FicWad

Ryans Pov

I started crying as I got out the door. It frightened me. These feelings for a guy was the first. I was confused and scared to feel that way. I was sure my father would kill me if he ever thought I was gay. I was positive I wasn't gay, but every time I'd had sex with a girl, I never felt the love I longed for. Could it be possible? I was confused but i wouldn't let these feelings go on anymore. I'd ignore them. One day my father would be proud and not have to beat me.

I longed for my dads approval so much I don't even know why It bothered me so much if he didn't approve because he beat me all the time. I missed weeks at a time because he beat me nearly to death I didn't want anyone to find out my not so perfect life.

I was positive I had screwed up anything with Spencer so there was no reason to worry about turning gay. I was worried he told me he wouldn't tell anyone but I wasn't sure he would keep quiet.

Spencer was the least of my worries. I walk in the house to see dad sitting on the couch guzzling some whiskey down. I felt my heart pounding in my chest and I smile at him trying to keep calm, "Hey dad." I say as my lip quivers.

"Where'd you go?" he says finishing off the whiskey like it wasn't anything.

I try and keep my body from shaking, "I went to go see if my friend Spencer was okay."

I could tell he wasn't pleased with my answer. "When I was your age if i went to a guys door my dad would beat me. Want to know why? Because he thought I was a queer. Want me to teach you how he beat me."

This time i was afraid for my life. I ran up the stares without a question and locked the door. I was trembling as I heard him pounding on the door. "Now no son of mine is a pussy. If you don't open this door it will be worse."

I was to scared as I trembled in the closet. The pounding ceased than i heared the door crash down. He tore my room apart until the door of the closet flew open and he now dragged me out. I tried fighting back and I clearly knew that was going to haunt me. His fist came crashing against my nose and i could feel the trickling of blood spill from my nose. I tried to move away as i begged him to stop.

What got worse is i felt my pants being ripped off me. I begin panicking and pleating, "Please dad please don't do this!"

My pleas failed, he pulled off his pants. "Here you go little queer. I'll give you dick."

I try pushing him away but he hit me in the back of my head. Everything felt like a sick twisted dream as I feel him enter me with much force. I tried letting out a cry but I was to weak. The blow to my head drained me. All i could do is lay there as he pounded it deeper in me.

"You like this little, queer? You better answer me if you know whats good for you."

I couldn't even open my mouth and than i felt another blow to the back of my head. I finally found my voice as I begin screaming.

"Shut-up!" He hit me again and Everything went black.

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I tried moving to get up but my attempts fail. I just laid there and looked at the blood stained pillow. I move my hands toward my head pulling it away i feel the caked blood. I cry in pain as i moved to sit.

I was really sore, I could hardly move. I waddle to the bathroom door to look at the damage. My nose had dried blood under it but i had no permanent marks. I decided to get in the shower and wash away all evidence of what happened, as i did i cried.

I could remember a time where dad was like any other father; caring, loving, and proud of me. I finished up in the shower.

I put on a fake smile, "Good as new."

No matter how I felt i'd do anything to out the house. I grabbed my backpack and begin the walk to the bus stop. Shane hit my shoulder. "Whats up Rye?"

i take in a deep breath, "Just dandy," I say with my fake smile.

"Not shit, Do you have a cigarette?" He asks smiling at me

I shook my head no and we got on the bus.