Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > You Know It's Wrong, But You Believe It Anyway
You Know It's Wrong, But You Believe It Anyway
2 reviewsRyan has a problem. Spencer doesn't know how to help fix it. What'll happen? (Spencer/Ryan)
1Ambiance
~Spencer's POV~
"Ry? You in there?" I asked, knocking lightly on the bathroom door.
"Go away, Spencer. I'm fine. I'll be out in a few minutes." Ryan said quietly.
I didn't want to, but he insisted that I leave. So I did. I went downstairs and waited for him to come out. I didn't know for sure what he was doing, but I had an idea.
He came out 10 minutes later looking like a mess. He had his sweatshirt sleeves pulled down, and I knew I was right.
"Ryan. Come here. I want to talk to you about something." I told him, motioning for him to come sit next to me.
"Okay. What is it, baby?" He asked, a puzzled look on his face. He knew what I was going to say, but he covered it up well.
"Well, first of all, just know that I love you and I always will," I sighed, looking at Ryan, who seemed to finally be showing that he knew what was going to happen next. "And, I need to tell you this. You won't like it, but I have to tell you."
"O-okay. I kn-know that." Ryan said, looking down at the floor.
"I need you... to stop cutting. You shouldn't still be doing this. You told me-- hell, you promised me a long time ago that you stopped. Why didn't you?"
"Because. Because it's... I'm just not... It's hard to explain, Spence. I can't put it in words. I-I know you deserve a reason, and I can give you one. But I need to find a way to say it." Ryan told me, sounding as if he'd cry. I couldn't let my baby cry because of me.
"Ry, sweetie, it's okay. I'm just worried about you, you know? I don't want you to hurt yourself for any reason. Okay?"
"Y-y-yeah. I'm sorry, baby." Ryan said quietly, leaning into me and crying.
I wrapped my arms around his small frame and stroked his hair, trying to calm him down. I hated it when he cried, because he was sad. And when Ry was sad, he didn't get over it fast.
"You done?" I asked, when he finally sat up and wiped his eyes, seeming calmer than before.
"Yeah. I'm--I'm okay. Sorry." He smiled a little and shrugged when he said it.
"It's okay. I don't care." I said, smiling in response to his.
Ryan sat up, and I took this opportunity to lay my head on his lap and just look at him.
He looked down and saw me staring at him, and asked, "What are you staring at me for?"
"Because you're beautiful. And perfect." He laughed at this statement. "What?"
"I'm hardly either of those things."
"I don't lie, babe. That's just not me."
"You obviously do, because you just did."
At this point, I chose to give up on my convincing him that he's the most beautiful person on this planet. Why doesn't he just believe me? Why has he got himself convinced that he isn't beautiful? Or perfect? Right then, I didn't know. But I do now, and it's not the best way he could have been convinced...
~Ryan's POV~
Later that same night, we were laying in bed, just talking about random stuff like, what we would do if the band broke up, or reminiscing about things that we did when we were kids.
That was when I said it. We were talking about Brendon and Jon for some reason, and I said it. I regret it to this day.
I told Spencer my secret. Mine and Brendon's. Never known by anyone but us until now.
"Brendon hit me once."
"What?" Spencer said in an alarmed tone, sitting up and looking at me with worry written all over his face. "Ryan, what the hell did you just say? I don't know if I heard you right, so correct me if I'm wrong. Did you just say that Brendon hit you once?"
"...No..." I said, breaking away from Spencer's gaze.
"Ry, I don't want you to lie to me. This is serious. Tell me if he hit you." Spencer spoke to me in a stern voice, one he only used if he was very, very serious about something.
"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "He did. He hit me. Brendon Hurts me."
"Excuse me, he HURTS you? Like, as in, he still does it?"
I hesitated to answer. I didn't want to let him know any more than he already did.
"Ry, baby, please answer me." He sounded and looked dangerously close to tears. I hate it when he cries.
"Yeah." I told him quietly, looking away and focusing on a spot on the wall behind him.
He relaxed against the wall behind our bed, and talked fast and quiet to himself. I couldn't make out all of what he was saying, but I heard him say something about "It's all my fault" and "Shouldn't have said anything".
"Spence, please don't think it's your fault. It's not. I brought this upon myself." I touched his hand and he grabbed it.
"Please don't let go." He said, finally looking at me with tears in his eyes.
"I won't, baby. I won't." I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as I fell asleep with his hand in mine.
I knew we would talk about It in the morning, but for now, I just wanted to sleep. And that's what I did. We both did.
END OF CHAPTER ONE.
"Ry? You in there?" I asked, knocking lightly on the bathroom door.
"Go away, Spencer. I'm fine. I'll be out in a few minutes." Ryan said quietly.
I didn't want to, but he insisted that I leave. So I did. I went downstairs and waited for him to come out. I didn't know for sure what he was doing, but I had an idea.
He came out 10 minutes later looking like a mess. He had his sweatshirt sleeves pulled down, and I knew I was right.
"Ryan. Come here. I want to talk to you about something." I told him, motioning for him to come sit next to me.
"Okay. What is it, baby?" He asked, a puzzled look on his face. He knew what I was going to say, but he covered it up well.
"Well, first of all, just know that I love you and I always will," I sighed, looking at Ryan, who seemed to finally be showing that he knew what was going to happen next. "And, I need to tell you this. You won't like it, but I have to tell you."
"O-okay. I kn-know that." Ryan said, looking down at the floor.
"I need you... to stop cutting. You shouldn't still be doing this. You told me-- hell, you promised me a long time ago that you stopped. Why didn't you?"
"Because. Because it's... I'm just not... It's hard to explain, Spence. I can't put it in words. I-I know you deserve a reason, and I can give you one. But I need to find a way to say it." Ryan told me, sounding as if he'd cry. I couldn't let my baby cry because of me.
"Ry, sweetie, it's okay. I'm just worried about you, you know? I don't want you to hurt yourself for any reason. Okay?"
"Y-y-yeah. I'm sorry, baby." Ryan said quietly, leaning into me and crying.
I wrapped my arms around his small frame and stroked his hair, trying to calm him down. I hated it when he cried, because he was sad. And when Ry was sad, he didn't get over it fast.
"You done?" I asked, when he finally sat up and wiped his eyes, seeming calmer than before.
"Yeah. I'm--I'm okay. Sorry." He smiled a little and shrugged when he said it.
"It's okay. I don't care." I said, smiling in response to his.
Ryan sat up, and I took this opportunity to lay my head on his lap and just look at him.
He looked down and saw me staring at him, and asked, "What are you staring at me for?"
"Because you're beautiful. And perfect." He laughed at this statement. "What?"
"I'm hardly either of those things."
"I don't lie, babe. That's just not me."
"You obviously do, because you just did."
At this point, I chose to give up on my convincing him that he's the most beautiful person on this planet. Why doesn't he just believe me? Why has he got himself convinced that he isn't beautiful? Or perfect? Right then, I didn't know. But I do now, and it's not the best way he could have been convinced...
~Ryan's POV~
Later that same night, we were laying in bed, just talking about random stuff like, what we would do if the band broke up, or reminiscing about things that we did when we were kids.
That was when I said it. We were talking about Brendon and Jon for some reason, and I said it. I regret it to this day.
I told Spencer my secret. Mine and Brendon's. Never known by anyone but us until now.
"Brendon hit me once."
"What?" Spencer said in an alarmed tone, sitting up and looking at me with worry written all over his face. "Ryan, what the hell did you just say? I don't know if I heard you right, so correct me if I'm wrong. Did you just say that Brendon hit you once?"
"...No..." I said, breaking away from Spencer's gaze.
"Ry, I don't want you to lie to me. This is serious. Tell me if he hit you." Spencer spoke to me in a stern voice, one he only used if he was very, very serious about something.
"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "He did. He hit me. Brendon Hurts me."
"Excuse me, he HURTS you? Like, as in, he still does it?"
I hesitated to answer. I didn't want to let him know any more than he already did.
"Ry, baby, please answer me." He sounded and looked dangerously close to tears. I hate it when he cries.
"Yeah." I told him quietly, looking away and focusing on a spot on the wall behind him.
He relaxed against the wall behind our bed, and talked fast and quiet to himself. I couldn't make out all of what he was saying, but I heard him say something about "It's all my fault" and "Shouldn't have said anything".
"Spence, please don't think it's your fault. It's not. I brought this upon myself." I touched his hand and he grabbed it.
"Please don't let go." He said, finally looking at me with tears in his eyes.
"I won't, baby. I won't." I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as I fell asleep with his hand in mine.
I knew we would talk about It in the morning, but for now, I just wanted to sleep. And that's what I did. We both did.
END OF CHAPTER ONE.
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