FicWad

Coffee was as good as I'd remembered. Not everything had to be new and strange.
I knew that I was privileged, that I had a huge advantage on my side which was the very fact that I'd been here before.
Though in another lifetime enitrely, it felt. I used to be like these men except well, woman of course.

I had been entirely human,
but I can only recall a few distant, faint memories, most of them very insignificant. Coffee, for example. How unfair was it that I couldn't remember how to sleep or what it meant, but I could remember this brown liquid that used to taste good, and apparently, still did.
All the vital stuff was gone, erased from my memory, and that was beyond irritating.
You'd think that a memory would be convenient enough to restore all the important things, the ones that were necessary for a human to know in order to survive. But no., memory was definitely irrational.
To my relief, my body on the other hand seemed to remember everything, and it had had no problem falling asleep last night for example.

I was glad though, that everything seemed to more or less come back after I'd re-experienced it, so the memories and the knowledge had to be in there somewhere, buried deep in my mind but yet, there they were.

I was different to the rest of my kind, in a way I find hard to explain. But the results of being different were easier to list. First, I was able to come here.
You couldn't just cross the barrier whenever you felt like it. Actually, if you could, the population of this world would be radically decreasing.
I shuddered at the thought.
I crossed over. I could do that. I'd never done it before though, and I propably wouldn't have done it now if I'd had any other choice.
I was half-and-half, sort of. In the Old World, back home, I was one of them. Well, not entirely but more than I was human, atleast.. The moment I stepped into this world, I flipped the whole setting around. There was nothing inhuman about me now.
My strenght, my eye sight, my cat-like night vision, my remarkable hearing, my indestructibility... It was all gone.

I liked to think, that if I was ever to return home, I would spin the thing around again, but who knew. I had no way of knowing if it worked both ways, if it really was a back-and-forth kind of thing.
I had to remind myself of the fact that I had made my choice and there was no way of changing it now. Even if I could swap right back, I would still never be able to go home. My trip here wasn't entirely of adventurous nature, it was an escape.

I had been sitting here, zoned out, for a long time now, gripping my cup of coffee and nodding when one of the men asked if I'd like a refill.
I was still going to have to find a place to live so I decided to go apartment hunting today before I was expected at the bar. I had a feeling it wouldn't be quite as easy as getting a job. That kind of luck wouldn't be on my side two times in a row.

In addition to the two most important things, the job and the apartment, I had a billion little things to sort out. I was going to need clothes, for one. For the time being I only owned the very ones I was wearing, and eventually someone would notice the fact that I never wear anything else. Plus I was quite sure that I was about to have to learn to do some laundry sooner rather than later.
Washing my clothes wouldn't be such an issue assuming I had atleast soap and a sink, though after over-hearing a conversationg about some kind of "laundr-o-mats" sometime last night, I wasn't so sure. Issue or not, I was still going to need more clothes, unless it wouldn't be considered lunatic to go about the day naked until your clothes dried off. I wouldn't bet on that.
I was glad now that Ray had already paid me for the hours I'd worked at the bar yesterday, I was going to need them today.

Places to go, things to do, I thought as I made my first move to actually get up and get the day started. I placed the empty cup beside the sink and left the kitchen. I realized there was no one in the apartment except for Gerard and I. I could see him sitting on the couch he didn't get to sleep on last night, he had a sketch book in his hands and by the look of it he was only doodling absentmindedly. I felt oddly obligated to go talk to him, atleast to tell him I was leaving.

I walked slowly, making sure he could hear me coming, I wouldn't want to startle him. I still had that weird vision of him squealing like a little girl stuck in my head and as entertaining as it sounds, I wasn't sure I wanted to actually see that. Or hear.
I dragged my feet as I walked and sat beside him on the couch.

"Everyone else has left?" I asked casually
His head snapped up and he lifted his eyes to meet mine for a second, then lowered his gaze back to the nearly blank page.

"Yeah, school, work, y'know.." He explained shortly

"Who's in school?"

"Mikey and Frank, and I'm supposed to be, too" He answered with a hint of a smile now.

"Oh. Why aren't you?" I wasn't sure if he was OK with all the questions but I had no other idea how to make conversation.
All of a sudden he looked uncomfortable, I could almost here his brains tick as he tried to come up with a false excuse before I would notice the pause. But ofcourse I did.

"Er.." Was all he was able to get out of his mouth, and I settled on staring at him, cocking an eyebrow and smiling in a way that was meant to be encouraging.

"Okay I was gonna lie" He blurted out finally "to say I'm just skipping classes or shit.. But I'm sure you get it, we kinda agreed that, as of now, someone would stay behind so you wouldn't be left alone, cause y'know, we just barely met you and it's Jersey after all and yeah just.. precautions.." His voice became more apologetic by each word he spoke.

"No I get that. Of course" I smiled. I had been too preoccupied thinking about how I should fear them, to notice that they actually, in a way, feared me.
How odd. Maybe fear is the wrong word. It sounded more like they we're afraid I was gonna rob them while they were gone. There's an idea, I thought for half a second and giggled in spite of myself.

"Damn, I was so sure nothing would go wrong. That you wouldn't take the time to be rational. It would've been so easy - not that there's much to steal in here anyway" I chuckled.
It took 3 very long, silent minutes for me to notice that he hadn't realized I'd been kidding, which made me laugh out loud,

"I'm kidding!" I almost yelled, still uanble to compose myself seeing his shocked expression, "Kidding" I repeated

"....oh" He smiled, and I could see a deep rosey blush spread across his cheek. How very cute.

I let him know that I was leaving the house, and made a point to explain he could go to school in peace now, I wouldn't come back to tear apart the front door so I could steal the ugly bronze couch that was propably as old as the world itself.
I had three hours on me before I had to find my way back to the bar. I was so going to get lost.
The clothes seemed like an easy thing to start with so I walked a little faster now that I actually knew where I was going. There was a big building on the left and the billboard said 'shopping center' so I passed the smaller shops and headed for that one.

Then my luck decided it was time to make another strike.

The first thing I saw when I entered the huge, mechanic doors was a sign that informed me that the door next to it led to the office of an apartment rental agency. It was worth a shot, even though I'd thought about every single thing that could go wrong on the way here. First and utmost, I had job and if I was lucky, I'd still have a job tomorrow.
But that was just a big question mark, as was the salary. What could I afford, and for how long? I'd panicked over that for several minutes until I managed to convince myself that it was just something I'd have to deal with - living one day at a time.
I took a deep breath, yanked the door open and stepped inside with determination.

An hour later I found myself looking for clothing stores again. I had filled out what felt like 6528 applications for apartments all over New Jersey and New York, too. They were all tiny and modest, to put it nicely, but I wouldn't be caught dead being picky.
If I would have a chance at any of them, I would take it and be grateful.

I had a bad feeling about it though, there had to be more reliable sounding people than the girl named Willow whose last name sounded like she'd come up with it only seconds ago (which was true) and who couldn't remember the last name of her employer or even the name of the bar she worked at.
I had left some of the questions unanswered, and to some I'd tried to use my imagination to come up with a realistic enough lie.
Also, I'd had no phone number to give out, and as the agent had suggested I'd give the number to the phone at work, I'd had to explain for the second time that I didn't have any information concerning my job. Talk about sounding like a drug addict.
I let out a dramatic sigh. Let's find out if I manage to get the clothes right.

Though I hadn't aged -in the traditional sense of the word- since I'd been forced to leave this human world in the first place, that didn't quite mean I'd been living in some medieval clothes for the past who knows how many years. Even though the old world, as it was commonly refered to, and the new world were very different in such a significant way, they weren't physically different. In fact, they weren't even physically apart. They were the same, but something kept the inhabitants from interfering each other's lives. Well, for the most part anyway.
It was the same world, same city, just different -well- dimension I guess you could say.
There were quite a lot of ways to make humans to cross to the other side, without them even knowing. If we over-look the biggest motive on trying to make them cross the line, the obvious, deathly one, it was also very convenient for us to have them bring us clothes and such, too. The clothes they wore, the clothes they would no longer be needing..

So, to clarify, I did know what jeans were and in fact I was wearing a pair right now. I also had a waist-lenght leather jacket I wasn't about to give up.
I think I looked fairly normal. Average enough to blend in.
But these were clothes I'd gotten, not something I'd picked. I was pretty sure I'd end up looking like nothing else at the end of the day.


After a pretty succesful shopping spree and a not so very succesful work night at the bar, I found myself in Ray's corridor again, having a massive déjá-vu experience. I could hear voices again as they discussed my staying here for another night.

I'd worked up the guts to ask Ray if I could stay here until I found an apartment. I'd told him about the trip to the rental agency and he had smirked at me while he'd written the details concerning my job on a piece of paper so I could call the agent and fill him in on these little necessities.
The place was called Toro's and I felt pretty stupid for not figuring that out before, now that I actually had paid attention, it was written all over. The pints, the beer mats and even on the back of the shirt Ray wore to work, printed on with cat sized letters.
It was quite obvious.

I'd decided to call the agent first thing tomorrow, and improve my chances at actually getting that apartment I so very desperately needed.

Ray had no problem with me staying here, he seemed to already trust me as not only an employee but also as a friend. Or an acquaintance atleast, but a trustworthy one. I still wasn't familiar enough with the voices to put my finger on who it was that wasn't so keen on the idea. I felt like an intruder, and thought about fleeing again, when Frank's face appeared from behind the door.

"Why are you standing in the corridor like an idiot?" he asked indifferently, but the expression on his face made it clear he was teasing.
I decided not to answer that, but instead ask him a question that I'd been wanting to ask since the last time I had been standing here, trying to concentrate on anything but the voices discussing me as if I wasn't close enough to hear.

"Who painted this?" I pointed at the painting I didn't feel like looking at ever again

"Gerard" he chuckled "If you'd have known us for more than a day, you wouldn't be asking"

"Why not?"

"Cause he's the creep" he stated matter-of-factly. "Ray's the smart one, Bob's sort of.. careful.. and violent - at the same time"

I smiled wondering if the others would agree on Frank's descriptions. Were they all aware of their roles in the group? That reminded me of some teen book or movie or band where there were always the smart one, the pretty one, the sporty one... Kind of like boy bands.

"And which one are you?" I asked

"I'm the badass one. Or the hot one, if you prefer" he answered, smiling like a kid who was telling his aunt he got an A on an algebra test.

"..Obviously" I agreed, rolling my eyes in case he couldn't detect the sarcasm in my voice.

He studied me in silence, and I let my eyes wander on him, too. His arms were covered in tattoos, as was his chest. I was recalling the tattoos I'd seen last night, obviously, since he was wearing a shirt now like any civilized person. The silence became awkward fast enough, and he was the one to break it.

"You know it's not that they don't like you.." He said in a low voice "It's just that.. Well, it's just a little weird, you gotta realize that-"

I blushed. What a strange sensation, I could feel the blood rush up to my head, though not in the way that made you feel faint. Instead, I could feel my cheeks burn and I was wondering how many shades of red were visible on my face.

"I know" I managed to say with a voice barely audible

"-Which brings me to something I've been dying to ask you" He mused and added "Alone"

I knew what was coming, it was hardly realistic for me to have thought he'd forgotten about me trespassing his mother's front lawn in the wee hours of the night not more than two days ago. But I'd been hoping...
I think I just turned a deeper shade of red.

"Which is what?" I asked innocently

"Just.. What was the story behind me catching you sneaking around my mom's house the other night?" Taking his eyes off me he continued "That's something I.. we.. would really like you to explain cause, you know, we wouldn't want to think that you were up to something" He said and I was almost sure I saw a little blush coloring his cheeks now, too.
I understood.

"That's why you left Gerard here to keep an eye on me" I stated the obvious and he nodded curtly.
"I'm not a criminal" I breathed out "I wasn't up to anything"

I know it was unreasonable to be hurt, I couldn't expect them not to think of such a thing. But still, it stung a little. I knew I had been getting ahead of things, but I couldn't help feeling like I was being accused by friends. I wanted to give myself a good old smack in the head.

"Why exactly were you there?" He sounded like he was sorry to have to ask me about this, or maybe I just wanted him to sound like he was. I don't know for sure.

"I... I -er- don't.. remember" I muttered, as if I was admitting something infamous.

"You don't remember" He repeated blankly. It was more of a statement than a question and I gave him a weak, apologetic smile.

"I really don't, I'm sorry" There, that was better. Almost sincere. Almost believable. Then an idea struck me. A good one. A human one..

"I was.. drunk" I said tentatively and when I saw his lips curve up to a tiny smile, I went on
"This is embarrasing.. I don't usually drink, so it caught me a little off guard.. And the last thing I remember thinking was something about visiting my aunt, which is weird, cause I don't have an aunt" I discovered that my ability to lie hadn't vanished even though I had been thinking it had. What a nice little surprise.

Also, my hesitant stuttering and my still blushed cheeks made it quite convincing, I would like to think. Carefully, I lifted my gaze up to meet his, and sighed in relief when I saw that he seemed to have bought it. He took my sigh as a sign of shame of having to tell him the story and stepped forward. Much to my surprise, he took my hand in his and grinned.

"Well I knew you weren't a criminal. You look much too innocent" he laughed.

Something inside me twitched. First, innocent was the last word I would use to describe myself and second, this was the first physical contact I had had with a human being in decades, unless you count the fatal ones. Fatal to the human, not me.

I wanted to yank my hand from his, I wanted to step away for all of a sudden I felt things I wasn't supposed to feel in this body. I felt an urge - an urge to hurt him. I felt his pulse on my fingers as our hands were touching and I could almost hear his heart pumping the blood into his veins. His heart was mocking me with every beat. I could hear my pulse in my ears now as well and it was starting to get too loud. I was lightheaded, and my mind spun like no one's business. It felt like a headrush, but a very powerful one.
I had to step away.

I forced a strained smile before he'd notice the change in the atmosphere and very carefully and casually slid my hand away from his to play with my hair.
"So, do I get to stay?" I asked hopefully, my pulse still racing. I was very eager to get the vision of his liveless body out of my mind. Preferably for good.

"If that's what you want" He shrugged still smiling and turned for the door that led to the familiar living room. I felt like it was safe to breathe again, and as I did I also noticed I had been holding it for too long. Out of breath, I followed him through the door even though now more than ever I was in a serious need of some alone time.

Something was wrong with my body. Something was wrong with my mind.
I was human now, I had lost my superior senses, hadn't I?
Then why, why did I just feel like I wanted nothing more than to stop his heart from beating?


Rate and review, please! Or just review at the very least to let me know what you think. I know things aren't happening very fast in this story, but I hope that's not a problem. I know where I'm headed with this, the story's done actually and I got like over 60 chapters all ready to be posted. I uploaded this on another website completed and got pretty nice feedback, too. But this is ficwad, this is what matters lol so what do YOU guys think?