FicWad

****



(A/N: I will include the lyrics to the song that they are singing. It is Never Be What You Want: We Are The In Crowd. Bold will be Brendon, italics will be Juliet. Regular text will be both of them singing. Hope that isn't too confusing. =D Enjoy!)



****







Brendon and I had ten minutes to go over the song. There was no practicing involved. How the hell were we supposed to pull this shit off? Derek was evidently insane. "Are you ready?" Brendon asked, eyes lighting up. He seemed to relish the idea of a challenge.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I replied, biting my lip.

Brendon grinned, "Don't be nervous."

"How can I not be? First days are bad enough. I didn't expect a duet. I think that's actually something that belongs in a nightmare." My hands were shaking.

"If this were your nightmare then you'd be naked and I'd be enjoying myself a hell of a lot more than I am right now." Once the creepy words passed Brendon's lips his face reddened and he looked away, "I meant..."

"I understood." I quickly cut him off, seeing no reason to embarrass him.

Brendon smiled, leaning down. I wasn't expecting his soft lips to brush against my cheek, leaving a tingling sensation behind. Who could expect that? Ryan had to be wrong. I had to be wrong. He had to be talking about another Brendon because... this Brendon didn't seem to have an ounce of bully behavior inside of him.

"You'll do fine." Brendon whispered.

I was too shocked to speak, how was I to sing?

"Okay, enough of the mushy-mushy!" Derek called in a sing song voice. "Are you ready to sing?"

I nodded, hoping that my voice would return quickly.

If it didn't then this would be one huge let down for all of us.



Brendon walked forward, grabbing the guitar that he had tuned just minutes ago. We were acoustically performing 'Never Be What You Want by We Are The In Crowd' and damn was I nervous.

"Here we go." Brendon breathed out, his fingers extracting the musical notes from each guitar string he touched.

My heart increased in speed as Brendon sang. I wasn't prepared for this. I wasn't prepared for him. He was amazing. I was french toast compared to him. Sure, my words had vibrato just like the swirls of cinamon on french toast but... He had everything, and the talent showed quite clearly.





I remember the nights we spent under city lights. This feelings got the best of me. We were floating along to the sounds of a dead end town, but now that's just a memory.

I can't figure you out, you've got more fight in you than anybody else.

And here's the part where I start to make my own damn decisions and make a name for myself.

I'll never be what you want, I wouldn't change any part of me just to make you stay. You had a piece of my heart but not enough to just run away 'cause I know what's best for me.

Take all your big plans and throw them away. I've got something in mind before we go seperate ways.

We ask the questions baby, who provides the answers?

I'm scared to death and it shows.

The flame burned out, but it glows.

And the look in your eyes says things I don't wanna know.

It's time to go!

Come closer!

And I can't say anything, everything comes out the wrong way.

I'll never be what you want, I wouldn't change any part of me, just to make you stay. You had a piece of my heart but not enough to just run away 'cause I know what's best for me.

Just try, just try a little harder.

I'll do my best explaining all the things I'm going through.

Just try, just try a little harder.

This is why I can't adjust for you. I can't adjust for you. ...can't adjust for...

You can't stay.

The look in your eyes says things I don't wanna know.

/No you, you can't stay./ I wanna be with you, and no one else.

I need you to feel the way that you felt that summer night when you found that puzzle piece, that puzzle piece missing for eight straight weeks.

You're not the perfect fit!

I'll never be what you want, I wouldn't change any part of me just to make you stay. You had a piece of my heart but not enough to just run away 'cause I know what's best for me.





Breath out. It's over. I couldn't help but smile though. That seemed... perfect, especially for being so out of practice. Brendon's voice was just magical. I felt as if I had been sucked in, hiding behind his talent.

Brendon's giant smile was something he wasn't even attempting to hide. "Derek." He prompted, staring down the music teacher.

Derek frowned, making my heart drop. "Neither of you truly felt the song."

Brendon frowned as well, "How were we supposed to 'feel' it?" He made air quotes around the word. "We don't even know each other! Plus, we only had ten minutes to get the song down. We did damn good for the timeframe we were given to practice and you know it."

Derek sighed heavily, "Excuses, excuses. Brendon, your voice is heavenly as usual but you hide it. Why must you hide it? You should be a lot more talented than you are. All that you have is natural talent. It has yet to be molded in to the great voice that it could be. Juliet, oh dear Juliet..." Derek shook his head. Was I that terrible?

Brendon surprised me when he snapped, "Don't you dare criticize her. She was perfect."

Perfect? The description caught me off guard and I found myself shocked in to silence, though beforehand I hadn't been entirely sure as to what I was supposed to say anyway so it was no loss.

Derek said nothing to Brendon, focusing completely on me. This wasn't a school for music exclusively, so why was he treating it that way? Music wasn't supposed to have anything to do with my life anymore. Music left your heart open, it made you feel things that were better left unfelt... I didn't want to go there again.

But it still felt too damn good to say no to at the moment.

"Sing it for me." Derek pleaded, confusing me.

"S-sing what?" I just sang. That was singing. I did it and now I was done, right? Please say I'm done.

"The song you sang exactly a year ago." Derek replied, smiling. It was easy for him to smile. He didn't understand how that song made me feel. It tore open my heart, making me feel everything. That was the most powerful performance I'd ever given because I truly felt it. I put every ounce of my being in to that song because I had no where else to put my feelings, it was as if before that I'd outlawed feeling anything so instead of coming out, my feelings simply hid.

"No." I refused.

"I need you on my team." How lame did that sound? No, no, and no!

"I'm here to learn." I glared in to his eyes, trying to make myself clear. "I'm done with music. I have been for awhile. If you don't want to continue my scholarship then that's fine. Just let me know." It really wasn't fine but I didn't want to start off by being pushed around. "I can't sing anymore. I don't want to." My eyes narrowed as Derek's mouth opened and I cut him off. "End of discussion." With that I walked out, stopping once outside of the music room.

In reality I still had to wait for Mr. Smith. I needed to know if I was staying or going. I needed to know my schedule. I needed to fucking breath.

The door opened and I waited, expecting it to be Mr. Smith. I expected him to blow up on me.

Instead it was Brendon.

I had temporarily forgotten about him.

He just stared at me, stopping in place as well.

"I'm sorry." I finally apologized. "I was rude in there."

Brendon shook his head. "That's what they needed to hear. Derek and Mr. Smith push people around all the time. They want the best stats. The thing is... stats aren't everything. You have to be your own person. If music isn't your place then don't let them force it on you."

I smiled, taking in his kind words. "Thank you."

"For?"

"Not pushing me in to it as well. I mean, you're really nice... and I really appreciate that." I had to be blushing. I could feel the warmth radiating from my cheeks.

Brendon shrugged, "You look a lot better smiling than you do frowning. So, I'm really just being selfish."

I looked down in surprise as Brendon pressed papers in to my hands. "What's this?" I asked, reading the paper. My schedule? "Am I... am I still even going to school here?" I awkwardly asked. Mr. Smith hadn't gotten his way. Did that mean I was gone?

"Mr. Smith asked me to give it to you." Brendon stepped closer, making the situation a little more awkward. "He isn't going to kick out a good student because she won't sing in his fucking choir. I peeked at your test scores. You're brilliant. If you won't shine in their choir then you'll shine when the board of education looks at your school work."

"T-thanks." Brilliant? He was just throwing the compliments at me today. That was something I wasn't used to. I mean, my parents praised me all the time but... other students?

"So, mind if I ask what song it was that you performed?" Brendon asked. "Last year?"

"It wasn't that amazing."I swallowed hard, debating even having the conversation with him. "But the song was Pressure by Paramore."

"What made you choose that?" Brendon asked, following me as I began walking down the hallway. I was hoping movement would stop the awkward conversation and switch it to something along the lines of directions around the school but Brendon seemed focused on the conversation at hand.

"I..." I hesitated, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks again. "It was when my eating disorder was at it's worst. The song itself is more complex but... It was aimed at the eating disorder I was struggling with and that's where the emotion came from."

"Eating disorder?" Brendon sounded concerned.

"Yeah. It's called bulimia. I'm sure you've heard of it." I didn't really want to go in to detail.

"Why?"

That's what everyone asked. Why would you do such a thing to yourself? In reality eating disorders were easy to fall in to. America's booming obesity rate? Yeah, overeating is an eating disorder. Girls who obsessively count calories? Yeah, that's an eating disorder. There are so fucking many eating disorders and everyone has usually at least fallen in to one in their lifetime, or will. "Everything in my life was so out of control... It felt good to control something." The disgust dripping from my words was something I couldn't hide. I hated my weaknesses... Worse; I hated how strong they sometimes made me feel.

"You know you're gorgeous, right?" Gorgeous? No, I didn't. "Are you... still..." Brendon mimicked throwing up, as if afraid to give voice to the disease.

"I'm a different person now."

Brendon nodded, "Good..."

An awkward silence fell over us.

The bell rang.

Neither of us moved.

Finally, I looked up from the ground. Brendon was staring at me. How long had he been staring at me? "I- look, thank you for all of your help but I think I should be going now." Before he could object I hurried away, joining the crowd that had seemingly come out of nowhere.

There was something about Brendon Urie that left me fighting to figure out how I was supposed to feel; though I knew I shouldn't feel anything. He was just a boy; I was just a girl. Things never were that simple though.