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~Ryan's POV~


I came home in the middle of the night at around 1 a.m. the next night.

The night after I found Jon and Spencer all over each other.

Ugh.

I slipped silently into the house and tip-toed toward the stairs when I saw movement on the couch in the living room.

The TV was on, so I knew Spencer was in there.

I walked slowly and quietly into the living room, the TV casting a soft glow throughout the small room.

Spencer was asleep on the couch. I kneeled down so I could see his face. His cheeks were stained with tears, and I looked down to the floor, feeling awful for yelling at him. But I was so mad. Seeing them kiss.

The worst part of that night was when Jon opened his eyes and looked at Spencer. His eyes were filled with lust. Like he wanted Spencer.

Ugh.

Spencer's arm was hanging off the couch, and he had something in his hand.

I lightly picked up his hand, to not wake him up, and the object fell to the ground.

But before I saw it, I knew what it was.

When I placed Spencer's hand back where it was, the faint glow of the television caught the inside of his arm and I saw the cuts, some more recent than others.

I got up, kissed his forehead, and headed upstairs to sleep.

All I could think was, I can't believe he did this...



~Spencer's POV~

I awoke to the sound of the front door shutting and footsteps getting closer and closer to me, then fading away down the hall.

One thought raced through my mind.

Ryan.

I got up and walked down the hall to our music room, which was where we had our instruments and stuff.

Sure enough, Ryan was in there.

He saw my standing in the doorway and said, "Why'd you do it?"

"I don't know, I really don't..."

"Okay. It's fine, don't apologize."

I was confused. I looked in his eyes and saw what looked like guilt.

"Spencer, I'm sorry I yelled at you." He said.

"It's okay.."

"Okay." He breathed out a sigh of relief and sat down.

He still had that guilty look in his eyes, so I asked, "What did you do after you left the other night?"

He looked up and said, "I went to Brendon's."

"What did you do?" I was suspicious.

"Oh, nothing much." He said, then whispered like he thought I couldn't hear, "Just had sex."

"You didn't..." I started to say.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean--"

I cut him off, "You cheated on me with Brendon, someone who fucking abuses you?! Ryan, how could you do this to me?!

He looked away. I could tell he was upset, probably at himself.

"I just, I was so-- I felt like you-- I thought that if I--" He stumbled over his words, trying to find the right thing to say.

"Spence, I never wanted to hurt you." He said after a minute, "I just thought that you... loved Jon more than me. And that's why you kissed him. Because you found that I wasn't good enough for you, and he was."

I was shocked.

"Come here." I motioned for him to follow me.

We made our way up the stairs and to our shared bedroom.

He asked, "Why are we here?"

"Because. Just listen for a minute, okay?" I said, and he nodded.

I pointed to the bed, "Do you see this bed? I share it with you, correct?" He nodded again, "I do. Because I love you. You were never 'not enough' for me. If anything, you're too good for me. So don't think that I kissed Jon because I don't love you. Okay?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just--"

I cut off his thought with a kiss.

"Don't be sorry. I don't care." I said, pulling him into a hug.

He hugged me back, and I could tell he was trying not to cry.

"Please don't cry, baby. I don't like it."

"I'm not. I'm okay. Now that I know you don't really care that I cheated on you."

"It's not that I don't care, which I do, but I know you just got really upset and didn't realize what you were doing until after."

"Okay. Thank you. For... understanding."

"Yeah, no problem."

He pulled back and laid down on the bed, holding his arms out for me.

I laid down next to Ryan, and he put his head on my chest.

I snaked an arm around his waist and he smiled up at me.

God, I love him.

"Hey, Spencer?"

"Hm?"

"Can we just stay like this? Like, all day?"

"Absolutely." I said, and he closed his eyes.

He whispered to me, "I love you."

Before I could reply, he was asleep.

I whispered back, "I love you, too."

I could've sworn I felt him smile.


END OF CHAPTER FOUR