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Having been shooed from Estel's bedside, Arwen strode purposefully down the hallway toward the suite of rooms shared by her twin brothers. If she could not be with Estel at the moment, then she would see to the well-being of her siblings. Elladan had sat in the water holding Estel, forced to watch as he became less and less responsive, and Elrohir felt as though it should be he who lay wounded in Estel's stead. She knew her brothers well, and knew that they might need some looking after. Arwen reached out her hand to knock, then stopped. She could hear voices from inside the room. Voices that sounded ... upset.

"Stop! Elladan, please! I know you're angry, but throwing things and shouting won't help Estel!" Elrohir's voice was pleading.

The sound of shattering glass was the only reply.

"Elladan! That vase belonged to mother!"

"Then maybe she should have taken it with her!" Elladan's voice was ragged with emotion.

Arwen could bear no more, and knocked loudly, pushing the door open before her brothers could attempt to lock her out. The sight of the elven twins nearly broke her heart. Elladan paced angrily back and forth, carelessly crunching the shards of the broken vase with his boots. Several books had been flung from their shelves and now lay on the floor with pages bent. Elrohir knelt on the floor, hurriedly gathering the pieces of the delicate blue vase.

When they saw their sister, they stopped. Elladan froze, his pacing forgotten. Elrohir set the broken vase gently down. It was obvious that both of them feared that she was angry at their actions.

Anger was the farthest thing from Arwen's mind. She stepped toward Elladan and wrapped her arms around her brother, speaking in low, soothing tones that were eerily reminiscent of their grandmother, the Lady Galadriel.

"Be calm, my brother. Do not let your heart be troubled."

Elladan pulled away from her, staring at the broken vase. "Mother's vase ... I - I broke it. I broke it because it was hers."

Arwen continued to speak soothingly, encouraging Elladan to sit down on his bed. "Shh. I understand, Elladan. The manner of her leaving was abrupt. I have also felt angry with her upon occasion. What I do not understand is what Mother has to do with what happened to Estel."

Taking a long, hitching breath, Elladan looked down at the floor, where Elrohir still knelt beside the shards of the Lady Celebrian's vase. "She left. What if Estel leaves as well? I know we will see Mother when we sail to the Undying Lands, but if Estel dies ... " He could not finish that thought. "I held him as the life left his body for the second time, and it - it made me think of when we rescued her from those foul creatures. It is all swimming around inside my head together. Estel after the orcs had beaten him nearly to death, Mother after they had their way with her, and when I saw him pinned beneath that tree, I - " His voice broke, and he stopped.

"You what? What is it?" Elrohir rose, leaving the shattered vase to sit beside his brother.

"I thanked the Valar that it was not you beneath the tree, Elrohir."

Neither Arwen nor Elrohir spoke.

"Did you not hear me? I was glad it was Estel and not my twin. I saw him lying there, and all I could think of was how glad I was that it was not you. What sort of elf does that make me, that I would think such a thing? My Edain brother is more deserving of eternal life than I, for it was he who took your place beneath that tree."

At that moment, Legolas stepped into the room, fixing a glare on Elladan. "You would tremble with shame for those words if you heard what I have just heard. I have been sitting with Estel, and he is not doing well. The fever has caused him to come in and out of delirium. At several points, he believed that he was exiled again, at the mercy of the orcs. He called for his brothers several times, begging you to stop them from hurting him. He told me that he would give his life for any one of us. To know that the whole time you held him, you were silently thanking the Valar that it was Estel whose life was being slowly crushed out of him would destroy him."

Elladan covered his face with his hands, and Elrohir stared at his brother in shock. "Estel may die yet, and my heart aches that one so dear to me has taken my place. Please, Elladan. Do not say such things. I know you are sorely grieved, but surely you know that I would not wish such pain upon Estel. Had I seen the tree before he did, I would have pushed him aside."

Legolas laid a hand on Elrohir's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "As would I."

The Prince of Mirkwood was truly surprised at Elladan's admission. It was understandable that the twins had a connection that only the two of them could fully comprehend. The unfairness of the situation was what angered him. Estel's half-delirious but brutally honest confession of his deepest fears and feelings was still ringing in his head. His fear of abandonment by his elven family had at first seemed farfetched, but Elladan's outburst made him wonder if there was reason for Estel's fears.

Arwen stared at Elladan wide-eyed and spoke quietly, "I was not here in Rivendell when Estel was brought here, but in the letters I received from you and from Ada, it seemed that he was a sweet, thoughtful child. I understand what Mithrandir meant when he said that Estel was a mortal raised among immortals. What was he to you, Elladan? A pet? An adoring, affectionate little pup to be cherished and then discarded? As you held him, what were your thoughts? That you owed him comfort because his pain spared Elrohir?"

Elrohir reached out to touch his brother's shoulder. "I love you my brother, and if you died, I would wish to join you, but I could never wish suffering on another to spare even you, much less pray to the Valar for it. I cannot be here right now. I must go and see Ada and Estel."

Holding a hand up in the air to halt Elrohir's departure, Legolas called out, "Wait! I came here to inform you of Lord Elrond's decision."

Arwen frowned. "Decision? What has Ada decided?"

"More than injury and illness plague Estel. Some evil spell holds sway over him, causing him to despair. It is as though every hidden fear and every cruel memory are haunting him to the point that Lord Elrond fears for his sanity. He has decided to enter Estel's mind to discover the source of the evil. Mithrandir will assist him, and he wants all of you to be there in case something goes awry."

Having lived with the Lady Galadriel for many years, Arwen understood what this task would entail. "Is it not a violation of his mind? Did Estel ask for this to be done?"

"Nay, he did not. I, too, had such reservations until I listened to Estel's nightmares with Lord Elrond. Many of the dreams seem to be about when he was exiled. He calls for his brothers and for his Ada to help him."

Elladan felt all of his previous anger drain away. Arwen's words had cut deeply, and he was wise enough to know that nothing cut deeper than truth. He knew that he had never thought of Estel as a pet, but his willingness to sacrifice Estel to save his twin showed him that he had perhaps considered his human brother to be in some way ... less. The idea that he had in any way contributed to Estel's insecurity and fear of abandonment made him feel ill. Had he not stood up for Estel against Elrond when the elven lord had exiled him? Elladan flushed with shame at the way he had accused his father of treating Estel badly when he himself was guilty of the same.

"Entering Estel's mind will be dangerous for Ada as well, will it not?" Elrohir asked softly.

Arwen nodded. "It will. He will see what Estel sees in his thoughts and dreams, experience his memories and emotions. My beloved has experienced much, and his dreams are troubled. To see such suffering in his own son will hurt him greatly." Pausing for a moment, Arwen frowned slightly, a small crease marring her flawless skin between her eyebrows. "And, if it is as he fears, that an evil spell causes Estel's despair, the spell could attack him as well."

"He knows this and willingly risks his own life." Legolas stated. "I asked Lord Elrond the same questions, and he told me that he would take the risk because Estel is important to the fate of Middle Earth, and because Estel is his son. His father's heart cries out at seeing his child suffer so."

Arwen's eyes shone with pride. "Ada is truly a warrior of light. I am proud to call such an elf my father."

Unshed tears shone in Elrohir's eyes. "As am I."

Elladan did not speak, still lost in the shame he felt over discovering that he was not the devoted brother he had believed himself to be. Elrohir, Legolas, and Arwen left the room to help Elrond and Mithrandir in any way that they could. Legolas had asked if he would come with them, and when Elladan did not reply, he assumed that it was because he was still angry.

Alone in his room, Elladan was assailed by memories of the night he and Elrohir had brought a two-year-old Aragorn to Imladris. He remembered the tiny fingers closing around his hands, the wide, terrified eyes of a mere babe who had seen his human father killed. The Lady Gilraen was by far too distraught at the loss of Arathorn to comfort her young son, and so Elladan had allowed Elrohir to attend to Gilraen, taking the tiny human into his arms.

Flashback...

"Mama! I want Mama!"

The human child was scarcely more than an infant, and his cries were not cries of temper, but of fear. Elladan had little experience with children, but something about the desperate tone in the voice of the small one made him reach down to lift the child into his arms.

He felt a bond, a kindred spirit in this young one. If there was anything Elladan could understand, it was missing one's mother. His own had sailed to the Grey Havens after being brutalized by orcs. Elrohir had been gravely wounded in their rescue of their mother, and had nearly died. Elladan had nearly lost his sanity when he thought that both his mother and his twin would be taken from him. The Lady Celebrian had not asked about her children, nor had she even bid them farewell before her departure. Arwen's grief over her mother's abandonment had run so deep that she could no longer stay in Rivendell. After Celebrian left, Arwen had gone to stay in Lothlorien with Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn. Her letters had been few and far between.

The tiny human child whimpered, his face buried in Elladan's neck. "Shh, shh, young one. Your mother lives. She will be all right, as will you."

Elladan's long, dark hair hung disheveled, having fallen halfway out of the elven braids he usually wore. Tiny fingers tugged none too gently at his hair. "Da?"

The child's question tore painfully at Elladan's heart. The child had somehow confused him with Arathorn. Both had dark hair that they wore long, and in all likelihood, the young Aragorn had spent little time with his father, as Arathorn had had duties with the Dunedain. Arathorn had been a dear friend, and now he was dead. Elladan could not bring himself to lie to the child.

"No, I am not your 'Da', Aragorn. I am Elladan, son of Elrond of Imladris. Your father was my friend."

"Ell'an?"

"No, young one. Ell-a-dan. Try it again."

"Ell'dan." The child's face lit up with a smile. "Ell'dan!"

Small arms wrapped around Elladan's neck, and he awkwardly patted the messy, dark curls. "Yes, young Aragorn. If you like, you may call me 'Ell'dan'. Do not fear, for I will protect you."

End Flashback

Elladan closed his eyes against the memories, but it did him no good. Despair hovered in the air all around him, and if anyone had been with him, they would have seen that the atmosphere in the room glowed with an unnatural, yellowish light.


Flashback...

Elladan knelt over his foster brother, tears running silently down his face.

With what seemed to be a monumental effort, Estel opened his eyes.

Hoarsely, he managed, "Ell'dan?"

Afraid to touch his foster brother for fear of aggravating his wounds, Elladan reached out to him, then allowed his hands to hover just shy of resting on Estel's shoulders. He was surprised when Estel reached out a shaking hand to grip his. No! He could not watch his brother die, he could not! But, neither could he let go of the hand that gripped his so tightly, just like the tiny fingers of the frightened child Estel had been so many years ago.

End Flashback

The light of day faded into the dusk of evening and then into the darkness of night. While Elrond Half-Elven, Gandalf the Grey, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, Elrohir Peredhil, and Arwen Undomiel, the Evenstar of her people, prepared for the fight to save Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the Hope of Men, the evil had already begun to spread, starting with Elladan, who sat alone in the dark with his memories.