Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Poison
Chapter Fifteen
3 reviewsI just hope you'll be there with me when my world starts falling apart.
2Original
I watched Scott Pilgrim this morning and now I have literally every song on the soundtrack stuck in my head. SO FUCKING CATCHY GAW. Also, you should all congratulate me right now because I'm finally picking up Italian again! (I bought the Rosetta Stone program for it almost a year ago and haven't touched it since August, hence why I'm so proud of myself. Heehee, I'm productive.)
The Poison
Chapter Fifteen
Feel the need to lay down beside you and tell you
I feel you in my heart, and I don’t even know you
All childish fun aside, we had a strangely productive day. The basic structure was set up already, the roof was finished, and as far as I could tell, we were nearly halfway done.
That felt good- it gave me something to be proud of, that I could do things other than act invisible and read thick books. I did something productive and helpful, something people would notice and point at and say, “Hey, that kid finally did something with herself.”
That made me smile.
As I sat on the porch with Gerard at five in the morning, our legs dangling lazy above the flowers and a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, I realized how much I loved this. I mean, I’d said I’d loved it before, but the full realization hadn’t hit me until then. The sheer bliss of being here, acting like a child and mucking around with real, caring friends- that made me forget about my mother’s plea over the radio, the looming threat of my father, and everything. Even the fact that this was illegal.
Even the fact that loving Gerard was illegal.
I had heard somewhere that love was a powerful thing, but I hadn’t grasped the gravity of that statement until then.
The sun had begun to rise, leaving the neighborhood awash with a plethora of pinks, yellows, and oranges, as if the scene was a watercolor painting. I smiled a little as I looked at Gerard, who was lost in the sunrise, a dreamy expression on his face. I had only seen him like this once, when he was sleeping, which doesn’t really count. But it was still magical, none the less. I rested my head against his shoulder, letting my breath tickle his neck. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, bringing me closer.
Not one person at my school has bothered to give me a second glance. And there he was, giving me the one thing that evaded me throughout my life- happiness.
Legal or not, Gerard was the best thing that had happened to me. That I knew for sure.
But of course, all good things must come to an end.
The phone call came at around nine, after Frank and Ray had left for their homes and all the others were in their rooms. The line was crackly and low quality, but it was clear enough that I could hear exactly what my father had to say.
“Atropine.” he growled. “I know where you are, and what you’re doing with that man. Get the fuck back here, unless you want him arrested.”
Before I had time to answer, he hung up.
My hand trembled and went stiff. I dropped the phone and it clattered to the floor, slicing sharply through the cold silence. I fell against the wall, and having lost the ability to stand, slid down to the floor. Before I knew it, tears were falling down my face, and I was soon reduced to a crying mess. I fell over on my side and sobbed into my hands.
“Fuck.” I choked out.
I knew it would happen at some point. I just didn’t know it would happen so soon.
But then, any time would’ve been too soon. I thought.
Funny how some things changed so quickly. Four months ago, I would’ve almost gladly accepted the chance of going back to my old life, leaving Gerard and all his companions far, far behind. Now, I was given that chance, and I didn’t want it.
I stood up shakily, grabbing onto a corner of the counter to keep my balance, and hobbled up the stairs to my room.
Whatever I was going to do, I couldn’t have anyone else hearing it.
I decided almost instantly that I wouldn’t do self-harm. The thought flitted through my mind too casually to have any effect. What I wanted to do was something that terrified me, enough to scare away the sadness, to overpower the fear of my father.
I wanted to do something illegal and dangerous and fun.
And I knew only one person who would comply.
“Hey, Alicia?” I knocked softly on the door to Mikey and Alicia’s bedroom, praying that it wouldn’t me Mikey that answered the door.
“Hm?” Alicia opened the door enough to see me. “Atropine? Did you need something?”
“Actually... yeah.” I said hesitantly, trying to find the right words. “I just... I kinda need... a break.”
“A... break?” Alicia asks.
“Meaning like, I kind of wanted to visit downtown again.” I fumbled, looking down at my hands.
“At this time of night?” Alicia said incredulously, looking down at her watch. “It’s ten at night- definitely not a good time to go downtown.”
“ I know.” I said, feeling a bit ashamed that I had even bothered bringing it up. “I just wanted to let loose.”
‘Welllll...” Alicia mused. “There is one place that I think we can go to.”
-.-.-
“Oh, and downtown was too dangerous? This isn’t?” I cried.
“I know it looks a little seedy, but trust me. It’s safe.” Alicia assured me, gently pushing me towards the imposing bouncer.
I just shook my head. “If we get raped or mugged, you’re explaining to the guys what happened.”
Alicia rolled her eyes. “Fine, I will.”
“You promise?”
“I don’t see why you’re so psyched out about this. You’re the one that suggested it, you know.” Alicia reminded me, flashing her ID at the bouncer. “The girl’s with me- don’t worry about her.” she told him.
As we entered the club (or whatever it was, all that indicated the fact that it wasn’t just an abandoned warehouse were the words ‘Skate Night’ painted messily above the door), I realized that Alicia was right- it wasn’t as bad as I had first made it out to be. In the center of the room was an oval-shaped, banked track, unknown to me of what it was used for. Around it were rows upon rows of stadium-style seating.
Whatever this place was, I knew it was no dancing club.
“Think it’s a good time for you to tell me what the hell this place is?” I turned to Alicia, who was already sitting in her seat. “Well?”
“Do you know what roller derby is?” she asked, pulling me gently to my own seat.
“Vaguely. It’s that one sport with the nicknames, right?”
Alicia nodded. “That’s the one.”
“So... you took me to a roller derby game?”
“More or less, yeah. Fun, isn’t it?”
I slouched in my seat, staring at the rink through my knees. “I wouldn’t know. Haven’t spent enough time here yet, you know?”
I looked over at Alicia, who was occupied with something amber and fizzy in her cup. I sat up and looked at the beer more closely.
“Can I have some?” I asked, subconsciously reaching for the glass.
Alicia put down the glass and shook her head. “Absolutely not. I am a responsible guardian, and I refuse to let you consume alcohol.”
“Really now?” I challenged. “C’mon. It’s only a little sip! It’s not like I can get drunk off of that, right?”
Alicia made a face. “Okay, fine. Just one sip, though. Nothing more.”
She handed me the cup and I instantly raised it to my lips, gulping down half of its contents in a matter of seconds.
“Woah, there.” Alicia warned. “I said one sip. This is more than enough, don’t you think?”
She wrestled the drink from me and dumped it into the seat beside her, ignoring the irked glares of those around us.
“Whether you like it or not, Atropine, you are going home sober.” she said. “Now, let’s just watch the game.”
Right after she spoke, the lights dimmed and the formerly chatting audience fell into expectant silence. I leaned forward in my seat, trying to perceive more clearly the dark form that was making its way to the center of the arena. A microphone was lowered in front of the form on a string, and he (or she) grabbed it, almost immediately launching into a customary welcome.
“Hey, guys and gals,” he- I could now tell by the deep voice it was a man- drawled in a faintly Southern accent. “Welcome to Skate Night at the Warehouse. I’m, uh... a little hung over tonight, so bear with me.”
A wave of laughter rose from the crowd, as well as shouts of impatience for the bout to begin. The announcer grinned at the reaction, running a hand through his greasy blond hair.
“Now, without further ado,” he began grandly, sweeping his arms out. “May I introduce to you... the New Jersey Hellrazors!”
A group of girls skated dressed in black and orange skated out onto the rink as the Sex Pistol’s Pretty Vacant blasted over the speakers, waving and blowing kisses into the crowd. As they passed, I held my hand out and slapped high fives with a few of them, getting a strange thrill up my arm each time. I turned to Alicia, who was grinning widely.
“This is better than some no-name club, isn’t it?!” she shouted above the noise.
“I’m gonna have to agree with you on that!” I laughed.
The team skated around the rink a few times before taking their place on the home bench, and the other team was introduced.
In all honesty, I expected the audience’s level of enthusiasm for the away team to be cut in half, at least. But no, the cheering for the Gotham City Roller Girls was just as loud as it had been for the Hellrazors. It was then that I realized I had stumbled upon a new kind of sport- the kind where you could punch a girl in the face during the bout, and go out for drinks afterward.
I liked that. I liked that you could be friends with players on the other team, and slap them around for fun.
“Hey Alicia?” I turned to her, smiling. “This is the weirdest sport ever.”
“And you love it, don’t you?” she replied, interrupting herself to let out an eruptive cheer for one of the players, whose name was apparently Sallie Skullcrusher.
“Yep.”
“Told you.”
“Shut up and let me watch the game.”
I put my feet up on the seat in front of me and leaned forward, squinting to better see the pack racing around the track, with the jammers close behind. The first jammer (Sallie) pushed through the pack with the help of her teammates and scored four points, placing her hands firmly on her hips before the other jammer could score.
Absently, I wondered what Gerard was doing. Sleeping, most likely, but then, I couldn’t be sure with him.
To keep my mind off of him and my dad, I focused on the game, though I found it hard to follow. I glanced up at the scoreboard, hoping the electric bulbs would shed some light on the game. Unfortunately, all the luminescent squares of light did was confuse me further. I looked over at Alicia, who had a look of intense concentration on her face.
“Alicia? How exactly does this work? I can’t really follow, what with all the brawls and fishnets.” I said.
“Well... hang on. The next jam is starting. Perfect.” Alicia pointed at the two girls that were positioned behind the pack. “You see those two? Those are jammers, the girls who score for the team. What’s ahead of them is the pack- the people who either want to help or murder the jammer, depending on which team they’re on.”
The referee blew his whistle and the pack took off, soon followed by the jammers after the second whistle.
“So, the two jammers start skating after the second whistle- obviously, and try to get through the pack ahead of the other jammer. After that, she hauls ass around the track a second time, passes through the pack again, and tries to end the jam before the other girl can score.” she explained. “Of course, that’s an ideal situation. Sometimes, the jammers can end up like... that.”
Just as she finished speaking, one of the girls was forcefully shoved into the ground face-first, causing a spat of blood to fly from her mouth and her nose to crack. She doubled over in pain as her coach came to pick her up, earning a good number of sympathy cheers.
I expected her to sit out the rest of the game, but after only about a minute on the bench, she returned to the track.
“Ooh, she’s a tough one.” Alicia observed. “I think her name’s Sugar Rush. This is her rookie season.”
“So... I’m assuming that was one of the more violent moves?” I asked.
“Well, no.” Alicia answered. “Usually, you’d tuck and roll if someone pushed you like that. She really is new, then.”
-.-.-
The derby had been fun, no doubt about that. It was loud and cacophonic, totally out of my element, and exactly what I had been hoping for. An adrenaline rush.
Sadly, that wore off quickly as soon as we pulled into the drive, and the harsh reality came crashing down on my shoulders twice as hard as before. I dragged myself into bed and laid there without the slightest whisper of sleep for an hour, before finally giving in and sneaking into Gerard’s room.
There, I climbed stealthily into his bed and laid down beside him, clinging to his side. I knew this would be the last night with him, and I wanted to make it last.
Lyrics from Nineteen, by Tegan and Sara. Yes, the derby teams mentioned actually exist.
By the way, happy belated birthday to Lyn-Z! Also, happy slightly belated birthday to my classmate Joseph, and my dad! (And Jewel. Damn, there are a shit ton of birthdays going on this week.)
And I've been listening to Invaders Must Die for the past half hour. (Headbangs) Thought you'd like to know.
The Poison
Chapter Fifteen
Feel the need to lay down beside you and tell you
I feel you in my heart, and I don’t even know you
All childish fun aside, we had a strangely productive day. The basic structure was set up already, the roof was finished, and as far as I could tell, we were nearly halfway done.
That felt good- it gave me something to be proud of, that I could do things other than act invisible and read thick books. I did something productive and helpful, something people would notice and point at and say, “Hey, that kid finally did something with herself.”
That made me smile.
As I sat on the porch with Gerard at five in the morning, our legs dangling lazy above the flowers and a cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth, I realized how much I loved this. I mean, I’d said I’d loved it before, but the full realization hadn’t hit me until then. The sheer bliss of being here, acting like a child and mucking around with real, caring friends- that made me forget about my mother’s plea over the radio, the looming threat of my father, and everything. Even the fact that this was illegal.
Even the fact that loving Gerard was illegal.
I had heard somewhere that love was a powerful thing, but I hadn’t grasped the gravity of that statement until then.
The sun had begun to rise, leaving the neighborhood awash with a plethora of pinks, yellows, and oranges, as if the scene was a watercolor painting. I smiled a little as I looked at Gerard, who was lost in the sunrise, a dreamy expression on his face. I had only seen him like this once, when he was sleeping, which doesn’t really count. But it was still magical, none the less. I rested my head against his shoulder, letting my breath tickle his neck. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, bringing me closer.
Not one person at my school has bothered to give me a second glance. And there he was, giving me the one thing that evaded me throughout my life- happiness.
Legal or not, Gerard was the best thing that had happened to me. That I knew for sure.
But of course, all good things must come to an end.
The phone call came at around nine, after Frank and Ray had left for their homes and all the others were in their rooms. The line was crackly and low quality, but it was clear enough that I could hear exactly what my father had to say.
“Atropine.” he growled. “I know where you are, and what you’re doing with that man. Get the fuck back here, unless you want him arrested.”
Before I had time to answer, he hung up.
My hand trembled and went stiff. I dropped the phone and it clattered to the floor, slicing sharply through the cold silence. I fell against the wall, and having lost the ability to stand, slid down to the floor. Before I knew it, tears were falling down my face, and I was soon reduced to a crying mess. I fell over on my side and sobbed into my hands.
“Fuck.” I choked out.
I knew it would happen at some point. I just didn’t know it would happen so soon.
But then, any time would’ve been too soon. I thought.
Funny how some things changed so quickly. Four months ago, I would’ve almost gladly accepted the chance of going back to my old life, leaving Gerard and all his companions far, far behind. Now, I was given that chance, and I didn’t want it.
I stood up shakily, grabbing onto a corner of the counter to keep my balance, and hobbled up the stairs to my room.
Whatever I was going to do, I couldn’t have anyone else hearing it.
I decided almost instantly that I wouldn’t do self-harm. The thought flitted through my mind too casually to have any effect. What I wanted to do was something that terrified me, enough to scare away the sadness, to overpower the fear of my father.
I wanted to do something illegal and dangerous and fun.
And I knew only one person who would comply.
“Hey, Alicia?” I knocked softly on the door to Mikey and Alicia’s bedroom, praying that it wouldn’t me Mikey that answered the door.
“Hm?” Alicia opened the door enough to see me. “Atropine? Did you need something?”
“Actually... yeah.” I said hesitantly, trying to find the right words. “I just... I kinda need... a break.”
“A... break?” Alicia asks.
“Meaning like, I kind of wanted to visit downtown again.” I fumbled, looking down at my hands.
“At this time of night?” Alicia said incredulously, looking down at her watch. “It’s ten at night- definitely not a good time to go downtown.”
“ I know.” I said, feeling a bit ashamed that I had even bothered bringing it up. “I just wanted to let loose.”
‘Welllll...” Alicia mused. “There is one place that I think we can go to.”
-.-.-
“Oh, and downtown was too dangerous? This isn’t?” I cried.
“I know it looks a little seedy, but trust me. It’s safe.” Alicia assured me, gently pushing me towards the imposing bouncer.
I just shook my head. “If we get raped or mugged, you’re explaining to the guys what happened.”
Alicia rolled her eyes. “Fine, I will.”
“You promise?”
“I don’t see why you’re so psyched out about this. You’re the one that suggested it, you know.” Alicia reminded me, flashing her ID at the bouncer. “The girl’s with me- don’t worry about her.” she told him.
As we entered the club (or whatever it was, all that indicated the fact that it wasn’t just an abandoned warehouse were the words ‘Skate Night’ painted messily above the door), I realized that Alicia was right- it wasn’t as bad as I had first made it out to be. In the center of the room was an oval-shaped, banked track, unknown to me of what it was used for. Around it were rows upon rows of stadium-style seating.
Whatever this place was, I knew it was no dancing club.
“Think it’s a good time for you to tell me what the hell this place is?” I turned to Alicia, who was already sitting in her seat. “Well?”
“Do you know what roller derby is?” she asked, pulling me gently to my own seat.
“Vaguely. It’s that one sport with the nicknames, right?”
Alicia nodded. “That’s the one.”
“So... you took me to a roller derby game?”
“More or less, yeah. Fun, isn’t it?”
I slouched in my seat, staring at the rink through my knees. “I wouldn’t know. Haven’t spent enough time here yet, you know?”
I looked over at Alicia, who was occupied with something amber and fizzy in her cup. I sat up and looked at the beer more closely.
“Can I have some?” I asked, subconsciously reaching for the glass.
Alicia put down the glass and shook her head. “Absolutely not. I am a responsible guardian, and I refuse to let you consume alcohol.”
“Really now?” I challenged. “C’mon. It’s only a little sip! It’s not like I can get drunk off of that, right?”
Alicia made a face. “Okay, fine. Just one sip, though. Nothing more.”
She handed me the cup and I instantly raised it to my lips, gulping down half of its contents in a matter of seconds.
“Woah, there.” Alicia warned. “I said one sip. This is more than enough, don’t you think?”
She wrestled the drink from me and dumped it into the seat beside her, ignoring the irked glares of those around us.
“Whether you like it or not, Atropine, you are going home sober.” she said. “Now, let’s just watch the game.”
Right after she spoke, the lights dimmed and the formerly chatting audience fell into expectant silence. I leaned forward in my seat, trying to perceive more clearly the dark form that was making its way to the center of the arena. A microphone was lowered in front of the form on a string, and he (or she) grabbed it, almost immediately launching into a customary welcome.
“Hey, guys and gals,” he- I could now tell by the deep voice it was a man- drawled in a faintly Southern accent. “Welcome to Skate Night at the Warehouse. I’m, uh... a little hung over tonight, so bear with me.”
A wave of laughter rose from the crowd, as well as shouts of impatience for the bout to begin. The announcer grinned at the reaction, running a hand through his greasy blond hair.
“Now, without further ado,” he began grandly, sweeping his arms out. “May I introduce to you... the New Jersey Hellrazors!”
A group of girls skated dressed in black and orange skated out onto the rink as the Sex Pistol’s Pretty Vacant blasted over the speakers, waving and blowing kisses into the crowd. As they passed, I held my hand out and slapped high fives with a few of them, getting a strange thrill up my arm each time. I turned to Alicia, who was grinning widely.
“This is better than some no-name club, isn’t it?!” she shouted above the noise.
“I’m gonna have to agree with you on that!” I laughed.
The team skated around the rink a few times before taking their place on the home bench, and the other team was introduced.
In all honesty, I expected the audience’s level of enthusiasm for the away team to be cut in half, at least. But no, the cheering for the Gotham City Roller Girls was just as loud as it had been for the Hellrazors. It was then that I realized I had stumbled upon a new kind of sport- the kind where you could punch a girl in the face during the bout, and go out for drinks afterward.
I liked that. I liked that you could be friends with players on the other team, and slap them around for fun.
“Hey Alicia?” I turned to her, smiling. “This is the weirdest sport ever.”
“And you love it, don’t you?” she replied, interrupting herself to let out an eruptive cheer for one of the players, whose name was apparently Sallie Skullcrusher.
“Yep.”
“Told you.”
“Shut up and let me watch the game.”
I put my feet up on the seat in front of me and leaned forward, squinting to better see the pack racing around the track, with the jammers close behind. The first jammer (Sallie) pushed through the pack with the help of her teammates and scored four points, placing her hands firmly on her hips before the other jammer could score.
Absently, I wondered what Gerard was doing. Sleeping, most likely, but then, I couldn’t be sure with him.
To keep my mind off of him and my dad, I focused on the game, though I found it hard to follow. I glanced up at the scoreboard, hoping the electric bulbs would shed some light on the game. Unfortunately, all the luminescent squares of light did was confuse me further. I looked over at Alicia, who had a look of intense concentration on her face.
“Alicia? How exactly does this work? I can’t really follow, what with all the brawls and fishnets.” I said.
“Well... hang on. The next jam is starting. Perfect.” Alicia pointed at the two girls that were positioned behind the pack. “You see those two? Those are jammers, the girls who score for the team. What’s ahead of them is the pack- the people who either want to help or murder the jammer, depending on which team they’re on.”
The referee blew his whistle and the pack took off, soon followed by the jammers after the second whistle.
“So, the two jammers start skating after the second whistle- obviously, and try to get through the pack ahead of the other jammer. After that, she hauls ass around the track a second time, passes through the pack again, and tries to end the jam before the other girl can score.” she explained. “Of course, that’s an ideal situation. Sometimes, the jammers can end up like... that.”
Just as she finished speaking, one of the girls was forcefully shoved into the ground face-first, causing a spat of blood to fly from her mouth and her nose to crack. She doubled over in pain as her coach came to pick her up, earning a good number of sympathy cheers.
I expected her to sit out the rest of the game, but after only about a minute on the bench, she returned to the track.
“Ooh, she’s a tough one.” Alicia observed. “I think her name’s Sugar Rush. This is her rookie season.”
“So... I’m assuming that was one of the more violent moves?” I asked.
“Well, no.” Alicia answered. “Usually, you’d tuck and roll if someone pushed you like that. She really is new, then.”
-.-.-
The derby had been fun, no doubt about that. It was loud and cacophonic, totally out of my element, and exactly what I had been hoping for. An adrenaline rush.
Sadly, that wore off quickly as soon as we pulled into the drive, and the harsh reality came crashing down on my shoulders twice as hard as before. I dragged myself into bed and laid there without the slightest whisper of sleep for an hour, before finally giving in and sneaking into Gerard’s room.
There, I climbed stealthily into his bed and laid down beside him, clinging to his side. I knew this would be the last night with him, and I wanted to make it last.
Lyrics from Nineteen, by Tegan and Sara. Yes, the derby teams mentioned actually exist.
By the way, happy belated birthday to Lyn-Z! Also, happy slightly belated birthday to my classmate Joseph, and my dad! (And Jewel. Damn, there are a shit ton of birthdays going on this week.)
And I've been listening to Invaders Must Die for the past half hour. (Headbangs) Thought you'd like to know.
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