Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Fuck The Title I Can't Think of One
They shoved me against the lockers, no doubt bruising my back in the process as it slammed against the bulging metal locks. I gasped for air, I wished they would stop but they didn't. They didn't stop, they kept hitting me and hitting me.
"Got a thing for Gerard, do ya, fag?" One of them sneered. Gerard's friend. Some of Gerard's friends were the ones doing all of this to me, breaking my body. I had been looking at Gerard again, trying to figure him out and his friends got the wrong idea again.
Again. Again and again their fists connected violently with my body, beating me, spitting names at me. It was almost funny, how everyone said the same words in a different way when they hit me, when they tried to break me. They tried so hard to break me, too. I'm sure it showed on my face.
I didn't stop looking at Gerard though, even if my parents gave me worried looks about my injuries. I didn't care much about the pain, the torment. It didn't matter, as long as I could find out more about Gerard. He was my focus, my everything in a twisted way. He was important to me in a distant way, something I cared about deeply but didn't try very hard to get close to him. I didn't, let me clarify, get myself close to him, but I wanted him to let me know everything about him. I wanted a one sided relationship, but I didn't really have any secrets to tell so it really didn't matter.
It didn't hurt inside, to be bullied so much by my peers. It should have, it should have hurt more than it did on the inside. But it didn't, because my fixation, my obsession with Gerard overcame any pain, put their words to the back of my mind. The only thing that really irked me was the broken finger; I couldn't play the guitar whilst it healed. That was awful.
Bullying was just another useless part of my schedule, one that distracted me from Gerard. I hated it, it took time away from the hours and hours of research I could be doing, the observations I could be making of the foster kid. Bullies. Whether they hurt me or not they were useless, something that could be done without. I hated them, I hated their harassment.
I was such a strange person.
In my school, I doubt you would have found another such as I was. No one else was obsessed in a possessive and curious manner on Gerard Way, no one else carried a roll of toilet paper around in their back pocket when they got sick. No one else was like me, but that would be okay. Why would I want someone else to be me when I already had that job covered?
I was just a curious sort, but that was fine. I could stalk Gerard in the not most discreet way imaginable, living my life and harassment took a backseat to my obsession. You have to pick your poison, they say, and I chose Gerard Way. Such a lovely obsession, so strange in the simplest complexities that was merely him. A mystery, an enigma.
Watching Gerard, being beaten against the lockers. I persevered through the harsh treatment, nothing could stop me from getting at my muse. I lived for a very few things, and Gerard somehow ended up on the list. I was so obsessed, so helplessly entranced by his behavior it would surprise even the wisest man, the smartest woman. I was insane in a strange way, in a perhaps dangerous way. Gerard drove me, somehow, to insanity. Amazing what a split attitude can do to an onlooking teen somewhere in the audience. It really wasn't my show, but I as determined to poke into Gerard's life when I could and get away with it, again at a distance. I didn't, after all, want to scare him too much.
Day after day after day they threw me in the locker, left me in there to have mini panic attacks because of my claustrophobia. They didn't, of course, know I had claustrophobia, but that really didn't make things any better. I still had it, I still hated the lockers. I hated everything in the school, except possibly Ray and Gerard. Ray and Gerard, but mostly Gerard, kept my life stable... In an unstable sort of way.
Ray was always thinking up conspiracy theories, including a rather alarming one that involved frozen vegetables, and Gerard. Well. Was Gerard. He was a total ass at school, but he didn't actually say too much anymore, I noticed. He would occasionally converse with one of the jocks or cheerleaders, but mostly he would listen in on their conversations and give them advice. From the times I heard it, it was actually decent advice to give. Fuck, it was great. As if Gerard knew how to solve any problem but the one that engulfed his life, and mine.
I was trapped in a locker, once again. I was going to have to wait for someone to come and get me, ugh, save me. The walls… They were so close, closing in on me. It seemed as if they were getting closer, and I was getting smaller. I could hardly get in a breath, hardly collect myself. I felt trapped, I felt alone and not even my muse (Gerard) could get my mind off the closeness of the cold metal surrounding me. I was stuck, trapped, I was going to die, the walls were going to close in on me like they did in the garbage chute in Star Wars, only I didn’t have an R2D2 handy to reverse the metal surrounding me, squeezing me and sucking the life out of—and then it stopped.
I tumbled out of the locker, someone had opened the wretched contraption and set me free. I was fine, I could breathe again. I looked up, smiling at my savior. My eyes widened. It was Gerard.
“Look…” He started, not looking at me in the eyes. “Stop staring at me. It’s only going to hurt you. Like this. They’re going to keep pulling stunts like this. I don’t care if you do it elsewhere, but…”
“So I can’t stare at you at school but I can stare at you at home?” I asked for clarity. No, I just wanted to hear his voice speak more to me. He was always talking with his friends around here, buy he hardly spoke a word at home. I wanted more of him, but it seemed he didn’t want more of me.
“Sh! If someone heard you…” He shakes his head.
“You’d lose that popularity you hate?” I shrugged. “I don’t get why you keep it if you don’t even want it.”
He looked at me for a minute, as if determining every aspect of me and his situation all at once. “I… I’m not going to tell you what goes on in this mind.” He smiled sadly. “But I can say that I’m going to fight very hard for this popularity, listen to music I don’t like and talk to the people I don’t like.”
“Screw the cheerleaders you ‘don’t like’.” I scoffed.
Gerard frowned. “I… Frank, don’t tell anyone but…”
“What?” I asked, perhaps a bit too eager.
He pulled away. “Nothing. Never mind, just stop looking at me so much.”
But I didn’t want to stop.
++++
Eh... I liked writing the last 400 words of his very much... and for anyone who reads Smutty Rebel Love Song, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM! Gerard ending up with Frank is just sooo cliche. I can't handle that. I thought It Would Seem I'm Going to Hell was unoriginal and cliche too, but this time I'm sure of it! I can't do it! GAH FTW.
Oh... And I will be taking the path I originally intended with this fic, sorry for the shit with the A/N. This morning I woke up convinced I had Paranoid Schizophrenia so yeah... not in the best state right now... Heh. You didn't need to know that...
REVIEW PLEASE! the dwindling reviews make my heart ache.
"Got a thing for Gerard, do ya, fag?" One of them sneered. Gerard's friend. Some of Gerard's friends were the ones doing all of this to me, breaking my body. I had been looking at Gerard again, trying to figure him out and his friends got the wrong idea again.
Again. Again and again their fists connected violently with my body, beating me, spitting names at me. It was almost funny, how everyone said the same words in a different way when they hit me, when they tried to break me. They tried so hard to break me, too. I'm sure it showed on my face.
I didn't stop looking at Gerard though, even if my parents gave me worried looks about my injuries. I didn't care much about the pain, the torment. It didn't matter, as long as I could find out more about Gerard. He was my focus, my everything in a twisted way. He was important to me in a distant way, something I cared about deeply but didn't try very hard to get close to him. I didn't, let me clarify, get myself close to him, but I wanted him to let me know everything about him. I wanted a one sided relationship, but I didn't really have any secrets to tell so it really didn't matter.
It didn't hurt inside, to be bullied so much by my peers. It should have, it should have hurt more than it did on the inside. But it didn't, because my fixation, my obsession with Gerard overcame any pain, put their words to the back of my mind. The only thing that really irked me was the broken finger; I couldn't play the guitar whilst it healed. That was awful.
Bullying was just another useless part of my schedule, one that distracted me from Gerard. I hated it, it took time away from the hours and hours of research I could be doing, the observations I could be making of the foster kid. Bullies. Whether they hurt me or not they were useless, something that could be done without. I hated them, I hated their harassment.
I was such a strange person.
In my school, I doubt you would have found another such as I was. No one else was obsessed in a possessive and curious manner on Gerard Way, no one else carried a roll of toilet paper around in their back pocket when they got sick. No one else was like me, but that would be okay. Why would I want someone else to be me when I already had that job covered?
I was just a curious sort, but that was fine. I could stalk Gerard in the not most discreet way imaginable, living my life and harassment took a backseat to my obsession. You have to pick your poison, they say, and I chose Gerard Way. Such a lovely obsession, so strange in the simplest complexities that was merely him. A mystery, an enigma.
Watching Gerard, being beaten against the lockers. I persevered through the harsh treatment, nothing could stop me from getting at my muse. I lived for a very few things, and Gerard somehow ended up on the list. I was so obsessed, so helplessly entranced by his behavior it would surprise even the wisest man, the smartest woman. I was insane in a strange way, in a perhaps dangerous way. Gerard drove me, somehow, to insanity. Amazing what a split attitude can do to an onlooking teen somewhere in the audience. It really wasn't my show, but I as determined to poke into Gerard's life when I could and get away with it, again at a distance. I didn't, after all, want to scare him too much.
Day after day after day they threw me in the locker, left me in there to have mini panic attacks because of my claustrophobia. They didn't, of course, know I had claustrophobia, but that really didn't make things any better. I still had it, I still hated the lockers. I hated everything in the school, except possibly Ray and Gerard. Ray and Gerard, but mostly Gerard, kept my life stable... In an unstable sort of way.
Ray was always thinking up conspiracy theories, including a rather alarming one that involved frozen vegetables, and Gerard. Well. Was Gerard. He was a total ass at school, but he didn't actually say too much anymore, I noticed. He would occasionally converse with one of the jocks or cheerleaders, but mostly he would listen in on their conversations and give them advice. From the times I heard it, it was actually decent advice to give. Fuck, it was great. As if Gerard knew how to solve any problem but the one that engulfed his life, and mine.
I was trapped in a locker, once again. I was going to have to wait for someone to come and get me, ugh, save me. The walls… They were so close, closing in on me. It seemed as if they were getting closer, and I was getting smaller. I could hardly get in a breath, hardly collect myself. I felt trapped, I felt alone and not even my muse (Gerard) could get my mind off the closeness of the cold metal surrounding me. I was stuck, trapped, I was going to die, the walls were going to close in on me like they did in the garbage chute in Star Wars, only I didn’t have an R2D2 handy to reverse the metal surrounding me, squeezing me and sucking the life out of—and then it stopped.
I tumbled out of the locker, someone had opened the wretched contraption and set me free. I was fine, I could breathe again. I looked up, smiling at my savior. My eyes widened. It was Gerard.
“Look…” He started, not looking at me in the eyes. “Stop staring at me. It’s only going to hurt you. Like this. They’re going to keep pulling stunts like this. I don’t care if you do it elsewhere, but…”
“So I can’t stare at you at school but I can stare at you at home?” I asked for clarity. No, I just wanted to hear his voice speak more to me. He was always talking with his friends around here, buy he hardly spoke a word at home. I wanted more of him, but it seemed he didn’t want more of me.
“Sh! If someone heard you…” He shakes his head.
“You’d lose that popularity you hate?” I shrugged. “I don’t get why you keep it if you don’t even want it.”
He looked at me for a minute, as if determining every aspect of me and his situation all at once. “I… I’m not going to tell you what goes on in this mind.” He smiled sadly. “But I can say that I’m going to fight very hard for this popularity, listen to music I don’t like and talk to the people I don’t like.”
“Screw the cheerleaders you ‘don’t like’.” I scoffed.
Gerard frowned. “I… Frank, don’t tell anyone but…”
“What?” I asked, perhaps a bit too eager.
He pulled away. “Nothing. Never mind, just stop looking at me so much.”
But I didn’t want to stop.
++++
Eh... I liked writing the last 400 words of his very much... and for anyone who reads Smutty Rebel Love Song, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM! Gerard ending up with Frank is just sooo cliche. I can't handle that. I thought It Would Seem I'm Going to Hell was unoriginal and cliche too, but this time I'm sure of it! I can't do it! GAH FTW.
Oh... And I will be taking the path I originally intended with this fic, sorry for the shit with the A/N. This morning I woke up convinced I had Paranoid Schizophrenia so yeah... not in the best state right now... Heh. You didn't need to know that...
REVIEW PLEASE! the dwindling reviews make my heart ache.
Sign up to rate and review this story