FicWad

Life is not okay right now.
I need to get this out SOMEWHERE.
So might as well put it somewhere where people don’t know me.
I hate it right now.
Everything.
Music doesn’t even help anymore.
I thought I was at my lowest point over two years ago.
I guess… I was wrong.
…
I don’t cut as much as I used to.
Not as much as I did then.
…
I have friends.
I have family.
I have people who I’m close to.
But not as close as they think.
…
I’m confused.
…
My mind is blurred.
…
Nothing’s clear anymore.
…
I just can’t figure it out.
…
What’s wrong with me?
Why does everything hurt?
…
Why is everything offensive and painful?
…
Why is everyone offensive and painful?
Painfilled.
…
I have a support system.
But not all the time.
…
My mom tries.
She really does.
…
She saw my arm the other day and asked what happened.
If I was mad at something.
…
I told her not to bother.
Told her it was just stress.
…
That’s a lie.
…
It’s everything.
…
I’m tired.
I’m lonesome.
I’m stuck in my own head.
…
I’m failing some classes.
My mom doesn’t make the mental connection from my cuts to my failing classes.
…
It’s because I’m too tired to think.
…
And now I’m crying.
…
Because everyone hates me.
…
Because I can’t figure anything out.
…
I THOUGHT I HAD THIS ALL FIGURED OUT.
I THOUGHT THIS POINT OF MY LIFE WAS OVER.
I THOUGHT I HAD FIGURED MYSELF OUT.
I THOUGHT I KNEW MYSELF.
…
I was WRONG.