasn’t mad at me for dropping out of college, almost as though he was…” Ryan sighed again “wishful thinking…”
“So… where did he… where is he now?” Brendon tried tentatively,
Ryan shrugged, “In an over turned car I expect,”
Brendon sat up, looking down on Ryan, not quite convinced by his nonchalant tone. Sure enough, Ryan’s face clouded over with worry,
“Is there anything…” Brendon didn’t finish before Ryan shook his head, pulling Brendon back down and tucking his head into Brendon’s chest,
“I just… don’t want to think right now,” He whispered sleepily, shutting his eyes, Brendon shifted a little closer, breathing a little deeper at the scent of Ryan’s hair and lacing his fingers between Ryan’s.
“The world is so much more peaceful at night,” Ryan sighed after moments of silence, “I don’t want it to end, maybe the moon will forget to go down tonight…” His voice trailed away, he shuddered a little in the cold and pulled himself closer to Brendon,
“Ry…”
“Mm?” Ryan lifted his head, underestimating how close they were, his lips collided with Brendon’s. The both recoiled a little in shock, but only for a moment, both deciding that they enjoyed it too much to care. Its ok, it’s not like I’m gay, I’m just keeping Ryan happy, and besides, it’s something to do… Brendon tried to convince himself. Soon however, the pair found themselves wanting more, the kiss grew deeper, their hands began wondering, Brendon grabbing fistfuls of Ryan’s hair, Ryan’s hands slipping under Brendon’s shirt, mapping out his chest, pulling himself in tighter still. Brendon’s mouth began to wonder down Ryan’s neck, over his collar bone, Ryan made a deep noise somewhere in the back of his throat. Before it could get any further however, Ryan’s phone began violently vibrating in his pocket, Brendon swore before he could stop himself.
“Yeah…” Ryan sighed into his phone, “Yeah, he’s with me… yeah, all fine, alright,” And he hung up. The pair lay there in silence, stargazing, not entirely sure what to say to each other. As always, it was Brendon who broke the silence.
“Are you… are you going to tell, tell her?” Ryan’s knew he was referring to his girlfriend,
“No,” Ryan said a little affronted, “It’s not like anything serious happened…” His voice trailed off, they were both wondering the same thing, if Ryan hadn’t got a phone call…
“Right,” Brendon felt a little put out. After more silence, Ryan began to rummage in his pockets, lighting up a cigarette that smelt like more than just tobacco. “But…” Brendon started,
“Brendon, you don’t always have to fill a silence, sometimes just being is enough.” Ryan’s voice was already sounding a bit looser, slightly more dream like,
“But-”
“Brendon.”
“But say if-“ Before he could finish that thought however, Ryan had once more planted his lips on Brendon’s in an attempt to keep him quiet. It was soft but forceful, only lasting a few moments but it certainly took the breath out of Brendon. Ryan drew back, looking at the face he had left on Brendon he giggled.
“What…?” Brendon demanded, however, this only made Ryan laugh more, “What?” He demanded again,
“You liiiiked it!” Ryan laughed childishly,
“Well I take it so did you?!” Ryan continued to laugh like a child trying to keep a secret, “Go to hell,” Brendon snapped only half sincerely,
“If I’m going to hell you’re coming with me,”
“Nuh-uh, neither of us are going to hell in that case”
“I am,” Ryan sighed, Brendon failed to notice his change in tone,
“Why’s that?”
“Because…” he sighed, “Because I am a Ross, and Rosses go to hell.” Brendon was silenced for a moment, caught off guard by Ryan’s sudden seriousness,
“Well, I guess we’ll just have to change your name then,” Brendon said, trying to maintain the light heartedness from earlier. When Ryan didn’t reply, Brendon tried again, “The only thing you’d be going to hell for is for being so bloody greedy with that joint!”
“Oh… sorry…” Ryan murmured, passing the splif to Brendon, his mind clearly wandering dangerously again. They continued to lie in silence, sharing there way through a few more splifs before the peace became too much for Brendon, he sprung to his feet,
“Let’s dance!” He beamed, holding his hand out to Ryan, clearly the weed had gone to Brendon’s head already,
“We don’t have any music,” Ryan moaned, content just to lie down,
“We’ll improvise.” Brendon grabbed Ryan by the hands and pulled him to his feet, reluctantly Ryan began to sway with Brendon. Brendon began to hum some tune that Ryan was pretty sure was made up but it was easy to sway gently to and so long as it was just that then Ryan didn’t mind. However, Brendon decided the tune needed more beat and before long Brendon was jumping around the place, balling at the top of his voice, moving around too fast for Ryan to keep up with that together they fell into a tangle of limbs, not entirely sure which way was up. Brendon collapsed into a fit of giggles and Ryan too couldn’t help but laugh. On another weed induced impulse, Brendon’s fingers stretched out and began to tickle Ryan in every spot he could find. It didn’t take long before Ryan was shrieking like a girl, crying out for Brendon to stop. Once again, they were interrupted by Ryan’s phone, which after a couple of moments of catching his breath, Ryan picked up. Brendon was still snickering beside Ryan, attempting to tickle Ryan whilst he was still on the phone. Ryan however sprung to his feet irritably, concern sweeping across his face. Brendon lept up too to try and continue harassing Ryan, however he noticed all too late that Ryan’s face had blanched and fell to his knees. He let his phone drop a moment later, looked up at Brendon and somehow managed to choke out the words, “Dad… Car Crash…” Brendon didn’t waste time with prying questions but picked up Ryan’s phone calling Spencer and Jon to come and pick them up. It was too far to walk back with Ryan is a state like this.
“I have to go to the hospital.” Ryan was back on his feet, already pacing the field.
“Ok, someone’s coming, they’ll be here soon and can take us,” Brendon tried to reassure Ryan,
“Right… right…” he said absent mindedly, “I have to go to the hospital” he repeated,
“Ryan,” Brendon began in a soft voice,
“No Brendon. I have to go to the hospital.” He was pacing the field, unsure of where to place himself.
“I know, and we will, and everything will be fine.”
“Right, right…” Never before had Brendon seen Ryan this distressed, even on days when Ryan had turned up on Brendon’s doorstep late at night, painted with bruises, requesting to spend the night away from his own home. Finally headlights appeared at the edge of the field and Brendon dragged Ryan over to the car, meeting a confused looking Spencer. Ryan was silent the entire car journey whilst Brendon filled Spencer in with as much as he knew. Ryan moved like a sleepwalker into the hospital and up to the reception desk. Brendon put his hand on Ryan’s shoulder to let him know he was there. When they reached it however, Ryan seemed to have frozen, just stating blankly at the nurse.
“Ross,” Brendon told her, “George Ross, car crash?”
“Are you related?” She enquired,
“My Dad,” Ryan mumbled,
“Ok Mr Ross, if you’d like to take a seat in the waiting room, your father is in intensive care right now but I shall send a doctor in when we have more news of his condition.”
Ryan sunk into the nearest chair, Brendon and Spencer either side of him, watching him cautiously as though he was about to explode, never had the seen Ryan like this and were unsure of the way he would react, him and his father had never really seen eye to eye, but they were still family, the only close family Ryan had. He looked up to Brendon and Spencer’s face and smiled weakly, “It’s ok, I’m not gunna start screaming or anything crazy.” Brendon smiled at him reassuringly, to which Ryan sighed, resting his head on Brendon’s shoulder. Brendon took his hand and squeezed it, tracing small circles with his thumb. Ryan tilted his head up, his lips inches from Brendon’s neck, just breathing on it.
“Ryan…” Brendon began cautiously, aware that Spencer was right next to them. Ryan sighed before getting to his feet, mumbling something about a restroom before leaving. Brendon too got the his feet,
“Maybe I should…” he began to explain to Spencer but he wasn’t really paying attention, thinking nothing of how close the two were behaving towards each other. Brendon found Ryan bent over the sink, running the tap so the water just kept coming.
“Ry…?” Brendon reached his hand out to his shoulder, to which Ryan shuddered a sigh,
“I should have let him stay, watch the show, he might have liked it,”
“Oh god Ry, you can’t think like that, it’ll all be fine anyway,” Brendon’s voice trailed off. Simultaneously they wrapped their arms around each other. It wasn’t long before Brendon once again found himself comforting Ryan and enjoying it. Damn it. Do I have no self control? Brendon pressed Ryan up against the counter, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt, drawing their hips together. Ryan moaned into his mouth at the exact moment the door banged open. Ryan and Brendon whipped apart too late, turning to see a stunned and somewhat pissed looking Spencer. There was a moment of awkwardness before Spencer broke the silence.
“Ryan, a doctor has come to speak to you,” Spencer said quietly, Ryan fled the room Brendon close on his heals but Spencer grabbed his and shut the bathroom door. Brendon looked guiltily at his feet.
“Ok… what the fuck was that?” Spencer rounded on him,
“I… he was upset… he wanted comfort… I…”
“He has a girlfriend!”
“I know,” Brendon whined,
“Are you guys like… a thing?” Brendon swiftly shook his head.
“So you’re still straight?”
“Yes!” Brendon cried several octaves too high,
“Right… not that I’d have a problem” Spencer quickly amended, “It’s just… odd. You two.”
“No, I know” Brendon said quickly to save anymore awkwardness, “We better go after Ry”
They returned to the waiting room where they found a solemn looking doctor patting Ryan awkwardly on the shoulder.
“I’m sorry son, you can come see him if you wish? He’s been cleaned up.” Ryan nodded. “He’s in room 125” Ryan looked to Brendon, he had never seen him look so lost as he walked towards his father’s ward. Brendon and Spencer were close on his tail but halted when they finally reached the ward, allowing Ryan to be on his own. Ryan didn’t know what to do, whether to break down and sob his heart out, to stroke his cheek, to shout at him for his stupidity or walk away like nothing had happened as he had done so many times before. He looked back over his shoulder to Brendon. Something in Ryan’s eyes triggered him to step forward, reach out and take his hand. Spencer remained the other side of the threshold.
By the time they had finally left the hospital, it had grown light outside. On arriving back at the tour bus, Spencer had run ahead to inform everyone of what had happened and to go easy on Ryan. Everyone went silent when he walked on the bus, scared that anything they may say would upset him. However, Ryan had not spoken a word since leaving the hospital, neither had he let go of Brendon’s hand. The two sat together in the lounge, Ryan’s head resuming its place on Brendon’s shoulder as he stared into space, Brendon single handedly flipping through a magazine. Having not spoken to Spencer since the hospital, Brendon feared that he may have told Jon, but judging by Jon’s constant supply of food and drink and keeping the respectful quite, he either didn’t know or didn’t care. Brendon had managed to get a few words from Ryan whilst persuading to eat something but other than that the bus has been eerily silent. The silence was finally broken around lunch time by none other than Pete Wentz. He ran on the bus and immediately wrapped his arms around Ryan.
“I’m sorry dude.” He said whilst squeezing Ryan, to which he smiled gratefully. “look, I don’t mean to be insensitive or anything, but there are a couple of business bits to sort out,” Ryan frowned at him questioningly, noticing that Spencer and Jon had both entered the room, “Basically, you’re still in the middle of your tour, you’ve got a show tomorrow night, and a couple of interviews between now and then, but basically there is no point continuing with the tour if you can’t perform, I can cancel or postpone the next couple of shows, at least until the funeral,” Ryan looked at Pete stricken,
“No. Nu-uh. No way.” Ryan hurried, “We can’t cancel.” Spencer stepped forward,
“Dude, seriously, we don’t mind if you want to, go see your mum or something?” He said softly,
“And do what exactly? Reminisce over the happy times we had together?” he spat bitterly. His grip on Brendon’s hand had tightened. He sighed, “Sorry, I just… I want to do what I’m supposed to do. There is no point moping around feeling sorry for myself.” Spencer nodded.
“Right, so is that settled?” Pete chipped in after a moments silence,
“I guess,” Ryan mumbled,
“Ok, final thing, press. They are going to dig this. Get all the fan girls feeling sorry for you, do you want me to keep it hushed up?” Ryan shrugged,
“They don’t need to know, but there is no point you going out of your way to stop it.” Pete nodded,
“Right, I’m gunna have to steal a couple of you guys for an interview around four, don’t worry Ryan, you don’t have to come if you want to, nothing too serious, just need two of you, who ever is willing.” Pete left shortly after, taking with him Jon and Spencer who had volunteered to do the interview.
It had been silent on the bus for several minutes until Ryan gave a shuddery sigh. “Well that’s that I guess.” And before he could do anything tears sprung to his eyes, slowly running down his cheeks. Brendon enveloped him in his arms. “You know, the worst part is I never really even liked him. We never got on, I was too much of a let down, but he was still my Dad. All I had when mum ditched us. I just don’t know what you do now.”
“It’ll be ok Ry, we’re all here, we’ll help.” Brendon said squeezing his arm. Ryan looked up to him and smiled.
“Oh god, earlier, did Spencer give you hell?” Ryan suddenly looked stricken.
“Nah, well… kinda, just looking out for your girlfriend.” Ryan’s face was blank for a moment then suddenly his eyes widened.
“Shit, I was supposed to call her and meet up with her today, I don’t even know what I did with my phone… fuck it. She can live without me for a while.”
“Ry, she is your girlfriend…” Ryan sighed,
“I dunno, I just can’t seem to remember what I saw in her…” his voice trailed off.
“Well then let her down easy, you can’t put her through hell.”
“I guess, I’ll call her later, can’t really face it now. Was that really all that Spence said?”
“Er, well…” Brendon shifted uncomfortably. “He was pretty shocked, just kinda wanted to know what was going on… between us.”
“Well, what is going on?” Ryan asked somewhat shyly.
“Well, you we… upset, I guess, I was kinda comforting you, I think.” Brendon coughed awkwardly.
“Right… only, that’s not really it is it?” Ryan sat up a little straighter to look Brendon in the eye,
“Then what is it?” In response, Ryan inched a little closer to Brendon, tilted his head slightly and hesitantly leant his forehead up against Brendon’s. Brendon’s breathing grew heavier as he held Ryan’s intense gaze.
“This.” Ryan finally whispered as he laid one hand on Brendon’s neck and drew their lips together. Brendon brought his hands up and curled his fingers around Ryan’s hair and returned the pressure, gently coaxing Ryan’s lips open. After several minutes of wandering hands and needy lips, they finally drew apart, breathing heavily.
“Bren, no one can know.” Brendon nodded vigorously before attacking Ryan’s lips once again.