Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Past Ain't Through With You

Out Of Control

by carmen 3 reviews

Gerard admits to Lindsey that Eliza claims Holly is trying to break up their marriage.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2012-02-18 - Updated: 2012-02-18 - 3221 words

Gerard settled down behind his desk while trying to force Lindsey’s words from his mind. However he could feel those words tearing away at his heart. She didn’t love him anymore, it was over.

“Gee.” Lindsey walked in and crossed to the desk. “I am sorry.”

“Linds, just let it go. It don’t matter.” He answered tiredly.

She shook her head, “Yeah, that’s probably true. You don’t care either.”

“What?" He gave her an incredulous look.

Lindsey crossed her arms in front of her. “If just for once you were honest with yourself you’d understand what I just said. But you’re so busy playing the part of the hurt husband you don’t get it.”

“No, I don’t get it.” He ground out angrily. “I don’t get it at all.”

She shook her head sadly. “Yeah, I know.” With that she turned and left the room.

He watched her leave then leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He didn’t understand anything anymore. When he phone rang he considered ignoring it but finally chose to answer.


“Hey Gee. It’s me, Chris.”

“Yeah, what’s up?” He was trying desperately to control his emotions but right now the last thing he needed was to hear the name Eliza and he was sure that was about to happen.

“Sorry to bother you again but I just think you should know what’s going on.”

“Okay.” Gerard said slowly. “But to be honest if it’s about Eliza I don’t give a shit.”

“Oh.” Chris said softly. “Yeah, it’s about her. She’s hell bent on causing trouble for that friend of yours.”

“Holly isn’t just my friend, she’s Lindsey’s friend too.”

“I didn’t know that.” Chris said with surprise in his voice. “Oh well then it probably doesn’t matter.”

Gerard sighed, “Just tell me what’s going on.”

“Eliza called me a few minutes ago and fuck is she pissed. She and Holly had some sort of run in at a shelter today.”

“Fuck.” Gerard exploded. “She was there again? Why the fuck can’t she just leave us all alone?”

“You know how she is, Gee. She won’t let anything go. A woman scorned and all that.”

“Scorned?” Gerard laughed without humor, “Whatever.”

“Yeah well she seems to hate Holly with a fiery passion. According to Eliza she was just there at the shelter to help out and Holly attacked her.”

“Attacked her?”

“Not physically but verbally. Eliza said that Holly started in on what a bad person she is.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Gerard sighed, “Holly ain’t like that.”

“Well according to Eliza she is. She claims Holly admitted she broke you two up.”

Gerard sat up in his chair. “That ain’t the truth so Holly wouldn’t have said that.”

“I’m just telling you what Eliza said. I tried to tell her that she just needs to let all of this go but she wasn’t in the mood to listen. You remember what she’s like when she gets going.”

“Crazy.” Gerard said supplying the word.

“Yeah, crazy. So now she’s saying that it’s her duty to make sure Lindsey knows what kind of woman Holly really is because she’s sure Holly is gonna try to wreck your marriage.”

Gerard sighed knowing his marriage was already wrecked.

“Hey I just thought I should tell you. I mean if you and Lindsey are both Holly’s friend then don’t worry about it. There isn’t anything Eliza can do.”

“Except start shit on the Net again.’ Gerard said softly.

“Yeah well she’s good at that but it don’t matter.”

It mattered to Gerard. The idea of Holly having to deal with this was overwhelming. “Thanks for the heads up.” He said tiredly.

“No problem.” Chris answered, “Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.”

“Ain’t your fault.” Gerard answered, “It’s my fault for ever getting involved with Eliza.”

As soon as he ended the conversation Lindsey walked in carrying Bandit. “Time for B to got to bed.” She walked around the desk so he could give his daughter a kiss goodnight.

‘Want me to put her to bed?”

“I got it.” Lindsey started to leave the room as soon has his lips had brushed the little girls cheek but she suddenly stopped. “Who was on the phone?”

Gerard told her hoping she wouldn’t question him any further about the call.

“So what did he want?” Lindsey asked, “I heard you mention Eliza’s name.”

It was then Gerard realized he should tell her about both phone call’s from Chris. He explained that Eliza was in LA and that it seemed to Chris that she was out to cause trouble.

“Why does he think that?”

“Well because of what’s she had said to him. I don’t think I told you but Alicia and Holly ran into Eliza last week and it wasn’t pretty.”

“No, you didn’t tell me.” Lindsey answered evenly. “What happened?”

As much as he didn’t want to he knew there was no way to leave Holly out of this conversation. “Eliza hates Holly, she always has. Back when we were together she was rude to her every chance she got.”

Lindsey frowned, “I don’t get it. Why would she do that to Holly?”

“Because she didn’t like that Holly and I were friends.”

Slowly Lindsey walked over and sat down with Bandit still in her arms. “So you two were friends what did that matter?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“I feel like I’m missing something here.” Lindsey said slowly. “Eliza hated Holly because you two were friends and she still hates her?”

Gerard sighed, “It goes deeper than that. I guess Eliza blames Holly for our breakup.”

“Why would she do that? You found out about her lies and broke up with her. What’s Holly got to do with it?”

“She’s crazy, that’s the only answer. Holly didn’t try to break me and Eliza up. Truth is she put up with all of Eliza’s snide remarks because I was engaged to her.”

Lindsey digested that bit of information for a moment. “I see. So I still don’t understand the phone call.”

“Chris called because he’s afraid Eliza is gonna start some shi…” He looked at Bandit then quickly said, “Stuff. She told him that she’s sure since Holly undermined our relationship that she’s going to try to do the same thing to you and I.” He hated admitting that to his wife but there was no way around it.

Lindsey stared at him.

“It’s a load of you know what. Holly is my friend and she’s your friend to. Eliza just hates her so she wants to start trouble. She’s even gone down to the shelter where Christa and Holly help out. She pretended like she was just there to volunteer”

Lindsey snorted, “Yeah, sure she just happened to show up at the same shelter.”

Gerard nodded, “Exactly.”

“What did she say to Holly?” Lindsey asked as Bandit started to become fidgety.

“I haven’t talked to Holly so I don’t know.” He wasn’t going to tell her that Chris said Eliza claimed that Holly admitted she was trying to break up his marriage.

“The woman is a stalker.” Lindsey said as she stood back up.

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, she really is.”

“You should talk to Holly and tell her about Chris’s call.”

He had considered it but hadn’t decided if he should. “I guess, maybe.”

“Holly’s got enough to deal with without having to put up with Eliza.” She said as she started for the door. As Gerard watched she suddenly turned again. “Call her, Gee.”

Her concern for Holly surprised him. “You really like her don’t you?”

Lindsey gave him a surprised look, ‘Yeah, why wouldn’t I?"

He shrugged. “I dunno. You did just meet her.”

“But all of you had talked so much about her when you and I first met it was sorta like I knew her. She’s a kind soul, Gee. But she’s a lost soul.” With that she left the room leaving Gerard’s emotions very confused.


It wasn’t until Molly had been tucked into bed and the three adults were sitting in the living room talking that Holly spoke of her day at the shelter. “I had another run in with Eliza.”

“Are you serious?” Alicia gasped.

“Yep she was there again.”

All three of their heads turned when they heard the kitchen door open. A moment later Gerard strolled in.

“Hey, bro.” Mikey greeted him.

Gerard nodded than sat down. He’d told Lindsey he was going to go over to Mikey’s to talk to Holly about Eliza as his wife had been preparing for bed. She’d agreed it was a good idea. Now however he wasn’t sure how to ease into that conversation. It turned out it wasn’t hard at all.

“Holly was just telling us that Eliza showed up at the shelter again today.” Alicia said looking over at her brother in law.

“Yeah, I know.” Gerard admitted.

“You know?” Mikey asked.

Gerard explained about Chris’s call once again leaving out the part where Eliza claimed that Holly had admitted she was trying to break up his marriage.

“What the fuck is her problem?” Alicia asked angrily. “Can’t she get it through her head Holly had nothing to do with you guys breaking up?”

Gerard noticed that Holly was staring at the floor.

“Obviously she can’t.” Gerard said softly. “She can’t make herself admit that the reason we broke up is because of all her lies.” He paused then added. “And because I never really loved her.”

“But she loved you." Holly said looking into Gerard’s eyes. “She was obsessed with you and would do anything she could to keep you.”

He knew that was the truth. “I just wish I’d never met her.”

For several minutes the room grew silent. Finally Mikey spoke.

“Maybe you should just stay away from the shelter, Holly.”

“I’m not going to do that.” Holly answered. “Besides after today I seriously doubt she’ll go back there and even if she does I don’t think they will want her to stay.”

“What did she do?”

Holly sighed, “She lost her temper said that she and Gerard were happy until I came along, threw down her serving spoon and stormed out.”

“God, what a drama queen.” Alicia said shaking her head.


Several hours later Mikey and Alicia both decided to turn in for the night.

"You stayin’ here tonight?" Mikey asked his brother since Gerard seemed to be making no move to go home.

Gerard shook his head, “No, I’ll head home soon.”

Mikey nodded, “Okay we’ll I’m probably see you tomorrow. What time are you and Lindsey picking up dad?"

“Actually Lindsey is busy tomorrow. You want to go with me to get him?”

“Sure.” Mikey smiled, “What time?”

They made plans for the next day then Mikey and Alicia said goodnight. Gerard looked over at Holly who was once again staring at the floor.

“We need to talk." He said softly.

Holly looked up. “Do you want to go out on the patio?” She had known he wanted to talk to her alone about Eliza.

“Good idea.” He said standing.

Once they were seated at the patio table he spoke again. “I need to tell you what Eliza told Chris.”

“Gosh, there’s more?” The sarcasm in her voice was loud and clear.

Gerard took out a cigarette and lit it. “She told him that you admitted to her that you were here to try to wreck my marriage.”


“That’s what she told Chris.”

Holly tried to control her temper. “That’s a lie. What is she trying to do?”

“She’s trying to make trouble. In her mind I think she truly believes you are the reason she and I broke up so she’s trying to start shit to cause you grief.”

“Does she think you would believe that about me?”

Gerard took a deep drag of his cigarette.

“Oh holy shit, Gee. Please tell me you don’t believe that.”

He realized he should have answered her question quickly. “Of course I don’t believe that. And I know that you didn’t try to break me and Eliza up either.”

Holly sighed, “But I did do something that ultimately caused the breakup.” She whispered.

He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “All you did was to make me see the truth. You kept me from marrying someone I didn’t love because I believed she was pregnant.”

“But if I hadn’t you would have married her.”

“And I would have divorced her as soon as I found out. Holly, you did me a huge favor.”

He could see the glint of tears in her eyes. “I honestly didn’t do it because I wanted you. I never in my wildest dreams thought you and I would get together.” She needed him to understand that was the truth.

“I know that, Sugar.” He said softly. “I believe that with all my heart.” He took another drag of his cigarette then added, “But after the break up we did hook up. And because no one knows that I’m worried.”

“Because it makes what Eliza’s saying seem like the truth." Holly whispered, “Right?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “It sorta does and I hate that. If only we hadn’t kept us being together a secret.”

Holly pulled her hand away from his. “But we did and that was my fault.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You don’t have to because we both know it’s true. And now if it came out just think how had it would look. Eliza’s claim that I broke you too up would make sense. And how would Lindsey feel? Gee, this is all so messed up. I like Lindsey so much but if she found out about us she’d hate me and I wouldn’t blame her.”

“I honestly don’t know how she’d feel.” Gerard said.

“I know how I’d feel.” Holly whispered. “If someone I loved hadn’t told me the truth. This is all so wrong, Gee. I shouldn’t be here. I should never have come here.”

He tossed away the cigarette but then spoke in a determined voice, “Holly, stop that. I’m fucking glad you are here. We all are. What happened between you and me, well that’s our business.”

She had to know. “Gee why didn’t you tell Lindsey?”

“Because you didn’t want anyone to know about us." He answered knowing it wasn’t the whole truth.

Holly started to stand but he grabbed her arm to stop her. “Okay the fuckin’ truth is because the way I felt about you, what we shared I wanted to keep all to myself. Our memories will always be special to me, more than you will ever know. I couldn’t make myself talk about them, I didn’t want to. I keep those memories and emotions buried deep in my heart.”

A sob escaped her lips as she pulled away from him and ran into the house.


Gerard stood preparing to leave when Mikey suddenly walked outside.

“Gee, what’s going on? I just passed Holly in the hall and she looks like she’s crying?”

Briefly Gerard wondered if the lies would ever stop. “Uh, she pretty upset about Eliza. I tried to make her understand that it don’t matter what the bitch says but Holly’s still upset.”

Mikey sat down in the seat Holly had vacated. “Holly’s gotta know we don’t believe any of Eliza’s shit. God we all saw back then how Eliza treated Holly.”

“Yeah, and I should have fuckin’ stopped it.” Gerard said angrily. “But I didn’t.”

“Hey it was hard for you.” Mikey said softly, “We all got that you thought you were in love with Eliza.”

“Yeah but I was so stupid that even once I realized I wasn’t I was still gonna marry her.”

“Only because you thought there was a baby.”

Gerard suddenly felt exhausted. ‘Whatever. I was an idiot.”

Mikey thought a minute then asked. “Gee, how did you find out the truth?’ It was something his brother had never shared.

“What difference does that make, Bro? I found out that’s all that’s important.”

It bothered Mikey that Gerard wouldn’t answer the question but he didn’t push him. “Yeah, that’s true. So have you told Lindsey about any of this?”

“She knows.” Gerard said tiredly. “Matter of fact she’s the one who thought I should talk to Holly about it. She likes Holly and doesn’t want to see her get hurt.”

“But she is hurt.” Mikey said sadly. “I just wish there was someway to make this all go away but I know Eliza.”

“Yeah, unfortunately I do too.”

Suddenly Mikey asked a question that he couldn’t keep inside any longer. “Gee are you happy?”


“With your life? Are you happy?”

Gerard was too tired for this. “Sure, of course.”

Mikey didn’t believe him and it hurt to know his brother was lying.

“Where did that question come from?" Gerard asked.

“Gee, I’m not stupid. I can tell things between you and Lindsey aren’t real good. I just don’t understand why you won’t talk about it with me.” The hurt in his voice was apparent.

“Bro, things are what they are.” Gerard said softly. “Talking about it won’t change anything.”

“I just want you to be happy.” Mikey whispered.

Gerard realized at that moment how much his brother loved and worried about him. It made him feel unworthy. “Mikey, I know you’re always there for me. And I’ll always be there for you too. I’m just going through some shit right now. But it will be okay.”

Mikey wanted to believe him. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’ll see you in the morning.” He said standing. “We’ll pick up Dandy Don then all of us will go to lunch.”

“Sounds good.” Mikey nodded.


On the way home Gerard replayed the conversation with Holly over and over in his mind. What he’d told her had been the truth. His memories of the time they spent together were something he’d never give up, he couldn’t. Right or wrong that was just how it was. He planned on getting home, going to his study and having a drink. He knew the memories would be waiting for him. He also knew he’d drink until he passed out. His life was out of control and he couldn’t stop it , he just didn’t have the strength anymore.
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