Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Inside an Institution
December 12th, 2003
It's been four days since the so called "incident" with Gerard. We haven't spoken and I haven't left my bedroom. At this rate I am thinking I should have just stayed at that damn hospital. I am doing the same thing I did there. I leave my room for three reasons. 1.) to use the bathroom 2.) to eat and 3.) to take my morning walk.
Frank has tried to talk to me but, I ignore him. He always takes Gerard's side anyway. If only he knew the truth.
Flashback April 11th, 1993
I was sitting on the back porch swing reading a compilation of Edgar Allen Poe works. What a weird week it had been. Gerard and I had began hanging out less, due to the fact he got a "girlfriend" and he was constantly with her. She was one of those pretty girls. You know, the ones who wear as much make up as they can, and have the best clothes. I would be lying to myself if I said I wasn't jealous. Truth is, I don't think the word jealous even covers it.
I didn't notice I was reading out loud until midway through my favorite poem:
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)...
"That the wind came out of the cloud by night,chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.", I knew it was Gerard reciting it as soon as I heard his voice.
I smiled, "Hey Gee, what's up?", I asked while closing my book.
"Nothing, just wanted to see what my best friend was up to"
"Just a little reading", I sighed, "How are things with you and Alissa?"
"It's Amelia and okay I guess. She can be a real bitch sometimes"
"oh...", I paused, "Why aren't you with her tonight?"
"I need some best friend time", He smiled. I loved his smile
"What do you wanna do then, fucker? Aunt Linda is working tonight and Frank's at Rays."
"We could watch a movie, and I brought this", He pulled out a bottle of some kind of clear liquid.
"hmm, not so sure about that", I pointed at the bottle, "But I am good for the movie."
Things got a little crazy after that, he convinced me to drink some of the alcohol. That being my first time, it hit me hard. Who knew I would turn into a complete slutbag while drunk?
"GeeGee, I luff you"
He giggled "I luff you too vilo"
I burst into hysterics. "Vilo...you said vilo"
At this point I had rolled off the couch pulling Gee with me. I looked up and seen his face was a cm from mine.
"I'm sorry", he whispered.
He pulled my face to his and kissed me. Not just a soft kiss, a needy kiss. I kissed him back with all that I had in me. I started unbuttoning his black shirt, we needed to stop but I just couldn't I needed this. His kisses moved down to my neck and back up to my mouth as he pulled my shirt over my head. Shortly after we were both laying there, naked, in the middle of the living room floor and making out.
He stopped briefly, "Are you sure?"
I simply nodded and watched as he pulled a condom out of his wallet and slipped it on. He was hovering over me again. He looked at me questioningly and I nodded again. I felt an awful pain rip through my entire body as he entered me. He started out slow, and the pain went away and he sped up, I couldn't help letting a moan escape my mouth. He smiled. I quickly flipped us over so that I was on top, probably the alcohol taking over. He held onto my hips firmly as he thrust. Suddenly I felt a warm feeling spreading through out my entire body.
"Oh, Gee, fuck"
And then I felt him tense up as he reached his peak. We both just laid there, not sure of what to do. And we finally got up enough courage to at least put our clothing back on.
End Flashback
The truth, as it seems, is that Gerard had taken my virginity. No one knew besides us. We swore we wouldn't tell a soul. Sometimes I wished I had told Frank. It's hard keeping something like that from someone. Especially with what happened after that.
"Violet, sweetie Gerard is here and wants to speak with you.", Aunt Linda spoke through the door.
"Okay, I'll be right down." I glanced in the mirror. I was wearing a pair of shorts and a baggy ramones tee that Frank had lent me. It'll do.
After walking downstairs I immediately knew it was a bad idea. He was sitting on the couch staring aimlessly around the room.
I spoke up, "Hey Gerard, you wanted to talk?"
"um, Yeah I was just wondering what you were doing tomorrow night."
"Did you really have to ask?", I laughed, "Why?"
"We have a gig at this local club and I was wondering if you wanted to come and see us"
I stopped everything I was doing, including breathing. What would it hurt? I need to go out and do something for once.
"Sure I'll go. What time should I be ready?"
"6 and I would suggest wearing something comfortable"
and with that he left. Leaving nothing but a look of confusion on my face.
It's been four days since the so called "incident" with Gerard. We haven't spoken and I haven't left my bedroom. At this rate I am thinking I should have just stayed at that damn hospital. I am doing the same thing I did there. I leave my room for three reasons. 1.) to use the bathroom 2.) to eat and 3.) to take my morning walk.
Frank has tried to talk to me but, I ignore him. He always takes Gerard's side anyway. If only he knew the truth.
Flashback April 11th, 1993
I was sitting on the back porch swing reading a compilation of Edgar Allen Poe works. What a weird week it had been. Gerard and I had began hanging out less, due to the fact he got a "girlfriend" and he was constantly with her. She was one of those pretty girls. You know, the ones who wear as much make up as they can, and have the best clothes. I would be lying to myself if I said I wasn't jealous. Truth is, I don't think the word jealous even covers it.
I didn't notice I was reading out loud until midway through my favorite poem:
The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)...
"That the wind came out of the cloud by night,chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.", I knew it was Gerard reciting it as soon as I heard his voice.
I smiled, "Hey Gee, what's up?", I asked while closing my book.
"Nothing, just wanted to see what my best friend was up to"
"Just a little reading", I sighed, "How are things with you and Alissa?"
"It's Amelia and okay I guess. She can be a real bitch sometimes"
"oh...", I paused, "Why aren't you with her tonight?"
"I need some best friend time", He smiled. I loved his smile
"What do you wanna do then, fucker? Aunt Linda is working tonight and Frank's at Rays."
"We could watch a movie, and I brought this", He pulled out a bottle of some kind of clear liquid.
"hmm, not so sure about that", I pointed at the bottle, "But I am good for the movie."
Things got a little crazy after that, he convinced me to drink some of the alcohol. That being my first time, it hit me hard. Who knew I would turn into a complete slutbag while drunk?
"GeeGee, I luff you"
He giggled "I luff you too vilo"
I burst into hysterics. "Vilo...you said vilo"
At this point I had rolled off the couch pulling Gee with me. I looked up and seen his face was a cm from mine.
"I'm sorry", he whispered.
He pulled my face to his and kissed me. Not just a soft kiss, a needy kiss. I kissed him back with all that I had in me. I started unbuttoning his black shirt, we needed to stop but I just couldn't I needed this. His kisses moved down to my neck and back up to my mouth as he pulled my shirt over my head. Shortly after we were both laying there, naked, in the middle of the living room floor and making out.
He stopped briefly, "Are you sure?"
I simply nodded and watched as he pulled a condom out of his wallet and slipped it on. He was hovering over me again. He looked at me questioningly and I nodded again. I felt an awful pain rip through my entire body as he entered me. He started out slow, and the pain went away and he sped up, I couldn't help letting a moan escape my mouth. He smiled. I quickly flipped us over so that I was on top, probably the alcohol taking over. He held onto my hips firmly as he thrust. Suddenly I felt a warm feeling spreading through out my entire body.
"Oh, Gee, fuck"
And then I felt him tense up as he reached his peak. We both just laid there, not sure of what to do. And we finally got up enough courage to at least put our clothing back on.
End Flashback
The truth, as it seems, is that Gerard had taken my virginity. No one knew besides us. We swore we wouldn't tell a soul. Sometimes I wished I had told Frank. It's hard keeping something like that from someone. Especially with what happened after that.
"Violet, sweetie Gerard is here and wants to speak with you.", Aunt Linda spoke through the door.
"Okay, I'll be right down." I glanced in the mirror. I was wearing a pair of shorts and a baggy ramones tee that Frank had lent me. It'll do.
After walking downstairs I immediately knew it was a bad idea. He was sitting on the couch staring aimlessly around the room.
I spoke up, "Hey Gerard, you wanted to talk?"
"um, Yeah I was just wondering what you were doing tomorrow night."
"Did you really have to ask?", I laughed, "Why?"
"We have a gig at this local club and I was wondering if you wanted to come and see us"
I stopped everything I was doing, including breathing. What would it hurt? I need to go out and do something for once.
"Sure I'll go. What time should I be ready?"
"6 and I would suggest wearing something comfortable"
and with that he left. Leaving nothing but a look of confusion on my face.
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