FicWad

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I stand up and walk over to Hayley who is staring at me with hurt eyes.
"Hayley..." I had no explanation "I'm sorry."
"No. No. Gee please tell me I didn't see what I thought I saw." She says looking for reassurance. Something I can't give her. I look at Frank who is now standing. He runs his hand through his hair and he looks terrified. I look back to Hayley. "I'm sorry. I'm not the man for you. You'll find someone." I say hiding all emotion. I'm dying inside right now.
"No. Gerard I need you. Please don't say that." Hayley says putting her hand on my face. I place my hand on hers and bring both our hands back down to our sides.
"You-you don't need me Hayley. You're going to have the most beautiful baby and don't tell them about me. I don't want them to have a dad that left them. I"ll be back for my stuff in the morning." I say walking past her and out of the house. Frank follows. I don't get into the car.
"Fine then go on leave me. But know this Gerard I loved you. Now I simply hate you. I'm glad your going." Hayley screams from the front door. Every word hurts as they come spilling out of her mouth. Frank runs up behind me and tries to pull me back.
"Gerard. Get in my car." He says pulling me again. I ignore him and walk on."GET IN NOW!" He shouts. I turn and look at him. He is still scared and he's trying his best to hide it from me. I walk towards him and get into his car. I stare blankly at the house. I see Hayley inside. She is throwing stuff around and I can hear her sobs from here. The car starts moving. I can't be here I need to get out. I need to think.

I un buckle my seatbelt. I brace my self for the impact of the road. Just as I open the door and throw myself out I hear Frank screaming. The car stops and Frank gets out. I get up as best I can and bolt away from him.
"Gerard!" He shouts. I run and run and run until his shouts are only mere whispers. I don't know what to do now. I stop running and look around. I see shops around me. Now I know what to do.

I walk into the nearest shop and go to the counter. I look at the different drinks and decide which one will work fastest. I get my wallet out.
"Two bottles of vodka please." I say to the man handing him the money. He hands me the bottles and I walk away."Keep the change." I say walking out the door. I find a long alleyway and decide that's where I'm going to go. I walk far into it so I can't be seen. I open the first bottle and take a long desperate swig. God that feels good. With every sip I feel better. Before I know it the bottle is almost done and I can't even see straight.

I get up and walk out of the alleyway. I open the other bottle and start drinking from it. I walk and walk and walk until I find myself somewhere familiar. Its to hazy to make out but I walk up to the door and knock. No one answers so I sit on the ground and wait.
"Lonely I am so lonely." I sing at the top of my voice. "Fucking mother fuckers... Dwont g-give two ssshhitss if I'm lonely." I slur. I look down and spit.
"Oh thank god." I hear Frank. I hide the bottle behind me. "Where have you been...what have you done." I smile at him and bring the bottle back in front of me.
"I will always love you." I sing the Whitney Houston classic. I take another unsteady swig of the bottle. Franks grabs it from me and puts it in his trash can. "I wasn't finished with that." I slur. Frank sighs and tries his best to pull me up. Oh yeah this is Franks house.
"Come on." He says getting me onto my feet.
"This is your house." I say proudly.
"Yes and we are going inside." Says Frank. I see his bandaged arm and giggle.
"Whats so funny." Frank asks opening his door.
"You have a fucked up arm." I say
"Yeah and your not doing much to help are you?" He replies. Once inside he takes me into his living room and sits me on his couch. He sits next to me.
"Gerard do you remember how much you had to drink." He asks. I nod I don't remember at all. What I do remember now though is why I had it in the first place.
"Hayley..." I say tears spilling from my eyes. Oh god what have I done to her. "I'm a fucking bastard. I didn't deserve her." I sob.
"You can still work it out." Frank tries to reassure me.
"I can't." I say.
"Why can't you?" Frank asks.
"Because I love you." I say. Frank looks at me then gestures for me to hug him. I move into his arms and rest my head on his chest.
"That's the drink talking." He says stroking my hair. I cry uncontrollably. Why can't he understand that I love him. Drunk or not I fucking love him. He won't believe me now though. I weep and he comforts me until I cry myself to sleep.
*************
I wake up to an awful headache. Fuck what happened? I open my eyes to see Frank across the room looking at me. I try to get up but my hangover stops me. I screw up my face in pain. Its not just my head that hurts. I lift my shirt to see a massive graze up my side.
"Fuck." I say wincing. Frank rushes over to look. I groan as I sit up to get a better look. That must have been when I jumped from the car. I look at Frank who looks really worried.
"I'm going to clean that for you." He says getting up and leaving the room. He comes back moment later with a first aid box. I start to un button my filthy shirt. I stink of vodka. I look at Frank he is putting some antiseptic onto a cloth. He puts the cloth on the graze. I wince.
"Sorry." Frank says. I look at his face and he has huge black circles under his eyes.
"Frank did you sleep last night?" I ask. He nods. No. "Fuck man I'm sorry." I try but he puts his hand up in protest and continues to clean me.
"Do you remember how much you had?" He asks focusing on what he is doing. I think and remember more than just how much I had. I cringe at how low I was last night.
"Almost two bottles." I say hanging my head in shame."I'm sorry. I couldn't think of doing anything else." Frank finishes cleaning the graze. He puts the stuff back in the box. He tries his best to hide a yawn but doesn't succeed. I feel so bad. He leaves the room and comes back with a shirt. He hands it to me and sits down. I put the shirt on. Its a little small but it'll do.
"I meant what I said last night." I say. Frank looks at me with tired eyes.
"What?" He asks.
"I do love you Frank. I don't know how you don't see that." I say.
"I know you do Gee. I know." He replies closing his eyes.