Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill Me
I Gotta Say, I'm Not Okay
0 reviewsGerard finds out that Bert wants more from him. More than just a friendship.
0Unrated
With what felt like nothing else to do, I woke up in a very happy mood. I had told Mikey the previous night of the good news from my mother and what had happened between me and Bert. I was right; he was proud. I noticed every time I talked to Mikey, all I wanted to do is be with him even more. I had this aching feeling to be with him more and more to the point I would want to cry. And the only way I stopped thinking of crying was to think what I would do together with him later on in life. I always wondered too if he thought the same. I would never want him to be upset though because there seemed tons to come. Sitting in school I would think exactly this. Time would pass by quicker if I thought about him and what he said in the past few weeks, “I’m coming back for a month to see you and family.”
I asked him where he would stay, wishing he could stay with me. That was impossible though. By the time the bell rang, school was thankfully almost over. “So, you staying after today?” Bert said, smiling.
Jason still liked when I stayed after so I stayed with him, Bert tagging along. He was still touchy, but I had given him a talk. “Yep!” We were actually friends again.
Everyday I would sit in the exact same spots me and Mikey used to sit so I could think harder about him almost as if he was still there. Every time I would feel lonely, just a ghost. Bert kept babbling on about us, but I didn’t care, I only cared about Mikey. I said to myself more and more if I started thinking crazy that in a few years’ things would get good. Almost as a process. “You feeling alright?” Bert cut through my flying thoughts again as I stared out the window for what felt like a half an hour.
“I miss Mikey. Very bad.” I whispered.
He looked at me, smirking. “I know. What about me? You still got me.”
“For Christ’s sake, Bert, you’re only my friend.”
“I thought I was your best friend,” he argued.
“Yeah, yeah, that. Ok? God! You just don’t get it.” I turned and leaned the side of my body against the wall with my knees pulled to my chest.
“I’m sorry. I like you. I really like you, that’s all.” He looked down.
I looked at him. “I like you too, Bert, this is going to hurt. I….. I don’t like you like I love Mikey.”
“Wow! Why is he so important?”
“What? It’s true. He is so important to me because we understand each other an know what we both need.”
“Well, I understand the same things.”
“You’re different, Bert. You already know how this conversation ends up.”
He stopped and smiled. “Can I show you something, Gerard?”
I looked down at my shoes tucked underneath me. “As long as it’s not your dick.” I laughed.
He laughed with me. “Nah, something different.”
“Okay.” I got up and waited for him to lead the way.
“But you gotta close your eyes the entire time. If you look, mm… maybe you will see it.”
I snapped up and closed my eyes, “Deal.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hallway to some place that was big enough for the echo of our feet. It was definitely a place I hadn’t been in the building before. He pushed me forward and let go of my hand. “Okay, we’re here. Don’t open your eyes. Put your hands over your ears and count to 100.”
I was now suspicious but finally did it. By the time I hit 100; I opened my eyes and looked around the room. The first things my eyes met were the racks of acoustic guitars against the wall and the chairs lined up against the sides with stands in front of them. I looked over at the windows, the shades down. “Why are the shades shut? And what are we doing in here?” I suddenly felt warm hands roam around my sides to the front of me, his arms holding me tight. “Bert…. What’s going on?”
“Us,” he whispered in my ear.
I suddenly felt outrageously grossed out and tried breaking free of his hold, but he held tighter.
“You’re not going anywhere anyways, so quit trying to run away.”
“I knew this would happen. Why do I trust you? Get the fuck off me!”
He laughed and kissed my neck. I pushed myself, backing up into him as I tried prying his arms off around my waist. He fell down to the ground with a thump as I rushed to the door. “Already running away from your feelings, Gerard?” he asked, sounding like he was about to cry.
“I have no feelings for you.” I stopped, trying to open the door, but realizing it was locked.
“You don’t have to say it fucking twice.” He came closer to me and stood in front of me, pushing me back against the door. “Just let me do two things or…”
“Or what?”
“Or… I’ll tell Mikey you cheated on him.”
“Yeah, right. He wouldn’t believe you because I would never do that and he knows that.”
“Oh, he will when I tell everyone and anyone about you two and the cheating. I’ll make sure it will get to him. They’ll tell him for me.”
I feared this because Mikey wouldn’t believe the lie from Bert, but possibly others. “For Mikey. I’ll do it. But, if I do it… you promise you won’t say anything even though I’m not cheating on him? You already know I wouldn’t EVER do that.”
“I promise.”
With that, my face stayed in a frown and gray. I knew what I was getting myself into, but I couldn’t give out. I had to do it for Mikey. I knew exactly what he wanted too. He didn’t want sex; just a little less than that. Even though I regretted it so much, I would do anything for Mikey. I just wasn’t sure if he knew that I would yet. “Just let me do it. Can you relax?” he said, touching my hand.
I closed my eyes and nodded for him to proceed. His hand slid down my smooth chest and pulled at my jeans. My eyes stayed closed not wanting to know what was to come. I soon felt his hot breath on my face, moving towards my lips as his hand started undoing my jeans.
A fast breath escaped me as he pushed my jeans down enough to hit under my boxers. He smiled, “Open your eyes.”
When I opened my eyes, his mouth devoured mine. His tongue trickled across my lips making me open them since I wanted this to be over so badly. His now roaming tongue explored my mouth as he pulled the band at the tope of my boxers and slid them down to reach my jeans. His hands went to way: one on the side of my waist and the other touching very lightly over my not hard length. When he got used to the feeling, his whole hand was around me as my eyes closed once again. To my surprise, his palm was sweaty moving up and down me agonizingly slow, gaining speed. My body said and wanted to get hard because it felt so good and the touch was very much needed and overdue, but my head told me to brave it out. No matter how much pain there was in holding back, Bert finally stopped and gave me one more long, and very wet kiss. “Think about it,” he said, pulling my boxers and jeans up and staring at my closed, unmoving eyes.
When I opened them, he was gone.
I asked him where he would stay, wishing he could stay with me. That was impossible though. By the time the bell rang, school was thankfully almost over. “So, you staying after today?” Bert said, smiling.
Jason still liked when I stayed after so I stayed with him, Bert tagging along. He was still touchy, but I had given him a talk. “Yep!” We were actually friends again.
Everyday I would sit in the exact same spots me and Mikey used to sit so I could think harder about him almost as if he was still there. Every time I would feel lonely, just a ghost. Bert kept babbling on about us, but I didn’t care, I only cared about Mikey. I said to myself more and more if I started thinking crazy that in a few years’ things would get good. Almost as a process. “You feeling alright?” Bert cut through my flying thoughts again as I stared out the window for what felt like a half an hour.
“I miss Mikey. Very bad.” I whispered.
He looked at me, smirking. “I know. What about me? You still got me.”
“For Christ’s sake, Bert, you’re only my friend.”
“I thought I was your best friend,” he argued.
“Yeah, yeah, that. Ok? God! You just don’t get it.” I turned and leaned the side of my body against the wall with my knees pulled to my chest.
“I’m sorry. I like you. I really like you, that’s all.” He looked down.
I looked at him. “I like you too, Bert, this is going to hurt. I….. I don’t like you like I love Mikey.”
“Wow! Why is he so important?”
“What? It’s true. He is so important to me because we understand each other an know what we both need.”
“Well, I understand the same things.”
“You’re different, Bert. You already know how this conversation ends up.”
He stopped and smiled. “Can I show you something, Gerard?”
I looked down at my shoes tucked underneath me. “As long as it’s not your dick.” I laughed.
He laughed with me. “Nah, something different.”
“Okay.” I got up and waited for him to lead the way.
“But you gotta close your eyes the entire time. If you look, mm… maybe you will see it.”
I snapped up and closed my eyes, “Deal.”
He grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hallway to some place that was big enough for the echo of our feet. It was definitely a place I hadn’t been in the building before. He pushed me forward and let go of my hand. “Okay, we’re here. Don’t open your eyes. Put your hands over your ears and count to 100.”
I was now suspicious but finally did it. By the time I hit 100; I opened my eyes and looked around the room. The first things my eyes met were the racks of acoustic guitars against the wall and the chairs lined up against the sides with stands in front of them. I looked over at the windows, the shades down. “Why are the shades shut? And what are we doing in here?” I suddenly felt warm hands roam around my sides to the front of me, his arms holding me tight. “Bert…. What’s going on?”
“Us,” he whispered in my ear.
I suddenly felt outrageously grossed out and tried breaking free of his hold, but he held tighter.
“You’re not going anywhere anyways, so quit trying to run away.”
“I knew this would happen. Why do I trust you? Get the fuck off me!”
He laughed and kissed my neck. I pushed myself, backing up into him as I tried prying his arms off around my waist. He fell down to the ground with a thump as I rushed to the door. “Already running away from your feelings, Gerard?” he asked, sounding like he was about to cry.
“I have no feelings for you.” I stopped, trying to open the door, but realizing it was locked.
“You don’t have to say it fucking twice.” He came closer to me and stood in front of me, pushing me back against the door. “Just let me do two things or…”
“Or what?”
“Or… I’ll tell Mikey you cheated on him.”
“Yeah, right. He wouldn’t believe you because I would never do that and he knows that.”
“Oh, he will when I tell everyone and anyone about you two and the cheating. I’ll make sure it will get to him. They’ll tell him for me.”
I feared this because Mikey wouldn’t believe the lie from Bert, but possibly others. “For Mikey. I’ll do it. But, if I do it… you promise you won’t say anything even though I’m not cheating on him? You already know I wouldn’t EVER do that.”
“I promise.”
With that, my face stayed in a frown and gray. I knew what I was getting myself into, but I couldn’t give out. I had to do it for Mikey. I knew exactly what he wanted too. He didn’t want sex; just a little less than that. Even though I regretted it so much, I would do anything for Mikey. I just wasn’t sure if he knew that I would yet. “Just let me do it. Can you relax?” he said, touching my hand.
I closed my eyes and nodded for him to proceed. His hand slid down my smooth chest and pulled at my jeans. My eyes stayed closed not wanting to know what was to come. I soon felt his hot breath on my face, moving towards my lips as his hand started undoing my jeans.
A fast breath escaped me as he pushed my jeans down enough to hit under my boxers. He smiled, “Open your eyes.”
When I opened my eyes, his mouth devoured mine. His tongue trickled across my lips making me open them since I wanted this to be over so badly. His now roaming tongue explored my mouth as he pulled the band at the tope of my boxers and slid them down to reach my jeans. His hands went to way: one on the side of my waist and the other touching very lightly over my not hard length. When he got used to the feeling, his whole hand was around me as my eyes closed once again. To my surprise, his palm was sweaty moving up and down me agonizingly slow, gaining speed. My body said and wanted to get hard because it felt so good and the touch was very much needed and overdue, but my head told me to brave it out. No matter how much pain there was in holding back, Bert finally stopped and gave me one more long, and very wet kiss. “Think about it,” he said, pulling my boxers and jeans up and staring at my closed, unmoving eyes.
When I opened them, he was gone.
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