Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses

Jack In Wonderland

by BendersBreakfast 0 reviews

NOT A STORY ABOUT GNR, but inspired by GNR. Axl Rose recently gave an interview to Eddie Trunk and told a story about the lead singer of Great White tricking coke dealers into trading him a whole b...

Category: Guns n' Roses - Rating: R - Genres: Humor, Parody - Published: 2006-06-27 - Updated: 2006-06-28 - 793 words

Jack in Wonderland

There were two men covered in a vague white dust sitting at a table beside a bar in a dark corner, and they were filling little bags with cocaine: a man whom looked much like a mouse was sitting between them passed out and they were resting their elbows on him and speaking over his head. "Surely that's uncomfortable for that man," thought Jack "but seeing as he is obviously passed out, I'm sure he doesn't mind terribly."
The table was covered with little bags of cocaine, but they shouted and one shook his free hand at his face "No more! No More!" as Jack approached. "There's plenty more" Jack said annoyed and took a seat across from the gentlemen.
"Have some crack," said the larger of the men in a sales-like voice. Jack looked all around the table, but there was nothing but cocaine. "I don't see any crack," he said to the large man.
"There isn't any," said the man.
"Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it," said Jack angrily.
"It wasn't very civil of you to come to us with no money to spend," said the large man.
"I didn't know it was all your cocaine!" said Jack: "Its bagged for far many more than three."
"Your face wants smashing," said the other man who was much smaller than his companion and had been staring for a long time at Jack curiously. This was his first remark.
"You should learn not to be so rude to your customers." Jack said getting up. He turned and walked off in great disgust, and into a bathroom around the corner.
There was a fly circling the light bulb in the center of the room. Jack watched it intently for a long while before developing an idea.
"What if I were to catch that fly and give it to the men under the pretense of it being a foreign drug?" Jack thought out loud to himself. He began staring at the fly intently again.
At just the perfect moment he shot out his hand and caught the fly. He could hear it vaguely crying "Help me! Help me!"
"I am sorry Mr. Fly," Jack said quietly to the fly in his hand "But you will be dead soon anyway, and I very much need to get out of here."
Jack pinned the fly to the side of a sink in the corner of the room and sliced it in half. He produced an empty vial from his pocket and slipped the two halves inside. He corked it and left the bathroom.
He went again to the men, and again they cried "No more! No more!" at him. He shrugged and moved his plan into action.
"You were very rude to me, I don't want any of your cocaine. I just need a dark place." Jack said, pulling the bottle from his pocket. Jack shook one half of the fly out of the bottle and retrieved a dollar bill from his back pocket. He rolled the bill into a very tight tube and pretended to snort the fly up into his nose.
"What in the world are you doing?" said the larger of the man in great surprise.
"It is an Afghanistani Titsi fly. If you snort it you begin having incomparable hallucinations," Jack replied matter-of-factively. "I'll trade you the second half for two bags of your cocaine."
A look of great distrust came over the smaller of the men's face and he elbowed the sleeping man very hard in the ribs."Donnell! Wake up!"
Donnell sat up slowly, "Let me sleep." He said in a soft tinny voice.
"We need you to tell us something Donnell. Have you ever heard of a drug made from the Afghanistani Titsi fly," said the larger of the men.
Donnell nodded and began to mutter "I once knew a girl named Alice who lived by a well. She loved Afghanistani Titsi fly."
"Where did she get the flies?" asked the smaller of the men.
"From Africa." replied Donnell, drifting back to the table and falling back to sleep.
The smaller of the men turned to Jack. "Fine, you have it, two baggies." He tossed two of the smallest bags to Jack. Jack handed the vial to the larger of the men and promptly turned to leave. He heard their squabbling over who got the fly as he headed to the door. Then he heard a snort and a sudden cry of shock and pain. He began to run, hearing behind him "Catch that jackass!"
"I'll never be able to go back there," thought Jack to himself as he ran as quickly as he could down a wooded path to escape his pursuers.
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