FicWad

Take a breath.

I close my eyes and feel the ocean lick chills up my trouser's legs. The strong wind lifts my choppy black hair from my neck and whips it in every direction. I don't care.

I don't care that there are tears rolling down my face.
I don't care that it's so cold that I can barely think.
I don't care that I'm alone.

It's how I'm meant to be, isn't it?
Alone.
It's how I've been for a long time. If that was going to change, it would have by now. The older I get the harder it becomes. There's nothing more to say.

I know I'm lost, and I know I'm hopeless. I've accepted that. My whole being is nothing more than a memory of someone who was once happy. Someone who once surrounded themselves with love and friendships. Someone who once was alive.
I let myself smile, a feeling that my face had long forgotten.

Slowly, I open my eyes to the grey of death in the night. I ignore the water crawling just above my knees now. I never wanted this. I never wanted to be by myself. Things like this happen for some kind of reason, I don't want to stay to see what my reason is. I'm afraid of the truth. I'm afraid to move on. I'm afraid to believe

I used to have this feeling like I thought i was moving, but I never got anywhere. Only further into myself and like an anchor drowning in my own ocean of isolation.

The harsh waves now teased my hips as I continued progressing forward. I feel the water somehow was away my regrets, but never let me forget the way I feel right now. But now, here we are.

"Nothing's making sense anymore." I whispered, keeping my eyes fixed straight forward into the sawllowing grim sea.
Take another step.
People said it'll get better in time, it'll be okay. Nothing ever gets better though, really. Everything just gets different, that's all.
Nothing's okay. There's no one here to save me. I can't breathe anymore.

The moonlight made shimmers that danced on the rough ocean's surface, beconing me closer.

I feel my legs stop.
"Don't be sorry, because I'm not. When fear was the sea, you taught me how to swim. When sadness was the sky you taught me how to fly. " I say softly, breathing in. "And darling.. I'm already dead."

Another step and a gush of water swallowed me into the everlasting ocean, filling my nose and mouth with a sick, salty sensation which i made myself swallow. I scarcly see the moonlight above me, I can't feel myself anymore. All I can think about is the surface, I fight to stop myself from rising. 'There's nothing up there for you anymore, you're nothing.' I tell myself over and over, squeezing my stinging eyes shut, letting myself drift away painfully slowly. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to die. Anything.
And I sink into the darkness.

The water is dripping from my body. I hear my name being called. I feel cold fingers running over my face and neck. I hear someone crying, yelling, screaming. I don't like it. I want to help, but I can't move, I can't see, I can barely think.
Then I feel it; a whisper in the icy wind, a scent of coconut and cigarettes that tint the air, the feeling of familiar warmth entwining with my fingers. And I hear him. His voice; "Darling, every breath you take proves you can live without me." Then it was all gone.

My eyes are forced open. I'm not with Frank, but I'm not alone either. I lay on the dampened sand under the tears of my brother. Our identical bright green eyes lock for a moment or two before his tears fall harder. I swallow, feeling my throat run raw and my eyes sting and blur. I have a pain in my chest which makes me cringe everytime I gasp a breath.
Mikey leans down and sobs on my chest, stuttering sentences that I could vaguely understand.
"Stupid, Gee. Why are you so stupid?" He sobs, burying his face into my damp shirt.
I don't say anything, I don't know what to say.
"What do you want from me? What can I do? I care so damn much, Gee. Why don't you see it? Please don't give up, I'm working it up.. I won't let you down." He cried lifting his head from my chest and shakily pushing the wet hair from my eyes.
"Don't give up on me" He yelled fiercly at me "Just keep coming around, please. I'm working it out, I'm working it out." He said over and over tears rolling down his paper white skin. His clothes and hair stuck to him and his whole body was trembling, the ocean's water still dripping down him.
"You can't leave me here." He sobbed "You keep forgetting that I'm still here, Gee. Why?" He cried quickly and shilley, just letting whatever words came out fall from his lips. "I'm still here.." He ran his fingers roughly through his mousy brown hair, his lip trembling "Why are you so stupid? I need you, don't you get that? You're my big brother, don't leave me here alone! You know I'm not strong, you know I can't do it without you, Gee!" He cried, again, sinking in the sand next to me, always keeping his eyes on me as I watched the night sky.

"You know I love you" I whisper, barely loud enough for him to hear, but I know he did. The was he took a shaky breath and turned his eyes to the night sky


I'll always remember every word Frank said. And even though I'll never hear his voice again, I know he knows that I an forever changed by who he is and what he meant to me.

Mikey's here. Frank wanted me to know that.


We all carry these things inside us that no one else can see. They play the anchors in our life, they're what makes us sink. Sometimes you've got to let it go. It's the heart that really matters in the end.

The hardest part is over.

We'll get by.

Helloo! So I had nothing to do, so i decided to do a oneshot, literally off the top of my head and took 10 mins, so sorry if it isn't very good. Please let me know what you think, it's make my day so much better!Also, sorry if it doesn't make sense, It's quite late at night and I don't think my mind is working efficiently. Thank you so much for reading, please r and r if you'd like. This is the first thing i've written in a while, I'm hoping to break this writer's block, let me know if i did that successfully, love you all -Romy xo