Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > anti-depressants, tears and full on anger.
you asked me never to leave you behind
0 reviewsyou asked me never to leave you behind… to stay with you no matter what to never give up… and that is what has kept me going
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gerards point of view
“Gerard… are you okay?” Mikey said through the door.
When I didn’t answer he just came in, he came in and sat on the end of my bed, I watched him look around my messy room, all of the posters and drawings that I had become so familiar with over the past ten years, all of my cds scattered across the desk amidst the jumble of blunt pencils eyeliner and discarded pieces of paper, my cluttered wardrobe that was full of clothes that old people would disapprove of, my messy draws that were too full of crumpled paper, old posters, more pencils, old issues of kerrang! And creased batman comics… this was how my room had been for a long time, occasionally I would be made to tidy up because we had a visitor round but other than that… my room was a bit of a mess if I’m honest!
“Gee… what’s up? You haven’t eaten anything today…you can tell me!” he said as he tilted his head abit.
I… I didn’t know if I could tell Mikey though. I didn’t know if I could even tell myself what was wrong.
“I don’t know Mikey. I’m just not in a very good mood today, fed up with all of this. Y’know. When I used to get really depressed I would come into my room and I would sit in the window… now this is about a year ago… I was seriously sick and tired of living… I was gonna do it mikes. I was gonna kill myself. I had hung my tie up in the window on the curtain pole and I was sat there. In the window looking out.” I said, I didn’t know whether I should carry on because when I looked up I saw several tears rolling down his face, leaving trails down his pale cheeks. “You okay mikes?” I asked him.
“Yeah sorry… carry on I wanna hear the rest…” he said wiping his cheeks and taking his glasses off his glasses and cleaning them on his over worn anthrax tee.
“Okay… on this one night the weather was horrid. Stormy and rainy… not the awesome type stormy… but stormy type that completely matched my mood. And I was watching each raindrop rolling down the windows and trying to think of what I should do. I was stood up… I had my note written… and was ready. I was going to kill myself… but all of a sudden in heard a noise… now this was about two days after you had got your own room… I don’t know if you remember this but it was you… you were crying. You had had a nightmare… more flashbacks… she died when you were two… and you keep getting flashbacks. That’s not good. But anyways… I tried to block you out… to follow through with what I was planning on doing in the first place… but I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t. So I went into your room and you were crying still. Your glasses were all steamed up… you still do that you know… fall asleep in your glasses… and you were shaking... you were crying and crying and crying… do you remember?”
“yeah… it was the one where I found mum in the bath… it was the one where I went up to her and shook her saying… you can’t sleep in the bath mummy… just like I did on the day I found her only then in the dream she woke up and told me that she died because of me, because I was the one stressing her out and that it was all my fault. Then she looked at me… and died… then you came into my room and hugged me…” he said… now it was my turn to cry.
And just like we used to I sat there holding Mikey while we both cried.
“Y-y-you always were a very c-c-clever baby weren’t you! y-you wouldn’t stop crying… a-and you asked me n-n-never to leave you behind… to stay w-w-with you no matter what to n-n-never give up-p… and that-t is what-t has kept me going strong through the w-w-whole of my life… you mikes. I promised you and myself… that I could n-never leave you, that I would never ever g-give up. You s-s-saved me mikes.” I said hugging him, both of us still crying.
“thanks gee… I l-love you.”he said looking up at me with inspired eyes.
“its okay m-mikes, I love you too… look its late now… school tomorrow… time to go to sleep me thinks…” I said as I looked down at him hugging me with tears still rolling down him cheeks.
“d-d-do I have t-to go gee? I don’t like it in m-m-my room… scot-t-t takes all my stuf-f-f…” He said stumbling over his words.
“okay then mikes… go get your duvet… you can watch dracula with me once everyone else is in bed kay?” I felt kinda bad for making him cry…
But just like I had told mikey… I needed to keep on going…
dont forget to rate and review guys! i dont know if you like it of not!?
-ebony xo
“Gerard… are you okay?” Mikey said through the door.
When I didn’t answer he just came in, he came in and sat on the end of my bed, I watched him look around my messy room, all of the posters and drawings that I had become so familiar with over the past ten years, all of my cds scattered across the desk amidst the jumble of blunt pencils eyeliner and discarded pieces of paper, my cluttered wardrobe that was full of clothes that old people would disapprove of, my messy draws that were too full of crumpled paper, old posters, more pencils, old issues of kerrang! And creased batman comics… this was how my room had been for a long time, occasionally I would be made to tidy up because we had a visitor round but other than that… my room was a bit of a mess if I’m honest!
“Gee… what’s up? You haven’t eaten anything today…you can tell me!” he said as he tilted his head abit.
I… I didn’t know if I could tell Mikey though. I didn’t know if I could even tell myself what was wrong.
“I don’t know Mikey. I’m just not in a very good mood today, fed up with all of this. Y’know. When I used to get really depressed I would come into my room and I would sit in the window… now this is about a year ago… I was seriously sick and tired of living… I was gonna do it mikes. I was gonna kill myself. I had hung my tie up in the window on the curtain pole and I was sat there. In the window looking out.” I said, I didn’t know whether I should carry on because when I looked up I saw several tears rolling down his face, leaving trails down his pale cheeks. “You okay mikes?” I asked him.
“Yeah sorry… carry on I wanna hear the rest…” he said wiping his cheeks and taking his glasses off his glasses and cleaning them on his over worn anthrax tee.
“Okay… on this one night the weather was horrid. Stormy and rainy… not the awesome type stormy… but stormy type that completely matched my mood. And I was watching each raindrop rolling down the windows and trying to think of what I should do. I was stood up… I had my note written… and was ready. I was going to kill myself… but all of a sudden in heard a noise… now this was about two days after you had got your own room… I don’t know if you remember this but it was you… you were crying. You had had a nightmare… more flashbacks… she died when you were two… and you keep getting flashbacks. That’s not good. But anyways… I tried to block you out… to follow through with what I was planning on doing in the first place… but I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t. So I went into your room and you were crying still. Your glasses were all steamed up… you still do that you know… fall asleep in your glasses… and you were shaking... you were crying and crying and crying… do you remember?”
“yeah… it was the one where I found mum in the bath… it was the one where I went up to her and shook her saying… you can’t sleep in the bath mummy… just like I did on the day I found her only then in the dream she woke up and told me that she died because of me, because I was the one stressing her out and that it was all my fault. Then she looked at me… and died… then you came into my room and hugged me…” he said… now it was my turn to cry.
And just like we used to I sat there holding Mikey while we both cried.
“Y-y-you always were a very c-c-clever baby weren’t you! y-you wouldn’t stop crying… a-and you asked me n-n-never to leave you behind… to stay w-w-with you no matter what to n-n-never give up-p… and that-t is what-t has kept me going strong through the w-w-whole of my life… you mikes. I promised you and myself… that I could n-never leave you, that I would never ever g-give up. You s-s-saved me mikes.” I said hugging him, both of us still crying.
“thanks gee… I l-love you.”he said looking up at me with inspired eyes.
“its okay m-mikes, I love you too… look its late now… school tomorrow… time to go to sleep me thinks…” I said as I looked down at him hugging me with tears still rolling down him cheeks.
“d-d-do I have t-to go gee? I don’t like it in m-m-my room… scot-t-t takes all my stuf-f-f…” He said stumbling over his words.
“okay then mikes… go get your duvet… you can watch dracula with me once everyone else is in bed kay?” I felt kinda bad for making him cry…
But just like I had told mikey… I needed to keep on going…
dont forget to rate and review guys! i dont know if you like it of not!?
-ebony xo
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