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-I'll be okay, is that what you want me to say?-





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(Rian's POV)



I'd never felt so stupid before, so alone, so angry... I had been sitting in Gerard's bed, under his blankets for approximately two hours now. I hadn't heard a thing from him after he had angrily walked out of the room, leaving me to feel guilty. Guilty about what though? I called my family. Last time I checked that wasn't a crime. Why was he treating me like a criminal for it then?

I didn't understand him. He just didn't make sense. One second he was cold, the next he was warm... Then we'd repeat it all over again. I didn't know what Gerard to expect. I didn't know what made him angry and... I didn't know what made him happy.

I felt trapped in his house but not in a trapped-you're a hostage kind of way... more in a I-don't-wanna-leave way. I mean, I didn't want to leave. I felt safe. Sure, Gerard was a little bi-polar but he made me feel safe. I wasn't sure I should feel safe but I did. The idea of him not allowing me to leave didn't scare me as much as it should've. Nothing about Gerard scared me as much as it should've.

I thought I heard footsteps so I became still, listening intently. It turned out to be nothing so I got out of bed, sighing heavily. Why did Gerard have to be so mad at me?

I'd slipped back in to jeans and a tank top but as I got out of bed I still found myself as cold as I'd been when I'd first gotten out of the shower. What was I doing? I wasn't even sure. It wasn't until I reached Gerard's closet that I realized I might be making a mistake. I still opened the closet door and inched inside though. It was pitch black inside until I found the light switch and turned it on, lighting the medium sized space.

It was the neatest space I'd ever set my eyes on. Not one single thing was out of place. There were two boxes placed against the wall, peaking my interest. I slowly walked in to the closet, falling to my knees in front of the boxes. Would they be things from Gerard's childhood? Maybe pictures of him and Mikey? I smiled at the idea.

The first box was a small letdown however, holding nothing amusing from Gerard's past as I'd hoped. Instead it held a series of items that were seemingly random. I sorted through the items, trying to figure out why Gerard was keeping them in the box hidden away. I found a purple scarf, a pink wallet, a keychain... A few headbands. They must be things his ex-girlfriends left once they'd broken up. I remembered the dress Gerard had lent me, saying it was his ex-girlfriends. But as I continued sifting I found more manly items. I shook my head, confused though quickly justified the items... They could still belong to a girl or maybe Gerard was bi-sexual and the items belonged to ex-boyfriends. We'd never discussed his sexuality. He'd mentioned one ex-girlfriend... that didn't mean there hadn't been ex-boyfriends.

I found myself quickly losing interest in the first box and turned my attention to the second box. Once I opened it I found pictures neatly piled in stacks along with a photo album. Now this I was interested in... I went for the stack of pictures first. I turned the first picture over, gasping in complete shock.

It wasn't a picture of Gerard as a kid, nor was it a picture of Mikey as a kid. It wasn't anything I'd refer to as a 'friendly childhood memory' and it wasn't a happy family member of Gerard's...

No, the picture I was holding was of a young man. His face was mashed so badly that it'd be impossible to envision what his facial features had looked like. Blood was everywhere in the picture, skin hanging from the man's face. His body looked mangled... as if it had been run over a couple of times by a semi-truck. I quickly dropped the picture, hoping to find a less creepy second picture.

I sorted through a few pictures before I realized I wouldn't be finding any good memories in the box. I dropped the pile of pictures as my heart raced dangerously. Who would keep pictures like this in a box in their closet? Every single picture displayed a corpse which looked horribly mutilated.

"What are you doing?" Gerard's cold voice cut through me like glass.

I couldn't bring myself to look at him. My lips moved, no sound coming out. What would I say? I was snooping. Did I expect to find what I did? No. Would he explain what the hell he was doing with such pictures? I hoped so...





***



"If I treat you so badly then why do you keep coming back for more?" Emily asked, her eyes narrowing.

Mikey shook his head, unsure as to why he came back to his ex-girlfriend's place. He had thought over Rian's words and realized she was right... He didn't want to be with another girl while all he could think about was Emily. Emily clouded his mind, she took over every inch of his brain. He was sick of being a lovesick zombie, walking around in invisible chains.

"I just need to know if this is ever going to work again." Mikey admitted, unaware of how he would ever really know. Emily was the first girl he truly cared for... She turned out to be so different from the person he thought she was though. Gerard had always hated her. Soon after dating her Mikey found out why. She could be a bitch. She didn't care for many people, if any people at all. She was selfish and she was a slut. Mikey sighed, wondering why these thoughts hit him when he was in her presence. Whenever she wasn't around he thought of all the amazing times he'd spent with her... in bed with her.

Emily's voice softened, "I'm not ready to settle down like you are."

"I'm not asking you to marry me or anything. I'm just asking for fidelity." Mikey explained, thinking it wasn't something huge to ask of the person you're with.

"Yeah, I'm not ready for that." Emily said. "Why can't you just be happy with me the way I am?"

"Because I don't to sleep with you, knowing you're openly fucking other guys. Do you see how that loses it's charm?" Mikey asked, frustrated.

"I don't." Emily answered truthfully.

Mikey shook his head. "That's all I needed to know." With that he walked out of Emily's apartment. The door slamming behind him brought tears to his eyes and he wondered if he'd be able to let go of her now. He sure as hell hoped so. Sometimes he hated her, like now... but that didn't always make letting go easier.



**



(Gerard's POV)



"What are you doing?" I repeated, unable to keep my tone of voice light. Why was Rian going through my things? Why... these things? I felt as if my heart would rip itself from my chest as it painfully thudded.

I needed to talk to her. To apologize? I wasn't sure. I was playing it all by ear. When I saw the light on in the closet... I nearly lost it. I was an inch from losing it currently. Could I hold on long enough to tell a smooth lie? Could I get away with this, while the evidence lay right in front of Rian?

Rian looked away from me, digging her nails in to her hand. I watched as a drop of blood appeared, realizing she'd have to be pressing pretty damn hard to draw blood. "I- I wanted to know more about you..."

"You should have just asked me. I'd gladly tell you anything." I replied, trying to sound as calm as possible.

"What are these?" Rian asked, finally looking up at me. Her eyes held a fire I'd yet to see from her. She gestured to the photographs then placed her hand upon the other box, next to them. What could I say? I was a sucker for trophies. It was stupid to keep trophies but... I couldn't help myself. I made a mental note to burn everything.

I plastered a smile to my face as I spoke, tone light and cheery despite how I felt inside. "They are staged scenes Rian. What did you think they were?" I turned it around on her, testing her. What would she say? If she accused me of something she'd sound crazy.

"S-staged scenes?" Rian asked, licking her lips.

"Yeah. I took the pictures. A friend of mine is in a drama club. He loves theater make up and stuff. I took these pictures for him. He let me keep the doubles as memories of my work. I like photography Rian. What did you think I was in to, murdering people?" I asked, laughing.

"No, of course not." Rian immediately said, smiling at me. Her smile was insincere however and she was now biting her lip. She looked scared. Did she not believe me? It was far-fetched sure... but so was the idea of me murdering people, as far as Rian was concerned anyway.

"What do you think of the pictures?" I asked, attempting to pretend that I was genuinely interested in what she thought of my 'photography' work. In all honesty I wanted her to keep her eyes away from the photographs. I never wanted her to see them again.

Rian stared directly at me, pausing before answering my question. "I think they are sick."

I found myself smiling at her answer. "They are a little dark." I agreed, "But who isn't a little sick in this world?"

"I'd like to think that most people aren't this sick." Rian replied. "Though I don't pretend to have insight in to anyone's head."

I nodded, watching as she began to relax again. I was thankful. I didn't want her to believe that the pictures were real. I didn't want to have to dispose of her. Not yet. "So, ready for the party? We are supposed to be meeting Mikey soon."

"Oh, sure." Rian said, smiling awkwardly.

"Great!" I exited the closet. "Just leave the photo's. I'll clean up in there later."

Rian emerged behind me and I closed the closet door, thinking of how I'd have to get rid of all of my memories. It was a little sad but for the best. After all... I wouldn't want anyone else to stumble upon them. Again, I was no fan of the idea of spending time behind bars. For my crimes? Once inside I'd never get out.

Rian awkwardly stood next to my bed, not saying anything. I broke the silence, "You don't seem to be in a partying mood." I joked.

Rian plastered a fake smile upon her face and spoke in a cheerful voice that did not belong to her. "I am! Bring the party on." Then she laughed nervously, "I've never partied before."

I grinned, "It's not that hard. There isn't a manual or anything."

Rian nodded, "I figured there wouldn't be. Why make it easy for girls like me?"

That made me laugh, "Girls like you don't need any help fitting in at parties, believe me. You're the reason that guys like me even go to the parties."

Rian smiled, biting her lip. "Well, if I'm already here with you then what are you going for tonight?" To kill.

"I'm going because you want to." I replied, giving her a charming smile.

"You want to as well, don't you? I don't want to force you!" Rian quickly told me, sounding slightly panicked.

I laughed and shook my head, "I want to go too. It will be fun. It's a traffic light party by the way so your shirt is next to mine on the bed."

"We're wearing red for... stop?" Rian asked, wrinkling her nose. "Is that a way for us to tell people that we don't want to partake in anything?"

I laughed again, amused by her lack of knowledge when it came to partying. "I'll let you figure out what it means."

Rian made sure I heard her over the top sigh as she shot me a playful glare. She still pulled the red shirt over her tank top though. "Do I look good-ish?"

"You look fantastic-ish." I informed her.

Rian's lips curved upwards in to a smile and she waited for me to pull on my red shirt before she bounced to the bedroom door. "I'm ready to have fun!"

So was I.



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(Okay, so I originally planned to have the traffic light party in this chapter but I ended up ending it before I planned to. I have a lot of stuff I have to get done and I'm super exhausted. Work has been crazy, as usual. I just wanted to get this out. I worked pretty hard on it. I hope there aren't too many errors. I appreciate any feedback. I'll try to make the next chapter extra long to make up for this little itty bitty chapter.)