FicWad

Chapter 6: Friendship and Loyalty

When Harry next opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was sunlight pouring through an open window to his right. He blinked, adjusting his eyes to the brightness, and looked around. A fire crackled in the grate, even though it was July, and next to the grate was the dresser he had noticed the night before, the huge old dresser that held the many potions Harry had to take.

A comfortable-looking, well-worn leather armchair sat empty beside Harry's bed. No one was in the room with him. Although Harry did not realize it, this was the first time Remus Lupin had left his side in four days, and he had done so only on Dumbledore's insistence that they talk for a moment out of Harry's range of hearing.

'So this was Sirius' room," Harry thought. He had never been in here before. Last summer, he hadn't given that much thought, but now he felt a twinge of guilt that he didn't really even know where or how his Godfather had lived.

At the thought of Sirius, Harry felt the familiar lump rise into his chest, and he stared out the second-floor window at the hot, blue sky that was tainted only slightly by the smog that sometimes surrounded London on hot days.

"It's you, Harry, and more people are going to die because of it. I died because of it. I died because of you."

"Your Godfather won't be the last to die..."

'Don't think about that,' Harry ordered himself fiercely. 'It was a nightmare, that's all. A nightmare.'

"Oh, but was it, Potter? Was it just a nightmare?" The cold voice that Harry had heard in the back of his mind while he was at the Dursley's had returned. "I suppose you think your precious Godfather is going to walk through the door any moment, do you? Was that all just a nightmare, too? He's dead, Potter. And he didn't have to die. If only he had not chosen to stand in the way of my plans...and your destiny..." The voice laughed, a high, cruel laugh, and Harry's scar burned as if it had been branded. Harry put his hands over his ears to block out the voice and doubled over where he sat, trying as hard as he could not to vomit. Even as the voice faded, the pain doubled, and Harry didn't think he could stand another moment.

*

It had taken strong insistence on Dumbledore's part to convince Remus to leave Harry's bedside, even for a moment, but Dumbledore did not want Harry to hear what he was about to tell the former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Ron, Ginny, and the twins were still asleep, having slept peacefully through the night for the first time this summer, and their mother was letting them have a rare lie-in. Molly herself was down getting tea for Albus and Remus, and had said that as soon as she was finished with that, she would sit with Harry until Remus came back.

Remus settled down in a rather uncomfortable wing chair in the drawing room and looked at Albus, who was sitting opposite him with an inscrutable look on his face, gazing at him over his half-moon glasses.

"What's this about, Albus?" Remus asked finally. "What could be more important than being with Harry when he wakes up?"

Dumbledore sighed, and began, "You know that in his will, Sirius passed guardianship of Harry over to you."

Remus gestured for Dumbledore to proceed to something he did not know.

"When you signed it, you entered a binding magical contract to keep the boy in your care until he turns 17, which will be in a little over one year."

"Yes, Albus. I took it on gladly, as you well know."

"Of course, Harry's circumstances are a little different with the necessity that he go back to Privet Drive for a time each summer."

Lupin cursed, and then looked apologetically at Dumbledore. "I'm sorry for that, Albus. It's just that when I think of those people..."

"And I am sorry to be, shall we say, avoiding the 'real' issue, Remus," Dumbledore said. "You see, I made a promise to Harry at the end of term never to tell a soul what I am about to tell you. I am about to break that promise, and you know that the breaking of a promise is not something to be taken lightly. Harry is already feeling rather mistrustful of me right now, and when he finds out that I've told you...well..."

The younger man's attitude changed instantly from annoyance at having to leave Harry's side to intense concern. He had never known Albus Dumbledore to break a promise, and to break one he had made to Harry...now, of all times, when Harry needed to be able to trust the adults around him the most...whatever this was about, Remus knew it was important.

"When Harry wakes, he will need to talk to someone, and I strongly suspect that someone will be you, Remus."

Lupin nodded.

"There is more Harry has to think about than Sirius' death, although that in itself would be more than enough. When I talked to the boy after Sirius died, I told him everything...although it was too late to save Sirius Black, I knew that it was time Harry knew what I know."

"The Prophecy," Remus whispered. The members of the Order had known that Voldemort was trying to lay his hands on a certain prophecy in the Department of Mysteries, and that it had something to do with Harry. What they did not know, however, was what the prophecy said. Dumbledore had not let on that even he knew the exact contents, only that if Voldemort got it, the results would have been terrible.

"Yes, the Prophecy," Dumbledore sighed, and Remus noticed that the twinkle was again absent from the Headmaster's eyes, and the lines on his face seemed deeper than ever before. Dumbledore was beginning to look his age.

"Now that you are Harry's guardian, you need to know. Harry will not tell you, because he will feel that to tell you would be to put you at greater risk, and if nothing else, Harry always strives to protect those he loves."

"What does it say, Albus?"

At that moment, Molly Weasley bustled into the room, carrying an old-fashioned silver tea service that had once belonged to the Black family. She knew that Dumbledore wished to have this conversation with Remus alone, so she moved quickly, knowing that she would eventually hear about anything involving Harry from one of her children.

"There you go," she said. "Piping hot peppermint tea. While you two finish your talk, I'll go and sit with Harry." She started out of the room and then turned to look at the tea service as if an idea had suddenly occurred to her.

"Oh, dear," she sighed, and bent to examine one of the cups that didn't seem to be quite as tarnished as the rest of the set. Sure enough, when she tapped the cup with her wand, it sprang up and tried to bite her on the nose!

"I should have known," she said, looking furious. "Fred and George have been up to something lately, and Ron said something about those two wanting to learn how to make nose-biting teacups for their shop...I should know by now not to take anything off of the kitchen table when I don't know who put it there.../what/ am I going to do about those boys?" She picked up the teacup, which was now making grunting noises as though about to challenge Molly to a duel, by its handle and held it out in front of her as she left the room. "Be back in a minute. I'll just go back to the kitchen and get you another cup."

As soon as she left the room, Remus repeated, "What does the prophecy say?"

Dumbledore sighed yet again, and cast his eyes downward. Remus knew what it was costing Dumbledore to tell him. The old man loved Harry, and had guided him through more trials than any fifteen-year-old should have had to endure. Betraying Harry's trust; indeed, doing anything to further jeopardize their relationship, was very painful to him.

Albus looked Remus directly in the eyes and began to speak the words that were haunting Harry's thoughts:

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies....and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives...The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies..."*

When he had finished, Dumbledore closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them to find Remus staring at him, his mouth slightly open, all the color gone from his face. "Does that mean..."

Molly came quickly back into the room with a new teacup, and noticed the expression on Lupin's face. "Is everything alright?" she asked nervously.

"Yes, Molly," Dumbledore answered. "Would you please go up and check to see that Harry is still sleeping?"

Molly knew she was being dismissed and bristled slightly, but did as the Headmaster asked, reminding herself that she would know the answers soon enough. She left the room again.

"Sweet Merlin, Albus, does that mean what I think it means? That Harry, our Harry, is the only one who can defeat Voldemort in the end? There has to be a mistake...we all thought it would be /you/." Remus looked at Dumbledore almost accusingly.

"If I could take this burden off of Harry's shoulders, you know that I would...but I can't. It is his destiny to fight Voldemort. And if he can't win, there is not one of us who can."

"And this is why he keeps coming after Harry, why he wanted Harry to be in that graveyard when he returned?"

"Yes, among other things. And you noticed, of course, that Harry has gotten away from him every time, not because he knew the right spells to cast, but from his sheer strength of will, and the power of his love and loyalty to his friends. Voldemort knows only part of the prophecy, and he will stop at nothing until he hears the rest."

"But Dumbledore, he's still just a boy. To have to live with this knowledge, to know that the longer he waits, the more people will die...how can we expect him to bear this? No wonder he is in such bad shape. He-"

Lupin was interrupted by the entrance of a cloud of transparent silver vapor coming through the door...the signal the Order used when they needed to contact each other quickly...but why? Lupin hardly had time to wonder at it as Molly Weasley's voice sounded in the room, reflecting her state of mind when she had cast her thoughts into the spell.

"Remus...Dumbledore...come /quick/!" The voice was panicked and almost shrill, but no sound had been heard from upstairs - the spell simply conveyed the message that the sender wanted told to the other party, but the power of the spell meant it also picked up the emotion behind the thought, not just the thought itself.

Remus jumped up and raced out of the room and up the stairs to the bedroom where Harry was staying, but noticed that this time, Dumbledore remained behind, almost as if he already knew what was happening.

*

Remus entered Sirius' bedroom to find Molly leaning over Harry's bed, her arms wrapped around him in a motherly hug. Harry, however, did not have his arms around her, but rather clapped over his ears, like a child who was trying not to hear his mother scolding him. His breath came in short gasps, and Molly rocked him back and forth gently, making soothing motherly sounds. He hurried to them and placed a hand on Molly's shoulder. A look of understanding passed between them, and she gently released Harry and stood slightly off to the side.

Remus knelt by Harry's bed and gently pried his hands off his ears. Holding both of Harry's wrists lightly in one hand, he used the other to hold Harry's chin and softly force him to look up.

"Harry, look at me. It's me, it's Remus."

"Professor Lupin?" Harry asked hoarsely, trying to focus through the throbbing of his head.

"Yes, Harry."

"I need to talk to you..." Harry trailed off and looked down at his lap.

Remus knew what this was going to be about, and he wasn't about to let Harry blame himself for Sirius' death, as he knew the young wizard had been doing ever since the night it had happened.

Molly watched the exchange between them until she remembered that, besides all of his potions, Harry had still not had anything proper to eat in many days. She knew that at the moment what Harry and Remus needed most was privacy, so she smiled down at them and said, "I know just what you need, Harry. You need something proper to eat. No, don't argue with me, young man," she said almost sternly as Harry looked at her, about to protest. "I'm going right down to fix you some breakfast, and you will eat it, like it or not!" She left the room before either of them could argue.

"She's a force to be reckoned with, you know," Lupin commented, smiling a bit. "She's hardly left your side since you got here, and she's been waiting for days to be able to put some meat back on your bones. Best not to argue."

Harry nodded, but Remus could see that he wasn't feeling well. Beads of sweat stood out on his forehead, and his face was very flushed. "How are you feeling, Harry?"

"I'm OK."

"Harry, that's not going to be enough for me, I'm afraid. I want honesty from you. Put whatever kind of front you would like to put up for the others, but with me, you're to be honest. Let's do it again. How are you feeling, Harry?"

Harry would not meet Remus' eyes. "My head hurts."

"Is that all? Or is there something else? I can give you a potion to help with the headache."

Harry finally looked at the older man, and saw the concern in his eyes. "I've been...I don't know.../hearing/ things."

Remus had not expected that. "What kinds of things?"

"I hear.../him/ in my head. Voldemort. It comes and it goes, but I can hear him speaking, telling me that I have to give in to him, that if I don't..."

"If you don't?" Remus tried not to show that this bit of news was rather alarming to him.

"If I don't," Harry whispered, "more people are going to die...because of me."

Lupin frowned. "This was happening at your aunt and uncle's house as well?"

"Yeah," said Harry. "It started a few days after I got there."

"Harry, before we go any further with this, I want you to tell me what happened before we came to get you." Remus knew he would need to talk to Dumbledore about the voice Harry was hearing, but he did not want to leave Harry until he was sleeping again, so he shifted the subject for the time being. "Why weren't you eating? Weren't your aunt and uncle feeding you?"

"Yes," said Harry. "Aunt Petunia put food through the slot in my door every day after I stopped going for meals. I tried to eat, I really did...but every swallow made me sick."

"So you weren't...trying to hurt yourself?"

"No! I swear I wasn't!"

"OK, Harry...I believe you," Lupin responded, not wanting to upset the boy. He had feared that Harry had become suicidal in his despair, but seeing him now, he knew that was not the case. "There are a couple of other things I need to know about. When we found you, you had a t-shirt tied around your mouth like a gag. Who did that to you?"

Harry looked ashamed, and for a moment Remus thought he wasn't going to answer. Then, in the smallest of whispers, "I did."

"You did? Harry...why would you do such a thing?" Even as he asked the question, Lupin thought he knew the answer, and he had to struggle to keep the rage from showing on his face.

"I was having nightmares," Harry said simply. "I woke my uncle and aunt up one night screaming. After that, I just thought that it would be best."

"Is that how you got the bruise on your face? That night, when your relatives woke up?"

Harry nodded, looking back down at his lap.

Lupin tried to contain his fury, and it was lucky that Vernon Dursley was far away from London, for if he hadn't been, he would have been very sorry indeed. "Oh, Harry...why didn't you tell us?"

"I didn't want you to come for me. People are safer when I'm not there. I didn't want you to come for me!" He was beginning to get agitated, and Remus again cupped his chin and forced him to look up.

"Harry James Potter," he said firmly, and Harry's eyes widened at the abrupt change in tone. "It is not for you to decide what the rest of us do and do not do. We make our own choices, and we know the risks we take everyday. You are not going to be able to stop us from taking those risks.

"In times like these, kid, people have to take risks, have to be there for each other. It's the only way any of us are going to survive. Since your third year, Harry, I've watched you risk your own life for your friends so many times. Why do you think that you have the right to risk yourself for us, but not allow us to do the same?"

"Sirius came for me..." Harry whispered, feeling the familiar lump come back up into his throat, "and it was the last thing he ever did."

Those words hung in the air as Remus tried to keep the tears from falling. Sirius had been his best friend in the world, and not a minute went by that he did not miss his presence in the gloomy old house. Despite his best effort to hide it, Harry saw the tears in his eyes and pulled away from Remus. "I'm so sorry, Professor Lupin. I know he was your friend. I'm so sorry that he died, and if you can't forgive me for that, well, I don't deserve to be forgiven anyway."

Remus knew then that Harry had not heard what he had been telling him while he was unconscious. "Harry, look at me."

Harry's eyes stayed down.

"Look at me!" When the boy finally raised his eyes, Remus continued, "Harry, I am only going to say this once, so see that you listen. Sirius' death was not your fault/. Voldemort played on your loyalty to those you loved, and tricked you into going there. He /knew you would risk your life for your Godfather. Voldemort doesn't understand that kind of love, but he knew that the one way to get you to the Department of Mysteries that night was to play on what he sees as your weakness, your ability to love. Sirius came after you because you and he were made of the same kind of stuff. Sirius loved you, Harry, and he could not have lived with himself if he hadn't gone.

"Bellatrix Lestrange killed Sirius, her own cousin. She killed him. The blame lies with /her/, and she will never find forgiveness, never find absolution from that."

"But if I hadn't gone, she wouldn't have had the chance to kill him," Harry said softly.

"When you thought Sirius was in danger, Harry, you had no choice but to go, just as he had no choice when he thought you were. I miss him too...he was my best friend, and there is a hole in my life where he once stood. But not for one second do I blame you for it. Not for one moment have I ever blamed you for it."

Harry's face screwed up, and Remus saw that he was fighting not to sob. His heart broke for the boy, and he leaned in and gathered him into a fierce hug. "It's OK to cry, Harry. We all need to sometimes." And Harry finally let go, and sobbed great wracking sobs into the shoulder of his professor, of his friend. When he finally stopped some ten minutes later, Remus could see that Harry was worn out again, but his heart lightened considerably when he also saw that Harry's face, though blotchy and tearstained, was more peaceful.

"It's time to take your potions again, Harry...and after that, I want you to sleep. We've talked enough for now." He went to the chest and took not three, but four vials from the assortment and brought them to Harry. This time, the boy did not question anything, but drank the four potions, chased the taste away with a drink of cool water, settled back down into his pillows and was asleep in minutes.


~~~*~