Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Past Ain't Through With You

Painful Memories

by carmen 3 reviews

Holly can't stop the memories.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2012-04-09 - Updated: 2012-04-09 - 3372 words

Later that afternoon when it was time for Molly’s nap Alicia suggested Holly lay down too. She was worried about her friend. Holly seemed exhausted mentally and physically.

“Mes not tyrod.” Molly complained as they settled down in bed.

“I am." Holly smiled reaching out to stroke the little girls hair. “Let’s just close our eyes and take a little nap.”

Molly frowned. “Mes wisses that Gee was heres.”

Holly closed her eyes. “Take a nap.” She couldn’t bear to talk or think about Gee right now. However a few minutes later when she heard Molly’s even breathing she knew she’d fallen asleep Holly found herself unable to stop her memories of the man she wanted to forget. Rolling over on her side she sighed.

“He’ll never change.” She whispered to herself. Suddenly it was impossible not to let her mind travel back in time.

July 12th 2007

“This is nice.” Gee said snuggling up to Holly. They were in his bed safe for the moment. Donna was supposedly gone for the day.

Holly smiled, “Very nice but I’ll have to be going soon.” She said with regret. They had just made love and the last thing she wanted to do was leave his side.

“I thought you said Sonja won’t be home until after nine tonight?” Gerard said frowning.

“True.” Holly nodded. “But this is my day off and I have things around the house I have to do.”

“What things?”

“Laundry for one. And besides we don’t really know when Donna’s gonna be back.”

Much to her surprise Gerard sat up. “I’m getting kinda tired of this.”

His sudden change in attitude surprised Holly. “Tired of this?”

“Yeah. Tired of sneaking around. This is bullshit. We’re together and I think it’s stupid that people don’t know.”

“Gee we’ve discussed this.” Holly said softly.

“Yeah and at first I sorta understood but now it’s bothering me. I mean I hate people thinking I ain’t got anyone when that’s a lie.”

Holly sat up pulling the blanket up to cover her bare breasts. “It’s important to you that people know you have someone?”

He turned to look at her. “That’s not what I said.”

“Well it sorta is.” Holly said slowly.

He sighed, “I don’t want us to fight.”

“I don’t either.” Holly answered. “Maybe you just need some time to figure out your feelings.”

Anger made him speak without thought. “Time to figure out my feelings? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Holly had to tell him the truth about how she felt. “Gee think about it. You went from being with Kat for six years right into a relationship with Eliza.” She paused. “And from that you moved on to me.” She looked away fearing his reaction.

“Is that what you really think?” He sputtered in shock. “You think I’m just with you because I have to be in a relationship to be happy?”

“Has there ever been a time since you started dating that you weren’t in a relationship?”

“Sure.” He nodded. “I mean not for long but yeah.”

Holly forced herself to look at him. “Really?”

He was angry the day suddenly had taken a bad turn. “This is a stupid discussion.” He said standing up then pulling on his briefs and jeans.

Holly too got out of bed then dressed quickly.

“I hate that you do that.”

She pulled on her hoodie then turned to him. “What?”

“You try to dress so fast so I can’t see your body.”

Holly sighed, “So you want to fight about that now?”

“I’m just sayin’ I hate that you do that. It’s not like I haven’t seen you nude.”

Holly looked away. “Yeah too bad it can’t be in the dark all the time.”

“Damn it.” Gerard exploded. “Stop it. You are so fuckin’ worried about how you look it’s stupid. There ain’t nothing wrong with the way you look.”

She wanted to leave knowing that if she didn’t there was a chance he’d make her cry. “Oh whatever." She said pulling on her shoes.

As she started towards the door his hand reached out to grab her arm. “Holly what the hell just happened? We were having a good day and now look at us.”

Holly blinked trying to control her emotions. “I have to go.” She whispered.

Gerard slowly let go of her arm. “Can I come over later?”

She nodded not looking into his eyes. “Sure come over around six for dinner.” With that she walked out of the room.


Holly felt tears prick the back of her eyelids. That had been the first time the problems in their relationship and started to cause small cracks to appear. Still she believed what she had said then was true just as it was true now. He couldn’t be happy unless he was in a relationship. The words he had spoken and his actions last night only reinforced her beliefs. He believed his relationship with Lindsey was ending and he was already making plans to move into another relationship. It hurt her deeply that he seemed to think there was a possibility that she would be the one he turned to. As much as she still loved him that wasn’t what she wanted. Because in her heart she knew she would always feel that if she hadn’t come back into his life he would simply have chosen another. Just as he had done before when he’d turned to her after Eliza.

She rolled back over and forced her eyes closed. Still the memories could not be stopped.


July 13th 2007

“Hey, Holly.” Alicia hugged her tightly. “I’ve missed you.”

Holly smiled. “Miss you too and that husband of yours.” She had already hugged Mikey when the couple entered Donna’s living room. “So how’s married life?”

“It’s good.” Alicia smiled slightly. She looked over at her husband now talking to his brother.

Holly touched her arm. “What’s wrong?”

Alicia lowered her voice. “I really hope Gee isn’t gonna start in again about PR. Mikey don’t wanna do it but Gee keeps trying to make him change his mind.” She was about to say more when Gerard spoke up.

“Hey we better be going.”

Alicia walked over to Mikey and took his hand. Holly could tell by the look on her friend’s face she wasn’t happy they were going to this party. Holly herself hadn’t been trilled by the idea but Gee had convinced her it would be fun.

In the car on the way Gerard did what Alicia had been afraid would happen.

“So I’ve got an interview tomorrow and we’re gonna talk about PR.” Gerard said. He and Holly were sitting in the back seat. His hand reached out in the darkness and grabbed hers.

“Yeah, I heard.” Mikey said without enthusiasm.

“It’s gonna be a chill summer, for sure.” Gerard smiled.

“So Holly, what have you been up to?” Alicia said turning slightly in her seat.

Holly understood she was changing the subject. “Not much. Working and trying to keep Sonja on track.”

“How’s she doing?” Alicia asked.

“The summer school seems to be going okay. Her grades are good.”

“That’s good to hear. So does she have a boyfriend?”

Holly sighed, “Not that I know of but then she doesn’t tell me much.”

Alicia laughed, “Well hey you know how it is. I remember at that age I didn’t tell my mom anything.”

“I know. It’s just hard sometimes because we used to be so close.” Holly said sadly.

“Kids grow up.” Gerard said giving her hand a light squeeze. “Things change.”


A stray tear rolled down Holly’s cheek. It was so hard at times to remember when Sonja was still alive. Pain tore through her heart remembering her daughter and the difficult times they had before her death.

The party was in full swing when they arrived. As they walked into the packed home of a friend Alicia grabbed Holly’s arm. “Hey there is a guy here I want you to meet.”

Gerard and Holly both stared at her.

Alicia didn’t notice and she continued. “Mikey told me Chad Long is gonna be here for sure. I think you’ll like him.”

Holly realized Alicia was trying to set her up with someone. Unfortunately Gerard realized this too and she saw the look of anger in his eyes.

“Uh, nope.” Holly laughed trying to ease the tension. “I know what you’re up to.”

“Up too?” Alicia grinned trying to play innocent. “I’m not up to anything.”

“Gee come on. I see Dan over by the patio doors.” Mikey said grabbing his brother’s arm.

Holly watched as Gerard was pulled through the crowded room. He looked back and her and she smiled.

“Holly I really think you’d like Chad.” Alicia said loudly to be heard over the music that had just been turned up. “He’s a nice guy. He’s about your age, divorced with two kids. He’s in the music business here in Jersey.”

Holly was still watching Gerard. He was now surrounded by people many of whom were young girls.

“Holly?’ Alicia tugged on her sleeve.

“Sorry.” Holly said turning her attention back to Alicia. “I’ve sorta got a headache.”

“Oh shit.” Alicia said. “Sorry. Why don’t we see if we can find you some aspirins?"

Holly nodded hoping that at least for now that would distract Alicia from her plans to set Holly up.

A few hours later the party had become so loud that Holly’s head was pounding. She walked around slowly hoping to find a quite place to sit for a few minutes. She saw that Alicia was with Mikey talking to several of their friends. While Holly knew most of them the way she felt kept her from joining the group.


She smiled into Gerard’s eyes. “Hey, yourself.”

“This party is getting wild.” He smiled then looked at her closely. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just so loud.” Holly smiled.

He nodded. “Yeah, come on.”

Before she could say anything he took her hand and pulled her up the back flight of stairs. The music was still loud as the reached the top floor of the house but not quiet as loud.

‘Where are we going?’ Holly asked.

Gerard stopped at a closed door and pressed his ear against the wood. “Nope, taken.”

“Gee.” Holly whispered realizing he had just heard what she guessed was a couple inside the bedroom.

He pulled her further down the hallway. Again he stopped in front of a door. This time he obviously heard nothing because he turned the knob then pushed open the door.

“Gee.” Holly said again. “I don’t think….” Her words were cut off when he pulled her into the darkened room. Closing the door he gently pushed her body against it and whispered. “Sugar, this is the fun part of most parties. Don’t tell me you’ve never snuck away to a bedroom during a party.”

It was then Holly smelled the alcohol on his breath. “You’ve been drinking.”

“Just one drink.” He quickly explained. “That’s all I’ve had, really.”

A small light had been left on and through the darkness she searched his face.

“Really, just one.” He said again before lowering his lips to hers. He broke off the kiss and smiled, “Now see, I’m right. Best part of the party.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Holly whispered. Before moving to Jersey she’d never really attended a party like this.

“You wouldn’t know?”

Holly sighed. Times like this made the differences in the lives they led so blatant.

He snaked his hands under her hoodie to caress the lace of her bra. “No matter. I’ll show you what I mean.” This time his lips crashed down on hers. As his tongue teased her bottom lip, he molded his body to hers. Holly felt his need pressing against her. For a moment she resisted but it was impossible. A soft moan escaped her lips.

Gerard moved his hands around to her back then started walking slowly backwards pulling her with him. When the reached the bed he swiftly turned her around and gave her a light push. Holly fell on to the bed and his body followed hers.

“Fuck it’s been torture watching you all night.” He ground out. “Trying to make sure no other guys made a move on you.”

Holly’s arms encircled his body. “There is no other guy here I want but you.”

“Oh Sugar.” He kissed her again then before she could object pulled her hoddie over her head. Need made his fingers tremble as he tried to unhook her bra. After several unsuccessful attempts he simply pushed the bra up freeing her breasts. Greedily his lips latched on to her nipple and he began to suck.

“Gee.” Holly whispered his name. “We shouldn’t.”

“Sure we should.” He said removing her lips long enough to say the words.

The feel of his tongue teasing her nipple made it hard for her to think. Raising her arms above her head she sighed contently.

It was then the door opened and the light was flipped on.

Gerard rolled off Holly angrily glaring at the intruder.

Holly quickly pulled her bra back in place, her face flush with embarrassment.

“Uh wow, sorry.” Worm stuttered a look of shock on his face. “Someone said they thought they saw you coming up the back stairs.”

Gerard nodded, “Yeah, so?”

Worm was staring at Holly who had sat up on the bed. “Uh, Holly, Alicia is looking for you.”

Holly scooted off the bed. “Thanks.” She whispered. Without glancing at Gerard she pulled her hoodies on then practically ran towards the door. Once in the hallway she paused to make sure her clothing was readjusted. Worm had walked inside the room and she could hear his voice.

“Gerard, what the fuck?” Worm said still in shock at the scene he’d walked in on. “Man I get you’re hard up right now but come on…tryin’ to fuck a fat older woman?”

Holly knew by the sound of his voice Gerard had walked towards his friend. “Hey, man keep this to yourself okay?”

Worm laughed. "Yeah sure, I understand. Anyway I was looking for you because that hot blond you were talking to earlier is looking for you.”

Tears almost blinded Holly as she raced down the hall towards the stairs. She couldn’t bear to hear anymore.


Holly lovingly stroked Molly’s hair as the child slept. She hated these memories that taunted her and considered slipping from the bed. Maybe she should just go out to the garage and try to work. However she knew it she did Alicia would follow and want to talk. Right now she knew she couldn’t talk to anyone. Closing her eyes the painful memory returned.


Alicia had been looking for Holly because she wanted to enlist her help. She’d been watching her husband closely all night and knew it was time to leave. The problems he’d been having were better but this party hadn’t been a good idea. When she’d found Holly she’s quickly explained the situation. Holly had nodded that she understood and told her she too was ready to leave. Luckily Alicia spotted Gerard coming down the stairs at that moment and he’d agreed to leave.

In the car on the way home the conversation had been mostly between Gerard and Mikey who talked about friends they’d caught up with at the party.

Holly stared out her window keeping her hands tightly clasped in her lap. Once Gerard had tried to reach across in the darkness for her hand but she’d ignored his attempt.

As they neared Holly’s house Mikey asked. “Want me to just drop you off in front?”

“Yes, please.” Holly said quickly. As soon as the car stopped she opened the door. “It was great to see you guys.” She said leaning back inside the car for a minute.

“I’ll give you a call tomorrow." Alicia said. There was so much she wanted to talk to Holly about.

“Great.” Holly smiled. She closed the door then rushed up her front steps.

Once inside her house she didn’t even bother to turn on the lights as she slowly made her way to the bottom of the stairs then sat down. Lowering her head she willed herself not to cry.


Swiping her eyes she glanced up the steps. In the shadows she saw Sonja standing at the top.

“Hey, Baby.” She hoped her voice sounded okay.

“How was the party?”

“It was fun.” Holly lied. “What are you still doing up?”

“Couldn’t fall asleep.” Sonja sighed. “I was feeling kinda sick earlier.”

Immediately Holly was alarmed. “What’s wrong? Why didn’t you call me?” She started to stand.

“Mom.’ Sonja said quickly, “Calm down, I’m okay. I’m not a baby you know.”

“You’ll always be my baby.” Holly smiled. She reached over and flipped on the light. Now she could see Sonja at the top of the stairs clearly.

“It’s good you’ve got stuff going on in your life now.” Sonja said softly. “I’m glad you went to the party and I didn’t want to bother you. Besides there was nothing you could have done anyway.”

“Honey I would have come home if I knew you weren’t feeling good.”

Sonja nodded, “And that’s why I didn’t call you. I heard Gerard talking about the party and he was so psyched to go.”

Holly frowned, “That doesn’t have anything to do with it. I would have come home.”

“Yeah, I know but that would have upset Gerard.”

Holly grew uneasy. “He would have understood why I had to leave.”

Sonja folded her arms. “Whatever. You’re home now and I’m fine. Goodnight mom.” With that she turned and went back towards her bedroom.

Once again tears pricked the back of Holly’s eyelids. Did Sonja believe she cared more about Gerard’s feelings about a party then she did about Sonja’s health? A little voice in her head reminded her that he didn’t understand about Sonja’s health problems. There was a chance he simply would have thought she was overreacting. “Damn." Holly whispered.

Her cell rang as she stood there lost in thought.

“Hey, Gee." She said softly answering his call.

“Sugar, you okay?”

She was far from okay. Now she was even more upset knowing Sonja had been feeling badly earlier in the evening. “Yeah, fine.” She lied.

“Hey, wanna come over? Mom’s asleep and Mikey and Alicia just left.”

The idea to simply let herself find comfort in his arms was tempting. “I better not.” She said slowly. “I’ve got to work in the morning.”

Gerard sighed, “Yeah, me too. We’ve got interviews all day in New York.” He paused. “I wish we hadn’t gotten interrupted by Worm but don’t worry cause he’s not gonna tell anyone he saw us together.”

That memory caused Holly’s spirits to plummet even more. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow night.”

“For sure.” Gerard answered. “I’ll give you a call when I get home.”

Suddenly Holly wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and close her eyes. “Okay.”

“I love you.” Gerard said softly.

This time a stray tear rolled down her cheek. “Love you too.” She whispered.


An hour later when Molly woke from her nap Holly still hadn’t slept. Her mind was exhausted, her emotions raw. Now more than ever she knew the time to leave this place was drawing near.
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