FicWad

Isn’t it sad?
I need you to be human
But no one told me
Being human hurts.
I’d much rather be inhuman
Run away and sin.
But a bit of me,
The heart I have left,
Tells me to hold on.
And I see it,
If only a glimpse,
I see what being real is like,
What it must be like to love,
And what it must be like for
Someone to truly love you.
And I don’t want to sin anymore,
I try to fight it,
But in the drowning waters,
I struggle for my heart.
I slip down and I’m sure I’m done,
But you pull me up
And I can breathe,
I can smile,
I can kiss,
I can hug,
And for one moment
I feel as though I may be clean.
But one look in the mirror
Tells me I’m wrong.
I will never be pure,
I will never be worth it.
You deserve someone else
Someone who can fully love you
Without her past, fears, and habits
Biting at her,
Torturing her.
You should have someone whole.
And I tell you I’m not good enough,
But you tell me I am
And I bite my lip,
Tears fill my eyes,
And I want to tell you
Just how untrue that is.
For I may be human now,
But the devil knocks
On my door, every night,
And sometimes I let him in.
But most of the time
I think of your face,
Your heart,
Your eyes,
Your lips,
And I fight the devil
Just on the slight chance
That I may gain
Just a sliver of my soul back,
So that I may be
Closer to deserving the love
That you offer.